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:: 2004 16 February :: 3.08 pm

she realized she never really though at all

today has been so boring.

im watching stef. remind me to poison her.

i realized how much i miss the company of others when charlene left.
i miss having zack around.

i hate the show dora the explorer.
no ifs ands or buts. that little girl must die.

im taking stef to se catch that kid.
it should be decent, its pg.
school tomorrow, this weekend feels wasted. even though it wasnt. totally wasnt.

woah i am such a bitch.
really. maybe its my period. who knows


:: 2004 15 February :: 6.23 pm

oh man.

you know what is so amazing.

i got my tickets for seattle yesterday.

i technically only miss one day of school. i leave friday the 12, after school, around 5pm.

im thinking of skipping. i dont know.

then i come back the 22 monday. late at night, so i miss that day altogether.

man. this is so awesome.

i cant wait to go out there.

im going for my passport out there too.

and were going to wyoming to visit my family.


they didnt cost that much either. only like $200. im flying by myself. someone help me.

since i am underage, my grandmother can get a boardging pass thing so she can take me right to the area where you get on the plane and see me off. just like we used to be able to do before 9-11.

it will be awesome. it will make me feel much better.

tomorrow, we are going through my stuff to see what i need.

26 days until im in seattle.

the countdown starts now.


:: 2004 14 February :: 11.52 am
:: Music: Monica - angel of mine

Hey everyone.

happy valentines day.

Ana & Charlene

1 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 11 February :: 9.38 pm


i am a second cousin!

my cousin brandy just had her baby.

Brianna Leigh!

she was born at 7 10 and is 6lbs 10oz

i am sure she is beautiful. i cant wait to see pictures.

its hard to imagine my cousin as a mom, in my mind she is like....still in college.

now we are just waiting for my other cousin, Tara's, baby. her name will be lily koi. it means passion fruit in hawaiian.


today was shit. i would wipe my ass with it except i cant because having a new cousin just makes up for its her birthday. you cant wipe your ass with a family members birthday.

i actually did some of my homework tonight,


i have not done what seems like...a month no lie.

i got a bad grade on my french exam.
what the fuck is that. where i can do ALL my work in class and get good grades, but when it comes down to the EASY test i get a 74. i had a 100 in that class, that is how easy it is. geeze! i dont think i was concentrating.

it is the opposite in math. i never pay attention in there, and only do half of my class work. but when it comes to tests and stuff i get good grades.
i guess i just get math.
i like geometry. i dont want algebra 2.


ps. i made a typo on my name and spelled ama. how sad. lol


:: 2004 9 February :: 9.53 pm

Answer in a comment:

1. Have you ever seen me cry?
2. Have you ever made me cry?
3. Have you ever held me while I cried?
4. Have you ever sensed when I needed a hug and gave one to me?
5. Have we ever kissed?
6. If not, would you?
7. How close have you come to seriosuly hitting me?
8. Have we ever sung a song together?
9. Have I ever sung to you?
10. Do any songs make you think about me?
11. Have you ever had a dream about me?
12. Could I ever be ghetto?
13. Have I ever told you I hated you?
14. Have you ever hit me... playfully or otherwise?
15. Have I ever hit you?
16. Have you ever given me batteries?
17. Do you find me attractive?
18. Do you have a picture of me?
19. Have you ever thought I was flirting with you?
20. Have you ever called me?
21. Have I ever called you?
22. Have I ever called you in tears?
23. Finish this sentence "Stop being so...":
24. Am I good at anything?
25. If so... what?
26. Do you miss me right now?
27. Have you ever seen me trip?
28. What's your favorite thing about me?
29. What's your least favorite thing about me?
30. Sum me up in a few words:

4 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 9 February :: 9.41 pm
:: Mood: :]
:: Music: dido: white flag

oh please, like someone could love you...
PLEASE! someone tell me they have seen that new commerical for Quiznos!
i saw it for the first time a few days ago. I was dumbfounded.nolie. those demented little things remind me vaguely of the singing kittens on VH1.
i got my new cell phone today. i dont have to fight with it to send a text message anymore!!! and it is nice and sleek. wooop.

if i know you you may call me on it.


ah yes on the note of my courses for next year.

they are:
dreawing/painting 3
chemistry 1 honors
AP English
French 3 honors
AP american history
personal fitness
Algebra 2 Honors

yes i decided to get my PE electives out of the way.

maybe if i just keep telling myself everyone has to go through personal fitness i will be ok. and not feel like i did when i did the dance tech.


at the end of this year...we will be juniors....which means ververyvery soon i will be a senior.
holy shit. that is so scary to think of.


