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*This could be all I'm waiting for*

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:: 2008 3 July :: 11.31 am

I vacuumed and cleaned out the microwave which made me feel slightly better about how horribly this morning has been going. I'm now very much wishing we had hot water so I could take a damn shower.

I'm very glad that I opted to stay home for the carpet guy. They left the door open the whole damn time which means that Slayer and Stabby would be god knows where at this point, and it would have been my fault. I didn't think about locking them up somewhere until I saw the carpet van thingy in front of our building, and then I was like hm. I should probably put them in the bathroom.

I cleaned the microwave while he was doing his thing, and then I vacuumed after he left. And then I heard from Chassa.

Her mom had a mastectomy not too long ago, and they did a tummy tuck and used the fat from there to make her a new bewb. Well, apparently her incision on her stomach got infected really bad, and it got into her blood. She's currently in ICU unable to breathe without the use of a respirator.

So once again I feel helpless because Chassa pretty much my fucking sister, and I'm here in Michigan unable to be there for her the way I want to be. I'm scared as hell for her mom too because cancer is not something to mess around with. My dad walked down that road, and thankfully he made it through just fine. Not everyone is that lucky though, and I've had bad feelings about this from the start. I'm so scared she's not going to make it, and even more scared about how Chassa is going to handle it if things reach that point.

I've only been up for 3 fucking hours. What else will go wrong? =[

9 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 3 July :: 9.06 am

4 months, yay!

I barely slept at all last night. I had some stupid dream about my teeth falling out, and every time I have a dream like that it really REALLY creeps me out. So I tossed and turned all night long. I was exhausted, but I couldn't manage to actually fall asleep. I kind of slept for an hour or two after Pj left for work, and when my alarm went off, it left me feeling hung over. My eyes are heavy, my muscles are shaky, and I'm crabbier than a mother fucker.

And to top it all off, I have a feeling today is going to go by excruciatingly slow because tomorrow is the start of a 3 day weekend, AND the 4th which is one of my favorite holidays. So of course my silent wish for my day to go by fast will not be granted because I never get that kind of luck.

I'm just tired. And I want to cry. I hate feeling like this.

Oh, and to top it all off, I get to most likely spend the last weekend of July all by my damn self because there's no way I'll be able to go to Farmington for the CQC airsoft game. There's only 3 tellers, and Becky already requested off for that weekend =[ I won't get out of work until 5 or 6, and they're already be there by then. Today sucks. A lot =[

One more edit. To make my morning even worse, we don't have any fucking hot water for the 2nd time in a week. So now I'm just pissed. Pissed. Frustrated. Crying. =[

Oh and the maintenance guy came over at like 10:20am and asked if someone was going to be home so that the carpet cleaning guy was coming over. He had no idea what time the guy was coming, and I said that Pj would for sure be here around 2, but I guess that wasn't good enough. So now here I am. Waiting. Still pissed. Still frustrated. Still on the edge of tears.

pull the pin

:: 2008 2 July :: 8.31 pm

Chase bank in Caledonia is opening up a 20 hour teller position in case anyone is interested. Kthxbai.

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:: 2008 30 June :: 10.27 am

Corny as FUCK, but I still smiled when I heard it =] ILMSH!

We should get jerseys
Cause we make a good team
But yours would look better than mine
Cause you're out of my league

And I know that it's so cliche
To tell you that everyday
I spend with you is the new best day of my life
And everyone watching us
Just turns away with disgust
This jealously
They can see that we've got it going on

I can not wait for a new improved way
To let you know you're more to me than what I know how to say
You're ok with the way this is going to be
Cause this is going to be the best thing we've ever seen

If anyone could make me a better person, you could
All I gotta say is I must have done something good
You came along one day and you rearranged my life
All I gotta say is I must have done something right
I must have done something right

Maybe I'm just lucky
Cause it's hard to believe
That somebody like you'd end up with someone like me
And I know that it's so cliche
To talk about you this way
But I'll push all my inhibitions aside
It's so very obvious
To everyone watching us
That we have got something real good going on

I can not wait for a new improved way
To let you know you're more to me than I know how to say
You're ok with the way this is going to be
Cause this is going to be the best thing that we've ever seen

