*The true nature of a man is decided in the battle between his conscious mind and the desires of his subconscious. The only way to win is to deny the battle.*


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.::Echoing Remorse::.

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:: 2004 4 August :: 1.52 pm

my teeth (well, absent of..) feel better today.. this morning they hurt becuase i wasnt takign the pain medication as i slept.. lol.. but they feel alot better now.. especially with the salt water ive been swishing with.

this morning i ate a omlet. YUM.. lol.. i luv omlets.. and tnight im haveing some egg salad.. thank god for eggs.. lol.. and for me being a skinny as a stick.. so i can each as much eggs as a i want.. lol..

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 4 August :: 2.24 am

Hows that for HTML-ing it up???

yep yep... very purple but i think it looks wicked cooler now.. purple is such a great color.. it sucks how alot of people are afraid of it for some reason.. lol

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 4 August :: 1.14 am

Life is surprisingly painless... lol

well, i got my wisdom teeth out today... i woke up at about 7:45 to leave to Concord Oral Surgery.. adn then i got in the room ... the nurse put a bunch of stuff on me to monitor me (she was wicked cute).. i was like "i dotn have to be afraid of someone one GROSS malesting me.. maybe shell wake me up first!! YAY!. it would only be polite..." JK JK.. and then the dentist came in and put an I.V. in containing some sleepy stuff... and gave me a mask with more oxygen/sleep stuff.... and he was liek "now we are goign slowy get you all sleepy and stuff".. and the next thign i knew i was walkign to the recovery room, and then my memory jumps to me getting into my moms truck.. and then to me sleeping for 4 hours...very blurrly.. but i was wicked lucky.. i have absolutley no puffy-ness.. or anything of that natire.. except the obvious stuff.. like missing my teeth.. but it doesnt really hurt now.. with the pain killers..

i changed around my journal.. and that is a new picture.. except im purple.. and my eyes are alot more greener then they are in real life.. lol. im going to mess around with the HTML alittle i think.. make it look more cool.. its kidna weirdish right now.. i did it in like 2 minutes...

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 31 July :: 11.56 pm

wow.. the commercial for hien-daz ice cream (or somethign like that) is soo cool.. lol.. its soooo dramatic and soo deep.. but its only icecream.. there are soo many artistic camera shots in that commercial.. now i want icecream damn it!. lol.. talkign about tv... another season of Farscape is coming... the last seasons ending was the most crazy ending i have ever seen in my entire life.. soo unexpected.. i still think about it even now... like.. right at the end of the last episode the 2 main characters, who have been seperated by war and such for the enitre series over and over again.. and are in luv.. and happen to be expectign a child.. finally find eachother, and they are out on the water in this boat when Kriten (the guy) ask the lady (forget her name) that they should be together for ever, and he hands her a ring.. and then a space ship shoots out of the clouds and shoots some missile things at them.. and instead of running.. they just give up running and kiss, right as they get disinigrated.. lol.. soo sad....what a way to end a series.. lol..

not much happened today.. all i did was go to work.. and now im home.. thats about it.. lol.. i want it to be tommorrow.. and for my parents to not be home soo i can make some cool pictures for in here freely...but they will be home.. and then the next day though *ponders*.. they wont.. soo i will then i hope..

oh yeah i cant beleive i forgot but last wednesday Alice Cooper was at my work, he saw .. i was like "WOW!!!!!!"... he saw Bourne Supremacy.. (i work at the movie theater for anyone who doesnt know)

3 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 31 July :: 12.13 am

How to make a echoingremorse

5 parts mercy

5 parts arrogance

5 parts joy
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add caring to taste! Do not overindulge!

:: 2004 30 July :: 11.32 pm

good old woohu, home sweet home.. Xanga was ok.. but ya know, the people at woohu are jsut soo great.. i miss you guys. lol.

well, i know i keep saying for the past months. "im goign to make another picture".. but now that im actually writing in my journal.. i feel alot more motivated to. lol. im definetly going to get on that.

sooo much has changed since i last updated.. wow-o.. where to start.. ummm... im not dating Leah anymore.. or did i even right baout her... wow.. i guess i have to back track even more.. haha.. well... me and leah were datign for a while.. and it was going great until summer started.. becuase her mom is crazy and doesnt letter have a bf or hang otu with friends or anything.. soo.. i didnt get to see her for a month.. and then we (mostly her) decided it would be unfair to try to keep it going for another year without seeing eachother... her mom must have a black heart.. or jsut is really protective.. i think shes jsut insanely protective.. leah cant even listen to most music.... or get her liscence.. even though it was for the best.... i still feel bad.. not in a missing her kinda way.. but i feel bad for her.. and how lonely she must be..i wish i could jsut make her feel better somehow.. but its alot harder now that im not sure if she even wants me around..

yeah im nto going to UNH anymore.. im actually going to the NHCTC (the Concord Tech)... and majoring in Web Design.. lol.. an dthen im goign to move onto a 4 year... it will save me alot of money.. and if i end up udderly hating Web Design.. it will be alot easier to fix then at UNH..

its so great!!.. since my mom is like "its my job to put you through school.. especially if its cheap like the tech.", i can put my whole pay check towards my new car.. and yes.. now that i have a whole 2 years to save.. im saving up for a BMW.. preferably a 3 series.. in dark blue with a tan leather interior.. lol.. but they are such beutiful cars, im sure whatever i find will look awsoume..

im getting my wisdom teeth out this coming tuesday( im pretty sure its tuesday).. all 4 of them need to come out.. soo im going to be knocked out times 2.. lol.. first thre giving me an i-v with some sort of sleepy thing.. and then im gettign a mask to.. lol.. and im going to ahve to live off soup and yogurt and pudding for the days afterwards... yuck minus the yogurt and pudding.. lol..

thats about all thats happened.. umm.. my band broke up.. it jsut wasnt working with 40 hour weeks at work..and mike being drunk off his ass 90% of the time.. but atleast now its ended, who knows, i might find some people who are better one day.. though i feel bad for jeremy.. he was an awsoume drummer.. and i dotn understand what happened..

