friends | profile | guestbook

freakishiyk's Journal

recent entries | past entries

:: 2005 24 November :: 12.49 am
:: Mood: why bother?

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I love holidays, I can't help it...don't ask me to do otherwise. Well...except for a few now, like Valentine's Day...I'm kinda dreading it now. Whenever that holiday came around I never really had a boyfriend at that time that I could spend my time with personally, like face-to-face. Except one year but he was sick, and we were never serious it was just buddy-buddy kinda. And last year...well last year hurt. It just seems to get worse as time goes on, so maybe I should just give up on it... maybe just skip it. I mean, I'd love it if Mike did something nice...but he's got too much shit going on. I'll figure out something.

I have a second job now. I'll also be working at Panera Bread with mike on nights and Saturday. I just can't do the overtime at work anymore, it's horrible...but I do make so much more money with it. I'm still debating about it. At least with the warehouse I didn't loose Saturdays and made a lot more than minimum wage. $13.13 an hour vs. $6.25-$6.50 an hour...crap.

I'm just drained lately...It may not sound like a lot compared to other people, but I'm exhausted. I still have to figure out my schooling...there's no way I'm working 2 jobs the rest of my life. That will not happen, I don't care what it takes or what I'll have to's not happening, I work too damn hard right now.

Anyway I gotta wake up fairly early tomorrow and bake brownies so I'm gunna head for bed. Until then...fuck off and have a pleasant tomorrow.

leave a comment

:: 2005 19 November :: 11.28 am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Slipknot- Virus of life

time for an update
Figured if amanda isnt going to update i might as well. we had tickets for nine inch nails and a hurricane fucked that up. buzz bake sale looks like its going to suck so we are not going to bother. so we will go to christmas chaos tour. manda is doing pretty good with her job except they give her alot of over time and she doesnt get to see me for a few days sometimes. plus shes always tired maybe i should pump her full of sugar keep her ass awake. ok well what ever lets see if anyone reads this one...

leave a comment

:: 2005 15 September :: 9.14 pm
:: Mood: sick

one week at a time
Just like the title I have been taking one week at a time. It sucks having to work now. When I was in school I could take off when I was sick...but not here. By the way I'm sick again. It's ok, I'm used to it.
Nothing new has really happened. I went to my very first Ozzfest, and it was great. Mike and I had to leave early because he had a store meeting but it's ok. I do wish he didn't have it though because there was a huge mud pit and the two people I hate most were in it...if he didn't have that store meeting I would have gotten in there chugging huuuge chunks of dirt at them. But luckily Danny (my brother) was in it and actually got one of them for me, right in the face. He's a good brother sometimes.
Anyway, now Mike and I are going to go to a nine inch nails concert, I can't wait. And later that month we're going up to Orlando for Halloween horror night. We're gunna stay the weekend, and his mom's coming with us, she's never been before so this is our birthday present to her. Since we're doing that she said she would pay for a hotel, which is really nice of her.
Hmm what else? friend Ashley got married...but I think I mentioned that before. It's been so long, I can't even remember.
Oh, I'm hoping Mike will come work where I work. He works at Panera Bread right now and we'll never be able to have our own place if he continues to work there. I'll wind up supporting him. Which mom thinks I'm doing now. I'm just helping him pay off the debts caused by the accident. I know they're really not my problem but they affect me too, so I want them done and over with.
There's not much else...I'm planning on getting a tattoo and I think they're over pricing me, but I'm sure you really don't care.
It's 9:33 and I got work tomorrow and I feel like shit so I'm gunna head for bed. Later.

leave a comment

:: 2005 16 July :: 8.57 pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Tommy Boy in the backround

