0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0
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2006 31 January :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: Sickeh
:: Music: Sniffles
Thank God for huge-ass shirts..
'Cause apparentally my fly was down all day.
o-----o
<3
1 tear |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0
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2006 30 January :: 8.15pm
:: Mood: Gigglesnort
:: Music: Jade - "BEE!"
ZE OHMIGAUCHE.
"She's like a midget. It's great."
1 tear |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2006 29 January :: 1.24am
:: Music: Matchbook Romance - Monster
DUDE! I am stuffed! I had way too much coke and chicken nuggets...damn those things fill fast not to mention the other fast food crap. I know I know its all bad for my health but I can't be bothered right now.
One thing I hate the most at the moment. That Gaby isn't with me.
I love someone who ain't here. It sucks...
Ah well. Good night.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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lilkristen
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2006 24 January :: 9.43pm
its been awhile..
1 tear |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0
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2006 24 January :: 8.36pm
:: Mood: Horny/informed
:: Music: FFTL
LE XD.
The Correct Way to Eat a Woman Out
XDDDD
Have fun, guys.
<3
"FTW?!?"
5 tears |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0
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2006 23 January :: 5.27pm
:: Mood: Gnodab
The Exact Oppostie of Badong
Well.
I really like this style.
So.
I'm keeping it.
kthnxbai.
<3
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2006 23 January :: 8.20am
.....I didnt sleep THAT good. You know what sucks about sleeping? You gotta wake up again aswell. I hate mornings, my room is cold, and my bed is so warm...mmhmm...and then you gotta get up and go to school!!! I guess it's normal I guess....blah.... dude I missed my bus by the way o.O... not so kewl. This week is gonna be important, I'll get new project. It's called "Safe School". Me and my project members have to design a website that will include certain theme's, subjects and interviews from people in school. We got like 8 weeks for that. I guess at the end of the project Gaby will be back in Switzerland. This project shouldn't be that cause it's just one thing....at least so I hope... So I can focus all my attention on that one project =) Should a piece a cake. Just gotta get some workshops, start brainstorming et voilá! I'll do my best this time, better to finish it as fast as possible then to wait till the last moment =P But the teachers told us that you won't be able to do much practical work in the start. So anyway I hope this day won't be to bad, the new project group is gonna exist out of 2 people I already know and 1 person I dont know yet, so it shouldn't be THAT dramatic. God I hate these mondays... Ah well I'm awake now. I really need to go to bed earlier....damn that World of Warcraft.
2 tears |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0
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2006 22 January :: 11.03pm
:: Mood: sdasldkj
Hey.. Hey Lon..
Click me. Do it. DO IT NOW.
<3
4 tears |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0
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2006 22 January :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: Umn.. Frusterated? XD
:: Music: Null
I'm Frusterated With..
- life
- school
- the clarinet
- geometry
- my parents
- constant nagging about cleaning
- homework
- reading Sophie's World
- the clarinet
- my dad
- my future
- my inability to keep focused with a computer around
- talking
- expressing my feelings
- the trial to make money
- people saying it's my life when apparentally it's their concern about how I do academically
- people who must know your grades, and then get huffy when you say it's confidential
- ACNE
- my inability to find a mate ( Forget this one. It's ghey. )
- my laziness
- myself. Whenever I say I'll stop something, I'll procrastinate.
- procrastination in general.
- my room
- my dad's buisiness
- history homework
- my jealous tendencies
- my emotions
- my nail-biting habit
- the scales test
- whatever else I'm frusterated with
- wanting to be someone else
- creating my own dimension in the hovel of my room in which I flee too when ever I can.
- how fucking hairy I am. ( "Ewww" I know. Shut the fuck up )
- Ayen
- how quickly time passes
- how stupid people are
- how blue this damn Barbie on my desk is
- this pair of pliers
- my moneylessness
- my need of a job
- the thought of conquest for said job
- the knowledge I need to find some Classifieds
- people always in and out of our house
- all of my dad's family moving to Florida .___.;
- my mom when she yells at me for not loading the dish washer when I do it a hell of a lot. Or when she tells me to do seperate loads when I can just do one and get all my clothes clean at once.