4 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 8 February :: 7.16 pm
:: Music: im savin the last dance for you.



my window doesnt bee anymore when you open it. no it does not. and we alll know what that means.

i now have two ways of getting in and out of my house undetected.

oooh yea.

oh and btw DYNAMITES are not explosives in my family. it is food. basicalls tomato sauce w. peppers onions ground beef spicy sausage and regular sausage. and other stuff.

everyone in my family has multiple orgasms when my grandmother makes them. that and meatballs with rasins. yes rasins, shut up YOU were not FORCED to eat them at a young age. thus tramatizing you for life.
but hey they are all right if you pick them out.

anyway. i am bored. and everyone guess how slow i am.
i knew valentines day was comming and all. but i just noticed that it was this saturday. hooollllly crap. i have no valentine :(.

well i might, but that is NOT up for discussion.

haha my mom called yesterday. we were remnisicing about her technique on how to get us to not go with strangers.

she was reading this book: Cofessions of a child molester.

and when we were like 6 and 5 she sat us down and read us some of those horrible stories. one boy was raped and cut up or something. it scared me alot. and then she also made us watch an episode of oprah on what to do when you get kid napped


i still remember what to do to this day. and my mom tell me that was the only episode of oprah she has ever watched.

we laughed our asses off at this fact.

zack and i chatted. he is the best little brother.

and floyd gave me some references for my essay. he kicks more ass than you know.


:: 2004 7 February :: 4.14 pm
:: Music: lucille star - a little spanish town

theyve come to take us away haha-haha
today i
* listened to french records with memere
*helped her make dynamites

we went though all her records today.
she has a 45 of MARYLIN MONROE singing i wanna be loved by you. HOLY CRAP!! she doesnt even like marlyin monroe, she only likes that song. she has a collection beetovhen on records. she even has some song from the muppet show.
and to top it all off, she has the single of Purple Rain by Prince, on the limited edition PUIRPLE RECORD.
that kicks more ass than you know!

oh man. i want to see the ballet soo bad. but i have no rides or anything.

art show was last night. it was fun. good stuff in there. now i cant wait for the senior show. that will be fun.

i think i have social anxiety.

well i must go.


3 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 5 February :: 9.19 pm
:: Mood: :|
:: Music: marylin monroe - i wanna be loved by you

holy shit mothafucka!!!
god i am so bored.

blah blah blah.

i am watching some like it hot.

talk about sexual inuendo for the 50's...

and marylin monroe. shes so pretty. when did culture stop believeing women with full bodies were georgours and start believeing tiny tiny girls were?

i have a sore throat.

i dont want to go to school tomorrow. but alas two tests and an art show. that i dont even want to go to. i mean i want to see the art, i dont want to go to the opening. im going cause jesenia needs a ride, and we live close by.


ow. im going to watch my movie. it is better than you.

4 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 3 February :: 9.37 pm

i saw my future in your eyes
i am totally faking my good mood.

believe me, even though i may seem all light and happy. i am secretly wishing many many people were dead and i was dancing merrily on their graves.

on a lighter note anyway. i am watching adventures in babysitting.
i had a cow when i found it was on.
zack and i used to own this movie. there is this part in the movie where the next door neighbor daryl knocks on the glass door and squishes his face to the window that we used to reenact all the time.

shut up. we were little.

i cant remember much about zack. it seems that most of my life i just you know...shut him away and did my own thing. i cant remember much stuff we did together.

except play with blocks. this is the most depressing thing ever. because he is my brother. we lived our lifes together and went through most of the same crap. he seems to be the only one who was really there through it all with me. and i was really bad to him. until he got older and started being bad to me too.

i miss him. wow.

i didnt get anything into the art show. im cooking something for the opening though. key lime bars. i dont even know if i want to go really.

remind me, please, of why i stayed in florida?

i dont want to go to school anymore. period. i wish i was in a coma.

3 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 27 January :: 9.14 pm
:: Music: the white stripes

ok so everyone right now as soon as you read this must comment.

i was going to threaten that if you didnt comment i would take you off my friends list and i would NEVER EVER talk to you or look at you again, but i think thats a little too much, even for me.

you can comment annomously if you don't want me to know where the comment is comming from. or if its mean. i want you to say what you really think. seriously. don't lie to me.

in the comment you have to answer the question: if someone asked you to describe my personality what would you say?

and i know most of you dont know me that well. i just want to know what you would say.

i know this is lame. but i am curious.


