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:: 2004 20 June :: 11.20 pm
:: Mood: tired

Missing you too...
Well, it's my second day in Orlando. The first night we spent at my Grandpa's, and we checked into our timeshare today at 4. We plan to go to Islands of Adventure tomorrow. Can't wait...I'm gunna drag Bean (Gabrielle) on all the roller coasters *evil grin*

I'm glad I'm finally away and on vacation...but of course there's always a downfall to everything. I miss Mike...and it's only been two days. I wish I was with him right now. Hopefully I'll get to talk to him again before bed...which might not be far away, I'm pretty tired...I did just get out of the pool.

Well,...I'm not sure what else to I guess this will be a short entry, unless Mike comes on later and adds more. Until then bye byes.

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:: 2004 19 June :: 2.15 am
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: Slipknot- Vermillion pt.2

Wow... started out as a regular day. Saw Mike for a bit, cleaned, yadda yadda yadda.

We picked my Grandma (Omi) from the airport tonight, and we plan to leave tomorrow morning. When I got home I hurried and packed because I was hoping Mike could stop by, even if just for a little. I really wanted to see him before I leave...but that plan didn't pan out. Atleast I got to talk to him...I'm happy I did. I feel scared and good at the same time...he said he loved me. I'll never be able to fall asleep. I feel really good. I hope I get to talk to him again before we leave. Maybe (I know it's be a stretch) but maybe, he can stop by before he has to be at work, and before we leave...I just, I just....hmm, I dunno. I just gotta see him, to kiss him or something. Wow, I'm gunna miss him...

Since I'll be gone all week, I'm not sure how well I'll keep up with Mom might bring the lap top, so if she does I can do that.

Crap, I never called Tiffany. I gotta bring her back something...I'd feel awful if I didn't do something to show her I'm sorry. I did kinda leave her hanging.

Ok, it's 2:22 (seriously) and I've gotta atleast try and get some sleep. Until then all, byes.

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:: 2004 17 June :: 9.39 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: ICP"I want my shit"

I want a rusty axe,I wanna know voodoo
Well, I guess this has kind of became Amanda and My journal now. Which she seems to be ok with. I think rollie is actually getting used to me, Damn dog. Actually the dogs cool I got no problem with it. So I here not many people read this journal now that im part of it that number may drop, Shit happens. Which is a line she likes to steal from me. Well, im used to people not liking me nor do I really care, I guess im just going to make some of this an add on to her last journal entry.

Well, she seems to be scared of being hurt again. Which I wish there was something I could say to take that away but hey I must admit I kind of scared about that as well. She wants me to keep her safe ok fine I can do that, But safe from me is a different thing. -=Smirks deviously=- Right now we have Beethoven in the background but not like we are paying attention im not staying long anyway but hey alittle time is better then none. Even though she "Doesn't need to spend everyday with me" as she said before but now when I say it she takes it back. She thinks I will never let that down. Which I might not cause its funny to see her reaction and nice to see her smile.

Well, kiddies that is all for now.

"Heaven may forgive you of your sins, But don't expect me to"

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:: 2004 17 June :: 4.43 pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Slipknot-Vermillion pt.2

A dream...
I was playing around with the computer and just got really bored, so I thought I'd put in another entry...even though nothing's happened today...hmm.

Anyway, I had a weird little dream last night. I dreamt I went on a trip with some family and friends...and with myself, but as a child. And everyone else was around the age that I knew them as a child (does that make sense?) Well, they knew who I was, and when they talked to me, it was like they turned into how they are now, in the present. For example there was this little blonde kid, who I guess I knew as a kid or something, but when he talked to me...he all of a sudden was around my age....asking how I've been and stuff like that. Still with me?...good. Anyway, I remember this one part where we were in this van and me (as a child) was sitting in the seat in front of me. She was crying. And then I noticed that I, as myself, was crying a little too. So, I started talking to her, to calm her down. She told me about how she didn't like people....that there were too many fake people. I smiled a bit, put on my sunglasses and told me hun, you're going to meet a lot of fake people in your life...a lot of people who will hurt you. But be strong, don't cry. Crying just shows that you're weak, and I rubbed her left arm, to comfort her...but I remember it feeling weird. I can't place why though. Anyway, she stopped crying then, as did I. I don't get what that means...hmm, I'd really like to know...if anyone can figure it out, lemme know.