If anyone could make me a better person, you could
All I gotta say is I must have done something good
You came along one day and you rearranged my life
All I gotta say is I must have done something right
I must have done something right

If anyone could make me a better person, you could
All I gotta say is I must have done something good
You came along one day and you rearranged my life
All I gotta say is I must have done something right
I must have done something right

2 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 30 June :: 9.12 am

I'm only going to say this once.
I have a big problem with unavailable men/boys openly flirting and/or hitting on girls. The question is WHY. Whether you do it publicly or privately where only you two are around, WHY WOULD YOU DO IT. Have you ever thought about how your girlfriend/fiance/wife would feel if she saw it/heard it/found out about it? Have you ever wondered how you would feel if you heard about/saw her saying those things to another guy especially behind your back?

Guys may not always be the jealous types although I do know that some exist, but females are a different story. It hurts--a LOT-- when their significant other flirts with and hits on other females.

Maybe it's just me because Loren did that allllll the time. 3 years of my life that I wasted on hoping he would change. It was enough to completely jade me on the topic, and hearing about guys that do this pisses me off to no end. KNOWING guys that do this is even worse, and it doesn't sit well with me.

I have hopes that I have found a guy who is above all of this, and I don't want to hear 'it's a guy thing,' because that is NOT an acceptable answer. Getting hurt over and over again isn't worth said "guy things."

I wish she would understand that.

pull the pin

:: 2008 28 June :: 6.51 pm

Soooo I learned how to drive a manual transmission car in about 20 minutes. I still need to work on starting from a dead stop, but I'm sure that ownage will come in due time. If it's nice tomorrow, I'll probably beg Pj to take me out again; it's a LOT of fun =D

Funny story.

Pj stole my bowl of spaghettios and made me think that I was actually crazy. I thought I had forgotten where I put it. Kelly checked the fridge and the cupboard, and he made me close and open the microwave again to make sure it didn't magically appear. Pj was awfully quiet through all of this, so finally I was like HEY. What did you do. Aaand there I saw my bowl of spaghettios on my desk. I was laughing so fucking hard and crying because I really thought that I was crazy. You probably would have had to be there to experience the true humor, but it was pretty great.

I called my dad immediately afterwards, and the story made him swell with pride. He was pretty happy that Pj did a good job haha.

Winsauce, and stuff.

I need to go to Barnes and Noble; my book is almost finished.

2 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 26 June :: 7.16 am


How do you think Rick Astley feels knowing that he Rick Rolls hundreds of people every day?

I'm pretty much really glad that it's Thursday and that today is my last day of classroom training. Early lunch today, and as soon as we're done, we'll be able to leave. I just hope that Julian doesn't take for fucking EVER, because I'm ready for the weekend. I get to go to my branch tomorrow and enter my time, which I'm REALLY excited for, and hopefully pick up my pay check and go shopping. Apparently I need black pants with POCKETS. I don't own black pants with pockets. Eff you.

Hopefully I'll get my new check card today for my account that's full of epic winsauce.

Anyway. I need to get ready for work and leave early so I can pick up teh cunt from her hotel like I offered to yesterday after I dropped her off =| Curse me for being so nice, but unfortunately she's going to have to find something to do until her husband can get her, because I can't handle her for that long after class.

Peace homeskillets.

3 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 25 June :: 12.38 pm

I hate the other girl in my class, and I really just want to punch her in the throat so I never have to hear her talk again.

The other guy in my class is pretty um.. well he doesn't seem to catch on too quickly which makes for a really irritating and long day.

I'm REALLY crabby, and I am not looking forward to anyone crossing my goddamn path today.

And Kelly, I cleaned the cat box on my lunch hour, but I'm fairly certain that wasn't the problem. I apologize to you on behalf of the cats.

4 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 25 June :: 7.41 am

I love my Dad a lot, and I'm really glad that he's there for me through all of the crap that I've had to deal with.

Shawn is a gutless pussy whipped sorry excuse for a man. Maybe one day he'll learn to stick up for himself, and not let his mother brainwash him into every decision SHE wants him to make. Or maybe he'll always holy shit.