Richard, were you watching spanktravision?
I got the job! I wont be making $9.50 like I thought, but I will be getting $8.75, still very good for a first job. I start this Monday, the only thing I don't like about the job is that I have to wear business attire, but it's worth it.
Mike picked up his new truck today. It's a '93 chevy s10 Blazer, and it's white. It runs really nice, and it's clean inside. It's a little bigger than his last one so it'll take some getting used to, but we both like it.
And speaking of cars I officially got to drive my car for the first time today. It took a little bit to get started because the battery in it isn't made for my car, it was just something to get it back to my house. It's '90 Nissan Maxima, and it's pearl white with a brown interior...and I love it! It's a graduation gift from my dad's boss, so it cost me nothing. Anyway, after we got it to start up I get to take it out and charge it up. It drives so smooth, and it has some real get-up-and-go. Ya just barely tap the gas and it wants to go, I love it.
Plus, now that I have a job I can finally go for my licence, I just gotta get my own insurance and everything now.
Hmm, what else?...Oh my friend Ashley is now married. Her boyfriend, Eric and her got married in June and have officially moved to Daytona. I hope everything works out for them and that we don't lose touch. But I got to be her maid of honor...kinda. They did the court house thing but I get to sign some papers as a witness and I am her best friend, so good enough :D. I'm so very happy for them.
Oh, and back in about...April I think My Omi's (Grandmother in German) house burnt down and now she and my uncle, his wife, and son have to live in this tiny little piece of crap until it's rebuilt, but her insurance company is giving her a hard's a long story. But thank God no one was hurt.
Well, I can't think of what else so add but If I think of anything I can try and come back and edit, if you care. So until then, buh bye.

leave a comment

:: 2005 15 July :: 12.40 am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: the bravery-an honest mistake

hey stranger
It's been so long since I last updated and so much has happened since then. Some good and some bad.
Lets see...I graduated in May and finally made straight A's on my last report card, something I've been trying to do since my grade changed to actual letters and not just "S"'s.
In June my family, Mike, and I went on vacation to Orlando for the week, which was a lot of fun.
Mike got into a car accident Tuesday but thank God he's ok, although his truck isn't. He really loved that truck, but he's getting another one Saturday which is good, but now he's going to have a lot of stuff to pay off, and hopefully the lady in the accident wont sue him. We really can't afford that, especially since him and I are trying to save up to get a place of our own...although my parents completely hate the idea, but I'm sorry I love him and I want to start my own life.
Also, I might have a job...finally. I applied for a job at the company my mom works at and they'll call me tomorrow. If I get it I'll be making $9.50 an hour, not bad huh?
There hasn't been much else...well there has, but I'd rather not mention it, it just hurts too much.
Other than that I'm fine and looking forward to the rest of my summer, and with a job I'll be able to afford to go places...especially the local water park, anyone who knows me know that I love to swim, plus it'll be something Mike and I can do together.
Anyway, I think that's enough for now. I'll try to keep up with this thing but with all the stuff that's been happening, I've just been too busy. Although when you sum it all up on here it really doesn't sound like much...oh well. Until later, byes.

leave a comment

:: 2005 12 April :: 2.16 pm
:: Mood: ok
:: Music: tool-sober

Prom Night
I meant to put this in earlier but oh well. You know how things are.
Saturday was prom night and although the music sucked, as the night went on I had fun. I know Mike was uncomfortable in his tux, but I kept telling him he looked good.
The only think I was disappointed with was the music. All they played was rap, and very very few slow songs, and even those were rap like. I went up to the DJ asking him to play Slipknot-Vermillion pt.2 since it's kinda slow, and he didn't have it, so I went back to Mike and got another song title from him, the DJ didn't have that either but he promised me he'd play something similar and slow. So I said ok and went to sit back down...he didn't playing anything like that, 2 more slow rapish songs, and then back to the up beat stuff. Mike and I just left.
But when we got back to Mike's house he put a cd in the truck, turned it up and he slowed danced with outside. I don't mean to sound mushy, but him doing that for me...i can't even describe how much it meant to me.
Anyway, when we got back to my house it was about 3 am exhausted.

I think that's about it, if I forgot anything I'll add it later, and if I figure out how to I'll post some of the pics up. So until then, bye.

leave a comment

:: 2005 23 March :: 11.45 am
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: Slipknot-Duality

Fuck yea!
Yea, yea. I know I haven't posted for shit in forever but I've just gotta post about last night.