- my brothers. For always ragging on me because I 'don't go outside as much as they do, so I can't boss them around'. Which is really ghey. I never really boss them around, I just ask them to help with some of the chores.
- cracking jokes and people either don't get them or just look annoyed at me
- feelings in general. Whether they're mine or not.
- estrogen.
- testosterone.
- pre-pubescent teenage boys
- Rayna
- Jade and Diego. I love you both, but you just frusterate me. Don't change or anything, I love the shit out of both of you, I just have to write all this stuff down so I can feel better sooner.
- Jade. Yes. I am a bit frusterated with you. I don't know why and it doesn't mean that I love you any less. I'm just frusterated. And don't ask me to explain 'cause that's probably the most damn frusterating part. I don't know. "You can't just say you're frusterated with me, then say you don't know" you're thinking. WELL I CAN. SO MLEH.
- Keith. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO CONFUSING. >-----< GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I WILL KILL YOU.
- this bruise on my arm. THANKS KEITH.
- my legs.
- the prospect of changing my room. It's exciting. I want to do it. But it doesn't look like it's going to happen due to..... PROCRASTINATIONNN. ~killer~
- getting my hopes up. This happens all the time and it only gets me hurt and annoyed more. It's really.. REALLY ghey. And it needs to stop.
Uh.. I think that's it..
I'd rather you not talk to me about this entry, thus I blocked the comments. I was just venting and allowing you to read it.
'Cause I'm good like that.
Yeah.
I shower now. Good bye.
<3
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freaky
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2006 22 January :: 11.43pm
My tummy hurts, but I feel good, I talked to Gaby, she didnt feel so sad anymore, thats good, i dont like to see her sad, not like omg why does she have to be sad again psh...but more that i feel sorry for her feeling sad that kinda "i dont like to see her sad"...you know what i mean? No of course you dont.....Im not suprised no one does...ah well....bed time....im gonna sleep soooooooo goood.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2006 21 January :: 8.58am
I FUCKING HATE MYSELF AND I'M ASKING YOU TO HATE ME ASWELL!
Or are you too fucking stupid to hate me?
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I am worth $1,780,018 on HumanForSale.com
:: Update :: 7:42 pm
She read my e-mail today and she didn't like it...at all. I hurted her feelings by telling what I was thinking. I just need to learn to keep my fucking mouth shut for once. What the fuck is wrong with me?! I wouldn't have mind if she would have gotten pissed off at me, but she was so sad... I could just shoot myself at that moment. Everytime I think about suicide I always here her voice saying "I don't wanna lose you". How can she like me still. God, I just wish I didn't say all the things I thought then I wouldn't hurt her feelings. I hate myself. Why do I gotta be so dumb, so fucking ignorant SO FUCKED UP AT EVERYTHING! I am so not good enough for her... I knew she wasn't gonna like the e-mail but still I e-mailed her. What was I thinking!!! I'm so sorry right now.
P.S. For the asses who read this and think "OMG what a cry baby!". You have no idea what your talking about cause the only thing you probably do is shagging every single person in the clubs you go to and not caring whatever the fuck happens to them next aslong as you can get laid.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2006 19 January :: 12.10am
:: Music: Alkaline Trio - Burn
Alkaline Trio - Burn
There's a lightning storm each and every night
Crashing inside you like motorbikes
We toss and turn, sleep so loud
Grind the teeth in our empty mouths
Our empty
There's a forest fire burning bright
Spreading quickly towards our last rights
Nowhere to run, pointless to hide
Just lay there and scream, pretending to try
Pretending
Intending to burn, pretending to fight it
Everyone learns faster on fire
Things took a turn, lost all desire
You live and you burn
You live and you burn
This impending doom is left deep inside
And it's haunting you each and every night
Like starving wolves, counting sheep
We close our eyes, pretending to sleep
Descending
Intending to burn, pretending to fight it
Everyone learns faster on fire
Things took a turn, lost all desire
You live and you burn
You live and...
