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:: 2006 17 May :: 10.27pm
:: Mood: Terribly amused
:: Music: asdasasd

"We eat out too much."

Watch it.

Get on the floor.



TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 15 May :: 8.04pm
:: Mood: Victorious

Eli has found a new game on his cultsite which consists of a boy or girl telling their ex that they still love them, then saying "Just Kidding". Results don't vary often and are almost always amusing. Eli and I conspired against Robbie, the unsuspecting boy-child whom was targeted. Robbie's a nice kid, I suppose, but he did grope me that one day.. >---->

Emily: Robbie

Robbie: what

Emily: It's Emily. I've been meaning to tell you..

Robbie: oh ok
Robbie: lol

Emily: Eckk.. well..
Emily: Jesussss.. lemme JUST ASK. x---x
Emily: Will you.. er... go out with me..?

Robbie: woah, is this really emily?

Emily: Y-yeah.. <--<;;
Emily: Well.. er.. will ya?

Robbie: uh, sure, i guess

Emily: You don't know how long I've liked you.

Robbie: :3
Robbie: my devilish good looks

Emily: Yeah.
Emily: Well. I was just kidding.
Emily: Thanks, though. <3

Robbie: ouch, that was mean

Emily: Love you, Robbie ^-^

Robbie: i am so confused right now

Emily: xDDD

Robbie: i fucking hate this game


I will admit, that was pretty bitchy of me, but it was damn funny.



Eli: No that was Emily
Eli: But you just got pwned

Robby: uber-pwned

Eli: XD

Robby: that was creepy

Eli: More liek
Eli: Your heart skipped a beat

Robby: lolol

Eli: then was shattered like glass against the floor

Robby: moer like Emily is a bitch and i'm gonna pay fat disgusting people who hang out at lost realms to BRUTALLY RAPE HER

Eli: Aww poor robbby

Robby: theres gonna be cunt punting tomorrow

Uhh.. I'm scared?
No, not really.

Knock on wood.. >-->


7 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2008 14 May :: 10.14pm

I've sinned, and it's not just the feeling of guilt. I can just feel it in my whole body. I can feel it that I will end up in hell for this...

Gaby --> Petra --> Gaby... what the fuck happend...

Every man has its boundries...its limits. I don't think I can take much more untill I give up everything. What's the use. Love really isn't worth it. It's better to have a really good friend then anything else. Sex sucks... Love sucks...

Friendship is the best.

Consider yourself lucky if you have a GOOD friend...not just some friend...

She was happy when I was with her, I had the power to just make her happy and put a smile on her face. But I just blew it all in trying to make someone else happy aswell. And then hearts shatter. One person?

Three Days Grace -Animal I've Become.mp3

I can't escape this hell,
So many times I've tried,
But I'm still caged inside,
Somebody get me through this nightmare,
I can't control myself.

So what if you can see
The darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

I can't escape myself, I cant escape myself
So many times I've lied, so many times I've lied
But there's still rage inside,
Somebody get me through this nightmare,
I can't control myself.

So what if you can see,
The darkest side of me,
No one will ever change this animal I have become.
Help me believe it's not the real me.
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become.

Help me believe it's not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal.

Somebody help me through this nightmare,
I can't control myself.
Somebody wake me from this nightmare,
I can't escape this hell.

So what if you can see,
The darkest side of me,
No one will ever change this animal I have become.
Help me believe it's not the real me.
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become.

Help me believe it's not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal.

This animal I have become.

1 tear | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 13 May :: 5.15pm
:: Mood: Icky-ish.
:: Music: Shower sound

Friday Off
Yeah, so. I actually got up at 9 in the fucking morning without any sort of goading or incentive. Wow, right? I know.
The thrills don't end there.

So I got up, ate left-overs from the night before ( Keithander, his familia [sans papi], and I went to dinner ) while watching CSI and Naomi came over. So we're chillin'. We watched Amityville Horror - soooo good ^-^ - and then we went upstairs to get ready for our 'double date', persay.

We ended up both wearing spaghetti strap shirts, and for any of you who know Emily, this is a break-through. The only time she wore spaghetti-straps without awkwardity in public in the past year or two was that one time during last summer with Jade. Long live SYC..? XDD
I'll uphold that "legacy".

Anyways. So we get out and Emily's ALSO carrying a purse. Emily HAS lost it. Kthnx. We get to the movies and Keithander and Victor are already there - and Keith already had our tickets? WHAT? Jeez, it's like we're fucking going out or something. Though we all know that Keith and I are married. Kthnx.

So Keith and I walk into Ice Age II. It was pretty cute. What made it better was the little kid near the front who was explaining rather loudly how global warming worked - the whole theater chuckled. So's we get out of the movie and I find a fucking SNAKES ON A PLANE poster - I freak out, it's now my phone background - and I see Naomi in the bathroom.

And I'm like "So your movie's already over..?"
And she's liek "No."
And I'm liek "Then.. what are you doing in here..?"
And she's liek "... I donno." and walks out.
And I'm liek "... XD"

So Keith and I went into the game room and took our so-sweet-you-could-rofl-and-barf picture-booth shots just to consummate the date. Lollerskates. Then we played ze DDR. Gewd stuff. Other than I pretty much had to stay on standard .___. GHEY.

