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:: 2004 29 August :: 2.21 pm

2day has been ok. i woke up around nine cuz i looked at my sucky wall clock that i can barely read and thought it was almost 12..? about an hour lateer wen it was only 1050 i kinda reliezed there mite b sumthing rong with that. i didnt eat breakfast. but i made chicken wings for lunch. second day in a row i made that for lunch. then i watched "Junior" , a movie... then there was nothing on tv so here i am now.

i got a new flute yesterday for marching season. it was $195. they wouldnt rent me one so they gave me a good price. they supposively wont rent instruments for marching season. ohwell. this was cheaper ne way. cuz for 1 season of marching, to rent a flute is $95. i have three seasons left... so ya. it wud be about 90 dollars more to rent. and this plays fairly well so i can use it anytime i want if me other flute isnt workin too well at the time.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 28 August :: 5.31 pm

i feel like this is the only place i can say wat is acually on my mind. no1 understands me. and wen i explain.... well it jst dont seem to help. it jst makes them mad cuz they take it the rong way. so lately everytime i dont have ne thing to do i have a very STRONG urge to rite on here. idont know if any1 acually reads wat i rite but it doesnt matter. cuz its relly helpin me that i can say wat is on my mind and not worry.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 28 August :: 4.13 pm

supposively im depressed and i have no one to go to...?
thats strange...

flute lessons this mornin went ok. i had a relly bad tone quality tho and it made me relly mad.
i jst got back from cadence where i had to get my good flutey fixed and try to rent one for marching. but they wouldnt let me rent one. so we bought this one thats like 195 dollars. im playin it now and its pretty good.


*annoy me here*

:: 2004 27 August :: 9.14 pm

i dont know whats rong with me. i cant seem to figure myself out. one second im thinking one thing. the next totally diff. im driving myself insane, i cant imagine how ne one else feels about me. i dont know what i want, i dont know what i need, and most importantly i dont know what to do. its crazi and i feel so weird. i jst hope i can sort through all this soon.

on a diff. note.... two people i USED to have a relationship with, then got into a huge fite with... have been treatin me relly nice and staring at me wen i walk by, wen im sittin in class, and wen im talking to friends. i dont understand it. for years, i wondered why the hell i ever liked either one of them. today i reliezed it. wen its jst me talkin to them and we arent fiting, they are relly nice and i smile wenever i talk to them. then i remember the shit they put me through and i want to punch them.
yet another case of my not knowing wat i want.

ive been trying to be more outgoing, happy, and not shy. im talking to new people, laughing and having fun. another part of me is so sad that i could cry all day. then another part wants to jst scream and kick sum1s ass. so as u can see, my mind is spinning. all the tests ive had also, havent done any good to the situation either.


*annoy me here*

:: 2004 27 August :: 7.47 pm

ive jst had a major break through. ive read sumthing and reliezed that wat has happened in the past few days, is definitly good. i was mad a few minutes ago wen i read it. now i reliezed, that why shud i b with sum1 whos such as ass as to even think about riting that? im good. and acually these last 2 days have been a lot happier than ive been in a LOOONNNNGGG time. no worrying, no drama, no ridiculous conversasions. jst hanging out with my friends, doin bad on tests(well minus that part acually), and having fun being myself with out a care in the world.

the all new, happier...

yes, she is back. for good this time. b/c i wont fall for that shit anymore!

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 27 August :: 7.39 pm

it really sucks wen sum1 you thought loved you turns out to be an ass. i relly dont think he ever cared about me.. now i read wat he REALLY thinks and it kills me. personally i couldnt b as much of an asshole as he is if i tried. this is why i dont trust guys. then they get mad i dont trust them. and they just turn out proving me totally rite. ugghhh.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 25 August :: 3.54 pm


*annoy me here*

:: 2004 25 August :: 3.51 pm
:: Mood: crying once again today

omg.. i relly dont know what to do with myself. i was so depressed and tired today. i miss how things were a week ago. everything was perfect. i miss him so much already i cant seem to bare it.
i was jst about over it last time.. i moved on, and i was doing good. then it started over again and for the second time he's done it to me. i cant stop the tears. its not fair.. i didnt do anything rong.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 24 August :: 9.08 pm