6 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 24 January :: 4.38 pm
:: Music: depeche mode

girl you have no faith in medicine
i think im high on turpatine. yes turpatine, the synthetic substitute for turpentine.
my grandmother bought it for me so i could clean my brushes after using oils. all i could think of was how lame it was that they made a fake of turpentine.

i didnt do it on pupose, the smell is potent and i was painting for like an hour and a half.


i am now in NAHS. it was pretty lame. all we did was walk up and shake hand with mrs roeder and the principal and get a little card and a carnation. and then we went to the closing of the NAHS art show and ate a little.
then my grandmother took me to eat at china star because i love chinese food.

i got mei foon noodles and chicken. it was good.

i have paint on me. it sucks.
i fell asleep at 9 30 last night, then i woke up for 15 minutes at 11 and then i didnt wake up until 11 this morning. i was so cold i had a dream about being cold. i shouldnt sleep with my fan on in the winter.



:: 2004 21 January :: 9.32 pm
:: Music: the donnas

i wish i had a detachable penis...

t h i s i s t h e f u c k i n g s h i t.

no lie. this is an actual song.

this gem of a song was found, by me, in some girls journal.

you MUST read on:

king missle "detachable penis"

i woke up this morning with a bad hangover
and my penis was missing again.
this happens all the time.
it's detachable.
this comes in handy a lot of the time.
i can leave it home, when i think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or i can rent it out, when i don't need it.
but now and then i go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning i can't for the life of me
remember what i did with it.
first i looked around my apartment, and i couldn't find it.
so i called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
i asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason i leave it there sometimes.
but not this time.
so i told them if it pops up to let me know.
i called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
i was starting to get desperate.
i really don't like being without my penis for too long.
it makes me feel like less of a man,
and i really hate having to sit down every time i take a leak.
after a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone i could think of,
i was starting to get very depressed,
so i went to the kiev, and ate breakfast.
then, as i walked down second avenue towards st. mark's place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
i saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
some guy was selling it.
i had to buy it off him.
he wanted twenty-two bucks, but i talked him down to seventeen.
i took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. i was happy again. complete.
people sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but i don't know.
even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
i like having a detachable penis.

now you cannot tell me you didnt pee a little while reading this. seriously, you are dead inside if you didnt.


1 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 18 January :: 9.58 pm
:: Mood: :[

i want someone to just love me.

7 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 18 January :: 7.27 pm
:: Music: verca salt

today was gay.

omfg though there was a woman who lives off of sunshine (5 mins away from my house) and they found her dead in her house. there were cops there all day and they had that do not cross tape too. and on the news they said they found her daughter dead too in miami, the daughters little daughter was found at the miami airport. how mad is that?

thats was scary.

today was was boring.

i have just tried my hand at oil painting. too bad i forgot you need linseed oil to clean the brushes, so i need to go buy some linseed oil for my brushes tomorrow. i dont want to wait too long before they dry out. but right now i have paint everwhere, so i have a tissue with me so i can wipe it off where ever i go.
man i am so bored. geeze. i think im going to go. i have nothing to ramble about even.


:: 2004 17 January :: 6.23 pm
:: Music: green day

why does my heart cry?
holy crap.

last night was so fucking crazy, and it could have been crazier, had we not said fuck it and fallen asleep.

holy crap i had the craziest dream last night. i was sitting next to billy and he wouldnt look at me. and my hiar was greasy and haging in my face because i was looking down in sadness. and charlene sat in my lap and started asking billy why he wouldnt look at me. thats all i remember. it was pretty crazy.

haha i told zack to tell floyd i loved him, and that i called him dad. and next saturday when i talk to him, im going to say hey dad, how are you?


i am happy right now. sorta.