HOLY SHIT. He's just like Loren. Just. Like. Loren. That's sad. Really sad, even. And kind of funny.

Again I'm finding myself thankful that Pj has a damn good head on his shoulders. Love himmmm.

Go time, imo.

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:: 2008 24 June :: 6.51 am

1. without ever ending; eternally: to last forever.

Yes please!


Pj and/or Kelly:
I need help =[ I can't get Windows Live to install for some ridiculous reason, so if one of you could take a look when you get home and fix it for me, that would be wonderful. I'm really pissed off right now, and I don't particularly want to deal with it when I get home from work. The only thing I can think of as the issue is for the OS requirements, it says XP SP2 or Vista, and after the updates that installed last night, I'm running SP3. I'm at a loss =[ Thanks if you mess around with it, and it will be muchhh appreciated <3 Oh, and can you guys link me to FMF's forums? My mouse like disappears when I try to click on the damn link, so I can't get to it.

Class room training today. Tomorrow. Thursday. WIN. Except for not so much. I'm going to miss my branch =[ I have a lot that I need to learn though, so I suppose it's a good thing, and I'm only on 28th St which is quite a bit closer, so yay for that. I hope this week goes by fast though so that I can learn everything I need to and actually get my own cashbox. I absolutely HATE shadowing people, and I just want to do it on my own. And I want to go up to 32 hours.. maybe Becky will go into early labor *crosses fingers* I'm horrible.

Oh, and a HUGEEEEEEE thank you to Pj and Kelly for getting rid of Vista for me =D I am finally running on XP which is what this machine is built for, and I can already tell it will be on top of its game. Excitement! I just need to install CoD and AoC when I get home which is fail, but whatever.

Go time!

2 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 23 June :: 10.29 am

Blah blah blahhh
I went into the Chase on 28th today. Gag me with a butter knife, please. It was so quiet in there, you could hear the emo kids cutting themselves in the bathroom. =[ I'm glad that I'm at the branch in Caledonia =D <3

My cats are sitting right next to each other staring out the window at a bird; it's fucking cute, and I wish they would stop melting my soul. I know that the second I get up to grab my camera, one or both will move. Whores.

Thanks to everyone at Bill's homecoming party for allowing me to be friend-whorey. You guys are great <3

Oh, and I'm learning how to drive stick this weekend, because we agreed that the next weekend that we had nothing to do, Pj would teach me. =x I'm slightly nervous... I'm sorry if I break your car, SH

5 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 22 June :: 8.37 am

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Michigan?
Friday night couldn't have possibly been better. I met a ton of really awesome people, and again, welcome home Bill =] I'll see you soon!

Yesterday was full of epicsauce aside frommm going to bed at like 415 this morning? I'm tired as fuck, and maybe still sort of drunk? Water ingestion is win, as are bagels to absorb teh liquorz.

Today is going to be hit or miss. I'm running on about 4ish hours of sleep. I'm tired as fuckkk, and I get to spend all day out in the sun taking pictures of the WMIA and FMF boys. I love it, but I don't love it when my eyes feel like they weigh a million tons a piece. Bill will be there though as will the FMF boys aside from my number one DB, so it will be a good time.

I don't think I can remember the last time I had such an amazing weekend. =D

Edit: I miss Chassa. And my parents. I think that a trip back to the homeland should happen soon-ish. We're directly across the lake from them which is all sorts of exciting =D

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:: 2008 20 June :: 7.48 am

Game over.
My subconscious and I are currently not on speaking terms. This is the second morning this week where I have woken up ridiculously upset because of some stupid and random dream, and because I actually shed tears, we're no longer talking.

7 hours until WEEKEND. Yes, I actually kind of get one of those now [even if I ever work on Saturday's, 1:30 leaves me the whole day to do stuff].

Off to work so that I can be in a good mood.
Ilmshsfm, kty.

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:: 2008 19 June :: 9.41 am

Crest Whitestrips are pretty win, except for the bottom one starts to get gooey in the back, which can taste pretty gross =[ I should get more becauseeee I'm a pretty big fan of my teeth being pearly white.