WHY DO THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*annoy me here*

:: 2004 24 August :: 8.01 pm

omg i dont know what to do. im shaking and crying... read this:

Holy crap....during 3rd period....Matt Fewox started telling me how much he loves me and always has. He said that he was really depressed when I broke up with him sophomore year. He said that through all his recent relationships....I was all he could think about. Like....What would have happened if he asked me out 20 minutes before Kenny did freshman year. Would it have changed out friendship now??? He was scarring me just a lil'. I didn't know he had so much feelings for me. I thought that he didn't like me whatsoever anymore. He's like.....I have many friends....but you're my best friend, am I glad that we got to know each other these past few years. He said that I'm constantly running through his mind. I'm all that he can think about. I was the first person that he truely loved. And he's like....Krystal, no matter what girl I'm with or ever have been with, I will always love you. Whether it be a relationship or a friendship I will love you. Also, he's like....I prayed everyday that you and Kenny didn't make it. I prayed that I'd get you.
.....and so on....for the whole entire freaking period....

^ thats from sum1 elses journal...

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 24 August :: 7.33 pm
:: Mood: ehhh..
:: Music: people talking. not in the mood to listen to anything

jst clearing my mind.
Dear you,
When we're alone, everything is great. We laugh, we talk, and most of all have fun just being together. Then we get to school and I'm no one. Only saying very few words the entire day I feel as if I'm not wanted. Like I'm just tagging alone beside you as you laugh and joke with everyone else. You say "I Love You" everytime we part. But do you really mean it? If you love me so much why do you only show it when we are alone? I never know what I'm to do when this happens. Do I leave you alone and let you do your own things? Even though all I want is to be with you? You make me laugh, you make me cry. You can make me smile with just one glance. All I want is to feel like I'm needed and wanted. I love you with all my heart, like no one I've every met before.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 23 August :: 9.54 pm

it scares me when i take a personality quiz and get the results and they are like so incredibly like me its not funny. the one i jst took PERFECTLY described me.

on another note. my day had its ups and downs. didnt relly do much in any class except talk about the hurricane. towards the afternoon i was feeling EXTREMLY happy. then i had a class wit no air conditioning so my mood got a little worse, and then got better once i stepped outside. wen i started the ridiculous spanish hw my mood went downhill but never went back up. band practice sucked. the locker room is a mess and some1 hit me in the head wit a case. then other things i cant talk about upset me to the point at which i was holding back my tears. now im here... smellly, tired, and achin( my arms from holding the flute up w/o stoppin for so long).
im goin to take a shower. laterz.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 22 August :: 7.46 pm

omfg. some ppl do not grow up. i try to talk to him and be a nice person. but no. i dont care anymore.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 22 August :: 11.29 am

skool 2morrow. blah...

yesterday and today (so far) sucks. so incredibly bored and things jst keep makin me SooOOo mad. i cant help but want to scream at some1. but i wont.


*annoy me here*

:: 2004 20 August :: 10.55 pm

yesterday was my birthday. it was fun. i got my permit in the morning and spent the rest of the day in the house hangin out. went drivin' 3 times- 1, jennifer; 2- matt; 3- mom and grandpa. then we went to Longhorn and got some steak. came home and got cake.... pretty good.

now- wyatt and robyn are way tired and yellin. robyn locked herself in a room. wyatt is screamin, crying, and hittin himself with a plastic baseball bat.

started off the day normally. then found taylors journal in which she has numerous things rittin about me... pretty mad about that. then matt came over and things got better.

we went to the mall... then to amc and saw without a paddle (it was good).... was gona go to olive garden but it was packed, drove around for half hour and i finally decided we should get pizza and eat it in the car in a parking lot. that was good. then we went bowling. i suck at it and i started gettin soo tired i could barely keep my eyes open.
today was a relly good day. its great wen u can spend a day with sum1 and feel so happy the entire time.


p.s. i got a digital camera w/ a printer.. very cool.

*annoy me here*

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