Last night, March 22nd of 2005 I went to my first Slipknot concert, and I say my first because I intend to go to many more now.
At first I just bought the tickets for Mike's birthday, but God it was incredible. I was afraid he wouldn't have as much fun with me around since he knows...everything about them, but he looked pretty happy all the same.
The opening acts were alright but Slipknot was far better.
I left with my feet hurting like hell, my voice cracking a lil bit, and extremely tired...but I'd do it again in a heart beat. Poor Mike nearly lost his voice completely. Can't blame him. Hell, if I knew all the lyrics I might have too.

I was also pissed at first, not really important but for the sake of taking up space I'll mention it. One of the people I hate most was there and she got better seats then us. I wished I could have gotten better seats for him, this was his birthday present. Anyway, I hated the idea of having her in my view, not sure if he noticed or not. But after slipknot came on and the lights were out I didn't care anymore, I couldn't see her anymore so I just had fun.
Something else I just thought of, I think Mike now knows how I feel when ever she's mentioned. I can just mention Gareth and he'll know. Gareth isn't one of my friends, I hate him too, but he made stupid comments about me and Mike like she did and he hates him now.

Anyway, back to the concert....God I had so much fun, I wanna go back, I wanna do it again. Also I wish I could have gotten a shirt. I took out $20, and turns out the cheapest shirt they had was $25...damn. Oh well too late now, doesn't do any good to regret now.
Well, I think that's about it so I'm gunna jet, besides my cereal is getting all mushy now. Later guys.

1 comment | leave a comment

:: 2004 27 December :: 3.37 pm
:: Mood: so/so
:: Music: Crossfade-Cold

Merry Christmas
Now I know it's been a while since I was last on, the site updated quite a bit. Well, it's Christmas break so I should have more time to update if anyone cares to read anymore.

Since I last updated it's just been the same ol' things happening, except for Christmas I got to be in Tampa with Mike. Which was nice because I got to meet his Mom. She was so sweet. But I'd have to say my favorite part of the trip was falling asleep in his arms, as corny and sappy as it may sound to most's just a feeling I didn't wanna let go of. That and I didn't have my parents breathing down my neck the whole time. But it was only for one night, my parents just wouldn't let me stay longer. Something about it being immoral, but it's ok for him to sleep at our house. I guess it's just immoral when they're not around to watch over.

The only time I felt uncomfortable at Mike's mom's house was whenever you walk into the bathroom, there was always the fear of seeing a spider or two. Now, I have no problem with bugs, I'm not the kind of girl who will squirm and scream like a sissy every time I see a bug, but on the other hand...I hate spiders, I can't help it. I guess I have a bad case of Arachnaphobia.

Anyway, I can't wait until Mike gets back home. While I had to come back home Sunday, he has to stay until the 2nd, which is another week without him. I miss him already and I only saw him yesterday.

Anyway, my 18th Birthday is also coming up, on the 13th. Hopefully it will be a happy birthday and not be like all the years past.

Guess I'll cut this entry short, I'm just not in the mood to type right now, plus I gotta get my room clean. It's a mess. I guess that's to be expected when 3 people are living in and out of it (me, Mike, and my little brother Danny) They have the playstation hooked up in there so all their games and dishes and everything else is in there. Hopefully Dan will help. Anyway, I'm not going to bore you anymore so I guess until next time, byes.

leave a comment

:: 2004 5 November :: 11.41 pm
:: Mood: lonely

Again...been a while
I never get a chance to come online and update anymore, so I thought 'what the hell? I'll update now while I have a chance'

Well, last few months haven't been so good. I got the flu really bad (I think I caught it from Mike, and now we keep passing it back and forth to eachother) but for about a month and a half I haven't been able to keep any food down. I currently weigh 125 pounds, last year around this time I weighed 150, yea not good. Lately I've been really weak and I look frail, I'm just loosing weight too rapidly. But luckily last night I was actually able to keep food down and felt a lot better, and today I feel good too. But Mike's still not feeling good, I hope he gets better soon. I wish there was something I could do to help but I haven't really seen much of him that last couple of days.