Hmm, what else? I've also had Mike on my mind a lot. Ok, this is really weird to type...*takes a breathe* and him have this "I cheese sandwich you" come from the movie "Love and Sex," which I was very surprised he even saw it. But he mentioned that maybe we say that because we're afraid of the words (I love You), and it's easier for us. What if he's right? We've both been hurt, and I know I'm afraid of the scares me so much. But I still like being with him, Around him I feel good, I feel happy. And I'm getting attached...I know I am, and it scares me. Please Mike...don't hurt me. Just let me be safe, please let me be safe. I know he'll just read this entry anyway, and see this..but maybe it's better. I'm not good at telling how I feel, some of you know this already...

I don't know what else to type now...oh I should probably mention I'm going on vacation on the 19th. I'll be gone all week. Me, my parents, brother, grandmother (Omi), my aunt and uncle, and my little cousin Gabrielle are all going to Orlando and stay in our time share, it'll probably be a little cramped. Oh, which reminds me...I have to call Tiffany. We were going to bring her too, but now there might not be room. We might have to take a different car. Which sucks, because I wanted a friend to come.

Well, I think that's about it. I'm going to straighten up a bit before my parents get home and try to go swimming or something. To clear my head. If anything happens later, I'll try and come back on and edit this. Until then all, byes.

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:: 2004 16 June :: 9.33 pm
:: Mood: Who gives a shit
:: Music: ICP, Behind the Paint

Im taking over......Agian
Amanda says she didn't do anything today, Oh yeah how interesting is that. And I worked all day I guess that isn't interesting either. I beat up rollie abit that's about all. so now she bites me she's lucky I don't hit girls. Her parents seem to be getting alittle suspicious of us. Her dad talked to her but we have been keeping it hidden still so shhhhh well nothing much to say ill write later.

~Mike~, and Amanda

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:: 2004 15 June :: 9.52 pm
:: Mood: Preverse
:: Music: taproot-Poem

Cake or Death....
What did I do the last few days, Fuck if I know as most can probably tell its Mike typing but Amanda is telling most of what to type? She says to tell you all how she pretty much spends time with me all the time like everyday now and shit like that. And Danny was gone and we had the house to ourselves ... you perverts thinking that you
know what happened, But you may be right. anyone with a problem Fuck off. For all those that gets offended oh well IM Mike I don't care. But Amanda said someone who reads this might get mad, Oh well I say shit happened. But lets see what have we been doing these last few days, Going to city place and hanging out with a group of friends. Going to Andy's house and playing final fantasy seven. Yesterday we watched Eddie Izzard dress to kill. Why did she have to walk the dogs and leave me to type this now grrr? Oh well if you all got a problem with what I say take it out on me not her but I warn those I will do what it takes to anyone who test me. So boo I win... im just kidding about wanting to start a fight here but if you got a problem fuck off... In case of fire Break the glass. Well, she says we got to go because Tommy boy is on so bye from the two of us I guess.

Mike took a quiz too, lookie!
Your Love Situation
by Amberishjewel
Your Love Is...Rough
During Lovemaking You Act...Like a river, very refreshing
Your Partner Is...Your slave
Your Partner Has Said That You...Are their bitch
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote."Love is bittersweet"
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

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:: 2004 11 June :: 11.42 pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Slipknot-Vermillion

Teddy Grahams...mmm
It's been a few days since I last updated, but better late than never. I haven't done much except hang around the house all day. Fun, fun, fun...

Good news. I finally talked to Billy, and he doesn't hate me...he's still not completely happy about it, but atleast I feel a little better about it.