Like hell, we are anxiously waiting
Like hell burning silently strong
Somehow we fell down by the wayside
And somehow this hell is home
As we burn, pretending to fight it
Everyone learns faster on fire
Things took a turn, lost all desire
You live and you burn
You live and
Like hell, we are anxiously waiting
Like hell burning silently strong
Somehow we fell down by the wayside
And somehow this hell is home
Right now, this hell is my home
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2006 18 January :: 9.15am
:: Music: Soil - Redefine
It was shiny and bright a few minutes ago, now big gray clouds have blocked the sun and everything went dark. It's weird to see that darkness and light arn't so far away from each other.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2006 17 January :: 11.07pm
You know what would be nice for once, that someone would like me for who I am, and not the way I look. That they arn't scared of me. That they hate me for the way I look or like me for the way I look. That they talk me for the way I look. Just someone who likes me for me. No one has to be scared of. I just look scary that's all. Don't ask me why I look the way I do cause why do you look the way you do? Exactly.
Moslty it's older ladies who think I'm scary, today at the book store they were staring at me again. This lady around 50yrs old, I stared back at her then looked the other way. She had this questioning look in her eyes, maybe even fascinated, who knows. Then this other lady at the counter, she had to be around 60, 70yrs old. She stared at me, but I didn't stare back. I didn't wanna scare her. She was either scared or disgusted by my looks...
I know I shouldn't care what other people think about me. But how can I not care when they stare at me like that?
I think Gaby likes me for who I am, not cause of the way I look. I apreciate that. And yes sure she also likes the way I look, but that's just a bonus =P we can't all be as sexy as me? Hehe nah I'm just kidding...
I love that girl.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2006 16 January :: 12.27am
:: Music: 40 Below Summer - Self Medicate
RANT
Ok I've had enough of this shit!!! You fucking metal heads!!! All this raging and banging frustratingly on your fucking guitars isn't fucking music!!!!!!!!!!! ITS NOISE!!! It's the same as those fucking rap fuckers talking about shit!! Try to put a fucking melodious sound in the music for once AND STOP YOUR IRRITATING SHOUTING!!! How am I supposed to hear your fucking lyrics if I your screaming so fucking loud! "Our music is the best man!" NO YOUR MUSIC ISN'T THE BEST!!! And then there are these fucking morons who actually listen to you that shit!! YOU FREAKING WEEKEND SATANISTS!!!!! If you wanna fool yourself FINE!!! Go ahead but don't start bragging to me about how many shitty speed/black/death metal bands you know ok? I DONT LIKE THAT SHIT.... "Ah man he doesn't like metal then he must be some pop wanker" SHUT THE FUCK UP! You don't know what the fuck your talking about the only thing that you know is to alphabetical sort your goddamn bands!!!! I could care less how many bands you know!!! What are you gonna do, listen to them all at once?! Hell, I'd even imagine one of you fuckers doing that!!! START MAKING MUSIC INSTEAD OF BANGING ON YOUR GUITARS!!!! YOU SUCK... YOU FUCKING SUCK AND YOU HAVE NO LIVES JUST KILL YOURSELVES IF YOU DONT WANNA LIVE BUT DONT BOTHER OUR LIVES WITH YOUR SHITTY NOISES!!!
If I wanna hear damn noises I'll go outside and stand next to shitty highway....good night! And to all you fuckers who like that speed/death/black metal.....go fucking die. I've had enough of pretending I liked the music cause I fucking hate it.
P.S. For the ones who don't like the music I listen to (Ill Nino, Chevelle, Nirvana, Machine Head, Cold, Crossfade, Sevendust, Static-X, Stabbing Westward, Godsmack, Disturbed, Korn, Bloodhound Gang, Audioslave, Seether, etc.), you can all suck my big fat cock!
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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Freaky
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2006 11 January :: 8.55am
A few minutes ago everything was red outside just how my eyes felt...burning of tiredness from everything.
Sometimes I just wanna fall asleep at night and never wake up again. So I guess even if there isn't a God and if I'd die and end up in nothingness it wouldn't be that bad right? On the other hand if there is a God then there is also heaven and hell and if you end up in hell your pretty much fucked.
Everyone is always like "hell is cool, I hope I go to hell, hell is a party!, hell aint that bad!"....fucking morons.