Another important note. My dad is going to get a gastric bypass (stomach stapled) in about January. I hope he'll be ok. He's been having trouble sleeping and it turns out he has sleep apnea and he was tested and they found out his breathing stopped 86 times in an hour. Not good either. So now he sleep with this little breathing machine and he's feeling a little better. But the doctor told him if he doesn't change his eating habits or get the surgery he'll only have 5 years to live. God, I hope he'll be ok. He had to leave once for 5 months...if he leaves again and doesn't come back I don't know what I'll do. I only have so many people left in my life I truly care about...I don't need to loose more.

Ok...what else? this is too depressing. I wanted to jump Mike's ex so badly today. I was hoping she'd saying something. See, I'm not a violent person, but if you push me, I will push back. I don't know if I've mentioned it or not in this journal but she still loves him and talks about him in 3rd hour only loud enough for me to hear. Only when she mentions him though, other than that I can never hear her. She's already made it clear to Mike she doesn't like me (little Jess has too, another one of Mike's friend I hate, but I'll explain later) I may be sick, but I'll still hit the bitch. Ya know I can't explain how much I hate those two...I wish I could explain it better, but I never was good with words. Ya know, one day I mentioned to Mike that I wish he'd just tell them about us (no, I'm not still bothered by it, or trying to make you look bad, I'm just typing my thoughts, please don't get mad) and he said he'd rather stop talking to both of them than tell them, because it would start shit all over again, and I agreed which is why they still don't know...but he still talks to little Jess not his ex so much, but he still talks to the other one. I never mentioned it because I told him he wouldn't do it. Maybe he forgot? I don't want to tell him 'No you can't talk to her anymore', I just don't do that, but it was his idea. And if he still talks to her, can't I talk to Billy again? (I doubt Billy would want to talk to me though) I know I'm rambling but I just can't explain how much those two bother me. I wish he knew how I felt about it all, without me having to explain it would be so much easier. So...bottom line. I hate them both, I don't want to see them, I don't want to hear about them, and I don't want to know they exist anymore. I'm tired of it, and I'm tired of them.

So yea, other than're pretty much up to speed now. So until next time kitties, bye.

3 comments | leave a comment

:: 2004 24 September :: 10.41 pm
:: Music: Seether-"Broken" (the orignal;))

Times I wish I could fall asleep...and not wake up.
And I do sometimes. You don't feel anything when you're asleep. It's all fake.

I don't know what my deal today is. I'm convinced I have Bipolar. I haven't gone to a psychologist or any kinda of doctor or anything (although my Mom suggested it...guess that's what you get for trying to tell them what goes on in your head, huh?) Anyway, I don't need to pay hundreds of dollars for them to tell me I'm depressed. Thanks, I'm not that stupid, I think I know. Anyway, ever since the thing with dad and the first Mike (I am NOT getting into that) my mood just changes. Sometimes I just wake up and is so depressed. Like now...I'm so depressed I can't even tell you. But I feel incredibly stupid about it. I hate feeling this way, because I don't have a reason to be. The feeling is just so overwhelming sometimes...and Mike just left. It's Friday...he doesn't have to leave until 12, but little Jess called and they're gunna go do stuff with Andy (I saw it coming, honest I did) I just...I didn't want him to go, not while I was feeling like this. When I feel this way I love to have him here and just hang on to him. But instead he thinks I'm mad at him for leaving, which I'm not...I just, I don't know.
Don't think Mike's a bad guy or anything, he made sure I was ok before he left, telling me he loves me and things like that, which is nice. It helps. My pillow still smells like him...God, if I cry again I'm gunna hurt myself. This is nothing, nothing happened, suck it up! Fucking A.

You see, you have to understand something about me. I hate being weak, and having this just pisses me off more. It's pure weakness. I feel weak when I cry, when I'm not strong enough, and I'm beaten, and just things like that. I need to be strong, I want to be strong. But when I feel like this, it just defeats the whole purpose.

Ok, change of subject. We have another Hurricane heading our way. Fucking great. Hurricane Jeanne. Probably another 2 or more weeks without power in my future. You all enjoy your power while you have it. Bastards.

