*This could be all I'm waiting for*

5 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 28 July :: 3.37pm

New Wal-Mart cashier, kthx.

I rocked my interview. They loved me. Oh yeah.

6 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 27 July :: 10.08pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Airplanes - Gary Allen

Moved in!
Soo... I was just finishing up a huge ass post when, of course, "Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and needs to close."
Lost it all, which is so full of awesome. Love it.
Anyway, the jist of it was that we're moved in, I hate birds, and our house is awesome, minus the sewer currently being backed up into our fucking basement, and me bitching about never being able to get on while Kell is on.

I have a job interview at one tomorrow at Wal-Mart. I'm excited, even though it's only Wal-Mart. Um.... Yeah.

I think that it was good I moved out of the house before I moved to Michigan. It'll give me a chance to not be so attached to Trevor and everyone else, which is sad, but necessary. Last night, which was our first night in here, I was so completely depressed. I didn't get my goodnight kiss from bub and it just broke my heart. He's so cute and I love him soooo much. It would have killed me to have moved away with as close as I am to him now. I need a little distance there before I can do that.

Um... Yeah. That's pretty much it. Nothing too great has happened, we've just been cleaning and stuff. I do, however, miss Kelly so much. I started sleeping with the shirt I stole from him a couple weeks ago, which might be dumb, but it's the only thing I have of his. I don't have any memories of him here so it's hard and depressing. Plus, Lacey wants to know like everything about him so I've been talking about him for ever and it makes me miss him even more. I cannot wait until us four girls sit down and talk about like what internet provider to get so I can finally just talk to him. I'm going to be so fucking busy when school starts up, I think. I don't know how much time we'll have to talk and that bothers me.

Anyway, that's about all I have. Now I'm going to go look at all the pictures Slayer has =)
<33

**EDIT**
Slayer: You're rather good behind the lens. Also, I am eternally grateful for all the photos of my man, and for the ass shots that you take =)
Love it.

:: 2008 27 July :: 9.06pm

party in newaygo was kind of a flop, everyone was passed out at 11:30 ish and it was a bunch of people younger than me.

andy called me around 12 and i met him at his g/f's place just acrost the river, i got there and fell right asleep.

next day we "did some wheelie's on the thumper" and then went tubing down the little muskegon river, i'm beat now. so yeah, probably hit the bed early tonight.

:: 2008 26 July :: 7.42pm

TO THE WOODS!!!

:: 2008 26 July :: 3.28am

do you ever wonder why you save things from the past that should have been disposed of?

:: 2008 25 July :: 9.30pm

shitty day.

shitty night.

whoop-de-fucking-do

fishyrere

:: 2008 24 July :: 8.34pm

Heather is getting married tomorrow! I'm so excited!!!

windedhero

:: 2008 24 July :: 11.44am

I have found a name for my villain.

Also explains my strip of white eyelashes.

5 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 23 July :: 2.03pm

Motivational Poster

8 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 23 July :: 3.48am

so, i've figured out my relationship problem.

the reason i can't ever get into a relationship that is good anymore is a trust issue, no matter how great the girl is, i don't think i'll ever be able to be in love, i was fucked over once along time ago, and now i've always got my defences up being prepared to shit to hit the fan, its made me cold. No idea how to fix this though.

4 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 22 July :: 2.06pm
:: Mood: bored

I'm stealing my gramma's computer atm. Unfortunately it's full of more fail than mine at home. Uh... I talked to Kell for all of like 10 minutes thanks to continual dissconnects. Gotta love them.
I miss him so much. It's ridiculous being used to talk to each other almost every day, and now for the past like two weeks we've spoken once over the phone for about 15 minutes, and then once online. It's hard. And I read his woohu post about what Mandie said, and yeah... I mean, we don't ever really take too much out on each other, but that fight totally fit the bill for that one.
It was so unlike us to actually be upset with one another, and it freaked me out. I had never been that furious with him. I didn't feel like he knew how I felt and didn't want to take the time to figure it out.
Anyway, it's over now. Things are hopefully back to their good graces.

But yeah, I gotta go. I need to go see my mom at work and then I guess we're going to work upstairs at the house. I'll probably die from heat exhaustion. It's fucking hot as hell upstairs. I guess we could turn the a/c on, but we usually don't because we don't want a ridiculous bill. It's an older house and the cool air will probably seep out of some crack or another.
I love the house though, I'll try to post some pictures relatively soon. First we have to get our shit moved in and get internet.
Ugh, it's like we've been working forever and nothing important is getting accomplished. That's not true, exactly, though, because everything is CLEAN. Anad that's a huge deal to me.

:: 2008 22 July :: 12.04pm

Update
ALrighty so, Im back home again.

The Dark Knight was freaking awesome. I definitly would go see it again. This time I would do Imax though. It needs the bigger screen. The themes and ideals placed into the movie are really dark but very entertainining. The jokers style pulls out the worst in those around him and its good to watch. Grats Heath for the good movie before you were lost. It will be a shame to not have you around for any more of these Batman films.

