acidtears
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2008 20 July :: 1.27am
:: Mood: blah
Trying to find a balance; I'm trying to find a balance.
Time moves slowly while you're gone.
I haven't heard your voice in quite some time.
But I still see your face, I cannot erase the things you've done
and all the ways you kept me hanging on.
Now you're gone, I've moved on,
and I don't feel so sorry.
Can't you see? I'm bleeding
But I won't bleed anymore.
I've held on for so long - but I had to let you go
at the end of our broken road.
Oh, Alex.
Breathing has never felt so good.
There was a time when I would have slit throats for him, when I would have challenged the very gods of existence for him. And now?
Well, now I can hardly stand to see his name on my cell phone display.
I changed his ringtone because it, simply, drives me nuts.
And it's cruelly funny that it would come to this after so long, when there was a time we didn't believe life existed without one another.
'There was a time,' has become my most revered phrase, right behind my new fav: there will be a time.
Here at c. Jessica Pyne Inc., we're all about the future, now. Looking ahead, living life to the fullest, etc etc.
But I don't need to tell any of you that.
Before, I would divulge my stories and experiences after carefully picking out the undesirable details. Censorship for the unaware, you could say. It was like dumping my purse out for everyone to see the insides but not really, because I'd cleaned it out the day before.
But no more. Now I'm baring all.
Because the embarrassing crumpled gum-stuck receipts and tampons of life are the best parts.
pull the pin
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skife
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2008 20 July :: 1.30am
so i was at work today bitching about tips, and stoner rachel was all like "you should grow some titties" it made me lul a bit
25 days.
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butterfly
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2008 18 July :: 10.13pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Jake playing guitar....
FUCK BALLS.
And then Kelly was gone forever and we never talked.
w00t.
>.<
I can't even call his phone. Last night it was just like, "this mobile user... blah blah blah," and tonight it was busy.
I kind of expected/hoped he would call me back today after I called him like four fucking times, but NOPE.
Ugh.
Anyway, I've decided that I'll just save money here and there, and acquire enough to pay rent for June, July, and August, and still plan on moving in May. There is NO fucking way I can get out of signing the lease. It's not up to me, it's not up to everyone else; my landlord said that us four girls were going to be on it. I can't exactly be like, "oh, no I'm not actually, you're a liarface." I can't really imagine that going over too well.
FUCK. That's how I feel right now. I just want everything to be alright again. And I want to talk to Kelly. He's being elusive and I don't like it. Every damn thing that happened today made me think of him, and I've cried for the past two days. I'm sure I'm getting on everyone's nerves, but omfg. I don't like fights, we've never really had one, and it's not setting well with me.
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phil-himself
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2008 18 July :: 5.44pm
A WoW joke in The Dark Knight?
SO the Joker asks what happens when the [Unstoppable Force] hits the [Immovable Object]. My reply is, Chuck Norris Dies!
2 butterfly nades |
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skife
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2008 18 July :: 5.56am
heath ledger was an amazing joker.
he's also good at making pencil's dissapear.
3 butterfly nades |
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skife
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2008 17 July :: 10.42pm
26 days, I'll strike in about 2 weeks.
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butterfly
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2008 17 July :: 8.03pm
To pJ and Slayer
Okay, I completely understand what ya'll are saying. Yes, it would be more intelligent for me to just move there, but I want to finish school. I don't think anyone is getting that fact; I don't want to quit. I don't like it, and I'll bitch about it, but I want to finish. It's only one more year, and yeah, that's one more year, but I want to finish.
Also, about the money/job thing, there is no way in hell I would let you guys pay shit for me when I move up there. I'm still moving up there, don't doubt that, though I understand that you'd have reason to doubt because I've been rather retarded in my decision making lately, but there isn't any doubt in my mind as to where I belong, so you guys shouldn't worry either.
Also, I'm living right in town, there are seven other people here, and it's going to cost me next to NOTHING to live here. I'm not going to use a bunch of gas because everything and everywhere I would go is right down the street. Therefore, I'll be able to save money and shouldn't need any help when I get there. I don't want help, I don't like help. End of discussion.
