"Sometimes" I'm dreamin about tomorrow, I'm thinkin of yesterday, I consume myself in sorrow this moment in time is what I betray, I am searching for the answers I look around sometimes I get sad, 'Cause I don't know which way to go, I look around sometimes I get sad, 'Cause my life is spinning out of control I never know what you want, I never know what you need, it was different from the start, when you cut me in two I never thought I would bleed, but I am searching for the answers I look around sometimes I get sad, 'Cause I don't know which way to go, I look around sometimes I get sad, 'Cause my life is spinning out of control I will go this alone I don't need nobody's help, I've got to do this myself, Alone, Alone, Alone, Alone I look around sometimes I get sad, 'Cause I don't know which way to go, I look around sometimes I get sad, 'Cause my life is spinning out of control I look around sometimes I get sad, 'Cause I don't know which way to go, I look around sometimes I get sad, 'Cause my life is spinning out of control

 

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And Fire's a Beautiful Sound

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evilgirl28666

:: 2005 4 July :: 11.03pm

so
today was fireworks
and drinking. and josh taking my pot. all of it. and letting like 18people smoke it.
grr
but yeah this is the first time i was drunk or buzzed and didnt passout/forget it heh..
i dont like drinking, nikki saw my boobs.
drinking makes me act stupid and giddy and crazy.
and i dont think before i do something
at least with pot i know wtf is happening if im not completely gone.
i like nikki alot. shes just straight about everything. blah
the fireworks were ok...i dunno

i wish i wasnt cold right now

jon has imed me once two days ago and twice today and i wasnt here to answer it. i would have loved to be with him on the 4th of july.
i didnt get him a birthday present...i think im gonna burn him a cd
(end at 11:06)

(start at 12:00)
just finished putting jons cd together
gotta fix the order of the songs then burn it tommorow
but yeah.....we talked was kinda stupid
hes like oh i g2g
it was like 10mins ago he said that....
GRRRR

turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)


evilgirl28666

:: 2005 4 July :: 12.13am

o0o0o lalala
00.My name be: Alison

01.I've aged: 16 years.

02.I live in: M.A.

03.I want to go to: New Jersey, Ohio, NewYork.

04.My siblings are: None.

05.Things i like are: a.i.m, woohu, hanging out wtih good company, aimlessly walking around.

06.Things i dont like are: drama.

(((..::people::..)))

07.I like people who: Will just be themselves and not stupid.

08.I dont like people who: are fake, stupid, annoying, backstabby, only think for themselves.

09.My favorite person is: bobby/jon/jaycee maybe.

10.I like them because: they are themselves and i can trust them...mostly bobby is the only one who is applicable but thats ok.

11.My least favorite person is: brittney.

12.I dont like them because: shes a bitch.

13.If i could hug someone right now, i would hug: bobby/jon.

14.As far as friends go, i have: figured most of them out.

15.And significant other(s): eh.

(((..::love-life and things::..)))

16.Do you have a crush or boy/girl friend?: Yes.

17.And his/her name would be?: bobby/jon.

18.Do you talk to them often?: bobby mostly everyday...whether its talking or yelling heh...jon...i dunno whenever our paths cross in the universe.

19.How old is she/he?: both 16.

20.How far have you gotten with this person?: no where.

21.How far are you willing to get?: ...

22.Does this person share your interests?: yeah, but not all of them and thats ok.

23.Are you romatically involved with this person or is it just a fling?: im just friends with them i guess.

24.Could you imagine the rest of your life with this person?: dunno.

25.Do you believe in love?: Of course.

26.Do you "love" this person?: no, i think love would only happen if it was returned.

27.Have you noticed that you like this person sporadically or do you love them every second of the day?: everysecond im not mad or jelous heh.

28.Must a kiss be sacred?: depends on situation

29.Must sex be saved for marriage?: " "

31.How long was your longest relationship?: umm...14days?

32.How long was your shortest?: 3days

33.Do you believe in love at 1st sight, or is it just extreme attraction?: Attraction.