Hmm what else? Mike's been over pretty much every day..leaving late at night. Right now he's behind me watching what I type...probably not a smart move, but shit happens. ha ha ha now I'm typing boo I took over the computer. And right now she has no clue she tried to bite me ok here she um ok. That was Mike.

Well, he's over and I don't wanna spend too much time on the computer. So when I think of more to type I'll come back on and edit. Until then, byes. She may be done but I'm not. Hello is anyone there. Amanda I think they all left!!!! Ok buh bye.

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:: 2004 6 June :: 2.02 pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Stephen Lynch-Friends

Happy Birthday Danny
Today is Dan's 14th birthday. So today we have to go down to my Aunt's house for cake and stuff....which kinda of sucks because Mike was supposed to come over. Well, maybe if we get home early enough he can stop by later, if not there's always tomorrow.

I really like him. Man, if you told me atleast a year ago that anything close to this would happen...I would never believe it. I'd think you're crazy.

Hmm, what else is new?....heh, nothing. Well, I gotta go get dressed, we're leaving soon. When I get home I'll probably get back on and update more. Sorry, I'm just a little pressed on time right now. Until then, bye.


Hello all. Yep I'm back. It's 1 am and I got home from my Aunt's around...12-ish. Kinda tired...oh well. We didn't do much there...I helped Gabrielle (my little cousin) with some school project. That was about it....exciting huh?

Anyway, I figured it'd be too late for Mike to stop by...but right now he's sitting on my couch, helping Dan with one of his games. Maybe tomorrow we can hang out a bit too, if he's not busy. I just like having someone there with me...and he actually wants to be. I'm almost not used to it yet.

Well, I think that's about enough, I'll try and get another entry in soon. I have no school, so I have more time on my hands. Until then all, bye byes.

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:: 2004 3 June :: 11.03 am
:: Mood: Alright
:: Music: reach and touch

Well.....I dunno
Well, things turned out different then I expected. Mike broke up with his girlfriend, and about two minuets later, guess who he's going out with next?....yep, me. Hope I don't fuck things up this time. I like hanging out with him and being with him though. Usually at the beginning I'm really shy and what not...but not with him. He's different and I can't place why.

I haven't told my parents about us yet, and I don't think I plan on it. Same with Ashley....I don't feel like getting lectured about this.

We hung out literally all day Tuesday and Wednesday. Wednesday was um....interesting though. I'll just leave it as that, can't really explain, yea.

Anyway, what else is new? hmm....oh, Billy hates me. I told him about what happened and just as I expected....he got pissed. But what I wasn't expecting was what he said. He said something like...if I'm helping him cheat, then how does he know I didn't cheat on him? This is such bullshit. He acts as if I'm not allowed to make mistakes. It's that moment it felt like we were going out....back when he kept accusing me of cheating, and I wasn't. That pissed me off, I was not happy about it. I asked him not to tell...he said he couldn't make any promises. What the hell? I confided in him, and told him what was going on without hesitation, trusting him, and he's going to tell me that? What the hell? I haven't talked to him since, or vise versa.

Ok...breathe. Anyway, today I think I'm just going to stay home. No need to be with Mike everyday.

oh yesterday when I was with Mike in the rain, I told him something that I haven't told any of my boyfriends....atleast I don't think. We were talking, and he wanted to know what I was thinking....I was hesitant about it...but I told him that I shouldn't get attached. I've thought that with all my boyfriends Billy, AJ, etc. Because eventually they all leave...and if they don't, then I do. But anyway, he it's great to have someone understand you. After that we talked for a bit and he's mentioned after a while, just leaving the state, to somewhere no one can find him. He said if we were still together, I can go with him (when I'm 18 and all, but still) Sounds silly...but the thought has crossed my mind since then. Urr what am I thinking? it's only been about 3 days since we've been together....maybe this is going a little fast....crap, I dunno.

Well, now I think I might of given myself a head ache, so I'm going to go lay back down. Until then all, bye.

