:: 2005 28 July :: 1.34 pm

update
Been a long time since I have wrote in here.

Well lost my patience with pattoe a few weeks ago and tried to blow up the house, been evicted so I am staying with frog at the moment but hopefully that wont be much longer as once the electrical work is completed on my new flat I should get the keys straight away and hopefully that will be monday. Seeing a councillor now and recently she has been very impressed with my progress as when i fist went there I was drinking stupid amounts and was seriously ill in the head. The councillor has been great as she is someone I can talk to to get all these things off my chest without letting it build up and come out in the form of violence like it used to. Patti (my little Birdie) has been great supporting me and helping me through my problems, still a lil dissapointed that she isn't english but hopefully she will be here with me soon enough.

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:: 2005 11 March :: 9.36 am

Well pattoe is in bed at the moment and refusing to get up even tho he is due at the j/c in an hourso i have just had to threaten him with his mother he is being a bt of an ass lately and if he fucks up his dole money i will go apeshit with him

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:: 2005 5 March :: 9.07 pm
:: Music: Therion

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:: 2005 10 January :: 2.43 pm

LIFE SUCKS!!!
Well, Steve is kicking me out as i cant afford to give him any money til the end of the month, so i am going to have to go stay with trevor until then, i have £2.56 to last me until the end of the month, but im going to get my deposit back off of trevor so at least i can but some food. Been to the hospital this morning as my shoulder has been in agonizing pain for the last 3 days, they did some x-rays and it turns out i have knackered the muscles in it years ago and there is nothing they can do about it, i am just going to have to live with it recurring every now and then and they gave a me a prescription for painkillers that i cant even get cos i have no money to pay for them. It's going to be an interesting expierience living with trevor as i have fuck all in common with him or any of the people he speaks too.

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:: 2005 2 January :: 11.18 pm

well ive finally had enough! I go to work to do my job not to sit there listening to every little fucker shouting when they are trying to have a conoversation with the person sat next to them. It just took me 15 min to reg a new customer cos he kept having to ask me to repeat myself and i kept having to ask him cos neither of us could hear eachother, i eventuall ended up telling them all to shut the fuck up. What the fuck is wrong with wanting to do my job?? ill have a word with my TL tomorrow and try and sort something out with him to keep me seperate from the rest of the team. Ive got enough fucking problems at the moment without work becoming another one. well at least i am off on tuesday, so i can go job hunting and im getting the keys too my new house on wednesday. so hopefully things will start to pick up soon

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:: 2004 30 December :: 7.25 pm

at work as always, finally got something to do tomorrow, going down eston for a pint with pattoe then he is coming down boro n me n him are just gonna chill out have a few cans n watch some movies, it aint much but its better than sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
starting job hunting in the new year as i think i will be getting the sack from here after my next review as my attendance is terrible. got a house lined up for early january to move in with pattoe john just phoned me, he sounded shit faced asking me to go for a drink with him, i really hate therse shifts. if he had phoned me an hour ago i could of aass ive just finished me lunch break. oh well never mind ill keep ya posted

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:: 2004 28 December :: 6.54 am

well im living with steve, its depressing and annoying, at work at the moment speaking to sally last night, the only reason she phoned me is cos her boyfriend was at work and she was bored, how fucked up is that!! im in a place at the moment where it feels as if the entire world is trying to devour me and i need some who can be there for me to support me through this, someone who i care about that can take care of me and help me through this, sally said all she can be is a voice on the phone, i ask you what sort of friendship is it that you never see someone and they cant be there for you when you need them the most, she told me to either accept what she offers me or lose her completely, i cannot lose her completely as sometimes it feels like she is the only one that cares but im starting to think that not even she cares, on a brighter note ive arranged for a house already that i can move into in the new year, pattoe is going to be moving in with me, its just round the corner from frog, and jo n suave will be moving in down the road at about the same time as i move in there, i dont really fancy living near frog tho as i dont want to be drragged into his world again, steve is constantly pestering me to do some shopping, but electric on buy some weed, buy some lagers, FUCK OFF STEVE!!! I CANNOT AFFORD TO LIVE FOR THE NEXT MONTH LET ALONE BUY SHIT LIKE LAGERS N WEED FOR YOU, YOU STUPID LITTLE FUCK!!! at work at the moment as ive done a shift swap with old dave, regret it now tho but at least i will be off new years, what good itll do me i dont know as i arranged it when i was still with sally so i could spend it with her, now im gonna be stuck in steves all night on me own as he is going to a party in stockton. what fun

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:: 2004 26 December :: 2.19 am

lost me patience with me dad again, he tried to convince me all my childhood memories where in my head, i phoned my brother and he said no, they are not in your head but we have accepted them...personally i canot accept them til i have removed the cause of them, moving in with steve quite possibly im not CRAZY im just weaker than the rest of the family.

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:: 2004 22 December :: 8.45 am

party was brilliant, lost of drink, lots of weed, and someone brought a bag of speed, first time i touched anything like that in 3 years and i ended up fuck out of my mind. got some home from work yesterday as i was very very ill, and i slept like a baby last night

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:: 2004 19 December :: 2.19 pm

well getting my money back tomorrow hopefully not sure tho as got a letter from the bank saying two weeks and the letter was dated for the same day they told me monday, going to suave's bday tomorrow night, pattoe bday on thursday gonna get shitfaced, and ive finally got out of my slump, and getting back in touch with the world and myself, i knew sally would end up seeing him but thats not really something i want ot think about going out for chrimbo eve down the arena but its £6 a ticket. so im not sure if i will bother or not. well gotta go log on for work now. Goodbye sally, wish i hadnt bothered sending you that picture this morning, best picture ever taken of me aswell

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:: 2004 16 December :: 4.59 pm

good news- getting my money off the bank on monday
bad new - kate has had a miscarriage - for fucks sake i didnt even know she was pregnant, she had a throat infection and they put her on meds, but the meds they gave her for that fucked up her pill, and stopped it from working correctly she got pregnant but the pill was still working slightly and it died, she is in hospital now as they need to get it out of her christmas this year just keeps getting shitter

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:: 2004 13 December :: 2.15 pm

well at work again, still aint got me money back from the bank, went out on friday night got completely shitfaced, twas an alrite night tho as everyone was coming upto me buying me drinks n hugging n kissing me all night, the only downside was when some little townie started on alick as he has been coming on to heather but i kept the peace and the bar staff bought me a drink for not hitting the guy and making sure he didnt hit anyone

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:: 2004 9 December :: 6.44 am

well on a bright note i might be getting my money back from the bakn next week, i had my 6 month probation review at work yesterday and it has been extended by 3 month due to my attendence and reading my book which is pretty shitty, pattoe is trying to get me a app for the place he is working at in stockton and im goingt o go to the job center next week when im off

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:: 2004 7 December :: 7.56 am

well, at work at the moment, the bank have robbed me of £400 and i have to wait 6-8 weeks to get it back, miss sally loads and realised i probably have the most boring life on the planet.

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:: 2004 2 December :: 7.42 pm

im not angry with sally, im angry with myself fro being so dependant on her, i need to learn to start revolving round myself instead of needing someone to focus on.

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