:: 2008 17 August :: 4.27 pm

bitches don't know bout my diabeetus

put on your bra

:: 2008 16 August :: 6.20 pm

SIX DAYS!!

1 listened | put on your bra

:: 2008 15 August :: 4.05 pm

I am so angry about the situation here.

Yesterday, I was bitched out by my younger 12 year old cousin when I tried to ask her why she wouldn't give Taylor back her camera. She told me "YOU have NO control over me!" "Leave me alone" "stay out of it" and "I just CHOOSE not to have respect for you" I was SO flabergasted by the way she was treated with me I was speechless. I went upstairs and cried. I cannot BELIEVE the way she spoke to me. It was TOTALLY unnacceptable, so angering in fact that I considered coming home this weekend (my mom agreed that I should) because they have NO respect for me, each other, or their mom. My cousin lied to my aunt, making my aunt think I had somehow tormented Leah, or been mean to her. SHE was being very rude to taylor, and just being selfish, so I went in and asked her why should refused to give back something that did not belong to her.

My aunt believes Leah, and I"m sure I won't even get an apology. I'm just so hurt by the way she spoke to me. I would NEVER speak to my older cousins that way..because my mom taught me to be RESPECTFUL.

My aunt doesn't discipline them at all. She tries to sometimes, but falls back on her punishments the next day. She's always at work. She doesn't make them wear seatbelts (even when traveling down the highway at 80mph..they are 9,11, and 12).--to me that's child endangerment, SHE doesn't even wear her seatbelt, they don't listen, they fight and cry and hurt each other, they ride their bikes around town when my aunt is at work, they go wherever they want and my aunt doesn't mind...

they got caught looking at porn the other day on the computer and my aunt "banned" them from the computer, well, they were on the next day, and the day after that we went to best buy to look at fucking LAPTOPS for them EACH to have.

this is all ridiculous..i don't deserve to be treated so disrespectfully by my younger cousins..if i try to tell them to do something they just ignore me, (or flip out at me, like Leah).

This is SO WRONG in so many ways, my mom and my other aunts are furious about the way things are here in this household, my one aunt is "going to write a LONG note to my aunt julie, to tell her how she feels about all this"

not to mention this house is the messiest house you have ever seen, you can't see the floor in any of the rooms and all surfaces are covered in junk, clothes, wrappers and dirty dishes...also there is pee and random turds around the whole house from the untrained 1 year old dog. there are two beside me on the floor here and random ones upstairs in the hallway, and they just sit there.





i worked in the nesquik tower today, and when i blew my nose, chocolate came out. ugh.

put on your bra

:: 2008 13 August :: 4.20 pm

a year ago he sang this whole song to me on my cellphone.

I wish that i would've known the future so I could've stood up for myself and STOPPEd it before it went on.

blah,

why does it still ache kind of..sort of..a tiny bit..

i'm not one to let go easily i guess..

put on your bra

:: 2008 10 August :: 12.19 pm

13 Days..

i can't wait to be back home and say hello to my puppies..and my family of course...even though i can only stay with them for one day before i head back up to college...

tomorrow i need to:
go to work
cash my checks
call the doctors office
call the dentist office

hm. it seemed like there was more but i guess not.

i'm bored.

put on your bra

:: 2008 6 August :: 9.11 pm

Aly & AJ potential breakup song
17 days.

:\

I'm just kind of floating along.Trying to make some friends. Trying to have an okay time. Trying to make money...before I give it all away to the cost of the apartment. Gotta love the cost of college.

I'm tutoring a 10 year old boy named Tory. He has oppositional defiant disorder. I've only got to tutor him once, but I've been over there 3 times. 2 of the times, his mom said "he was having too much fun to read". I spent a half hour with him on the words ALL, AND and AT. I made him write and recite them 17 times each for homework...he still is not getting it consistantly, but he is definatly better.