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:: 2004 25 May :: 9.57 pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: sugarcult-hate every beautiful day

didn't work...
Remember in my last entry I said I'd try and play it off as if I didn't remember the.....uhh thing? I figured if I told him I didn't remember, he'd realize it was nothing and forget about it.....nope, he just told me. I feel so guilty about this now...I feel like I'm helping him cheat.

Monday he picked me up and we went to the movies with Danny, and Andrew. I told him I thought this was wrong, but he kept telling me to not worry about it because it's him doing this....BULLSHIT! I'm doing it too, I'm to blame too because I haven't tried my hardest to stop it.....why haven't I? Is it because I like the attention?...But in the movies he kissed me this was weird. And if he didn't have a girlfriend I might of enjoyed it....but oh God this is wrong!

Today he wanted to hang out again but I couldn't, so ya know what he did? He drove all the way over here anyway to just say hi...well in his words was "to get a hug and a kiss on the cheek"

This is wrong, this is so's driving me crazy. I tell myself I gotta stay away, that this is bad....but when we hang out, I feel almost comfortable. I told him about some of my mental issues...I've never really told anyone about that and had them completely understand....(I tried to tell my Mom once but she kinda laughed because she didn't believe me)

But one good thing is that I didn't do that other bad thing again (the thing on Saturday). It was so stupid...I can feel like that when I get my dizzy spells or feel light headed almost. God, Billy would kill me if I told him...don't think I'd blame him. Ashley was pissed about it too.

Well, I'm tired...I've got two exams tomorrow. Thank God I don't have to wake up until 8. I only have 2 and half days of school left...maybe 1 and a half...I dunno if I'll go Friday....we'll see. Until then all...bye byes

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:: 2004 23 May :: 1.33 pm
:: Mood: guilty

oh boy...
Oh man, oh man, oh man. Have you ever done something...and then reeeeeally regret it later? I did, this weekend.

Thursday was fine....that night Mike called and asked if I was doing anything tomorrow (and I never do, so) and asked if I wanted to hang out. We went to city place and hung out here and there and it was fine. When it was time to go home my parents weren't home yet so him and I hung out outside in the bed of his truck and man, did I get eat up by have NO idea. Anyway, that day wasn't bad...I had a lot of fun. Although he kept hitting on me, and we were mistaken for a couple....heh.

Anyway we hung out again saturday....this was the day I regret. I can't say what happened that day for fear that someone I don't want will see it. No, I didn't sleep with him or anything like that....but I did some bad things. But this one thing is plaguing my mind the most...the very second after I did it...I knew I shouldn't have. Oh God, why did I do it? why? I guess if he ever brings it up... I can say I don't remember...I kinda have a good reason for it....I think. Oh man...

Well,...that's about it....if there's more I'll be back to post it, I guess, bye.

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:: 2004 14 May :: 11.25 am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: I.C.P-chicken huntin'

hey everybody

Hey peoples. I just woke up a few hours ago, not bad. There's no school today, thank God, and yesterday was pretty fun. Ok lemme explain the last few days...might take a bit.

A few days ago I got a TLE from one of my teacher inviting me on a field trip to the beach (it was for the Safe School Ambassadors...which I'm in) Well, I usually hate the beach because I have a shark I wanted to bring my friend Tiffany, also because I don't know anyone else in the group. Sooo my teacher agreed she could come, but since they were taking private cars there wasn't room for her. She said if we could find another ride she's welcome to come, and gave me a TLE for her just incase. So at this point there's about half an hour of school left (this was on Wed.) we went around to all her teachers to have them sign it. Wow it gets really hot when you're speed walking for that long.

Anyway, one problem to find a ride. After a few calls we found out neither of my parents can drive us, her parents can't drive us, and neither can her grandma. Ok, so...plan B, call up some friends. One of our friends Michelle can drive and is old we call her up, she can't do it either. We figured since she's a senior she wouldn't go to school the next day (only seniors who had exams would go...turns out she had exams) what? So, me and Tiffany are sitting on the phone trying to think of someone else who can possibly drive us....and I think of Mike (different Mike then before, this is cool Mike) but I didn't have his number (I lost it...greeeat) So I call up another friend who has it and she says she'll have him call me. About half an hour later my phone rings and it's him. We talk for a bit and then I asked him...he said yes (thank God!) So I stayed on the phone for a bit longer talking to him...because since he got expelled I haven't got to talk to him much anymore.