:: 2004 15 January :: 8.54 pm

holy crap you know what i want to do!

get wrapped in in a giant winter coat, put two pairs of pants on (or ski pants) mittens a hat a scarf two pairs of socks and some giant ass boots, and the proceed to find a sled, and go down the fucking biggest hill i can find.

but alas there is none of that here. my dreams are shattered.

i wish i lived up north, where they had snow days :(. this 2 season town is depressing. there is very little that is beautiful about florida.

still cant get my passport, even though our guardianship papers state that my uncle has full parental control over me, and can do a bunch of other crap for me, "it doesnt specifically say you can sign for her passport" how dumb, i wanted to smack the woman that was helping us.
so now i need to do the power of attourney thing with my mom.

the good thing is i missed the first three periods of the day, which meant no biology for me. it felt good.

oh score tomorrow = charlenes house and pizza party for the art dept. woop!

totally excited. i have been craving pizza. lol i sound like a fatass, i crave the nasty greasy-ness of a pizza.

i want to see the movie big fish really bad, may ill do that this weekend.
i musnt forget my book for DEAR tomorrow as i did last week.


:: 2004 14 January :: 9.46 pm
:: Mood: :|
:: Music: foo fighters - times like these

carry on
tomorrow = passport day. i shall not be in school until 3rd period at the earliest. i miss both art classes and possibly part of biology, if we drive realy slow, or...go and get my ears pierced. hell yea.

today wasnt the best for me, i was in a pretty bad mood from like...5th on. we got a seat switch in my french class (5th) and now sit behind this bitch that smells too perfumy. and she was always giving my friends dirty looks. i would watch her when were talking and i just wanted to scream "what the fuck are you looking at you dumb bitch" god, i had her in my french class last year and i hated her then too. lol everyone know's my sneeze right? well this guy told me to sneeze behind her (cause of her smell) and have one of my friends say whats wrong, and i say back, im allergic to skank. haha thats gay, but it made me laugh.

haha when ever i say woop woop to myself, i think pull over that ass is to fat.
im so lame.

2 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 13 January :: 9.42 pm
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: daria theme

dont tell me truth hurts little girl, cause it hurts like hell
oh man i am so relieved.

i think i should cry, happy tears would make me feel perfect.

man i am having the worst cramps of my life. i am dying. karma is kicking my ass for being mean to my friends who get bad cramps while i get none.
oh well.

might be going to Charlenes this weekend. gunna have some fun there.

oh man i feel bad. last week James L. asked me to go to his chruch with him tonight. me and jesenia. he was like i want you to hear the message and all this. and i was all weirded out, cause even though i sit next to him he never talks to me. so i asked my grandmother if i could go and she got all, upset and went stick to your own religion.
i laughed, and told james about it, i forgot what he said but it was funny.

oh dude totally got my invite to join NAHS i am so excited. you have no idea. i mean i knew i was going to get in but im still excited anyway.

holy crap im not going to fall asleep until 1 tonight. i took some new allergy medicine today, the equate rip off of claratin you know? well i took that, and i feel asleep for two hours. i woke up at my clock said 5:55. i was all like holy crap!! im late! im going to miss my bus! then i looked out side and wodered why it was light out. oops.
but man, that stuff knocked me out.

madness. i swear.

oh man lmao. Charlene made me talk to her friend Matt yesterday, and he is such a thug its great. he was like hey whos this? and i went its ana, and he goes. oh youre my little buddy's girl right? i went Billy? and hes like yea. and told him, he meant ex-girl.
he talks soo funny, but he is really nice hes like we should chill sometime. lmao, i might meet him friday when i go to charlene's.

lol this weekend i watched west side story, i just got i feel pretty stuck in my head. thats a funny song.

i cant wait to start my next project in ceramics. finally, individual work!! we have to make a teapot and 4 teacups. i have so many ideas. i am trying to make it so the teacups fit on the pot and can stay that way and you wont be able to tell. im going to make mine really good cause im going to use it when im finished. except it will be a cocoa pot cause i dont drink tea or coffe or anything. i love cocoa. lol, carina.
but im thinking i might also make a whole tea pot set so i dont know.

i am so happy

3 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 9 January :: 8.04 pm

your eyes can be so cruel
ok, so about two mintes ago billy called.

that was totally odd, holy shit.

hes at the fucking bowling alley.

i think i pissed him off cause he was like hey what have you been up to, hanging out with your new boyfriend. I went, yea, i have. he was all like na hah and i was just all calm and like mhm. then he goes, im going to go call charlene now, bye.


that was good. but i feel really mean, because i think i scared him.

oh golly gee. i feel so lame. i need to get out of my damn house. ehhh.