Screw this, I can't do this right now, I've got anger and depression all built up right now, so I'm just going to bed early. Mmm....sleep. Sweet, painless sleep.

1 comment | leave a comment

:: 2004 18 September :: 11.53 am
:: Mood: awake

Been a while
Feels like it's been so long since I last updated. I haven't been able to sign on for the past 2 weeks because I live in West Palm area, where hurricane Frances hit. Took FPL forever to finally put our power back on. It was like every street around mine had power, except my boyfriend's (who's only like 5 streets down). Yea, fun. Well, there was one good thing about it. Mike's been living at my house since the 5th, and had gone home yesterday after work. I loved him being there, I wish he didn't have to go.

I feel guilty about one thing though. I betrayed a really close friend. Let me explain, One day while me and Mike were out and about I was looking over my phone seeing if anyone texted me back ( I had sent a text message to Ashley and Billy) Then I saw, like an idiot, I sent a text to Billy's house number and not his cell (*Sigh* dumbass) So I sent another one, correctly this time, and within a minuet he texted me back. So we chatted like that for a bit, and it was nice. Well, after bit and I got home I went outside where I had signal and called him. When Mike came out he was a little jealous because he was making me laugh and things like that. Well, anyway for a few days it was bugging him and he wouldn't let it go, and it became an argument. I knew he wanted me to stop talking to him, he just wouldn't straight out and tell me to. I wanted to show him he didn't have to be jealous, that I would choose I did one of the hardest things I had ever done. I sent Billy a text saying I can't talk to him anymore, and erased the numbers off the phone. I hate crying in front of people, so I try to avoid it...but I couldn't help it this time. Luckily Mike didn't see. Billy was my best friend. Now even if Mike got over it and said I can talk to him again, I know Billy wont, and I wouldn't blame him. I wouldn't want to talk to me either. I just want him to know how sorry I am, and that this friendship did mean a lot to me, please don't think it didn't.

There's not too much else going on though. Later today I'm going to go and get some applications for a job, and Mike'll come over later to hang out and get his stuff. I have his shirt on right now (shhh...) Last night was my first night without him in the house for 2 weeks....and his shirt still smells like him. Oh and I just thought of something else to add. Ok, my favorite show in the whole world is InuYasha (shut up, don't make fun) and every Saturday is a new episode and I tape them. Well, while the power was out I missed 2 of the new episodes, it sucked so bad. But today the satellite guys finally coming to replace our smart card. You see, after the powers been out for a while the card will expire and you can't get the satellite channels until it's replaced. So, they better come because if I miss a third episode I will be very unhappy.

Anyway, that's about it so I'll probably come on later to update more, if not I'll try tomorrow.

7 comments | leave a comment

:: 2004 31 August :: 7.15 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: None

Oh journal, it's been so long.

Today, I've been depressed and I don't know why...but then when something bad happens I feel even worse.

Yesterday one of my favorite bike customizers died. Indian Larry. While doing one of his famous stunts he lost control of the bike and crashed, he died in the hospital of a head injury. I wanted so much to meet him...guess I never will.

"And if I'm called away and it's my turn to go,
Should the blood run cold in my veins,
Just one favor I'll be asking you,
Don't bury me here it's too cold,
Take me back,
Carry me back,
Down to Gasoline Alley where I started from."
- Indian Larry
1949 - 2004
You will be missed...

On another note my homework this week sucks. For Government class I have to watch all four night of the republican convention and takes notes...which isn't all that bad, maybe I'll learn more about it. But the thing is Mike (what else, right?) The convention ends around 11 each night, our curfew. I was hoping he could come over before it starts so I get to see him, but he's been spending all his time with Andy. I saw him Monday, but only for 20 mins when he picked me up from school. I was hoping he'd stay at my house...but he didn't, he went back home. Maybe I'm just over reacting...but I just wanna see him. I don't think I want him to see this though...I haven't updated in so long he hasn't thought to look and check, so he probably wont read this anytime soon. Which is good, because I don't want him to come over out of pity. I don't need pity, I'm tired of people giving it to me.