So we leave the game room, waiting for Na and Vic to get out of their movie, and there's good ol' Michan! I grope her a few times, get some odd stares from her male-companion-whom-she-probably-wasn't-dating, and she giggles at our disgustingly-adorable pictures from ze picture booth. They go about their way and Na and Vic get out of their movie and then we go to the beach.

You heard correctly.
Emily.. went to the beach.
Don't get me wrong, it was JUST at sunset, so I didn't ruin my hard-earned pale, but.. the beach.
Sand x---X;
Water X---x;;
Buggies .___.;;;
But it was fun, I'll admit.
I enjoyed myself.
The moon was beautiful, too.
Pretty much orange as the sun was setting, so it glowed nicely on the water. Then it turned white and still glowered against the sea.
Na and Vic were SO CUTE ^------^!!
They were allll swimmin' in the ocean together in the moon light and Keithander and I were just liek "Aww! They're so cute and young and not married like us!"

So that lasted 'til about 10:30 and Vic had to go home. Naomi made off with a pair of his swim trunks. xD He got a few kisses goodnight, I suppose. Keithander's parentals drove Na and I back to our house, and though we were DEAD tired, we found the will to have some sort of meal.
And it was DEFINITELY good.
Cold Publix barbecue chicken, DP/Sprite, bread, and "Dibs" or whatever they're called - little balls of chocolate-coated ice cream, omfg, soooo good.
Then we went to bed about 12.
'Cause we were REALLY TIRED.

Today, we got up about 11:30 am -- good stuff. I don't know what's possessing me lately, all this up early, to bed early nonsense. But we were up none the less. Omfg, I have HELLO KITTY POPTARTS. xD
We watched a couple more movies - Bless the Child and Stuck on You, which was pretty amusing.
We went upstairs and I went back down for laundry and some kitchen-cleaning 'cause I feel bad sometimes if I don't do it. Naomi just took a shower and here I am.
About yesterday's many break throughs.

Eugh, I think I have a hickie.
Thanks for keeping it below t-shirt level <3


Au revoir, mes petits!
J'adore vous.

3 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 27 April :: 5.38pm
:: Mood: Homeworkee
:: Music: Him - Sigillum Diaboli

Naomi's Party..

And it was better than you.



"Sorry, I have a boyfriend."

4 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 26 April :: 12.14am
:: Mood: Turbo clean!
:: Music: Don't Close Your Heart - HIM



I love you and I'm SO GLAD that we had lockers next to each other in 7th grade.


4 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 25 April :: 10.55pm
:: Mood: basldj
:: Music: HIM - Beyond Redemption

Alright. So today was probably the most convincing case of insta-karma I've ever seen. I'll tell you the whooole story.

So. Naomi, Amanda, and I were the SOOPER HUNGRY. So much so, we resorted to common theivery. I did, anyways, and I'll admit that it was solely my fault. Because I did it. And I know I did it. And everyone knows I did it.
I did it.

Anyways. I went into darling Kristen's bag while she was at the soda machine and stole her sandwich. We walked right by her and I'm pretty sure he friends told her that we stole her sandwich 'cause she came after us like.. a minute or two after. But it was already gone by then.
And she was really mad.
I mean really mad.
I didn't think she'd get so angry.
But she did.
And. It was bad.
She didn't hit me or anything, she just yelled at us and flicked us off while she walked away. We giggled, but.. she was HONESTLY mad.
Right after that, I sat down and got gum in my hair.

We had to cut it out with a key 'cause I didn't want to go to the clinic or tromp to my next class with it. So. Yeah.
Anyways, I just check my myspace ( 'cause I'm ghey <3 ) and this is the comment she left me:

I am very mad at you.
That was my only sandwich.
And you took it.
Which is.. not right.
Thats stealing?
I should tell Mrs. Graw...
But I wont.
Because I'm not a bitch unlike someone who goes through
other peoples backpack and steals their food for
the day..
which was supposed till last 7.

Alright, one, WHERE was she when I was stealing her sandwich? At the gawdamn vending machines. Perhaps she was just accompanying Jessica, but I'm sure she got something.
Second, there was OTHER FOOD in her bag.
Third, I think she can put up with a little bit of hunger for the last TWO HOURS of the day. Ooh, boo hoo, I'm hungry - SUCK IT UP.
I could understand how I'm pretty bitchy, going through her bag, but that's the only bag I went through. Ever. In my life. And she thinks I don't regret it?
I do.

Throw up Kristen's DAMN SANDWICH?
Make me say SORRY?
I've apologized ATLEAST TEN TIMES NOW.

Now that I reread it, I think she meant it was supposed to last until 7.. pm.
Now I feel bad.
I'm sorry again, Kristen, for bitching.
I don't think you read this.. but if you do and now you're flaming 'cause I ranted, uhhh.. I'm sorry.

Anyone who reads this, do not let my petty pish-posh alter or skew your conception of Miss Kristen, because she's is a wonderful, kind girl and what I did is wrong.
I'm not allowed to get angry.
I'll be quiet nao.
After.. I got angry..



TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 17 April :: 4.40pm
:: Mood: Tired, nonchalant
:: Music: Master of Puppets - Metallica

My brothers. Are stupid asses.
They get in the car after school and David had apparentally gotten a referral. I don't know if those of you who go to schools out of Florida ( supposing there are people out of the state of Florida that read this ) have referrals, but basiacally they're worse than detentions and often get you Saturday detentions, so on and so forth.

So David, the middle child ( I'm the eldest ) got a referral from his science teacher because apparentally he's terribly unruly in class. So he spends the whole car ride home denouncing each of his 'crimes' committed in the class, how he "doesn't even have toys" and "the class talks ten times more" than him, so of an so forth.

So we get home and Jeremy, the youngest, says,"Her handwriting is about as crooked as her hip." David does the whole "Ooooh, burn" bit and goes inside. JJ goes to get out of the car and my mom snags him by the collar and yanks him back into his seat - she is simply aflame. "What did you say?!"

Now for all of you who know my mom, this honestly was not a smart thing to say infront of her. My mom has a limp as well for she is missing part of her upper leg and so one leg is shorter than the other. Mrs. Speer - David's Science teacher - limps about as well. I don't know her story, but this comment hit the bees nest right on.

My mother was furious. And now the boys are digging up some large accumulation of plants in the backyard that my mom always wanted to remove.

So there you have it.

Stupid asses.

Sometimes I hate middle schoolers.

Well.. most of the time. o--O;;


6 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 11 April :: 11.15pm
:: Mood: Something.
:: Music: SILENCE. o--o

Today, Jon and I broke up.
He did the breaking.

And I laughed.
In his face.
Well - at his chest.

Emily = two thirds of Jon height.

Anyways. That's besides the point.

The fact is I wasn't hurt by it.

I don't know.
I don't know anymore.
All I know is that Keith seems to be dug pretty deeply into my bone marrow, like a skewed pellet or something I can't dig out.
Like.. a splinter.
Or a porcupine quill.. did you know those keep burrowing, even after they're not attached to the spikey?

I'm getting off topic.
What I mean to say is.

Goddammit Keith.


7 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 2 April :: 3.28am
:: Mood: Most Amused
:: Music: Liberate -- Disturbed

Homfg. My hair's blue and. It's good.
Jade just smacked herself in the face with her own damn boob.

Give her props.

She's amazing.


2 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 29 March :: 11.14am

Slowly but surely it's comming to an end. What end it is I don't know but it doesn't matter. I just want it to end aswell no matter how it ends. Guilt is a very very very powerfull weapon. I hope no one is ever mean enough to actually use it. I was so stupid enough to use it against myself. is my fault afterall. For everything that has happend to anyone at these times is my fault.

3 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 23 March :: 11.16pm

What does it matter anyway, I fucked up. Theres is no way back. I'm going to hell for what I did...period. What's the point in life now? I feel tired, exhausted from the sadness and the thinking. It's so bad. The guilt is very heavy. I'd like to kill myself but I can't cause I'm scared of the pain and what lies ahead of death. If only I wasn't scared. I won't make it in life. I just know it. I don't see anything in the future but cold darkness. YAY ME! I feel sick.

TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 22 March :: 10.41pm

It is better to be just alone. Then you can't hurt people. You have to take less responsebility. You will get hurt less aswell. So why does everyone always moan about being alone when it has all these benefits? I did things that would make you hate me. As a guy. Becoming what you'd hate the most isn't fun. If I had any self esteem then its gone now. I'm just as low as any other maggot on this world now. Caught up in the things that humans do. And my only wish right now is that I wish I never did it. But why do these things happen. Why why why. They cant just happen without a reason. I feel so shit about it. What do I need to do now. Where do I take off from here. Do I make a descision and then maybe it might be the wrong one and I end up hurting someone again. Which descision I'll make it doesn't matter... I'll hurt at least one person. Never can I keep them all safe and happy. I got issues, thats a fact. Don't know what I can do about them. I just want everything to be alright again. I was happy the way it was. At least it was just me getting hurt then and not someone else. I deserve to be alone. I deserve to have pain. I deserve no one.
I deserve to live, without joy. A punishment awaits me cause something bad is gonna happen. I can feel that. What it is I don't know. I can only guess. And I don't like the idea. If I end myself, does it end the pain?

TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 21 March :: 9.55pm


My life is pretty fucked up at the moment...

2 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 19 March :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: Giggly. Arroused. XD
:: Music: MSI - Shut Me Up

On a rainy day in the wizarding world, within the dungeon-like confines of Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Severus - the potions master - leant heavily against his desk. He pinched his sinuses with a quiet groan of dismay. It was amazing how much these children caused him stress. The man held his pale face in his hands, black hair shading him from the din of the room. Atleast classes were over for the day.

The other man was aging handsomly but his noble features were carved in a grimance. His ridiculously long blonde hair was tied back save for the bangs. He was dressed in a black suit. "I suppose you know why I am here" he said in a toneless voice. His eyes were the same color as the grey stormclouds outside.

Severus started some at the sound of the cold voice. He frowned a bit himself, standing up from his desk. "Lucius," he said quietly, more to reassure himself as to who it was. "I can't say that I know why you're here," he answered, letting his arms fall to his sides.