:: 2004 7 January :: 9.11 pm
:: Music: david bowie - underground

it's only forever, not long at all
hell yes.

yesterday i went to Michaels and got $45 worth of art supplies.
-brush cleaner
-blue acrylic, the wrong one again
-paper for my walls,

oh and i also went to Best Buy. i got the soundtrack to the Labrynth. lol, i love this!
its sad, because there are only 4 actual songs, and the rest are instrumental, but that ok because i love this music.

im listening to it right now. hell yea.

oh and i also got a bright eyes cd. that one is pretty good too. im going to listen to it again soon.

god i hate school. i got way to much h/w for the first day back. its crazy.

lol my brothers school called today, said he was absent.

know what that means?...he wasnt withdrawn, lol. sucks for him.



:: 2004 5 January :: 8.08 pm

haha well today was great fun

i woke up around ten so i could get ready. my grandma had to go to social security and we had to go do our passport thing.

well you need you social security number to get a passport and i dont know mine by heart, and my grandmother has it written down in this little book, but she wanted the card. we went all through her safe and we couldnt find it. so while we were a social security i had to apply for a new card. and the lady said i needed my birth certificate so i had to go back out to our car and get that, then she was like i need a photo id, and i cant use my school id because they spelled my name wrong. so we showed her my baptism paper and she let it go.

and after that was over we went to the "darth vader" building. and it turns out thats not the building we are supposed to be at so a security guard tell us that we have to go to this on second st. so we go there, it was a wonder we didnt get lost.
ok so were there and we fill out the form and remember not to sign because they have to watch you sign and all this. i was happy cause im 15 and i thought i wasnt going to have my guardian sign for me. well the lady was like well since you dont have the forms saying your the legal guardian and her mom or dad isnt here she cant get it. so they have to have my mom do this power of attorney thing and get it notarized saying specifically that my grandmother can sign for me to get my passport. lol and my grandmother couldnt ger hers either cause she forgot her birth certificate.

then we were trying to find a good resturant bevcause we hadnt eaten all day, it was around 3 so a bunch were closed and that so we went to that new china place, in that plaza off of fiddlesticks. it was the crappiest chinese food ever.

and i couldnt go shoping because i forgot my gift cards :( i was depressed.

i hate this guardian shit.

i mean have any of you ever looked on a permission slip where it says parent/guardian? and wonder what it was like for that to apply to guardian instead of parent. its odd. i used to think of it when i was in elementary school.

ew school wednesday.
im nervous, i dont want to go back.


1 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2004 4 January :: 10.28 pm
:: Music: REM - the one i love

it has been 24 hours since i have talked to anyone who isnt my immediate relation.

tomorrow my grandmother is taking me to get our passports done, then we go shopping.

im going to michael's. i want to get:
-paper for walls
-paint brushes
-linseed oil
-blue paint, ultramarine to be exact.

i got gift cards for that place, im uber excited to go there. :)

i was talking to floyd yesterday, and he was telling me how his mom got sick, and he referred to her as my other grandma. thats so sweet. i felt bad for him. he told me zack doesnt like his cooking. they are going to enroll him in school tomorrow, and if there are no placements he gets homeschooled until next year.

my grandma came out and watched tv with me today, we ended up watching some lame stephen segal movie. then we took our christmas tree down. and we settled down and watched some of stephen king's It. that movie used to scare the bejesus out of me, i tell you what.

man i am so bored. i dont want to go back to school, the though of going back makes me want to rip out my hair one strand at a time. but the thought of staying home is scary too. i have no happy medium.



:: 2004 2 January :: 8.33 pm
:: Music: blind melon

i saw the lord of the rings yesterday.

it was awesome.

i almost cried watching it, and not even on parts that were tear worthy.

oh man i think i have a fever. i hope im not getting sick, i hate being sick.

lol. my tv just bleeped into my hearing and it sounded like it said something "sucks the biggest dicks of all time"


i have to go.

4 stood | canyoustandonyourhead?

:: 2003 31 December :: 8.10 pm
:: Music: david bowie

how do i make you happy?
hey wow

i totally forgot today was new years.
guess what we catholics do on new years?
go to chruch!!!

what fun. so i have to wake up early tomorrow and go to church.

this girl called my house today, and her voice was really far away and she said hi is ana there, but you know she could have said zack. who knows.
so i said hey and shes like how are you and i asked her if it was jen, one of my friends from rhode island. and shes like yea. i havent talked to jen in like a year so i got all excited and talked to her and all this. so she asked me about zack and im like yea he just moved to seattle with my mom last friday. and we talked some more then she goes did zack talk about shane something alot...and i was like yea and she goes yea that was his best friend and then she had to go so i said bye,
that was the CREEPIEST thing ever. i had a 4 minute conversation with someone i thought i knew but didnt. and it has been bothering me about who is was. so i think it might be one of zack friends. a few of them might not know he moved. because obviously my friend from rhode island would NOT know who my little brothers best friend was.