34.How would you describe your ideal mate?: eh..just a guy who care understand me.

(((..::religion::..))

35. What is your religion, if any?: eh...nada

36. Do you practice it, or just believe in it strongly?:

37. Do you believe in God,Jesus,Heaven, and Hell?: i dunno..bobby is making it seem like its ok

38. Why do you believe in what you do?: blah

((..::Morally::..))

39.Have you ever been drunk?: Yes.

40.Do you want to get drunk or would you do it again?: Sure.

41.Have you ever done drugs?: yeah.

42.Have you ever stolen/shoplifted?: yeah

43.Have you tried to commit suicide; do you know someone that has?: i have been there...i know a couple people

44.Are you the innocent looking type?: some girl didnt believe i smoked today...first time ever

45.Are you really innocent?: eh...nah.

46.Have you ever cheated on you boyfriend or girlfriend?: never had the chance

47.Are you a virgin?: i refer to myself as the "uber virgin

48.Why or why not?: cuz i havent done nething n im almost 17

49.Are you racist or discriminatory?: eh...i will make comments but i dont really believe in them

50.Have you been skinny dipping?: nope

51.Do you enjoy nudity, whether you are nude, or maybe someone else?: eh

52.Were you caught doing any of these bad things above(i.e. drinking,doing drugs,stealing)?: nope

53.Name some things you have done that you regret: eh...

54.Would you say that you are open-minded?: yeah, i can be

((..::Personality::..))

55.crazy or conserved: depends

56.loud or quiet: depends

57.pretty or ugly: def. ugly

58.over-weight or under-weight: im really fat

59.outgoing or shy: depends

60.emotional or nonemotional: holy fuck i am emotions bitch

61.perverted or pure: perverted

62.simple or complex: complex

((..::Music::..))

63.Do you prefer bands or just singers: both

64.Name some bands or artists that you like: everything but country, and freaky religious music

65.What genres of music would you say you listen to: ^^

66.Do you like certain pop songs that you just think are really catchy: haha yeah

67.Are you in a band: yeah, i guess

68.If not, would you like to be in one:

69.If you were in one, what would you do;if you are, what do you do in the band?: piano/keyboard 7yrs, drums2yrs, guitar n bass random lol

((..::Labels and image/style::..))

70.Do you label people and yourself: i try not to

71.If so, what is your label; if not, how have others labeled you?: i dunno, stoner probably...

72.Do you like the way you look: Nope.

73.What makes the way you look especially unique: umm ill wear like all black one day then be preppy...i dunno. i dont call it posing or nething. i just try to be myself

74.Do you wear ties like avril?: nah..i wanted to before she came around but didnt

75.What do you think of her style?: shes just weird...ill give her good country singer

((..::randomish::..))

76.Do you prefer lots and lots of friends, or a few close ones?: eh...

77.What are your feelings towards rain: love it, cant live without it

78.Who/What gets you really excited when you see them/it: jon/bobby when ever im gonna see them...dunno where they aree. i like seeing jess

79.Do you want something/someone that you can never have: yeah

80.Do you have more guy friends or chick friends: def. more guy friends

81.Have you ever been on a real date: nope...not even a fake one

82.Make out or take out: ...?

83.Whats your best memory: just...being wtih jon or bobby and just having a good time doing nothing

84.Have you ever been accused of being homosexual: yeah, but probably just as a joke

85.Describe one of your embarrassing moments: asking my manager for a pad cuz i forgot i had my peroid

86.Do you like your parents: ...

87.How about slushies, do you like those: umm i guess

88.Do you own a digital camera: yeah but i broke it..or lost it...something

89.Would you write a paper for someone if they paid you: yeah

90.Define "cool": cool is being able to carry yourself in public and not acting stupid or doubting yourself. and other people notice it

91.Have you ever cooked dinner: yup

92.Are you forced to listen to the national anthem every morning at your school: every monday?