"I'll get to the point then" the figure in the black suit looked like a man who had nothing to lose. And he diddn't he was as thin as a pole. "I don't have much time..I'm here about the promise you supposedly made to my wife" he said codly stepping foward towards the man who had always been somehow associated with his life. His co worker his friend and once..his lover. "And I want to know if you aim to keep it".

Severus rose his eyebrows some. Promise to Narcissa, promise to Narcissa.. The pale man racked his brain in an attempt to remember what this was. Maybe it was a bad thing? Snape's arms snaked together to cross over his chest, his gaze locked on Lucius's steely stare. "Don't think me a fool, Lucius, but.. what promise do you speak of?" A flash of a past promise dare blind Severus for a moment, the memory of looking up at a younger Lucius, blond hair mussed from just moments before. Severus blinked it away, quietly wishing to muss that pretty blond hair again.

"The promise you made to protect my son of coarse" said Lucius looking away for a breif moment "When you were made his Godfather" he closed his eyes for a minuite " have not been keeping your promises on both sides..I know where you alleigences lie..i could never turn you in..but if you intend to endanger us" he said raising his eyebrow "Then stay away from my son".

Severus masked his surprised with scary ease. "I've kept him under my wing since birth," he said coolly, matching Lucius' sobriety. "It has never been my plan nor goal to endanger one member of your family." Snape took a quick glance at over Lucius before locking eyes with him again. "How has it seemed as though I haven't been keeping my promise..?"

"By continuing to keep a foot in both worlds" said Lucius his voice was calm his eyes furious. "Don't lie to me..You know you can't." his voice wavered "At least I thougth you never could". he grasped his cane impusivly as if wanting to have someone to keep his temper under control. His temper and his growing lust.

"Perhaps you underestimate me," Severus said lowly, his head cocking to the side slowly. Noir hair brushed over his shoulder, his eyes narrowed a bit. The fire in Lucius' eyes sent a pang of excitement through Snape - he remembered that fire. "Are you going to be alright, Lucius?" Severus quirked a brow, glancing towards the man's hand on the cane. He was sure if Lucius wasn't wearing gloves, his knuckles would be white.

"Oh...bullshitwith the formalities and secrets..You frusterate me so" said Lucius bitterly almost backing off. "And yet.." His eyes seemed to say.

Severus took a slight step forward, smirking slightly, righting the position of his head once more. "And yet what," he said lightly, sounding like he was just toying with poor Lucius.

Lucius' expression looked like a cross between scared, happy, and totally furious. "Stay out of my head Snape" "Snape" He never called him that except when..

Severus' smirk widened into a grin, a white, odd grin. He chuckled as well, advancing a couple more steps, his arms falling from the protective hold against his chest.

Lucius stepped back almost looking a bit scared. No!'m married..not again.. his thoughts were weak and they released into other thoughts more sweet. can not hide it... you can not hide..what you really are.. These were strangley in Severus's voice. Lucius hated the fact that Severus had the power to read his thoughts. But his hate only made the tension weigh down more on him. He wanted to snatch up the equsite dark man. Like he had so many times before.

Severus was almost against Lucius now, staring deep into the man's eyes as Malfoy's mind worked at 20 miles a minute. A smile, almost cruel, curled over his pale lips. "Do it," he said softly, the words echoing in his own ears though he had uttered them barely above a whisper.

"" he panted. Clawing the wall with no hope of escapign the intoxicating potions master. Narcissa.. Lucius had respected her. And done his duty to her. But he had never loved her.

Severus could not help the icy laugh that bubbled up as Lucius mumbled out rather incoherently. He leaned slightly closer his mouth just a breath from the man's. "Shut up," he said rather firmly with a smirk, resting his hand against the wall next to that pretty blond hair.

Lucius almost gasped when Severus got even closer. He stared into the cruel grey eyes for a moment. No.., he thought as he finally submitted. He couldn't stop it if he tried. Not with him this close. He thought of that time they had first kissed. As he tasted the man's sweetness again. A young fourth year Lucius had thought Father's going to be mad Then he had stopped caring for a while. For a golden year.

Severus pushed his lips lustingly against Lucius', tangling his other set of pale, long fingers in the man's wonderfully bright hair, cupping the back of his head. It hadn't always been like this.. It was usually Lucius lunging upon him like a dog in heat, playing with him and getting in his head.

Lucius's nails dug into Severus's hand as he was led into this once more. He wanted more. He realized he wanted control. The control he had once had between them. He decided to excercise this. He let go and grabbed the buttun of Severus's robe in his teeth and tore it off slowly..the robe fell apart leaving Severus in only his shirt and pants. Lucius's eyes shined gloatingly as he ran his figners once mroe through greasy black hair.

Severus let out a slight gasp as Lucius found comfort in this domain again. He shivered a bit as the robe fell away, looking up into the blond's steely eyes. He took Lucius' hips, kissing him hungrily again. He could of sworn his hand was bleeding.

Severus' hand was indeed bleeding. But Lucius didn't care about that right now. He almost pulled away when Severus snatched his hips, a bit of fear contorting those powerful grey eyes. When Severus kissed him again he openly shared his thoughts. He was remembering..that night..long ago in the room of requirement.

Severus grinned against the man's lips as different images from the past flooded his concious. He stumbled backwards, letting out a short yelp as he hit the stoney floor hard, having yanked Lucius on top of him. He looked up at the man with slight confusion, fighting the impending blush that dare heat his cheeks bright red.