Well, I have less than hour until homework I'm just gunna grab something to eat. Maybe I'll update more later. Until then, bye.

Nothing else really happened except that Mike didn't spend all his time at Andy's. He surprised me and came over, and since I was doing my government homework, Mike got to stay an extra half an hour...which isn't a whole lot of time, but it was nice of dad to say yes.

There's a hurricane heading our way. Hurricane Francis, so tomorrow is a half day because of it and we have Friday off. And Monday is a holiday anyway. Mom will absolutely not let us go Thursday...which I'm not complaining. I have a 5 day weekend now. But that's about it...I hope everyone will be ok when the storm comes.

Anyway, I'm a little tired so I'm gunna catch a nap quick. See ya.

1 comment | leave a comment

:: 2004 12 August :: 7.44 pm
:: Mood: good (talking to Mike)

2nd Day of school...
Today was my second day of school...and it kinda sucked too. I gotta get out of my 5th hour. One, the guy is creepy and stares at me, I feel uneasy around him. Two, I don't like my lunch hour. I don't know anyone, I wanna change it to either the first or second lunch period. And third because I don't care enough about government to keep up with it. It's hard to right about our rights and freedoms and things like that after what was done to my family. They completely took away our lives, I can't respect that, not now.

But I think that's all the pretty much happened today...when I got home I talked to Mike for a bit but he had to go, so I went and laid down...of course wound up falling asleep. But he's on the phone now. I miss him so much, I feel like something's missing without him here. I can't wait until he just gets back home.

Well, I think that's about it...I might miss tomorrow...I don't wanna go and plus there might be a hurricane, yea. I'll try and update tomorrow, so until then, bye byes.

leave a comment

:: 2004 11 August :: 4.35 pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: none...have headache

1st day back to school
Today was the first day back to school...a black, black day. And today is my puppy's birthday (Rollie), he's now 3 years old.

Anyway, back to school. it sucked. When I first got my schedule I only had 6 classes, so I'm figuring that I have no 7th hour, and I can leave early. Nope, turns out I don't have a 4th hour. So I went to the wrong class, which wasn't a big deal but I forgot to see what my lunch was since I turned out to have a different class. So I basically skipped my 5th hour...not on purpose, but oh well. I just went to all three lunches. I have C lunch, and it turns out that's the one I don't want. The only person I knew in there was AJ...and I don't wanna tag along with him if that's his lunch too (he went to all 3 too). Ya know what?....the way I'm typing this out might be very confusing...sorry.

But other than all that my classes aren't bad. I have 3 art classes which is good.

Oh and after school my bus never showed up. So me and this other kid (Danny) are about to walk home, but then my dad called and came and got us. Good, I didn't feel like walking that far.

But I think that's about it...I got my senior pictures back today...I don't really care for them...oh well. I'll try and add more later if I can, if not I'll try to update tomorrow. Until then, bye.

2 comments | leave a comment

:: 2004 9 August :: 1.19 pm
:: Mood: just woke up
:: Music: Bowling for soup- Girl all the bad guys want

2 weeks?...dammit
Well, Mike left Royal Palm about 4:30(ish) am Sunday morning...and of course I couldn't sleep. So Sunday kinda sucked...except for a few things...but I still miss him.

After church my Mom took me to the mall wanting to get me and Dan something for school (which starts this weds...shit! No!) and while we were there, we went and looked at the cell phone we wanted at Cingular, but that one was just too expensive right now, then we went over to Verizon...hmm a little expensive too. So we left...but after my Mom thought about it we went back and bought two new cell phones. I finally have one for school and things like that.

After we got back home we went down to my Aunt's and hung out there...but we were there later than I wanted to be, oh well.

Anyway, there's not much else going on...except missing Mike like crazy. Today though feels weird. I feel like I'm supposed to go, or do something today...but I can't think of a thing. Hmm I dunno.

I think that's about it, for now anyway. I'll try and add some stuff later, and maybe Mike will add something, since he has access to a computer. We'll see. So until then all, byes.

leave a comment | Random Journal