I get the questions, and actually expected them sooner than they came. I can not continue living with my parents, for reasons I'd rather not really get into. Things just aren't good there, and that's where I'll leave it. I had to get out of there, and this worked out really fucking well because there's so many people here so it's going to be really cheap.
2 butterfly nades |
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valoth
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2008 17 July :: 3.50pm
Blarg
Jerry, the old guy at the office I really dont like, keeps talking to me about data bases. I honestly think that he keeps thinking Im a developer or something. Hes like "could you do this and with these things I got." When that thing he would like is involving words that have meanings I dont know of in a database system I know minute things about. I dont know SQL code. I dont know what the hell your are talking about. I dont have any background with database stuff. So asking me to do these things is just like ramming my head into the wall. The things he wants involve some prior knowledge on the subject, which I dont have any everyone else here is clear of except him.
/irk
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acidtears
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2008 17 July :: 3.09pm
:: Mood: determined
Begin again.
I'm sitting in Joey's room in Winter Haven, Florida.
He's at work. I just woke up.
It's raining.
See, none of these things mean anything to anyone reading this except for me.
The two years I've waited to see him again are insignificant.
Just like the three years and six months I spent on Alex, only to lose them like paper in an inferno,
Just like the 19 years I've spent on my mother.
My sister.
My life.
And in the end, one realizes that - no matter how many words you put into however many sentences - these things still only matter to you. So you take a step back.
To assess how you're going to deal with these problems.
And you accept the fact that you're going to do it yourself, on your own, the way it should have always been; instead of wasting so much time waiting for someone to come to the rescue.
That was my mistake: waiting to be rescued.
But not any more.
I'm single. I'm enjoying life.
I have the best friends in the world.
..and yeah, I'd fight about it.
Next Tuesday, I'm going home to the most fucked up, but most amazing, family in existence.
Still single.
Still enjoying life.
I'm just amazed at how much it doesn't hurt anymore.
At how ready I was to let go.
2 butterfly nades |
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valoth
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2008 17 July :: 10.24am
Update
Well I havent updated in awhile. So recap time.
The last week in June I got to see Bill again, hung out at his house with everyone playing football most of the evening. Me and PJ took him out to lakeshores field to play airsoft on that sunday. Doc, Prez, and Osiris followed suit. As well as the other FMF members for the morning. The day before that was the cookout at Doc's place with everyone. Good enjoyable day.
Ive been fairly distant with the family. I shouldnt be so distant but I just am. Im not one to reach outwardly for talking. I have managed to make sure that I at least go get my mail and stop to talk to my mom for awhile. Its alot easier to deal with my parents now that Im not in the home.
Weekend of the 4th I stayed home for the most part. Just stopped by the parents house and had friday night pizza with them.
I was going to go airsofting last weekend but sunburn left me defininetly not wanting to do that. So I stayed home again. Im sunburned from going on the tubing trip with PJ's family. Friggin hate sunburn so much.
Relationship: Me and Rachel are still together. Ive been in need of seeing her again. I get fairly emo'esq alot lately. We are both fairly good at keeping busy so talking to her helps ease those wounds for the time being.
It would see she is taking a big step on her end to move out. We talked about it last night, although Im not sure how much got threw to her. She was on crappy internet stolen from neighbors in town. On top of this she had been drinking. We got to talking about her situation and it started to irk me more and more that she was doing this. I should be estatic that she wanted to move out. I should. But the costs of which she is doing it isnt so great. She was told she has to be on the lease and its likely it will be a 1yr lease. I asked her to see if she could be off the lease and just be an occupant. She was like "well I cant do that, I mean I cant just leave them with that higher payment." "Valid point. But do you want to be there for another year?, I responded. She says no. Then is like "we will see more of each other than we ever have this next year." (True-possibly)
[Edward Norton style Self Narration:] Thats about the time I was most irked.
I dont know how to respond to that without getting into a fight and have it end with those words spoken that I know I dont want to hear. Chances are she really doesnt want to say them either.
I just feel like she may be sabotaging herself whenever it gets to be us being close. The date of when we get to be together and not just for a visit seems to just fall farther and farther away.