I was in a bad mood when I went to work yesterday.. and it didn't last long by the time I got there lol. I actually got to DO stuff while I was being shadowed, which was awesome. I guess I was the first person to finish the online training, which is good, I think? I wanted to fly through it because I don't learn that way. I need to ACTUALLY be doing stuff to learn it, not just reading and/or watching. I'll get to perform transactions all day today and tomorrow too. Win =D

In other newssss. I'm finally meeting Bill tomorrow which I am equally excited and nervous about =x I think I'm more nervous about feeling out of place, because I'm sure everyone is going to know everyone else, and they're all going to have stuff to talk about, I'll just be standing there.

No one leaves me comments anymore, so you guys SUCK. With the exception of Lizzy who left me a comment yesterday. <3

4 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 18 June :: 9.19 am

I hope it rains.
I'm only happy when it rains

It was a restless night, and I feel like I went head on with a semi.

I get to shadow my mentor today, so I hope my day will go by faster. I LOVE Chase, but I just feel so... off, and I would be perfectly content sleeping/reading the day away and just being by myself. It's probably for the best that I won't be though, because alone time = thinking time, and that's no good. Not today.

The best part about TRULY being in love is that all of those stupid love songs make you think of your significant other. It feels nice, and makes me smile when I'm not feeling on top of my game. I haven't had this since... well, since Loren, I think, and I was 18 when I ended that. God that makes me feel like the last 4 years of my life was wasted, but it wasn't, because without those 4 years, I never would have met Pj. So thanks for that, Shawn; you did well.

Another random.
I'm all of a sudden in love with Paramore, and I thought I hated them? Curse me for not listening to their WHOLE CD instead of judging it by one song; I should know better.

Peace out, homeskillets.

Oh, and this was kinda fun, I guess.

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Wonder Woman
Green Lantern
The Flash
Iron Man
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

2 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 17 June :: 9.40 am

My first day at work was amazingggg. Obviously the continuous computer based learning was pretty boring, but omgggg. By the end of the day, I felt like I've been working their for a LOT longer than one day. Everyone is fucking great, and they're all so laid back and funny.

On a personal note: I have turned into goddamn WEAKSAUCE, and it's becoming unacceptable. I need to get my strength back and stop crying at every little thing =D Yay for walls and the big ass guards I'm putting in place before the walls so they don't get knocked down. I am NOT a softie. I'm just not, so this whole thing is done. For good.

Who ever said crying was an okay [or even a GOOD thing] is sadly mistaken. I've always been the strong one, and that's how it's going to stay.

Now I just need to figure out how to stay strong without pushing everyone/thing away =x

pull the pin

:: 2008 16 June :: 7.53 am

Today is my first day at Chase, and I'm so pumped.
New job.
New environment.
New people.
New genre of work.

I'm FINALLY out of retail, and hopefully I will start to feel like my life is falling back into place. The people that I interviewed with were spectacular, and they seemed really excited to have me on board, so I hope that things go well.

I need a new home. I miss having a place that loves me as much as I love it and them, and I miss having a job that I adore where I can put my whole self into it. My other Best Buy store owned my soul, and it was probably the best feeling ever =] Nothing can ever compare, but I hope Chase comes close because I need this. I need it so much.

Quick weekend update:
It was awesome. Aside from feeling like shit yesterday.. dehydration ftl, imo. Joshie and I polished off a 5th of Jose Black, and I was so wasted. The last few times that I've drank, it hasn't been hard liquor, or at least not that much of it, so that's probably why it hit me so much harder lol. Needless to say, it was a lot of fucking fun apart from the whole crying bit which I'm sick of happening when I drink. I NEVER used to be like that.

Next weekend will probably be even better, so yay for that! Bill's homecoming party is on Friday. FMF's cookout/party is on Saturday [both days will most likely be filled with moderate drinking], and Sunday is another rec game at WMiA's airsoft field. Can't. Fucking. Wait. =D

I still have the best boyfriend [M!!!!] in the world as well as the best brothers [Kelly and Doc], AND the best DB [drinking buddy] that Michigan has to offer.

I love my life, kthxbai.

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:: 2008 13 June :: 9.50 am

Bad dreams ftl.
Last night was horrible. I don't normally remember my dreams, and I'd like to think that my nights are mostly dreamless, however I know for a fact that is never the case as everyone dreams whether they remember them or not.

