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:: 2006 3 October :: 7.06 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Chasing cars-snow patrol

"I'm starvin... let's get some fuckin french toast!"


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:: 2006 25 September :: 6.20 pm

I just went costume's going to be a really fun Halloween and we are ALL going slutty!

NY really soon :)

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:: 2006 18 September :: 6.57 am

I'm just getting out of work right now. Hmm, I got a really random voice mail from my cousin and it has got me wired....maybe I should eat some food or maybe I should buy my plane ticket.........

I heart all of you!!!!!!

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:: 2006 5 September :: 8.47 pm
:: Mood: anticipating
:: Music: Steve Miller Band

NIP/TUCK IN 1 HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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:: 2006 4 September :: 11.27 pm

Since Rock and Michelle live together, does that mean they won't post anymore? I have always enjoyed them ;)

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:: 2006 26 June :: 10.44 pm
:: Mood: disappointed

I am surrounded by friends who have found happiness with other people, and I can't be happy for them. What is wrong with me?

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:: 2006 1 June :: 10.19 pm

Sorry I can't make this easy for you all and just post the pictures here, but I don't know how. Anyway, if your interested in checking out my new baby cousin evan go to He is quite the cutie!

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:: 2006 4 April :: 11.59 pm

I'm still alive! Doing great. I had a fantastic weekend which carried over into last night with Kari's 21st! I have never been that drunk on a school night. Call me sometime, I miss my girls!


:: 2006 13 March :: 9.55 am

I would like to run a little poll.

Sex with an ex?? What are some of your thoughts?

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:: 2006 5 March :: 9.47 pm

What. An. Amazing. Trip. I'm really fucking busy these next few days, but after my test I'll put up pictures and write about my trip, including getting hit on by a 29 year old man named Chico and and cowboy with braces. Man, I still got it! hehe....


:: 2006 1 March :: 10.47 am
:: Mood: Relaxed

I love FLORIDA!! Why am I not living here?!?!?!?
As of right now, it is only 10:48 and is 68 degrees, with a high of 79 today, and not a cloud in the sky. How can I leave???
Vacation is going really well. On Saturday we went to Universal Studios from open to close, doing both parks and the Mardi Gras parade. We also stayed for the LL Cool J concert, which was surprisingly good to the point that I'll look up some of his music and listen to it. Sunday was a lazy day, just laying around and then out to dinner. On Monday, we layed out by the pool in the morning and then we got our rental car so went shopping and out to Honeymoon Island for the sunset. It was really nice. Yesterday we went to the Clearwater Aquarium which was awesome, we were so close to dolphins, it was amazing, I'll put up pictures as soon as I get back. Then we went to Clearwater beach and layed out there for a few hours....I'm fried but it is worth it. Then we went to the Hockey Game and Tampa lost really bad 8-2 but it was fun bc we were both drunk and Kari was actually drunker than me. Oh, and while we were at Clearwater, Kari took a bite of a cheeto puff, and then was going to eat the rest of it, and a seagull flew down and tried to take it from her! I was pretty much already in her mouth!! It was so funny, she got attacked by a seagull! Anyway, today is another lazy day of sitting by the pool and then we are going to bike ride and look for alligators. I hope everyone is having a nice time and I miss you all!! Can't wait to hear about your vacations!!!

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:: 2006 16 February :: 11.31 pm

I am not ok.
In fact, I'm a fucking mess.
I hurt so much right now it's hard to breathe.
I can't sleep.
I'm not sure I am strong enough to make it through this.
I can't concentrate.
I hate being alone, it makes me worse.
I haven't felt this lost since the day I found out my grandma had cancer, and he was there to comfort me then.
I don't know who I am right now.
I hate myself for begging him. Why did I do that?
It's even more proof that I am weak.
And the worse part is I don't want to be his girlfriend because he took me for granted, but I don't want to be without him. Why is that?? It's not because of comfort or history. It's because I still love him and I can't imagine my life without him. I don't want to imagine my life without him.

5 comments | comment

:: 2006 16 February :: 1.35 am
:: Mood: upset

My heart is telling me that Jason is going to start to see a girl from Sears. That sucks a lot. And the thing that sucks the most is that I knew that she was going to be the one too. I just thought it would take some more time. I should have never answered the phone.

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:: 2006 9 February :: 6.49 pm
:: Mood: blah

OK, so I realized I haven't posted in a bit....but now that I am typing, I don't have anything to say.....ummm.....I guess call me if you want to hang out this weekend...oh and i don't have any plans for vday.....that's all I got



:: 2006 30 January :: 12.45 am
:: Mood: sad

this is my revelation
Ok, so I just talked to Jason, I know, after I just posted about how I didn't, but I was really upset and if you knew what it was about, I am pretty sure you would understand. Anyway, my biggest motivation for not talking to him has been that I want him to miss me and then realize what he had lost and then want me back. As I was talking to him, I realized that is never going to happen. He would never admit that to me, because it would mean he was wrong. And I wouldn't want him back unless he changed, and that isn't going to happen either. And if he does change, it will take a while and I won't wait for it. We talked for almost an hour, and I don't feel upset, and I am glad I talked to him. It hurts that I realized that it isn't going to happen, but I think in the back of my mind I always knew that. We talked as friends, as if we were best friends, and we joked, and made fun of eachother, and I even called him "friend" and I am ok with that. I also told him about some of the insecurities I have about dating and he told some of his too. At the end we didn't say I love was weird, I wanted to but I didn't....I think we are done saying that. Now that I am thinking about it more, I am getting upset because I am finally realizing that we are over. It's the end of an era....and I knew it was coming for a long time....but it is still upsetting.
I know some of my friends might not agree that and think that I shouldn't have called him. But I am glad I did. I know we are over now, and now I can start my life again. I felt like I was on hold, like I was waiting for an ok or something, and i feel like I got it. Of course it is going to hurt when he tells me that he kissed a girl, or is seeing someone, but it'll be ok, because we are over. And this past week showed me that I don't need him like I use to, and while I did miss him, I could live without him. I know now that I won't dread him calling me, because I'll be ok. I made it through the worst part and I think I did a damn good job.

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