Lucius looked down at him mercilessly. And ran one of his hands across his chest. As he did, he used it to undo the first button on his shirt. "The past a bit to much for you my friend?", he panted, grabbing the super sensitive skin on his neck.

Severus gasped, his back arching at the feel of teeth, unconciously bucking his hips against Lucius'. It was like sheer heaven in a pinch, his eyes rolling closed from the sensation. Poor Severus uttered a small sound of wanting approval, pushing his fingers through Lucius' hair.

Lucius whined and scratched like a dog he felt the sensation briefly. But it only tickled his senses, he wanted so much more. He felt his crotch grow hot at the fabric of Severus's pants rubbing against himself. Lucius started to pull away not guessing why he was suddenly so scared.

Lucius' fear flooded Severus' senses, he quickly pushing the blond over, assaulting the man's mouth mercilessly with his tongue. Severus groped down Lucius' chest, yanking buttons open on the way, black hair hanging around Severus' face, tickling Lucius' cheeks.

Lucius struggled against the vivacious assault on him only breifly. He felt his chest grow bare and gave a small yelp as Severus pushed him over getting on top of him. So close, so wonderfully close. He felt Severus's brandy flavored tongue explore his mouth. Lucius's hands latched onto the potion master's back so hard they almost ripped his shirt. He started caressing the nape of his neck, careful to press hard on the pressure points.

Severus took a sharp breath through his pointy nose, pulling from the man's lips with a gasp. Sev kissed down Lucius' throat furiously, nipping at sucking at the too-pale flesh.

Lucius felt his teeth on his skin. He rolled over onto his back, panting. "Careful there, Sev", he taunted as he toyed with the hair on Severus's chest. Which was now as well bare as the shirt had been flung off in the roll. "I can't afford to be a vampire right now".

Severus grinned, shivering a bit at the sensation of the man's fingers. "You know I won't turn you," he growled lightly, taking up some of the beautifully pale flesh of the man's throat, sucking at it hard, leaving a blood-red mark that originated under Lucius' skin.

Lucius felt this developing he would have told sEverus to stop it because of his suspcious wife but it felt to good. He got a manevolent gleam in his eyes. He eyed the cane. And grabbed his cane and ran the cold heads over Snape's back.

Severus gasped, releasing Lucius' throat, arching against Malfoy. He contracted a killer case of the goosebumps, growling softly.

Lucius knew what to do instantly feeling control he pounced snarling as he kissed him again his cane landing over the potion's masters back with a a small smack!

Severus kissed at the man furiously, his eyes snapping open as he felt the sting against his pale flesh. He whimpered some as it stung, humping against Lucius unconciously.

Lucius threw down the cane carelessly as it dropped onto the stone floor. He gasped rocking under Severus's spasms. "Ah!"

Severus soon found the reality of what was happening and continued to push his hips against the other man's, grinning slightly in ecstacy.

"Aaaaha haa"! he whimpered as Severus ground against him feeling burning heat and terrible joy against the fabric of the denim pants grey eyes wide.

Sev pushed a light kiss against the man's forehead, holding his hips close by the man's bum, snickering a bit as the movement continued.

WeirdVixen: "Sev-"
Lucius panted as it got hotter..and hotter..
Finally he got up enough energy he thrust forward rolling them almost in a flip on the floor. He snaked his tongue across the man's neck. As he began to unbuttun the potion master's pants.

Severus let out a throaty moan, exposing his man to the pale man above him. He shivered some as he felt the waistband of his pants go slack, beginning to grow hard in anticipation.

Lucius worked, feeling Severus's anticipation But Lucius had been waiting for this he jerked away at the last moment when he had but one buttun left to unbuttun on his own trousers. He growled his eyes saying Not that easy..catch me if you can.

Severus blinked, slightly confused as the weight against him let up. Catch me if you can rang in his head, he narrowing his eyes some, pulling himself up off the floor. He growled softly, pushing up onto his knees, snatching Lucius by the ponytail.

Lucius let out a cry and jerked as he brushed past Severus's crotch. Every hair on his skin was standing up. He was on fire.

Severus shivered, snickering a bit. Poor man. He pressed another flurried kiss, pulling him to his feet and leading him to the stock closet. Every student that passed seemed to run - they knew that Snape's stock closet screamed sometimes, but it was extremely loud tonight.

By Badfaith and your's truly

1 tear | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 16 March :: 3.50pm
:: Mood: Warm. DR. PEPPEr.
:: Music: Blue Monday - Orgy

I remember when I corrected that 8th grader.. "It's or-GEE."
We good.
I hope.

You and I, we just like to hurt eachother.
Emotionally and physically.

I guess I was trying to tell you what you feel o--O
I never though you really cared that much.
If you had fuckin' TOLD me, jesus.


1 tear | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 14 March :: 11.04pm
:: Mood: Hoarse.
:: Music: HIM.

This is how I feel.
Agent Blood Orgy: It has to be all about you, doesn't it?
Auto response from LotusLE98: Sometimes, don't you just hate to be you?


Auto response from Agent Blood Orgy: A cold heart is a dead heart.