5 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 28 May :: 7.11 pm

i havent updated my woohu or xanga in a long while.. just felt like i might as well do it.. lol..

i got my year book the day before yesterday.. that was cool.. im going to have to get liek everyone to sign it since its my senior year..

i dont have much to say.. haha.. lol.. not much is really going on.. im saving up for a car or truck, and a laptop.. lol.. a cd deck for vehicle too.. since ill be in it for an hour and a half everyday...

wow that picture is old.. the hair in the front of my head is down to my lips.. lol..

3 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 20 May :: 3.45 pm

hey lauren!.. lol.. look im writing in my journal :)..

yeah.. soo... hmm.. where to start.. ummm.. last saturday was prom..i didnt have a date soo it felt kinda awkward.. but then i danced with a couple people and it was all good.. afterwards me and a bunch of friends slept over chris's house.. it was me, chris, ashly, adam, jess, jeremy, katie, and levi... pretty fun..a t first i thought it would be kinda weird.. but it wasnt.. good stuff.. there wasnt any drinking or anything.. though, i must say that would have been fun.. lol...

today was a good day.. lol.. i was just wicked happy and everythign was just like "la la la".. ya know..

tommorrow my Engineering Design and Development class is goign to a material testign lab all day.. to watch them brake stuff.. and then we get all the free pizza we can eat...

oh yeah... that reminds me.. the mayor was supposed to visit my Enginneering class today... but nope....its wicked funny.. half the kids in my class were like "we thought the mayor was a girl".. and yesterday there was an old guy in our class talkign to Mr. Ginty.. and we were like "Mr. Ginty *whispering*, is that the mayor?????"

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 23 April :: 9.28 pm

oh yeah i cant beleive i didnt put it in here... like.. i called this big company in Hudson, NH and was like "Hi, my name is Todd Perkins and im from Merrimack Valley Highschool, ~blah blah blah blah!... could you rapid prototype my design?".. and they were like "sure thing... we can mill it out in hard plastic or mold it or make a metal cast.... just send me the CAM file, heres my email".. sooo yeah... that is soooooooo awsoume.. the company was called SciTech Plastics.. check out there site becuase they are soo awsoume :).. www.scitechplastics.com .im jsut hoping they are harnessing 3d printer technology.. or else they will run into the problems im haveing... im sure they have their ways.. they have pretty state of the art facilities.. and im pretty sure their making me stuff FOR FREE since I said "im from MVHS" and stuff.. and the lady was just like "email me the CAM files and we'll make it.. ".. sooo yeah... if i get a bill for $1000 then ill be like "PROTOTYPE THIS!! *emails a picture of his middle finger*".

1 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 23 April :: 9.01 pm

i feel alot better than i did earlier... everythign is good,, everythign is calm.

i went and picked oput my tux... im going to look pretty sharp.. if im going to ask jayme, i shoudl ask SOON.. lmao.. becuase ive had a big change of heart involveing the matching thing... gotta make sure my vest and tie matches her somewhat... lmao.. since i wasnt sure i just chose a color that matched my eyes.. yay for me.. anyways..

yeah, casual is the key i beleive... i should jsut call her and be like "lets hang out.." and after we have a good time for a while ill just be liek "yeah.... i jsut had this crazy idea.. are you going to prom?".. if she cant or wont.. it will still be fun to see her anyways.. and im sure ill have a good time without haveing a date.. Erich and Mike and Chris and Ashly will be there..

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 23 April :: 5.00 pm
:: Mood: depressed

i guess i have to g get a tux tonight.. becuase everyone at moms work is like "their probly all gone!.. why did you wait soo long!"... like there is plenty of tuxes.. oh well.. might as well get it over with though i wanted to just.. and then i guess they were all fighting over if some part of my tux is supposed to match my dates dress.. i was like "thats a stupid thing to worry about" and i dotn have a date :(. atleast i dont have to worry about being poor i guess.. it would have been nice though, to not be "the lone todd" for one single night in my whole highschool career... just one night....

levi told me a couple days ago "you should ask Jayme".. like that would work.. this is the girl that was like "you need self-help." i deserved it though...i have no idea why levi would say that.. i think she HAS A BF.. and how would i ever ask her... we never hang out.. i havent seen her in like 2 months... it makes me sad..it would be odd to jsut randomly call her and ask that, (even if i actually had her # still) and shes never on AIM anymore.. or maybe she blocked me... on my AIM buddylist my "girl" (girls at school) section is always at zero now a days... they probly ALL blocked me minus ashly.. shes the only girl that is EVER on...

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 17 April :: 10.41 pm

yeah im back... those nachos were kidna gross...

i didnt do much of anyhting today *yawns*.. like.. i woke up.. didnt even eat breakfast... didnt take a shower until 6.. i played guitar for and hour or two... working on jeremy and I's accidently APC like song...by that it i meen its there style... but not as good....

i think im going to cleanup the jam place tommorrow.. it could use some cleaing and re-decerating...i hope its as nice out as it was today.. it was 65 degrees!!! with a warm little breeze!! YEAH!.. lol... its weird though the past couple days ive gone over there... i couldnt feel the music at all.. i hope its not my new amps tone.. i like the new sound but it might be mixing weird with the drums.. its almost liek my amp gets lost in them..

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

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