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Through Shallow Seas We Sail

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catatonicsean

:: 2018 4 June :: 12.31pm

Another thing - this journal is now more than 15 years old.

Think about all the asinine shit I've posted and deleted over the years, and live by the example I've set and subsequently covered up - don't do drugs, stay in school if you're pursuing something worth your time, don't start fights, and on occasion, suffer an idiot.

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2018 4 June :: 12.16pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Cro-mags - Hard Times

Well, I certainly fucked up.

Not exactly doing stellar in tech school, haven't had steady work since the old office booted me (one full year, come the end of the month), and I've been making terrible life decisions and rectifying them in succession since I quit using this old journal. But all in all, it could be worse. Loads of my old friends are in a similar spot, crippled by depression and nagging substance abuse issues (not me, though, who'd have thunk it?), so we're all playing our separate dirges for ourselves as the ship goes down.

However, as of late I've taken a more positive attitude towards the future (fuck off, don't say anything), and with a heaping pile of luck, this will be the conclusion of a decades-long tempering that will end on a cheerful note.

Mahalo.

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2018 20 May :: 2.43am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Chelsea Wolfe - Spun

In brief:

I'm in school for HVAC.

I run a smutty art page on Facebook that is slowly gaining in popularity, and gathering a set of new and quirky internet friends from the four corners of the Earth.

I've doubled my dosage of Prozac, and was considering supplementing it with Buspar, but I've since discovered that skullcap (herb) does the same thing, and costs pennies on the dollar.

And, strangely enough, I've integrated my alter ego into my immediate reality, and it has been a boon to my confidence and has had a positive impact on my interactions with strangers. That chap is far more charming than I ever was.

Oh, and I've entered my thirties.

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2018 9 May :: 8.32pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: Swans - A Screw

Hello, again.

Been a while, hasn't it?

6 Of Those | Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2016 5 April :: 2.20am

Well, this old journal hasn't had much action lately.

1 Of Those | Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2015 12 October :: 12.39am

I have got my wife listening to Tangerine Dream and King Diamond.

Mission: Accomplished.

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2015 4 September :: 5.41am
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Iggy Pop & James Williamson - Kill City

Life is good. How are you?

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2015 16 July :: 10.57pm

I missed my meds for one day, and it felt as if I had quit smoking (cold turkey) for a week. Or, at the very least, what I feel like when attempting to quit smoking, which is interminable agony and ickiness.

Never again.

My mood is still readjusting to not being morose or pissed off. Now I that I'm aware of how it felt to be me in years past, I don't want to be that person every again.

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2015 6 July :: 4.56am

I will let Johnny demonstrate my present state of mind.

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2015 11 June :: 11.07am

I've gone on antidepressants.

2 Of Those | Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2015 27 May :: 1.05am

This is hell. I've not gone mad.

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2015 29 April :: 5.27am
:: Mood: triumphant
:: Music: ...

A new epoch has dawned, and that was the best cliche I could muster.

New project, better attitude, and general complacency has taken root for now, and all is well in the kingdom.

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2015 16 April :: 3.13am
:: Music: Sarcofago - The Black Vomit

My wife and I performed an experiment: I began to take her antidepressants.

I feel nothing but "A-OK," or ambivalence. The rotten negativity has vanished, more or less, but so has my sex drive. Not to mention the shift occurring in my brains feeling like a muddled, undulating transition of totally separate and distinct personalities.

Other than that, I'm fine and dandy.

I'm bringing the experiment to an end, because I'd rather be miserable with a hard-on than a mild-mannered gelding.

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2015 12 April :: 2.13am

I have accepted the fact that I will never matter, and be forgotten well before I've even died.

Who Judged.


catatonicsean

:: 2015 8 April :: 10.26pm
:: Mood: ambivalent
:: Music: Traci Lords - Control (Juno Reactor instrumental)

Not entirely sure what I think or feel. Not much to be said, either.

How are you?

Who Judged.

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