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as breathe by breathe, I suffocate

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poisonedheart

:: 2009 29 April :: 12.44pm

Goin' to Texas on the 6th.

Will be back on the 9th hopefully.

w00t

1 Black Rose | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2009 12 March :: 3.41pm

Aiko had kittens last night and they're the cutest little things EVER.

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2009 6 March :: 2.53am

I'm thinking that soon I might start updating this in japanese, that way it's like a private diary, but if somebody is really interested, they can figure it out!

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2009 17 February :: 1.42am

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed-upon duties, i.e., the illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every reasonable caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed-upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counterclockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in Step 1 of this document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of commerce and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm."

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2009 8 February :: 2.23pm

Audition tomorrow...I'm so nervous.

10 Black Roses | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2009 30 January :: 4.28pm

I finally got a job interview!

Monday 1PM at Appleway Subaru/Mazda.

Yay.

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2009 28 January :: 8.03pm

I hate job searching.

I've applied for at least 100 jobs in the last few weeks and I haven't gotten a single freaking interview! I'm even applying in other cities now! This is bullshit!

Whatever, once I have some money, I'm leavin' this town and heading down south, setup camp in LA.

4 Black Roses | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 25 December :: 2.33am

Why do I even bother, honestly?

2 Black Roses | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 10 December :: 2.12am

Current Plan
Disappear somewhere around June, set up a new life somewhere out east or in california, let everyone know where I went about six months after that.

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 26 November :: 2.23pm

So excited for thanksgiving.

Food and people, people who will compliment my excellent cooking...yaay.

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 26 October :: 1.35am

I feel so alive! woooo

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 13 October :: 5.41pm

Yay, getting drunk tomorrow, I love alcohol.

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 23 August :: 11.10am

I hate you.

2 Black Roses | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 15 August :: 12.50am

Thank god Joe broke the clippers, I had an uncontrollable urge to shave all the hair off my head, but I've done my scalp using a razor before, it's too annoying with hair longer than stubble, so my eyebrows and hair remains intact, just did normal shave.

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 15 August :: 12.23am

I'm so depressed right now, I just want to find a comfortable hole to go crawl into and die.

1 Black Rose | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 6 August :: 6.01pm

Julius is now a disabled war veteran.
=(

2 Black Roses | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 27 July :: 3.13am

So, everything is transient and meaningless, there's no point to life, yet I think I'll stick around a bit yet.

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 4 June :: 11.19pm

I just realized my life is meaningless and will never have any impact on the world.

Crap.

3 Black Roses | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 2 June :: 10.21pm

I'm thinking of moving away.

I don't know where to, I just want to leave.

1 Black Rose | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 9 May :: 12.05am

Sometimes I just start laughing, I never know why.

Crying too.

4 Black Roses | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 25 April :: 11.37pm

Pictures from last weekend.

http://a869.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/14/l_0c889f09cbb764ad8e6f3686a14e3614.jpg
Brenan blowing a bubble as Jake looks on in wonder

http://a890.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/115/l_32ec4e129fbafb86a828fadc11da2e31.jpg
A bubble I blew resting peacefully on the ground

http://a774.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/18/l_b3ba47be0c5fa7a188cec28952700905.jpg
Different angle, same bubble

http://a11.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/68/l_5d78c932a221c654c0f69ed523951192.jpg
Me, immediately after blowing the pictured bubble, and before exhaling the rest of my lungful of smoke

http://a209.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/44/l_080964d7240de67092ad996302501af0.jpg
Alex popped ze bubble =(....well, actually it popped just before he could poke it.

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 21 April :: 10.06pm

Well, 'twas a nice weekend
I went over to Brenan's house around 1:30ish on Friday, turns out he's rooming with Albert and Jake, which is nice because they're both cool guys that I get along with well.

So we hang out and play video games and shit, after a while of this their neighbor Wes comes over and suggests the idea of partying it up, so we're all like "hellz yeah", so that's how it came about that I'd be staying late there.

So after Wes leaves Sarah shows up and then Albert, Jake and Brenan all leave for different reasons, leaving us alone, I'm still a little awkward around her, it's been a few years now, but I dunno, still in the realm of awkward, so we just looked at some art books and ate popcorn while waiting on them.

After a while of that Brenan and Jake came back and brought Wes with them, so then Jake, Wes and I walked over to the Shell station so Wes could go in and buy a bunch of High Gravity (Horrible, low quality, high alcohol beer) and have us carry it back.

So the rest of that night was basically just being drunk, had a few kinda awkward moments, but overall it was a nice night of drinking, lots of people came and went.

Woke up saturday around noon and watched a few tv shows with brenan and jake, then brenan suggested going to the park to check out the Earth Day festivities, so we walked over there and found out it was just stupid hippies being stupid hippies, so we walked around riverfront for a while, then walked over to Value Village so Brenan could buy pants, he ended up buying like, no normal pants I'm pretty sure, but he got a suit jacket and a full set of scrubs, so we got back to their apartment and I took a shower and they ordered pizza while I was in there.