[ Edward Norton style Self Narration:] And there we go...deep sigh....heavy blank stare into the abyss...yup. 3...2...1....ladies and gentleman emo moment status is a go. I repeat go for emo marker.
Rachel. I know Im asking alot to be with you and be distant from your family. I cannot apologize for that. It just feels like this is turning into perpetual long distance relationship.
EDIT: Im happy for the changes you want to make to better your life in the way you want to do it Rachel, know that first and foremost. Im just afraid you may be getting in over your head with this rent/lease issue.
EDIT 2: One of the guys here at work happened to just quote yoda for no reason and it totally was moment fitting but completely random. "I sense much fear in you...fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate...hate...leads to suffering."
Edit 3: Ugh Im totally not one for arguments. I feel one brooding and nothing has happened yet.
2 butterfly nades |
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skife
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2008 17 July :: 1.31am
:: Mood: pissed off
I missed an amazing photo oppertunity tonight.
drove by rosie's diner at 1:15, noticed all the Neon is still on outside, fly home to get the camera, turn the camera on and nothing, battery is dead :(
Would have been an amazing mustang picture too.
*sigh*
in other news, 27 days left of my scheme, and it seems to be coming together, i just may win yet.
1 butterfly nade |
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butterfly
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2008 16 July :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Rising Down - The Roots
Clean, clean, paint, clean, stain, varnish, clean some more. Sleep a few hours, and get back at it.
That's what my life consists of atm. It's fun though. I can't wait to get moved in here.
...However, there's like a million people that I'm not very comfortable around and I have a feeling they're always going to be over here and it makes me feel weird.
Plus, people don't put the toilet seat down when they flush and it grosses me out. Urine and feces shoots out all over if you don't shut the lid!! Geeze, people need to learn to not be sick.
Um... I was excited that my room was this really dark red/maroon color, but it doesn't match these amazing orange curtains that I have, so I'm going to repaint it.
Actually, I FAIL at painting, so mom's going to.
That's about all... I can't wait to LIVE here. And have internet that I'm not stealing >.> heh
I miss my man =(
6 butterfly nades |
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buttercupistiny
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2008 14 July :: 11.14pm
I can't sleep. I miss you.
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fishyrere
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2008 15 July :: 1.26am
I feel like I'm falling.
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butterfly
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2008 13 July :: 2.22pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Not My Time - 3 Doors Down
Stuffs
We are for sure getting the house. I'm so excited. No one can even fathom the excitement that I have atm.
We have to be moved in by the first, so that gives us like... 18 days? Something like that. This week I think I'll be rather nonexistant. We're going to start cleaning up the house, bleaching everything, mopping, scrubbing... fun stuff. I enjoy doing that stuff. Then we're going to clean up the yard. It's got a pretty decent sized back yard... not that I really care. I'm so not an outdoor-sy person. I hope I don't get stuck mowing too often. I'm not really good at it; I get bored and like day dream and end up doing a shitty job.
Hmm... Johanna is moving. She's like one of my closest friends, though we don't hang out too often anymore, unfortunately. She and her boyfriend, Matt, are moving into a house in Arkansas, to attend U of A. They're leaving on the first, as well. I'm rather depressed about this. Yeah, I could drive down and see her in like one day, but the likelihood of that happening isn't very good. I'm going to be so fucking busy, and gas... yeah. We all know about gas, so I'll leave it at that.
Anyway, I'm probably going to be working on weekends here pretty soon, which is kind of okay, because I hate my stupid sunday school teacher. She's a dumb bitch -_-
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skife
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2008 13 July :: 11.47am
Erin, your not going to get the joke, but.
"YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO RENT HERE ANYMORE!"
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skife
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2008 13 July :: 11.23am
work'd some old job last night, start some new job tomorrow.
Josh is coming over and we're going to do some brodies in his Lincoln
last night was pretty amazing.
other than the 4.5 hours of sleep, i'm doing great.