The next day me and Tiffany go around the school again and return school books and things like that real quick and meet Mike infront of the school around 8. He picks us up...and it's a lil cramped in his car, but nothing serious.

Ok, so we finally get to Singer Island (where the beach was) and go down to the sand. It was me, Tiffany, Mike, and Julian (who followed us because Mike was there) and we had a lot of fun. Although Mike and Julian were hitting on me sooo bad....mostly Mike, but they wouldn't really do anything, they had girlfriends. Anyway Mike drove us home but first we went and got a drink and picked up his friend, Andrew (I never met him before), from work. I got to hang out at Tiffany's house for a while...then I came home around 5ish and fell into bed...I was red and so tired....Then I woke up this morning....and here we are. Fun huh? I got a few picture, hopefully I'll finish up the roll soon so I can developed them.

Well, that's about it....if there's anything I forgot I'll add it later. ttfn guys.

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:: 2004 6 May :: 10.23 pm
:: Mood: kinda tired

Hey everyone, I was bored so I thought I was due for another entry by now.

Not a whole lot going on really, I'm looking forward to summer....ya know, except for the whole working thing....hmm. Only 15 days until this year is over....not that I'm counting or anything. This summer I might do this party....thing. Invite just a whole bunch of people to my house and go swimming and hang out and stuff like that, well we'll see how that pans out.

Oh, lately in school this one guy has been hitting one me. Yep....go figure, must be going blind or something, I dunno. But at first I thought it was kinda flattering, but that was it. And I figured he'd stop and forget about it (he's been asking for my number, and I wont give it to him) but ohhhhhh no. Little twerp. He's just getting on my nerves now. He complimented me today though, he said I looked "damn good." Ew, the way he said it was just....ick, go away. *shutters*

Over the weekend I learned that you're not allowed to ride the elevators in the mall up and down....turns out there's security cameras. Me, my friend Tiffany, and Danny went to the mall all day pretty much, then we walked over to Barnes and Noble...which by the way was a longer walk that I thought. But I was telling Tiffany about Billy, and I was joking about calling him (because I had the cell with me) and she was like "yea! do it, I wanna hear his voice." Crud, but I couldn't remember his cell number....and by the time I did remember it Tiffany's Mom was there to get us. (Billy, I also wasn't sure if I should call you or not because maybe you were in bed, at work, or with michelle....would of been weird calling if you were busy with something) Anyway, we didn't feel like going home yet so we caught a movie. We saw "Mean girls" which looked better then it really was...

Let's see, what else? This Saturday I might go out and doing something else...Ashley mentioned something about Saturday...but I can't remember what it is now. But if that doesn't happened I told Tiffany she could come over and go swimming or something.

Oh, Oh and did I tell you Ashley moved back to Royal Palm? she did. She was living with her boyfriend, Eric and his family...but his Mom is kinda psycho (literally) and told her she wasn't welcome there anymore, just out of the blue. So now she's back here.

Well, I think that's about it. I finally paid my $2 for this site, so that's good. Ok, well, I think I'm gunna head for bed pretty soon. If I forgot anything I'll just add it on later or something. ttfn guys.

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:: 2004 15 April :: 4.22 pm
:: Mood: sad

It's been so long since I've updated, wow. Well, lets just get to it.

Lately I've felt a little depressed, but can't really place why.