Agent Blood Orgy: That's right. I'm accusing you now.
Agent Blood Orgy: I've cried my eyes out over you one too many times, Keith Alexander Merle.
Agent Blood Orgy: And I've found each time it's pretty stupid.
Agent Blood Orgy: It's not like you're doing it to me. Well. You pretty much are. you just don't know it, I guess.
Agent Blood Orgy: Let's weigh all these options.
Agent Blood Orgy: So. You drop acid.
Agent Blood Orgy: a - you have an amazing trip
Agent Blood Orgy: b - you have a terrible trip
Agent Blood Orgy: Let's say b happens.
Agent Blood Orgy: Next - a : you watch your legs run away and you start screaming like a small girl
Agent Blood Orgy: b : you decide to set yourself on fire the burn the bugs off
Agent Blood Orgy: Let's say.. A happens, yet again.
Agent Blood Orgy: a - you have a heart attack from over-heating and shock
Agent Blood Orgy: b - you have one of your little 'friends' - whom really aren't friends at all if they're giving you fucking drugs - chase after them and they get hit by a car.
Agent Blood Orgy: c - you call the ambulance and you get arrested for being on drugs
Agent Blood Orgy: Yeap. It's amazing. Let's go back to the beginning and pretend that A - you have an amazing trip.
Agent Blood Orgy: A - you could dance with the smurfs
Agent Blood Orgy: B - you could end up fucking some one and it'd be soooo great since you're high
Agent Blood Orgy: C - you follow the pretty unicorn off the side of a building, and then believe you're an airplane. Until you hit the ground.
Agent Blood Orgy: Alright - B happens.
Agent Blood Orgy: You get da HIV and you end up passing it to 7 other people at our school.
Agent Blood Orgy: But it wouldn't be me.
Agent Blood Orgy: Because I honestly don't think I'd associate with a druggie - one time or no. Sure. School friends can be druggies, I guess. I never see them outside and I wouldn't feel toooo bad if they died. It's their own damn fault.
Agent Blood Orgy: But part of me regrets ever wanting to know you in the beginning, Keith. If I had left you alone, you could have made bad choices with another crowd and have some other stupid little girl feel bad about your choices.

Keith. If you're reading this and you're offended by it, angry that I told everyone, I hope you are.
You deserve to be angry.
Just as much as I deserve to be.
As much as everyone deserves to know that you're stupid.

Really stupid.

3 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 14 March :: 7.02pm
:: Mood: Winnar.
:: Music: Soul Meets Body - Deathcab for Cutie

Emily wins today.

Jon came over after school while I was making omelettes for French class. So I made him one. And he said it was good.
The best thing is..

I've never made omelettes before.

Then we went upstairs and I showed him the Fur Elise techno remix, as well as the Phantom of the Opera trance track. And I braided his hair. And I put cat ears on him.


And his arms ar ticklish.
Today was just.. good.


4 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 12 March :: 11.07pm
:: Mood: Enthusiatically worthless
:: Music: Join Me in Death - HIM

This is a place marker.
For me and Long Jon.

Believe it.
Embrace it.
Give us Ville Valo.




2 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 5 March :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: Embarrassed?
:: Music: Graverobbing USA - Murderdolls

My cousin's friends ( three, to be exact ) have been at my house since liek..
7 pm.
They've been watching movies of when I was a child liek.. all night.
Not only do I barely know them..
I barely know them.


TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 4 March :: 12.47pm

No one ever broke my heart but myself.

TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 2 March :: 6.39pm
:: Mood: Scary happy

Diego's weirder.


"If by A, you mean your, and by cookie, you mean virginity, well.. Sure!"

3 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 28 February :: 5.15pm
:: Mood: Depressed?
:: Music: FFTL. Because I'm an emo.

I hope I don't get another damned fever.

You slut.

You dirty, rotten, terrible, abusive, annoying, hateful, doting, goading, destroying, terrorizing, disemboweling, heart-gripping, corruptable, amusing, gentle, wonderful, loving, adoring, caring, joyful, exuberant, fantastic slut.

Goddamn you.
And die in a fire.

Why won't you let me get over you?

8 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 27 February :: 1.18pm

It's still the same, I hurt people's feelings and when I grow older it gets worse. At this point I could probably kill someone with words. And all I have to do is be myself. If I wanna stop hurting people I think I should kill myself. Something bad is gonna happen...something which will haunt me the rest of my life. Hate this, hate myself...

Nice picture =)

5 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 22 February :: 12.23am

It hurts to feel that pain of several people,
It hurts to see them hurt themselves,
It hurts that I can't do anything about it,
It hurts that I don't know what to do with my life,
It hurts not to know what love is,
It hurts your not here right now.

TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 16 February :: 1.09pm

What do they know anyway, no one can really understand me. Don't try you'll only make a fool of yourself. Things happen for a reason... yes. But you don't make them happen for a reason. Love is there or its not. You can't make that happen. You can't make it grow. It has it's own way. People can't be alone. It's fact. And make it sound like that's their choice is bullshit cause they just can't be alone. Even if they wanted to be. Stop pitying yourself, make something of your life. In the things you do, you meet people... you'll meet your love and you'll be happy....but do not search for it. Don't try, cause once it will happen you won't have to try, you'll know its right.