Ive been fairly busy at work, just more of a hurry up to wait feeling though. We lost one of our developers and it would see the guy I hate, the old guy, is going to be leaving/reretire so I dont have him to irk me on things anymore. Im happy about that. I will miss Enrico, the developer, he was a good guy. Quiet, but easy to talk to, and willing to buy lunch for others. *gotta love free*

I called and talked to Rachel Saturday after getting done with the event earlier that day. I talked to her for awhile and I think we've smoothed things out some. I havent talked to her since then. Shes been really busy though. For instance, when I called she was doing cleaning on the new house shes going to be renting with everyone. -I miss her way too much right now- After I got off the phone with her I was walking back to the campsite and Mandie said "get ur shit unfucked?" I shrugged and said "I think so." Then she said something that struck me and I think its true too. "You two are just fed up with waiting and your taking it out on each other[without knowing it or not.]"

-To be finished-

:: 2008 20 July :: 11.47pm
:: Mood: accomplished

24 days.

progress.

:: 2008 20 July :: 8.38pm

Duckie's -Ohio- Operation: Dirtysandbox*56k users beware!

3 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 20 July :: 1.30am

so i was at work today bitching about tips, and stoner rachel was all like "you should grow some titties" it made me lul a bit

25 days.

:: 2008 18 July :: 10.13pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Jake playing guitar....

FUCK BALLS.
And then Kelly was gone forever and we never talked.
w00t.
>.<

I can't even call his phone. Last night it was just like, "this mobile user... blah blah blah," and tonight it was busy.
I kind of expected/hoped he would call me back today after I called him like four fucking times, but NOPE.
Ugh.

Anyway, I've decided that I'll just save money here and there, and acquire enough to pay rent for June, July, and August, and still plan on moving in May. There is NO fucking way I can get out of signing the lease. It's not up to me, it's not up to everyone else; my landlord said that us four girls were going to be on it. I can't exactly be like, "oh, no I'm not actually, you're a liarface." I can't really imagine that going over too well.

FUCK. That's how I feel right now. I just want everything to be alright again. And I want to talk to Kelly. He's being elusive and I don't like it. Every damn thing that happened today made me think of him, and I've cried for the past two days. I'm sure I'm getting on everyone's nerves, but omfg. I don't like fights, we've never really had one, and it's not setting well with me.

5 butterfly nades | pull the pin

phil-himself

:: 2008 18 July :: 5.44pm

A WoW joke in The Dark Knight?
SO the Joker asks what happens when the [Unstoppable Force] hits the [Immovable Object]. My reply is, Chuck Norris Dies!

4 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 18 July :: 5.56am

heath ledger was an amazing joker.

he's also good at making pencil's dissapear.

:: 2008 17 July :: 10.42pm

26 days, I'll strike in about 2 weeks.

:: 2008 17 July :: 8.03pm

To pJ and Slayer
Okay, I completely understand what ya'll are saying. Yes, it would be more intelligent for me to just move there, but I want to finish school. I don't think anyone is getting that fact; I don't want to quit. I don't like it, and I'll bitch about it, but I want to finish. It's only one more year, and yeah, that's one more year, but I want to finish.
Also, about the money/job thing, there is no way in hell I would let you guys pay shit for me when I move up there. I'm still moving up there, don't doubt that, though I understand that you'd have reason to doubt because I've been rather retarded in my decision making lately, but there isn't any doubt in my mind as to where I belong, so you guys shouldn't worry either.
Also, I'm living right in town, there are seven other people here, and it's going to cost me next to NOTHING to live here. I'm not going to use a bunch of gas because everything and everywhere I would go is right down the street. Therefore, I'll be able to save money and shouldn't need any help when I get there. I don't want help, I don't like help. End of discussion.

I get the questions, and actually expected them sooner than they came. I can not continue living with my parents, for reasons I'd rather not really get into. Things just aren't good there, and that's where I'll leave it. I had to get out of there, and this worked out really fucking well because there's so many people here so it's going to be really cheap.

:: 2008 17 July :: 3.50pm

Blarg
Jerry, the old guy at the office I really dont like, keeps talking to me about data bases. I honestly think that he keeps thinking Im a developer or something. Hes like "could you do this and with these things I got." When that thing he would like is involving words that have meanings I dont know of in a database system I know minute things about. I dont know SQL code. I dont know what the hell your are talking about. I dont have any background with database stuff. So asking me to do these things is just like ramming my head into the wall. The things he wants involve some prior knowledge on the subject, which I dont have any everyone else here is clear of except him.

/irk

:: 2008 17 July :: 10.24am

Update

Well I havent updated in awhile. So recap time.

The last week in June I got to see Bill again, hung out at his house with everyone playing football most of the evening. Me and PJ took him out to lakeshores field to play airsoft on that sunday. Doc, Prez, and Osiris followed suit. As well as the other FMF members for the morning. The day before that was the cookout at Doc's place with everyone. Good enjoyable day.

Ive been fairly distant with the family. I shouldnt be so distant but I just am. Im not one to reach outwardly for talking. I have managed to make sure that I at least go get my mail and stop to talk to my mom for awhile. Its alot easier to deal with my parents now that Im not in the home.