Being consumed by flames licking your bodies for all eternity isnt fun you dumb fucking bastards, and don't think it won't hurt cause your dead already cause it will hurt.
I'm not one of those religious dickheads who try to get you into believing in God and all that shit. If there is hell it's not gonna be fun so don't act all tough and funny about cause it's not.
Sure I pray once in a while, but it's not like I worship God. "ooo God your the greatest, your the best"...no. If God allows all this shit to happen on earth I just cannot think of him in a way to be the greatest. He only has given me life. If I had to worship someone it would be Gaby. No offense God your an ok dude but you just don't do the things that your capable and it bugs me. And satan...well I don't like him, people you don't like you don't talk about.
OK enough theology by Dr. Freaky Freud
Im sitting here at home...its 9am now. I should be shooting some stuff for my 1 minute movie but how weird is it if I'm at the trainstation shooting a film there.... I hate it when people look at me and I just wanna hide somewhere. It doesn't scare me, it just makes me feel really uncomfortable and I don't like that. I don't wanna feel insecure or anything bleh.
To fall asleep and never wake up again.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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Freaky
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2006 2 January :: 12.14am
Happy new year I guess. Never was too font of all that traditional crap. Saying Happy new year to everyone and stuff. If I'm gonna hear someone say it again to me I'll explode. No really I will. My eyeballs will blow up like hot dough in the oven. My head will grow the size of a melon, and eventually..........the inevitable!
Ugh what else is new. One more week of holiday, thats what's new. One problem though, I got 3 projects to finish.
1. 1 minute movie.
2. Putting the website together.
3. Finishing my rotoscope.
And all of this I gotta do in one week. Wow I really messed up didn't I? Well I guess if I messed up I also gotta fix it again. No one ever said it was gonna be easy anyway. BOOYA!
Oh yeah my computer is tottally clean again. I got it re-installed and added another 512mb RAM to it....you should hear my little baby purr like a kitten. Even in world of warcraft, specially in Ironforge my computer could never handle all those people so it would run down to 0.7 fps or something now it just runs around 40fps everywhere!!!! Gaming statisfaction accomplished...wo0t wo0t.
Last night there was so much fireworks damn! I didnt go outside though, just stayed inside this year. None of these things seem much fun anymore without Gaby. I don't blame her for it though. It's just life, I'll get over it.
I just sat in the attic on my moms desk watching the fireworks shoot up from above the houses and explode in so many different colors. There was smoke and noise everywhere. It was so nice to just sit there alone in the dark attic watching all that firework and hearing the noise. A new year had come and I'll make the best of it. No more time to have self-pity. If I want my life to stop sucking I need to work on it. Period.
Good nite you bitches and fuckheads! André is going to sleep.
What? No you can't come with me my in my bed damnit...unless your name is Gaby...*purrrrr*...well you know what I mean!!!! GOOD NITE!
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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Freaky
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2005 15 December :: 3.30pm
This or That Quiz
Agressive or Controlled?
Agressive
Sexual or Romantic?
Romantic
Laid back or Ambitious?
Laid Back
Money or Freedom?
Freedom
Love or Sex?
Love
Looks or Personality?
Personality
Inteligent or Average?
Average
Outgoing or Staying in?
Staying In
Truth or Lies?
Truth
Death or Life?
Death
Guy or Girl?
Girl
GF / BF or Friends?
GF
Literally or Mentally?
Mentally
Kiss or French kiss?
French kiss
Bath or Shower?
Bath
Smile or Cry?
Smile
Pain or Depression?
Pain
White or Black?
Black
Friends or Alone?
Alone
Drugs or Candy?
Candy
Breakfast or Lunch?
Lunch
Books or Practicals?
Practicals
Concert/Party or Movies?
Movies
Long or Short?