Never does it matter what I say cause it's never used. I can only listen and it has effect. I can only absorb their pain and it's good. I cannot kill myself and they can. I need to help and cannot be helped. I'm not allowed to cut myself, neither are they but they still do it so why shouldn't I?

What does a feeling mean anyway, when you feel can you be 100% its the feeling you think it is? I'm not sure of any feeling I have, sadness mixed with anger, happyness mixed with love. But can you give them those names? I'm not sure about anything... All Im sure is that, I love Gaby... do I need to be sure about anything else? Not really.

TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 15 February :: 11.15pm
:: Mood: Still in shock, perhaps
:: Music: Waking Up Beside You -- Stabbing Westward

Today I was told that I was too pretty to not have a boyfriend.
Do you know how amazingly wonderful that is to hear?
I was just liek.. "Wtf? No I'm not. XD"
And -- it was a guy, too, go figure -- he was liek "PSHAW."
Pretty much.
Just.. amazing.
I'm flipping out -- can you tell?

Today was good..
Nothing really happened that was too eventful..
Michan wasn't here.
I bumped into pretty boy Bertile.. ~drool~
( XD If it's not one, it's another, huh!? )
Spoke French.
Exploded my mind in math.
Won a 10% on a test because I can draw pretty gravestones with crayons in Biology.
Tooted my horn in band.
Actually ate lunch.
Did language in History.
Discussed a nazi comic book in Language.

That was my day. XDD

Oh, and chatted up a storm with good ol' Vince for liek.. an hour and a half ( most literally ) after school.
Waiting for my mom.

I'm really not too mad at Vince or anything.
He wasn't trying to mislead me honestly.
I was the one assuming.



We're doing it.


"Have yoo been ASSUMING again?"

4 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 8 February :: 5.33pm
:: Mood: Whistful
:: Music: Where Soul Meets Body -- Deathcab for Cuties

No Assumptions
Have you ever had that one person at school..?
You've known them for about a year, perhaps, and you two are pretty good friends.
You have some ghey little relationship thing going on like.. 'teacher' to 'student' or 'master' to 'slave', something you joke about whenever you see eachother?
Which really isn't often.
Though when you do see each other, you go "Heeeeey" and give them a hug -- all buddy-buddy.
You've always kind of liked them.
You'd never let them know.

And then one week..
Things seem to change.
You seem to see that person quite a few more times a day, and each time you hug and chat and accompany them on their way to class because you're apparentally going to same way.
Though you've never caught them going that way before..
Anyways, for a week, you see eachother between three or four periods.
You hug.
You walk.
You chat.
Hell, you even make a pact.
"No more assumptions," you both agree, and shake hands on it -- how cute.
You must part now.
You hug again.
You walk your way and they turn sharply to the left, leaving you with the willies.

You can't help assuming.

You see them before seventh all the time, chatting with a group of the gender they belong to by some door.
You identify one of your closer friends - whom happens to be in your next period - and approach.
You know most of them, if not personally then by reputation.
You hug your 'special' friend.
And there you stand.
For two whole minutes.
Your friend's arms around you.
And it could be compared to one of the greatest feelings in the world.

This pre-seventh period holding ritual continues.
From Monday on.
That same Monday, you add a kiss on the cheek with the hug.
You two have been hugging all day - perfectly reasonable, no?
They happily return it, and you're overjoyed.
This continues through the days.
They seem to kiss your cheek rather close to your lips each time..
Odd, no?
You can't help but be excited.


Thursday comes round and the usual hugging and holding.
Now you must go to seventh period.
You kiss them on the cheek.
Though they pull you back.
"Kiss me on the lips," they say, and push their lips against your's.
You must be blushing.
They must be able to hear your heart breaking through your ribs.
Your better-next-period friend pulls you away, you in a fluster of giggles.
You must have a tomato for a face, right?
You sit down in seventh period with the never-ending substitute trauma and begin to work.
Your better-seventh-period-friend -- let's call him Chris Casey -- asks you for a piece of paper.
You oblige simply.
You have plenty and everyone needs paper to work.
Soon, the paper returns.
You blink, reading it over.

"Next time they do that, I think you should shove your tongue down their throat," Chris has scrawled.
You laugh quietly, more to give him the satisfaction that it's funny.
Though you're actually accepting the idea - maybe you will french kiss them next time.
This note-scribbling continues and you end up giving good ol' Chris some sweet advice about some girl named Alyssa, though the whole time.. you're thinking about them.
Their lips.
The feel.
Their warmth.
How you wish you could have stayed a little bit longer.
Maybe you two could go out..


Friday rolls around and you're excited to see them again.
You don't.
You're a bit disappointed - you don't see them all day.
Of course, they're probably absent, you reason with yourself.
Of course they are.
Everyone gets sick.
The weekend.
You laugh and have fun, but you can't wait until Monday.
To see them.

A whole week of hugging and those two little pecks on the lips..
You might just die if you don't see them soon.
Will they be happy to see you?
You hope so.

You assume so.

You tramp to first period, terribly tired.
And you see them.
You smile.
But.. they are with..
Some girl named Alyssa?
You can't help staring, they're leagues ahead of you in the hall.
A pang of jealousy strikes your heart.
She's new, you remind yourself, they're.. probably just helping her?
You nod to yourself.
That's it.
That's all.