woah so that was the highlight of my day, besides waking up at noon and doing nothing but loaf all day. i watched st. elmo's fire like twice and later i might watch the nightmare before christmas later.

oh and i watched pirates of the caribbean last night. it was a cute movie. orlando bloom is so hot. reeer. oh and so is johnny depp...but he goes w/o question :D

vacation is so boring, but it feels so good :)



:: 2003 30 December :: 11.41 pm

sugarbomb baby
You pretend you're high
Pretend you're bored
Pretend you're anything
Just to be adored
And what you need
Is what you get

Don't believe in fear
Don't believe in faith
Don't believe in anything
That you can't break

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted

What drives you on
Can drive you mad
A million lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had

Don't believe in love
Don't believe in hate
Don't believe in anything
That you can't waste

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can't believe you fake it
Can't believe you fake it

Don't believe in fear
Don't believe in pain
Don't believe in anyone
That you can't tame

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can't believe you fake it
Can't believe you fake it

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can't believe you fake it
Can't believe you fake it

You stupid girl


:: 2003 26 December :: 3.05 pm
:: Music: tv - the breakfast club

zacks gone.

his room looks so empty. My little cousin is so cute. she was all like, i miss zack already do you. she wanted something of his to keep really bad, so she took two of his old binder and a little picture he left behind. She gave me a big hug and a kiss and said she missed zack, then she went home with her mom.

Zack and mom are on their way to the airport right now. they leave at 6:30. and they will be home at 1 am our time, 11 pm theirs.

holy shit, this is weird. i dont even want to talk. im scared if i open my mouth ill vomit.


:: 2003 25 December :: 12.47 am
:: Music: my grandmother yelling

i cant even pull off tears right now. i cant watch or help at all, my grandma and my mom are helping zack pack for seattle.

my grandmother is showing her sadness over him leaving by yelling at him about the way he packs, and about all his belongings. stuff like that. shes so sweet: she said if he forgot anything she was going to throw it out.

i had to tell my mom i will go through his room and try and save stuff he forgot.

im so selfish, i dont want him to leave even though he is completely miserable here, just so i wont have to live here by myself. anyone want to move in with me?

lol no you dont my family is hell.

my aunt asked if i had heard from billy this week. and i thought i could get through some of christmas w/o thinking about him.

god i am lame.

ill update about x-mas later


:: 2003 24 December :: 4.38 pm
:: Mood: :)
:: Music: FUEL!! score :)

you are so beautiful
merry christmas everyone.

i hope everyone has a good holiday, regardless.

i celebrate tonight, everyone comes over and we eat dinner, and once everyone is finished we open up our gifts.
Christmas is truely beautiful.
i love my family, even though they drive me insane. I am glad they are here.

oooh i cant wait, dinner is at 6 ish. Everyone would be here but they all have to work. how shitty.

everyone must download and love Fuel.



:: 2003 23 December :: 9.16 pm
:: Music: nira's journal - what child is this

the chalice of virginity, once emptied, cannot be refilled.
today was quite exciting.

went to bed at like 3 30 am. i was talking with my mom.

i should send my dad an e card. yes yes i should.

but i really dont want to. o well i do that after updating.

i found out why my parents got divorced. he wasnt cheating on her like i though he was. they couldnt get along he was an asshole.

she told me how we almost moved out to south dakota with my uncle richard. it was odd because at first i thought i might have been an only child cause i was just a baby. then she told me she didt know she was pregnant with zack yet.

i told her when she and Floyd get married im going to call him dad. i asked her if she talked to him about it and she didnt. she just wants me to just like put it out there with him and such. he is so sweet, it is so amazing of him to just accept us like this. i mean it really is wonderful. he is so into zack, he is going to homeschool for the rest of this school year so zack will be able to enter school as a freshman next year.

wow am i ever going to miss him.
but i guess we will be able to get along better being apart, because we are horrible siblings living together. truely, we are awful.

i am so tired. my granmother woke us up at like 9 am. we had a lot of grocery shopping to do. then we went out for like, early supper and visited nonnie at my aunts house.

everyone read these books by gregory Maguire.
Wicked The life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West.


Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister.


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