My point is, I need to work with him, and not have a week between visits. It's not his fault though. His geneticist told his mother he needs CONSTANT repetition to learn things..which is what I'm trying to do. I want to move on to the next three words so we can make some progress here..but it's not happening!

put on your bra

:: 2008 3 August :: 12.05 am
:: Music: Miley Cyrus "7 Things"

2 listened | put on your bra

:: 2008 26 July :: 11.32 am
:: Mood: contemplative

Karma Bitch
so it's been a while, but i still don't feel whole. i'm just kind of lost. money money money..school will drain me. i HATE that money controls what moves we make in life. I had to go against my own wants and go out of my comfort zone and away from my struggling family to come here for money. alone. factory. it sucks. oh, but i NEED this money and i NEED it for school, and "it'll be worth it in the end" ..yea it'll be worth it, i'm sure..but that's not what's important to me in life. I MISS my family, and my dogs...and the day after i return to michigan i have to leave to go back up to CMU. 1 day is not enough to be with them. I just want to be at home, where it's important for me to be right now.

The way this society works is fucked up.

I don't get to see Jake for over a month. We've made an agreement that I won't eat bad shit like ice cream and cookies (my weakness) and he won't smoke, but if i do...then he will smoke. Hm. Strange how such things can be motivating. I don't mind that he smokes. I'm used to it and he only does it once in a while but i KNOW that occasional smoking turns into full time smoking, and although I don't mind it necessarily, i don't want to be around it and smell like smoke all the time. EW. It's a dirty habit! Although i must admit, it makes me attracted to him somehow...like he's a rebel or something haha..

Some bitch yelled at me the other day at work, and it made me cry. Luckily, my aunt is the HR manager and i told on her. LOL. i'm such a child when it comes to getting revenge. Too bad I'm not related to the HR manager of LIFE, I'd have quite a few things to discuss..and to have resolved. Hmm.

3 listened | put on your bra

:: 2008 20 July :: 9.47 pm

I'm going nuts. Absolutely nuts. QUIET THE FUCK DOWN! My three younger cousins are so f-ing LOUD. Fighting, Screaming, SINGING CHRISTMAS SONGS, Yelling, Talking (loudly) all while my aunt and I were trying to watch the news. My aunt said nothing. I couldn't hear ANYTHING i wanted to hear on the news. So I ran upstairs to escape and called Jake, but he was in a movie. So now i'm downstairs in the computer room, and they are singing Christmas songs LOUDLY and it's seriously giving me a HEADACHEEEEEEEEEEE. My aunt is just sitting there. And now they're banging on the piano. OMG. If these were my children, I'd be saying "SHUT UP AND GO TO BED!! SILENCE!!" but no. I seriously want to SMACK something i'm so annoyed.

We just cleaned the living room SUUPER good when i arrived three days ago. I got here and it was completely DEMOLISHED. the couches were turned backwards and covered so deeply in clothes and trash you couldn't even see them. The floor was covered with toys and electronic devices that were just getting stepped on. The table was covered in dirty plates/cups etc...SO i forced them to clean it up with my help. We did a GREAT job and it was sparkling clean and we totally suprised my aunt. As of right now it's 70% back to the way it was. I don't know what goes on around here, but it's out of control. To get to the computer room i just tripped over like a huge ball and i had to climb over things to get here. WTF.

Really, they fight and yell and BICKER all the time and constantly yell MOM!!! it drives me NUTS. if i could only take over and lay down some rules. they don't help clean, do chores or anything (their mom tells them to but of course they don't do them at all) and they just scream and fight at each other.

I AM GOING TO FUCKING CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG. THEY ARE STILL FUCKING SINGING CHRISTMAS SONGS NOW IT'S WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS LOUDLY. they are trying to sing it in harmony. I AM JUST SO FRUSTRATED.

asl;dkfj osidu faosdjiflksdjf ;lkfjl;aksdjf DAMN IT!

*headache* thank the lord i'm leaving for work at 6:30 tomorrow morning and i may possibly work a 12 hour day. they are leaving for cheer camp.