So, a bit after the pizza shows up, Alex shows up and we're like "Woo, Alex", because he's a fun guy, and he notices Jake's hookah and suggests we buy some shishah and coals, so we walk over to the smoke shop by the plaza to get those, and then get back to the house and smoke copious amounts of hookah, it was pretty fun, we were dipping a piece of vacuum cleaner tube into some soapy water and blowing smoke-filled bubbles, which bounced on the floor and would then sit on it as perfect spheres for a bit before exploding into a perfect ring of smoke, it was really pretty.

After a while of that Alex left, and then Jesse and a couple of her friends showed up and put some marijuana in the hookah, I honestly didn't feel anything from it, but Jesse and her friends were pretty high, so I took that chance to give Jesse an existential crisis by explaining nihilism as the only truth in the universe while she was totally stoned out of her mind.

So after they left Wes came down and smoked some Hookah with us, then we all drifted off to bed.

Then Sunday, Jake, Alex and myself basically just smoked hookah the whole god damn day, we hotboxed the kitchen at one point.

And then today I came home a few hours after waking up, yay.

2 Black Roses | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 7 April :: 9.45am

"Piazza, New York Catcher"


Elope with me Miss Private and we'll sail around the world
I will be your Ferdinand and you my wayward girl
How many nights of talking in hotel rooms can you take?
How many nights of limping round on pagan holidays?
Oh elope with me in private and we'll set something ablaze
A trail for the devil to erase

San Francisco's calling us, the Giants and Mets will play
Piazza, New York catcher, are you straight or are you gay?
We hung about the stadium, we've got no place to stay
We hung about the tenderloin and tenderly you tell
About the saddest book you ever read
It always makes you cry
The statue's crying too and well he may

I love you I've a drowning grip on your adoring face
I love you my responsibility has found a place
Beside you and strong warnings in the guise of gentle words
Come wave upon me from the wider family net absurd
"You'll take care of her, I know it, you will do a better job"
Maybe, but not what she deserves

Elope with me Miss Private and we'll drink ourselves awake
We'll taste the coffee houses and award certificates
A privy seal to keep the feel of 1960 style
We'll comment on the decor and we'll help the passer by
And at dusk when work is over we'll continue the debate
In a borrowed bedroom virginal and spare

The catcher hits for .318 and catches every day
The pitcher puts religion first and rests on holidays
He goes into cathedrals and lies prostrate on the floor
He knows the drink affects his speed he's praying for
a doorway
Back into the life he wants and the confession of the bench
Life outside the diamond is a wrench

I wish that you were here with me to pass the dull weekend
I know it wouldn't come to love, my heroine pretend
A lady stepping from the songs we love until this day
You'd settle for an epitaph like "Walk Away, Renee"
The sun upon the roof in winter will draw you out like
a flower
Meet you at the statue in an hour
Meet you at the statue in an hour

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 12 February :: 10.26pm

http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/1162/1202249698863uc2.jpg

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 11 February :: 8.32pm

"Broken Heart"

I'll start this broken heart
I'll fix it up so it will work again
Better than before
Then I'll star in a mystery
A tragic tale of all that's yet to come
Fingers crossed there will be love

But I get carried away with every day
And every fantasy
the deeper the wound,
the harder I swoon and wish that that was me

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I'm getting used to it, you have to get used to it

I'll devise the best disguise
A brand new look and take them by surprise
They'll never guess what's not inside

I'll express myself with ease,
With confidence and character complete
With fingers crossed they'll talk to me

But I get carried away with every page
In every magazine
The cheaper the thrill
the deeper I fill my head with blasphemy

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I'm getting used to it, you have to get used to it

I'll destroy this useless heart
I'll fuck it up so it'll never beat again
Not just for me but for anyone

But I get carried away
with every phrase and made up malady
The longer I hide behind these lies,
The more I disintegrate

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
You never get used to it, you just have to live with it

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 28 January :: 7.33pm

Well fuck you too bitch.

2 Black Roses | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 27 January :: 12.06am

Dealing with other people is too painful sometimes...I think I'm gonna be reclusive for a while...bye.

2 Black Roses | Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 23 January :: 10.29pm

I think I'm a bad friend.

Every time I talk to somebody from LC since dropping out, they're always saying they miss me, everyone's talking about how they miss me, and everyone else misses me, it's like a giant "we miss nathan"-fest in the japanese room during lunch these days apparently.

And deep down I really don't care, to be honest the only person I've even noticed the absence of in my life is chen chen, I feel sad I don't get to see her every morning, she always brightened my day, but everyone else just doesn't really matter I guess.

Maybe I'm just finally becoming detached like I've always wanted to be.

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2008 10 January :: 6.08pm

I'll be the grapes fermented,
Bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit
Like a perfect gentlemen
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgment's on the brink
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as you're lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change,
We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
The sun will heat the grounds
Under our bare feet in this brand new colony
Everything will change...

Scream the Sorrow..


poisonedheart

:: 2007 20 December :: 12.49am

Sometimes I wish I could fastforward my life.

Skip past all the bullshit of the rest of high school and college, skip right to the part where I leave this town behind forever.

Scream the Sorrow..

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