Unfortunately last night I forgot how to forget.

I was being chased. And it wasn't like someone was right on me, and I was running away, but he knew where I was despite being quite a ways back. It was suffocating, and I wasn't alone. One of the girls I was with, I went to high school with, so that was a little weird because I haven't talked to her in years. We were in this big house that we were trying to get out of, and I woke up right as we found a window to crawl out of. A window that made absolutely no noise when you opened it which is still incredibly annoying. When I woke up, it was a relief. My hands were shaking, and my breath was struggling to steady itself as reality set in. I clung to Pj for dear life and fell asleep again. Once I hit REM sleep, I was back in the dream right at the part where I was climbing out of the window again, and then I woke up. This went on until about 6 in the morning when I was finally able to sleep peacefully.

The last time that I had a bad dream that really shook me up was when I had my wisdom teeth extracted, and I fully blame the pain medication for that. This time I'm not quite sure what was going on, but I keep finding myself sitting or standing perfectly still and looking behind me from time to time with the feeling that someone is watching me or following me.


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:: 2008 11 June :: 12.14 pm

New Kids on the Block? I'm DYING.

When I was a youngin, I was pretty much obsessed with them. I had a NKOTB sleeping bag ffs. And now they're back. THEY'RE BACK?! It seems almost surreal.

Quick update:
-Best Buy screwed me, but that's okay because now I don't have to stress about working another day in that fucking shit hole. My dad even told me to fuck em and not get upset which says a LOT.

-Friday may indeed be the very first airsoft game that I play in, however I make no promises that I will follow through with such things.

-M! =]

That's all. <333

2 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 9 June :: 12.34 pm

This weekend was pretty much amazing =] Saturday we had some alright storms with a ton of rain. We headed over to Doc's for a bit, and when the storms hit, we decided to just wait it out. So I was cuddled up on the couch with my SH, and a blanket while we all watched the weather until around 11pm when we decided to make a break for it while there was a break from the storms.

They have a ridiculously adorable little girl named Aurora that I was pretty amused by lol. She's just starting to walk, so it was a blast to play with her a little bit outside while the guys were talking about airsoft stuff.

On Sunday Pj surprised me with a trip to the zoo in Grand Rapids which was full of win! I've been wanting to go to the zoo for quite a while now, so I was extremely excited when I saw the signs for it. I camera whored a little bit, and was pretty entertained by the tiger and river otter haha. I'll have to upload the pictures I took later today =] After the zoo, Pj took me on a tour of downtown Grand Rapids which was fun. The rest of the afternoon consisted of AoC, CoD, and a short nap, all of which was quite enjoyable =]

4 more days at Best Buy, and I'll finally be done! I have one more closing shift which is tomorrow, and after that no more working past 6! It's very very exciting! It's so hard not to just say eff you and not go into work at all, and I want so badly to blow this week off, but I can't. =[ Damn me for being all responsible and stuff *le sigh* I'm pretty pumped about starting at Chase, and I can't wait for the change in scenery!

Not much else has been going on.. I'm hoping that the rest of this month goes by fast, because I can't wait for the 4th of July!! I hope that the fireworks we end up going to are amazing, and I hope that the weather complies as well. It's my favorite holiday, and I have a feeling that it's going to be even more wonderful because of who I get to spend it with =D I'm also looking forward to all the pictures I'll be taking of the fireworks. The ones I took last year turned out pretty well, so I can't imagine how well these ones will look since the camera I have now is significantly upgraded from what I was using last year.

That's pretty much all I've got =D ilmshsfminef!!!