A few days ago I was talking to one of my friends....and it turns out he likes me, a lot......the bad news? he's 12. He's one of those online kind of friends....and I don't see how, but he likes me. He wanted to know if he had a chance....oh boy. He's a cool kid, and I don't wanna hurt him. Well, anyway the conversation led to him asking me "what makes me happy?"......what makes me happy? It seems like an easy question doesn't it? I thoughts so at first....but that was one of the hardest questions I've come across so far. I couldn't answer him. So since then I've been thinking hard about it...and this is what I've come up with so far.....what makes me happy dog, Rollie. That's it. I mean there's always my family, and the few friends I have...but what truly makes me happy is Rollie. Probably sounds silly, I would imagine. But he's the only one who has been there everytime I needed someone. He knows when I'm mad, or happy, or sad. When I'm mad he protects me, when I'm happy he just makes me happier, and when I'm sad...he knows it, and trys to cheer me up. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Also, lately my head has been full of thoughts...about everything I guess. Mostly about my love life, or lack there of. Yea, yea...I know, not more of this crap? Well, it's literally the only thing that happens to bite me. Ya's my head, my'd figure atleast I would understand it all, ohhh no, of course not. Certain ideas or images appear in my head and I don't know what to make of it....I wish I had something just could just read my thoughts and tell me what it means. For example...I'll think of someone, that I'm not sure I wanna think about. So, I'll try to push the idea out of my mind, but it always comes back. And I feel embarrassed because it feels like people can see into your head and know what you're thinking....but then sometimes I realize that's never the case and tell myself screw it, let me enjoy it while it lasts....and just let my head wonder, thinking about that person.

When I think things like this I get a little saddened....but then I just get frustrated and annoyed because the thought wont leave me alone, and I can't figure out why I'm thinking it. I dunno....

Anyway, I'm tired and can't think of what else to say, so I'm gunna go take a nap. Oh and I have to remember to send the money for this site. I don't want me journal being deleted. Bye guys.

oh and I still don't mind comments (hint hint)

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:: 2004 27 March :: 12.38 am

I'm such a dork....*sigh*
Ok today I was extremely bored, so I just started surfing around on this site. Checking out other people's journals, and I noticed a lot of them have quiz links thingys on I thought I'd give some a try....*cough* ok so I gave a lot of them a try. Remember I was extremely are the results.

Which Family Guy character are you?

Brian, oh yea.

You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very
creative but never show your work to anyone.
You may smile a little but sadness or
loneliness surround you and other can feel it
when they're near you. You have a dark or
unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and
you probably have a lot of secrets that you've
never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging
and unorthidox but the real thing that makes
you special is your eyes. Something in them
makes them like "Diamonds in the

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

Night, cool huh?

You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Nice, huh? ^.^

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

No lie....that's what I got. Weird huh?

D a r k n e s s . . . . .
You are...DARK. Yes you know, gothic-punk kinda
style. Go you! =P ( I hope at least you're not
a wannabe)


Yet another personality test ^-^ (nice anime pics!) NEW outcome!!
brought to you by Quizilla

You have an animal soul! Arent you lucky! You are
very interactive with animals and can
understand them even if you dont speak their
tongue. The birds arent afraid of you, deer can
eat out of your palm, and every dog will roll
over for you. As an Animal Soul, you follow
your instinct, sometimes making rash decisions,
and not thinking properly. If you dont
understand something, you reject and push it
away, and can get very disastrous when angry.
At the same time, youre a very kind person who
can make people feel better, and are
understanding and compassionate. One of the
great things about you is that your rarely
jealous, and know that you have to share and
help other people if you want to survive this
world. You are very loyal and optimistic, and
can make it through the toughest times.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Love Situation by Amberishjewel
Your Love Is...Sweet
During Lovemaking You Act...Like a vampire, very seductive
Your Partner Is...Your master
Your Partner Has Said That You...Are a good listener
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote."I love your lips"
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!



!!!!!!!!!!!!!Which inuyasha character are you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
brought to you by Quizilla

Sorry but I'm a dork. I love this cartoon, I had to have it on here somehow. ^-^


What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

Umm...really? o.0

Sad... You use the darkness to hide yourself from
the world. Something has really hurted you,
which made you turn dark. Darkness makes you
feel save and that is why you stay there.

Please rate ^^

What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Feel free to take these quizes too...if you're bored enough, ya know. Enjoy!

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