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skife
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2008 11 July :: 3.34pm
decided to finish cleaning the stang today, cleaned all the shit out, the domelight and map lights both work now, the "ting ting ting" noise when you hit bumps is fixed, it was a lose piece of trim. got that all done and was still a bit bored.
so i polished the keys
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skife
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2008 11 July :: 2.30am
If I wind up dead in the next few weeks
Look to this girl
Erin Marie Crisp
3523 Landsdowne Ct, Pearland, TX 77584
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skife
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2008 11 July :: 12.05am
i feel some woohu drama coming on.....
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butterfly
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2008 10 July :: 7.39pm
Fail.
Today is a pos.
I was picking up the living room, as Taylor sat in front of the television putting away some of the movies that always seem to accumulate on top of the entertainment center, thanks to Trevor. Well, I bent to pick something up behind her, just as she turned to grab another movie, and she elbowed me perfectly, right in the left temple. I passed out, too, which was pretty cool. Ever since then my head has been pounding, my vision is blurry on that side, and my neck hurts from... well I don't know. Maybe from when I fell after passing out? I might have like... idk. Something made it hurt.
Mom and Dad agreed that if my vision doesn't clear up by nine we're going to the hospital to figure shit out. I think I'm fine, just a little rattled.
I answered the phone earlier, and it was for dad so I took it outside to him. Apparently I missed a shingle, and I stepped on a nail. It didn't go all the way in, just enough to make me feel as though I were dying.
If we do go to the hospital, I might inquire about a tetnus shot. Gangreen is so not on the list of things I want.
I got my bill for the fall semester today, and they had me in two classes that I hadn't signed up for, making my billa lot higher than it should have been. I called the office and cleared it up, but the chick was hateful about it, as though it were my fault. I was just hateful back, so whatever. It's taken care of now.
Anyway, MSN is being a hag, so I've really nothing to do. I'm probably going to go take a bubble bath and attempt to relax. Today has been full of fail.
1 butterfly nade |
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buttercupistiny
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2008 10 July :: 3.42am
The Past Three Weeks Have Been Amazing.
But I miss you. and I can't sleep. and I just want to fall asleep in your arms again, and pretend that everything is gonna be okay.
grrr
2 butterfly nades |
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butterfly
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2008 9 July :: 7.51pm
:: Mood: tired
el. oh. el.
I was singing Even Flow earlier, and just a few minutes ago Taylor was like, "eeeven flooow, I don't even know this fucking soong." I laughed forever. It was perfect.
Anyway... We just got our power back on. I don't know why it went away, but it was off for a few hours. Everyone around us lost it too. I was just kind of hanging out with Taylor, then we got really bored, so we decided to go see if there was any mail, or if dad had gotten it. When I opened the mailbox, though, there were a million ants, so we went and got bug spray and killed them. Then we walked all over looking for more and killed them too. I hate ants with a passion. And they freak me out.
Um... I think we're almost kind of done with the roof. My fingers are like fucking raw from taking the nails out of the old shingles, because mom doesn't want to haul them off. She's layering them around the pool, and then she's going to pour gravel on top of them so that there isn't any grass near the pool. I approve of the idea, I just don't like fucking pulling nails out of them. I stabbed my toe yesterday, and my entire foot was sore this morning when I woke up.
It was cool though, cause mom and dad went to Wheaton, and brought me back biscuits and gravey with some bacon. Dad woke me up and gave it to me, along with a cup of coffee. It had been forever since I was given breakfast in bed and it was awesome.
<3 mah fasha.
Anyway, Tessi might break up with Travis, and I just know she's going to want to move in with us when we get the house (which should be pretty soon, probably the end of July/beginning of August). I could not and will not live with her. I'll like... die.
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skife
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2008 9 July :: 1.32am
"It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what? "
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skife
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2008 8 July :: 3.23pm
Okay, so today, i went to vanderhyde bro's ford and found out my seatbelt recall parts we're discontinued, you know... like 10 years ago, recall was in 92 haha.
anyways, they are shipping them up from indiana. should be in next week, woot for seatbelts.
and i applied for work at manpower today, i have to go back for an interview at 1:30pm tomorrow. I desperatally need some work.
4 butterfly nades |
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valoth
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2008 8 July :: 11.44am
Woot! Finally got the okay on full time. Im happy for the moment now.
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