Weekend of the 4th I stayed home for the most part. Just stopped by the parents house and had friday night pizza with them.

I was going to go airsofting last weekend but sunburn left me defininetly not wanting to do that. So I stayed home again. Im sunburned from going on the tubing trip with PJ's family. Friggin hate sunburn so much.

Relationship: Me and Rachel are still together. Ive been in need of seeing her again. I get fairly emo'esq alot lately. We are both fairly good at keeping busy so talking to her helps ease those wounds for the time being.

It would see she is taking a big step on her end to move out. We talked about it last night, although Im not sure how much got threw to her. She was on crappy internet stolen from neighbors in town. On top of this she had been drinking. We got to talking about her situation and it started to irk me more and more that she was doing this. I should be estatic that she wanted to move out. I should. But the costs of which she is doing it isnt so great. She was told she has to be on the lease and its likely it will be a 1yr lease. I asked her to see if she could be off the lease and just be an occupant. She was like "well I cant do that, I mean I cant just leave them with that higher payment." "Valid point. But do you want to be there for another year?, I responded. She says no. Then is like "we will see more of each other than we ever have this next year." (True-possibly)

[Edward Norton style Self Narration:] Thats about the time I was most irked.

I dont know how to respond to that without getting into a fight and have it end with those words spoken that I know I dont want to hear. Chances are she really doesnt want to say them either.

I just feel like she may be sabotaging herself whenever it gets to be us being close. The date of when we get to be together and not just for a visit seems to just fall farther and farther away.

[ Edward Norton style Self Narration:] And there we go...deep sigh....heavy blank stare into the abyss...yup. 3...2...1....ladies and gentleman emo moment status is a go. I repeat go for emo marker.

Rachel. I know Im asking alot to be with you and be distant from your family. I cannot apologize for that. It just feels like this is turning into perpetual long distance relationship.

EDIT: Im happy for the changes you want to make to better your life in the way you want to do it Rachel, know that first and foremost. Im just afraid you may be getting in over your head with this rent/lease issue.

EDIT 2: One of the guys here at work happened to just quote yoda for no reason and it totally was moment fitting but completely random. "I sense much fear in you...fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate...hate...leads to suffering."

Edit 3: Ugh Im totally not one for arguments. I feel one brooding and nothing has happened yet.

1 butterfly nade | pull the pin

:: 2008 17 July :: 1.31am
:: Mood: pissed off

I missed an amazing photo oppertunity tonight.

drove by rosie's diner at 1:15, noticed all the Neon is still on outside, fly home to get the camera, turn the camera on and nothing, battery is dead :(

Would have been an amazing mustang picture too.

*sigh*

in other news, 27 days left of my scheme, and it seems to be coming together, i just may win yet.

6 butterfly nades | pull the pin

:: 2008 16 July :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Rising Down - The Roots

Clean, clean, paint, clean, stain, varnish, clean some more. Sleep a few hours, and get back at it.
That's what my life consists of atm. It's fun though. I can't wait to get moved in here.
...However, there's like a million people that I'm not very comfortable around and I have a feeling they're always going to be over here and it makes me feel weird.
Plus, people don't put the toilet seat down when they flush and it grosses me out. Urine and feces shoots out all over if you don't shut the lid!! Geeze, people need to learn to not be sick.

Um... I was excited that my room was this really dark red/maroon color, but it doesn't match these amazing orange curtains that I have, so I'm going to repaint it.
Actually, I FAIL at painting, so mom's going to.

That's about all... I can't wait to LIVE here. And have internet that I'm not stealing >.> heh
I miss my man =(

buttercupistiny

:: 2008 14 July :: 11.14pm

I can't sleep. I miss you.

1 butterfly nade | pull the pin

fishyrere

:: 2008 15 July :: 1.26am

I feel like I'm falling.

:: 2008 13 July :: 2.22pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Not My Time - 3 Doors Down

Stuffs
We are for sure getting the house. I'm so excited. No one can even fathom the excitement that I have atm.
We have to be moved in by the first, so that gives us like... 18 days? Something like that. This week I think I'll be rather nonexistant. We're going to start cleaning up the house, bleaching everything, mopping, scrubbing... fun stuff. I enjoy doing that stuff. Then we're going to clean up the yard. It's got a pretty decent sized back yard... not that I really care. I'm so not an outdoor-sy person. I hope I don't get stuck mowing too often. I'm not really good at it; I get bored and like day dream and end up doing a shitty job.

Hmm... Johanna is moving. She's like one of my closest friends, though we don't hang out too often anymore, unfortunately. She and her boyfriend, Matt, are moving into a house in Arkansas, to attend U of A. They're leaving on the first, as well. I'm rather depressed about this. Yeah, I could drive down and see her in like one day, but the likelihood of that happening isn't very good. I'm going to be so fucking busy, and gas... yeah. We all know about gas, so I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, I'm probably going to be working on weekends here pretty soon, which is kind of okay, because I hate my stupid sunday school teacher. She's a dumb bitch -_-