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Resist much, obey little.

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:: 2011 8 December :: 8.49am
:: Mood: giddy

Guess who has two thumbs and got kissed last night?


2 had an epiphany | do tell


:: 2011 21 November :: 12.04am

My date with Justin was tonight, and it was fantastic. We went to an arcade and played hella fun games. We talked about Star Trek and Skyrim and reading. He picked me up, bought me dinner, and got me an Angry Birds stuffed toy with the tickets we won from the arcade games. When the night was over he walked me back to my door and gave me a hug.

I sent him a text message after he left to thank him again for the date and to say I was looking forward to the next one. He wrote back, "Me too! I'll be in touch. :)"

I'm trying to keep a level head and avoid the rebound trap, but I'm feeling giddy butterflies. I think I might really like him.

do tell


:: 2011 13 November :: 5.44pm

a new chapter
I've met someone.

His name is Justin...my friend Madison has been busily playing matchmmaker behind the scenes and finally introduced us at a video game party on Friday night. It went well, and he called today to ask if he could take me out next weekend. To an arcade. Home run, dude.

I'm...excited! Scared, and wondering if it's a mistake, and still so conflicted on Nathan's account, and afraid of fucking things up...but excited. It's been a long time since I felt butterflies, and I'm going to see where this goes.

1 had an epiphany | do tell


:: 2011 10 November :: 12.47pm

Nathan wrote me back last night to say that while he was willing to talk, he didn't want to be friends.

At first I was angry, oh so angry. But that burned off overnight, and today I'm just in a slump. I suppose I have to accept that I'm just not as important to him as I wish I were--maybe I never was. I feel like this is just one more situation in which he's running away rather than facing something difficult. When it counted, he was never really willing to take the initiative and fight for me. It's a painful realization and it makes me feel pretty worthless.

I don't know how to talk to him without being his friend. We know each other too well to just be acquaintances. And so I wrote him back to say, in essence, "Well, ball's in your court, then; have a nice life."

And now...I don't know where to go from here. I feel like three months ago I lost my boyfriend, and yesterday night I lost my best friend too. I'm getting progressively more alone as the months go by. And my horoscope for today read something like "The more connections you make, the harder it is to hang onto the meaningful ones. Your circle of friends may have expanded, but your circle of close friends may have decreased."

Thanks a lot, downer fortune.

5 had an epiphany | do tell


:: 2011 9 November :: 8.43am

Today is the day. Three months have passed, and the silence is over. I just sent Nathan an e-mail.

do tell


:: 2011 17 October :: 10.57am

I wonder if Nathan misses me.

do tell


:: 2011 7 October :: 8.23am

I think it's time to find a new therapist. The only benefit I'm getting from this one is the prescription, and she's just the go-between on that one anyway. I tell her things and she just stares at me. Doesn't respond. Just stares. It's extremely uncomfortable and I don't know what she wants from me. To eat my brains?

In happier news, I went to a Blink-182 concert, and it was FUCKING AWESOME. I danced my ass off, screamed myself hoarse, and nearly got hit in the face by a flying pair of pants. It was an incredible rush, and the next day I felt tired in a good, worn-out way and not a depressed, hopeless way...first time in months.

2 had an epiphany | do tell

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