93.When you are using a lead pencil, do you let a lot of lead out or just a little: little cuz im afriad it will break

94.What color is your toothbrush: blue and white

95.Have you ever secretly desired to wear a eye patch: nope

96.Do you spit or swallow: umm i dunno. ill tell u when i find out

97.What size underwear do you wear: XXlarge haha

98.Does it really have the same great taste: nah...

99.Slippers or flipflops: flipflops

100.Oddly enough, its over..: took me two dayssssss

turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)


Evilgirl28666

:: 2005 20 June :: 9.17pm

first week of summer vacation...


grounded

1 And the wings that you burn | turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)


Evilgirl28666

:: 2005 17 June :: 10.44am

smoke. drink. forget. repeat.

turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)


Evilgirl28666

:: 2005 5 June :: 8.39pm

step one of getting over bobby

get him to say he wont randomly show up,
but that he has to call and make plans

step two

lie to him when hes free at all costs

i.e. tell him working when he asks to hang out
lie about where the work is located

step three comming soon


))edit on july 12th((
btw...never worked^^
cuz didnt follow through with it

turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)


Evilgirl28666

:: 2005 3 June :: 6.31pm

so yeah
im trying not to like
flip out
before josh n jess n phil get here
holy fuck this is hard
i dunno wtf is going on
and im starting to freak out
this is great
ive gone a week and a day
without the e in cute
wtf
break
from reality
and panic
and all this
fucking ish
and omg
wtf
is going on
i hateneed to cut so fucling bad and i dont want them to come and i chst want to bleeed and wtf blah i dont know amd its like im zonign out of everything and ihtthen im not and i can gear everything and im like seeing bobby fucking everywhere wtf get out of my head and blah i need drugs its like i can see every leav and its blowing and hes not iming me and the other signed offline
and i skpined today i hope they dont find out and give me detention and i need to breathe and be outside and breathing and its not working and i dont know what i was thinking when i thought it was ok and that i could stop and its inda exploding in my face and

breathe

1 And the wings that you burn | turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)


evilgirl28666

:: 2005 1 June :: 8.30pm

everythings ok.

for now

not to be pessimistic

turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)


evilgirl28666

:: 2005 30 May :: 8.52am
:: Mood: cold...then hot...then back to cold
:: Music: imogen heap-hide and seek

i feel like im enjoying the last days im my sanity.

have to work in about an hour
first day heh...


bobby said he would hang out with me this afternoon...
i dont know whether do believe him
seeing as he ditched me, "forgot", or got grounded or some shit
i miss him


had the greatest dream about dave...omg i would have killed to stay it in forever...
eh
jon gets back from camping today...i wonder when...


taking the car too...hope i dont crash





blah

love me love me
say that you'll love me

1 And the wings that you burn | turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)


Evilgirl28666

:: 2005 28 May :: 10.49am
:: Mood: restless

wonderful.

i got my license.
passed my drug test.
got a job.

and someone told the school guidance counceller that im sucidal, depressed and i cut myself.

im so pissed.

tuesday im gonna be called into the office and asked questions...
i have no idea what to say
please...someone help me

2 And the wings that you burn..... | turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)


Evilgirl28666

:: 2005 24 May :: 6.28pm
:: Mood: cold/calm/confused
:: Music: our lady peace theif

sry i just need to get this out


it feels like... a headache in my arm
i dont know

my tree " " had 8 or 9 branches big thick ones, now it has maybe 40 little small slivers that bleed

i think the neosporn helps

i dont knwo
had to get drug tested today for my job that im not gonna get
oh fuckin well
who cares...cuz i dont
its like
stupid
kim doesnt care, only about herself
sometimes i wished that people would just stop being people
and i dont know
maybe im gone
i dont know
the trees are really green and wet
the sun needs to come out
for like
a day and be 80 an warm
bobby asked me to hang out this weekend
i dont know
i want jon to ask me to hang out
and i talked to dave for a little the other day and i dont have a memory

and i dont know whats happening and i cant pretend

1 And the wings that you burn | turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)

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