Now I'm holding my face in the basement Scratching away for any trace Of affection you will leave Falling victim as the publics prey


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I won't hold on to this

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:: 2007 6 May :: 8.54 pm
:: Mood: my buzz is almost dead
:: Music: something interesting at the coffee shop

Rolling with the Punches.
I haven't updated in months and months. I have been so absorbed in this whole business of making a living and a life, with Dustin. It's definitely drained me. I did not do as well in school as I probably could have because I didn't focus. I'm off of school until the end of June: I am taking one summer course to catch up my chemistry credits. I already had to take Bio twice because I skipped too many classes(including exams) my
first semester.
I just moved on Friday. Almost on a whim, Dustin and I signed a lease for this little apartment near WMU campus two weeks ago and just... moved out. It's hard because we were living with brother in the house my parents own and now he's left with a ditsy, deadbeat 'model' (whom I personally kicked the shit out of one night a couple months back), and her brother. They don't know what he has to go through just to live in that house. It's complicated, I guess.
I haven't really made any friends down here at all. The one time I went out with some of the people I work with, I got everyone kicked out of the bar, and I haven't been invited since. I'm doing a little better at keeping the few friends I've got floating around Grand Rapids (and Chicago), and those are the ones that reall y matter to me; but there are many that I lost touch with and miss :( I don't dwell on it, I try to move forward.

Everything will be fine, it just isn't yet..
Peace, for now.

2 believers | catch a glimpse

:: 2006 29 August :: 11.20 am

I'm here. I'm gone. I've moved into my house in Kzoo. It's nothing exciting at this point. I just got a job at Bob Evans down here and I start Friday. I'm coming to G.Rap. tomorrow night to go clubbing, tentatively. There are many things that I meant to accomplish before I left my hometown that never got done. Ah well. I will see you all again soon.

1 believer | catch a glimpse

:: 2006 30 July :: 10.53 pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Johnny Cash

two more days.. until I am happy once more. I'm a little anxious. I can't believe it's been a month already. My summer has wasted away too quickly. Only twenty-some days until I "blow this joint" called Cedar Springs. I shall never return for more than days at a time. I doubt I'll miss a thing. I hope everything works out.. for me and everyone else.

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:: 2006 16 July :: 10.46 pm

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

Maya Angelou

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:: 2006 2 July :: 2.44 pm
:: Music: Snow Patrol-Set Fire to the Third Bar

Everything is alright. My life is on track, but I still have fun once in a while. I believe that I have grown a lot in the past 6 months. I guess I'm pleased with myself.

I miss my Dustin.

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:: 2006 7 June :: 2.12 am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Snow Patrol - Eyes Open

"You could be happy, and I won't know..."
- Snow Patrol

I really like this new cd. I really like this new laptop. I jinxed myself though. I am no longer blessed. However I only lasted two days on Matt's shit list, while Steve remained two months. hehe.

I really shouldn't be out this late, but hey, free internet is nice. plus delectible(sp.?) coffee drinks. mmm.

P.S. I feel like singing but I'm in public and no one else can hear my music, so they wouldn't understand.

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:: 2006 27 May :: 2.04 pm
:: Music: Muse

I had a nice little vacation this week. It was meant to be for thinking and sorting everything out, but instead it just allowed me to forget about everything that matters. Not as productive, but much more enjoyable. I think I want to go to a different place every week or every other week, just for a couple days or so.

All of my plans for the fall have been a little fucked up thanks to my deadbeat brother (whom I love of course).
Also, I ran into an old friend yesterday and he's totally cool, so I may be seeing more of him in the near future. I'm so blessed. Really, I am.

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:: 2006 10 May :: 7.55 pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Stars

Not much new here. I'm occupied by anticipation. Everything is going to happen soon. Some things I know of and, I'm sure, some I don't.

Right now I'm going to M's to hang with S, where anything could happen. We shall see..

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:: 2006 2 May :: 6.31 pm

my mom bought ping-pong balls today... for playing beer-pong at my open house. seriously.

5 believers | catch a glimpse

:: 2006 24 April :: 7.54 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Earwig- Drag

I don't like the conditions of my life right now. A few weeks ago, it was excellent. Things have changed. It's only a few weeks. And I have a feeling things are about to get a little worse. I'm going to be more lonely for a while, so I apologize if I complain at all. I just can't keep having "friendships" like the ones I have with Torrell and Angie. I know this. I'm putting a stop to it. After I go there once more.

3 believers | catch a glimpse

:: 2006 7 April :: 2.44 pm

Happy Birthday, Stacy!

Happy Birthday, Dustin!

1 believer | catch a glimpse

:: 2006 1 April :: 10.21 am
:: Music: James Blunt- No Bravery

As much as I hate myself, I just realized that I hate everyone else even more. So stop being dumb selfish bitches and do things for the benefit of others.

2 believers | catch a glimpse

:: 2005 8 October :: 12.21 pm
:: Music: NIN

I'm getting better every day.

I finally had a substantial amount of hope built up from Chris's love. Then there was a pep assembly and i was reminded that everyone is essentially identical and i wanted (again) to melt into a state of nonexistance.

I bought nine books this morning. And i'm going shopping later. Chris and I are skipping homecoming to see Hamlet. It should be good.

1 believer | catch a glimpse

:: 2005 11 July :: 12.37 pm
:: Music: Better off Dead

1. Physics - Jungkind
2. JA Economics - Busen
3. AP Statistics - Andrus
4. Into to Drawing/Design - Dufty
5. Bible as/in Lit. - Olsen
6. French II - Schaffer

The only change in my 2nd semester schedule is 2nd hour Hitler, Nazi Germany etc. with Norkus.

2 believers | catch a glimpse

:: 2005 27 June :: 1.08 pm

I just love that look on your face..

the past 18 days seem like months. its lovely.

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