Short
1 tear |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2005 11 December :: 11.47pm
Today was rather....I dont know actually. So I got up somewhere in the afternoon. I started working on my portfolio which has to be finished before wednesday. So I'm gonna finish it tomorrow, just gotta write a little bit more in my biography. Well rest of the day I didn't do much. Then there was Bianca and she told me she bought a webcam today. So we both got on webcam. She's a kewl person actually. I don't know her taste for music and I don't really care. She's not boring thats for sure, she's not a total slut either and she can be weird. I don't know, she's just fun to talk to and a nice friend if you ask me. Sammy is a good friend aswell. And well a while ago Dani came back online aswell and talked to me, she said she missed me. Yeah right. I havn't talked to her for ages. Ah well. And Angie havn't talked to her aswell for a long time but talked to her aswell a while ago. Not really the best conversation ever though, I told her I skipped school and she tells me I suck. Well duh...I already was feeling guilty bout the fact that I skipped school and then she comes and tells me that I suck cause of that. That got me pissed so I told her to go fuck herself and signed out. Pfffffffff..... I don't know whats going on lately but all the people that I seemed to talk to on MSN are coming back and I wanna talk to them again. I don't know why. I told myself that I'm gonna work hard, I'm gonna go to school everyday and get good grades. I told myself that I don't suck, I don't feel depressed and I can do all this shit. I don't know if it helped but I sure hope it does. I need to fucking do this. I promised Gaby I would help her get the life she wanted. Freedom. It's harder then I expected and I just hope I can help her. I don't really care bout myself in all this cause I know Gaby will do fine without me aswell. Aslong as I get her that far. Why do I feel so different with her then with any other girl. With every girl I feel like I wanna flirt with them, try turn them on but never really do anything.....but with Gaby I just wanna respect her, give her the feeling that she's someone. I treat her as a person and not as someone to play with. Sometimes I'd wish I could play with her like any other girl but then I know I don't deserve her anymore... that I don't treat her the way I should. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.
It would be kewl if she could tell me some stuff aswell. I don't know, like the way she feels, sinfull feelings. It's like she never does anything wrong....I mean not really wrong. I do wrong stuff....hell, I do wrong stuff. I flirt with girls over the internet, which is wrong since I love Gaby, but it's so much damn fun to play with them. Basiclly just making me a horny bastard. Not that I get into any shit. I mean come on.... I'm an asshole, if Gaby did the same shit to me I'd go nuts of jealousy. So why am I doing what I do? It's not fair to her. I need her to tell me something I can work with. Something that helps me.... something.....ugh I don't even know. Just need something from her.
2 tears |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2005 30 November :: 6.03pm
Finnaly got another message from her. She's just saving money from her cell phone cause her parents got rather pissed from that high phone bill. I understand. I miss her alot and I feel like I'm alone again. I am alone, she's with me in my mind but not here when I need to talk to her. I don't blame her, but it just sucks.
I really hope time passes fast and I'll get to see her again. Untill that time I gotta keep up in school. They really threw me in the deep. 4 projects at once. I don't think I'm gonna be able to twist this into a happy end. But I'll try. And I even fail at that...
At 7 PM I'm gonna visit my mom again in the mental carecenter. Last time they had this shitty karaoke, that sucked. I hope it's just quiet now.
Life really stinks. All I did the rest of the day was play World of Warcraft and chat with someone on MSN. Oh yeah, and I skipped school. Eventhough I am 20, where is my mom, where is my dad? I never really had a youth. It was always full of crap. Nothing really ever went good. I guess that's why I do not wanna grow up. I wish I could do it all over again. Or just quit now and be in Heaven.
I really really want my life to be fun. I wanna live together with Gaby in a nice place. Where we can have what we want. A new home.
2 tears |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2005 23 November :: 9.28pm
Some day she'll forget about me. She start sending less messages and e-mails every week. One month passes, 2 e-mails, another month passes, no e-mails. 2 monts pass....a year passes...still nothing.
She'll forget bout me. I'm just a burden to her holding her back. I feel worthless. I'm a mess. My mom told me bout some girl who tried to kill herself and jumped infront of the train but only got her feet ran off. She said it could happen to anyone...killing themself that is. And I was thinking bout Gaby. I never told my mom Gaby once tried to kill herself. I was thinking I go through quite some shit. But people say I have it good. They say my life is nice. What do they know. Don't talk bout my life as if its yours. Fuck you if you say my life is nice. It pisses me off.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2005 23 November :: 12.47am
:: Music: Bloodhound Gang - The Roof is on Fire
Let the motherfucker burn.