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:: 2008 2 June :: 10.34 am

I put my two weeks in at Best Buy yesterday, and my last day is the 13th, I think. The schedule for next week wasn't posted yet, soo maybe I won't work on Friday *shrugs* I was SO happy though when I left, and I'm still ridiculously happy lol. I can't wait to start at Chase! I won't work past 630pm any night during the week, and I'll be done by 1pm on Saturday's, Sunday's off, major holidays off, and I won't have to deal with the retail holidays!! I have been wanting a job like this for SO long, and I'm glad that it's going to be with Chase because everyone seems great =D

I decided that I'm going to get the Depo shot instead of doing the pill for birth control. I've been researching it all morning, and I changed up my appointment on Friday so I can get that done instead. Spending $46 every three months vs. $20 every month sounds a LOT better. I'm slightly concerned with some of the side effects, but I'm going to find out from whomever I speak with at Planned Parenthood if there are any vitamins or supplements that I can take to help with preventing those. It will work well with my lifestyle since kids aren't in my future until after/if I get married again, and that [marriage] is far off in the future as well. So I'm good =]

So that's pretty much it. Things are pretty damn great =D

*insert really girlie and giddy stuff here*

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:: 2008 30 May :: 6.34 pm

Ummm I got the job =] June 16th is the first day.


4 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 30 May :: 11.56 am

My interview
Was fucking AMAZING. Again. I interviewed with Becky [HAHAHAHAHAHA yes, this is the 3RD BECKY], and Bob again. And again, laughter ensued. I heard Bob laugh and say "I love it" on more than one occasion, so obviously my bubbly wit completely won him over. I had a feeling things were going to go well because his face lit up when I walked through the door, and that's not something a person can just fake.

Anywayyyy. Becky was pretty awesome, and she seems a little timid compared to the other two Becky's I've been under the supervision of, but that's okay. She was still fun, and she laughed too. =D

I hope to GOD I get this job. Both interviews were just amazing, and I would love to work with both of those two! I'm supposed to hear back from corporate HR in a week or a week and a half, and they also told me that there was probably a 32 hour position opening up too. I'm pretttyyyy sure that they wouldn't tell that to someone that they didn't want to hire unless I'm just completely crazy? lol

So yea. =]

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:: 2008 30 May :: 9.21 am

So. 2nd Chase interview is in an hour, and I'm kind of excited about it.
It's also raining, and I'm really excited about that. All I need now is darker clouds and some lightning to bring on the thunder =]
I pretty much love storms, however now isn't a particularly great day for them considering we are heading out to FMF's field tonight to camp out for the op, Hot Sauce, tomorrow. I'm not at all a fan of mud or being out in the rain longer than I want to be.

Maybe it's not raining out there.

My Slayer kitten is getting noticeably larger, and it's cute =] He's staring out the window and watching it rain as well, so I'm thinking that I'll watch a movie [or Grey's] when I get back and snuggle up with him on the couch. I've been working all week long, and I haven't had any one on one time with him which has been most unfortunate.

I worked last night, and it was the most productive shift that I have ever had at this Best Buy. I managed to get out 2 apps [the BBY card, and RZMC attach which I know is Greek to most of you], and I also got account shield on both which was an even bigger deal to me because financing at my other store was my baby, and I strove for perfection every time an application came my way. I also hit both of my daily goals, core RZ sign ups, as well as my PRP dollar amount. It was extremely satisfying, and Becky was calling me her rockstar all night long which felt so good. Despite the good night I had, I'm still ready to leave and move on. I've been with Best Buy for over a year, and this isn't a store that I want to move up within, and I can't seem to transfer to another one. I'm ready to move away from what's been my home for the last year into something that's a little more reputable. I'm really hoping that I'm offered the job at Chase.

Oh, and one last thing. This.. this is it. He is it. I'm done hoping, wondering, and looking. I'm confident, certain, and ridiculously happy =] I wish he was here to snuggle with me and Slayer, but I know he'll be home before I know it. And kind of random, but I love the mornings when I get to wake up to him even when he's physically not here, and that is what makes today a great day. Ily, msh.

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:: 2008 28 May :: 8.47 am

Pj found my bracelet, and I love him oh so much for it =]

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:: 2008 27 May :: 8.45 am

I looks like it's going to rain, and I hope to god that it does.

Oh, and my gold bracelet that I got from my dad and wear every single day? Gone. I put it on my dresser last night like I do every night before I go to bed, and when I went to grab it and put it on, it's gone. I looked all around where I had it, and I can't find it anywhere.


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:: 2008 23 May :: 12.14 pm

Today is a better day.
Sleep is pretty amazing.
New music in my library is even more amazing.

I can't wait to take more pictures this weekend =D

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