You assume.

They stop at the door.
Your heart stops as well.
For they now hold eachother, sharing that same embrace as you had with them.
And you could swear you had died, even if it was just a hug.
They walk away and Alyssa enters the building.
You quickly hang your head, pretending you hadn't seen, continually sauntering.
They walk right past you.
They don't even see you.
Monday continues dully and you are forced to forget this trauma due to a terrible head cold.
Tuesday rolls around.
FCAT Writes.
You have to write an essay about how you'd make a classroom more comfortable.
You scribble in your testing book while you wait for the time limit to be called.

"No assumptions"

That's what you wrote, remembering the hand shake fondly.
You smile.
This is your pact.
It's special.
Though you've already broken it so many times.
I wish you could notice..
But you will.
The rest of the time limits tick on by, you are now discreetly picking your nose with a tissue to keep from dripping mucous all over your test.
Soon you're in fifth period.
Sixth period.
Pre-seventh period..
You wander out into the hall, looking for the casual group, Chris, and maybe 'them'.
And there you see them.
With some-girl-named-Alyssa.
Who is new.
They're holding her just like they held you four days ago.
You don't spot Chris.
You sulk into class, down-heartened, but your favorite teacher's back!

It's after school.
You're walking with your jolly old chums to the after-school hang out.
A supermarket.
You guys are sooo cool.
And then they walk up.
With Frank.
That cool guy with the Emily the Strange guitar.
They say "Oh, hey."
You say "Hi.."
No hug.
He doesn't even really seem to notice you.
You shrug it off.
It must have been an in-depth conversation.

You assume.

It's about some girl they wanted to date.
But she was just too immature for them.
"Just a fuckin' kid," they swear.
You hope to all hell and heaven combined that he hasn't said anything like that about you.
You aren't 'just a fuckin' kid'.

You assume.

You sit next to the supermarket with your life-source, Dr. Pepper.
You remember passing some-girl-named-Alyssa-who-is-new on your way to the machine.
You hope she hadn't seen them.
They - them and Frank - casually sit about five feet away.
They don't notice you.
Of course not.
But just your luck.
Here comes some-girl-named-Alyssa-who-is-new.
You swallow hard, watching them hug.
She goes and sits on a short pillar.
They go to her.
They stand..
Inbetween her legs.
You cough - of course, it's alright, you're sick.
You try to pay attention to your friends, but you can't.
You glance over again, and..

They're kissing.
So close.
You feel like you could cry, but you force yourself to look away.
You're shattered.
And then you noticed..

You assumed.

You assumed everything.

You don't deserve them!
You can't even keep a simple pact!
You're worthless!

In the end, you're drawing.
To get out the petty pain you feel.
You look over your work, a nice little message scrawled to them on the bottom.
It's beautiful.
It matches.
It's your feelings.
Maybe you'll give it to them.
Maybe you'll be able to let go..
You reread the message of the picture.
You can't help but read out loud.

Dear Vince,

Thanks for playing.

No assumptions,

7 tears | TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 7 February :: 3.38pm

I don't wanna be nice only gives trouble. People start cutting themselves and theres nothing I can do about it. If I leave them alone they will do it even faster, so I'll just have to sit there watch them do it. ITS NOT A FUCKING JOKE TO CUT YOURSELF! You goddamn cowards...if you wanna kill yourself FINE!! I'm done with this shit. You bunch of pathetic motherfuckers thinking OOoooo everything is so bad!!!!! GET A FUCKING HOLD OF YOURSELF...that's life and it sucks. Get over it and move one goddamnit. Do you think everyone else is having the time of their life? Hell fuck yeah some do but there are also lotsa who'd wanna do the same as you and give up but they don't....that's why you suck and they don't. Do you understand that?? DO YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND THAT?! I don't think you do. Fuck you.

TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...


:: 2006 1 February :: 11.14pm
:: Music: Chevelle - Send the Pain Below

It's been some time since I've felt so shit. Just wished I was somewhere else right now away from all the shit that's going on. No more worries. I'm going crazy from daily routines, but people say I just gotta do it. It's not just.....
It's so much like suffocating. Just go no freedom to breath and I need that so much. People sometimes tell me how great I am. It doesn't make sense. I love it when I get e-mails from Gaby, but I miss her so much. People say emo's are fucking cry babies...why isn't it allowed to cry? Do I just gotta suck it up? Sure I can suck it up and take it out on those motherfuckers who keeps saying shit that crying isn't allowed. I'll rip their fucking hearts out and scream at them so long till I lose my fucking voice. Something like that is inside me waiting to come out. I'm gonna do something sometime but I don't know what. I'm scared. What is gonna happen. It felt good to hear that Gaby actually skipped a day of school, maybe cause I skip school sometimes aswell. If she does it to then it doesn't seem to bad to skip school either and it just takes away a bit of my guilt. Because I care what she does and thinks makes me realize that I love her. Not on purpose, un-aware. I'll love her no matter what.
Are dreams really dreams if you can't even remember them? I'd love to remember a dream again. At least something nice that happens, it doesnt have to be real or making sense...just for that little while something nice, and I'd enjoy it so much. At least something nice in all this shit. A deep breath.

TeArS i'Ve CrIeD... | Random Journal