Me that is. Just let me burn.
Cause Gaby messaged me so much with her cellphone, her phone bill got pretty big. Now she probably isn't gonna message me as much anymore. Which sucks ass cause I really like her messages alot. I need them. I mean I need everything I hear from her. I need her.
Am I who I think I am. In that case I'm just a piece of shit. What am I supposed to do. Just wait?... Always waiting and waiting... I'm tired of waiting. Why the fuck do I gotta wait this long?! To show that I really want her? I DONT NEED TO WAIT FOR THAT!!! I just want her.
Fuck it, kill me already.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2005 22 November :: 4.40pm
Default - It only hurts
Can hold my breath only for a little while,
'til reality starts sinking in,
once again I'm settling for second best,
turn the page and skip to the end,
to where I swore that I would try,
since the last time,
I crossed that line in the back of my mind, I know
It only hurts when your eyes are open,
lies get tossed and truth is spoken.
It only hurts when that door gets open,
dreams are lost and hearts are broken.
Miles away promise from a burning bed,
two worlds should never collide.
One word would end it if you ever heard,
tear the page out that reminds me,
when i swore that I'd be strong.
Now the next time has come and gone,
well maybe I'm wrong, I know
It only hurts when your eyes are open,
lies get tossed and truth is spoken.
It only hurts when that door gets open,
dreams are lost and hearts are broken.
I know what your feeling,
it's hard to believe in someone,
someone who's not there.
I know that your waiting,
cause love is worth saving,
but only for so long, so long, so long.
I swore that I would try
since the last time,
the last time.
It only hurts when your eyes are open,
lies get tossed and truth is spoken.
It only hurts when that door gets open,
dreams are lost and hearts are broken.
It only hurts when your eyes are open,
lies get tossed and truth is spoken.
It only hurts when that door gets open,
dreams are lost and hearts are broken.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2005 21 November :: 6.36pm
:: Music: Default - It only hurts.mp3
Why does she like me if no one ever likes me? From all the people she's the only one who likes me...why? I'm not nice, I'm not funny, I'm not even there with you. Why why why.
I hate me. I'm not nice. I'm a total asshole. This afternoon at school, some ass had on his msn and had a girl on the webcam. So when he turned the cam at me I just put up my finger. Fuck it.
Some dumb dutch bitch on the other side. Who cares.
The weather today made me just sickly depressed. I really felt, still kinda feel like dying. I know Gaby is there in India, waiting for to come home again. But she isn't here. It's bad. It sucks. It feels terrible. I just wanna die you know. She'd probably be better of without me aswell. She's fucking pretty, she could have had way more boyfriend's then just me. Why do you even like me, I'm dirt. So worthless. Sure she'd be sad if she found out that I'm dead, but then she'll forget bout me and move on with her life. She'd be more free, she wouldnt have to spend money on me anymore, she wouldn't have to miss me anymore, she wouldnt have to worry bout me being happy or not. What good things do I give her? I just keep her down, she could be amazing. She could be someone important, popular. But I just hold her back...
I'm a fucking idiot.... I should never have said that I loved you... then you wouldn't be stuck with me now... what have I done...
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2005 20 November :: 7.52pm
 |
HO-LY-SHIT! Just 4 words "Oh my fucking God". If this movie was gonna be more exciting I'd be shiting my pants in 10 different colors!!! From beginning till the end this movie was fenominal. I'd scale it a 9 out of 1-10.
I'm glad I'd get to watch this movie. That was something I really did not wanna miss. |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2005 20 November :: 12.29am
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Bruce Willis playing Hartigan. I wish I was him in that movie. I wish I could have his life. The movie was nice. I liked to watch it. Wished it could last longer. He saved her when she was 11. She loved him. 8 years later shes 19 and she still loves him. He saved her again. The only way to make sure she stays save. He kills himself. Giving up her. It was meant to be. It was perfect.
I'd kill myself for you Gaby if it would help you. Anything for you. My love of my life.
Madagascar was rather boring in the beginning but as soon as they get stranded on the island, I was laughing my ass off. This was one of the better comdies I've seen in a while. Laughing is good. Keeps you healthy =D |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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Freaky
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2005 19 November :: 1.37pm
Do people actually read this journal? Do people read my opinion about life?
Sometimes I write bullshit, being angry. But sometimes I really do write stuff that makes sense, to me at least. I wanna share that with people, I'd wish they could say to me "Yeah your right"...
And give me the feeling that I'm not tottally wrong about everything. All I got is my own opinions, but what use is that if I can't share it with other people?
"Why Do People Cut Themselves?
It can be hard to understand why people cut themselves on purpose. Cutting is what experts call an unhealthy coping mechanism. This means that the people who do it have not developed healthy ways of dealing with strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship problems. "
Yeah I cut to make myself feel better. The pain distracts me from the shit thats going on somewhere else. I'm starting to cut deeper. I actually hope that I cut so deep sometime that the blood will stream out. It gives a rush but it also just helps me I guess. I don't know why.
It doesn't hurt that much as mental pain. I told Gaby I wouldn't do it anymore... but she said she would quit smoking aswell. I know she quited for a while... but it doesn't matter if she just starts smoking again. Lies.
School isn't fun anymore. Life isn't fun anymore. There isn't anything fun to live for. Except Gaby. I live for her. I'm scared of losing her. She really is something special. She is perfect eventhough she has her flaws. She is more perfect then anyone else.
Seeyeh.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0
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2005 16 November :: 7.46pm
:: Mood: Until the end offff
:: Music: Demolition Lovers Part 1 - MCR
O RLY?
7 tears |
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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Freaky
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2005 16 November :: 12.33am
:: Music: Drowning Pool - Hate
Where are those people who think like me? Are there even people like that? At school I'm supposed to have friends? All they do is make the best of their life just like me... they don't give a shit about me. Everything what's in my head is what matters, everything out there doesn't matter. Gaby's always in my head, she matters alot. Miss her alot. Her kisses are the sweetest. Everyone is taking me away from her. They don't care if I'm with her. They all think I suck aswell. What do they know. I'm fighting against them..those assholes. The whole fucking human race. What the hell was God thinking when he created humans? Everyone is against me and you know what? I don't give a fuck. Assholes. I'll take on everyone. I stand for what I believe in and theres nothing that can pull me down. Fuck you all. Wretched humans in your sick little worlds. None of you deserve to live.
There she stands with her flute,
blowing the tune of my life,
always the same sad tune,
it'll fade away when I die,
then it will be me standing there,
blowing the tune of my soul,
the same sad tune.
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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freaky
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2005 7 November :: 11.18pm
:: Music: Bon Jovi - Ugly.mp3
Just sitting here being tired... man this day sucked. Got this new project today and had to go into a new project group. Beginnings always suck. We didn't do anything at all but just boring our asses off. I prefer my old group. But I guess we have to socialize with different people. And now we have to make some site for some person who wants to sell educational games for kids...... what...the...fuck....
Not to mention this ass who gives JAVA-workshops talks to us as if we already know everything.... this is gonna be such a shit project.
I still have to figure out why I had 3 fails on my report.... so I'll have to get that cleared up soon.
So why would some just start talking to you? I dont know well I could think of a reason but I doubt thats the right reason. So I dont know.
This girl from my class started talking to me, just like
Her: >>Hi
Me: >Ey..
>>How you doing?
>Fine..
>>*stare*
>What?
>>Your always so black.
>Yeah...
And then this guy whom I was waiting for came back and she left.
So weird. I dont understand humans. Sometimes I hate all of them and sometimes I think why do I hate them, their not that bad. I think I'm just confusing myself trying to figure out wether humans are good or bad. Can there be an answer anyway. I dont like humans....
I just like Gaby....alot....very much. Damn I love her. She sended me this funny msg today a picture saying "For you" and it showed this panty thingy hehehe... I laughed my ass off cause it was kinda funny but really cute aswell =P Gaby is the one person I trust my life to, the one person I love, the one person I really truly care about.
I'm so dramatic sometimes *sigh*
TeArS i'Ve CrIeD...
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