Now it's Jingle Bells. Seriously. No.

3 listened | put on your bra

:: 2008 19 July :: 8.17 am

so back again at the wonderful Nestle chocolate factory.

it's not so bad this time to be here. i have a boyfriend fully willing to talk to me multiple times a day, and he's going to come visit me too. and i definatly don't think he's going to cheat on me and break up with me while i'm over here.. lol..not that THAT was funny, but i suppose it is now. kind of.

so all of my work is going to be in Department R where raisinettes, goobers and these new things called Tinglerz are made. the tinglerz are pop rock candy covered in chocolate. they're ok. but anyway ALL of my overtime will be sitting there sticking coupon stickers on thousands of tinglerz packages, and my regular work will be putting the tinglerz in boxes as they come down the line. fascinating work if you ask me (for 16 bucks an hour) and the sticking stickers is 22 bucks an hour. stupid huh? i know. but hey i'll take it. i plan on working as much overtime as possible. at nestle you have to work 4 hours to do overtime..and so it'll all be 12 hour days, but you get decent breaks and the thought of easy money can pull me through i'm sure. i NEED as much money as i can possible scrounge up. i'm hoping to work at LEAST 3 days of overtime each week if not more. i'll just have to see how tired i am i guess...that's 12 hours of overtime and 300 extra dollars each paycheck. i'd like to do more, i just don't know if i'll be able to handle working that much..we'll see...

we might go to Six Flags this weekend just for kicks..that should be fun.

but anyway, i'm happy that i'm over here and i'm happy. things are good.

1 listened | put on your bra

:: 2008 14 July :: 9.24 pm

i'm alive.

going to Wisconsin

today is jake and i's 6 months anniversary

put on your bra

:: 2008 12 June :: 5.21 pm

jacob found a note in my car from josh, it read:

dear jessie,
i love you with all of my heart! i want to marry and have your beautiful children. i want to be yours forever.
love,
joshua robert morris

HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was mortified! i had NO idea that was in my car and that is EXACTLY what it said. i didn't change anything. jake just thought it was funny, but i was embarassed at how retarded it is.

what an idiot lol

1 listened | put on your bra

:: 2008 5 June :: 5.50 pm

so i've again been tormented by josh. enough is enough. leave me the fuck alone.

jake is in yellowstone so i can't even talk to him for like a week. hopefully he doesn't get attacked by a bear or some other sort of animal.

i'm hungry and i don't know. i'm empty of thoughts right now. i turn 20 next week. oh boy.

these kids are talking LOUDLY in the library about how they were stoners. the librarian is looking at them. oh, apparently he sold it too. how nice to know. ok shut up now. ohhh he says he sold in a trailer park, walking around.

gas is 3.81 in cedar. hopefully its still that when i get back into town later tonight.

have to work tomorrow 8-4.

sorry for the drawl entry, but i haven't much to say but i felt the need to update.

mitch has been writing to me and saying nice things. i don't know why and he wants a picture of us. i think the air force is getting to his head. or maybe i'm just hot. HA.

but if i could just say one thing YOU BOYS BROKE UP WITH ME!!!! leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean, at least josh, mitch is being nice, but it's kind of suspicious.

my chest is filled with anxiety. ugh

p.s. i'm not going tanning ever again. more and more studies are being made public about how it causes skin cancer..i mean i have always known it, but when it's on world news tonight..that's serious.

and btw michelle they now make SPF 85. with extra crap to block the other bad rays that weren't blocked before.. :)

2 listened | put on your bra

:: 2008 23 May :: 7.29 pm

today was a horrible day at work.

this RUDE ASS woman bitched me out for NO reason. I was in the office counting money and she came back there and knocked on the door and yelled at charles and then turned to me and pointed her finger at me and bitched me out. i said "Excuse me?!?" and she just ignored me. so i got really pissed and stomped past her to go punch out (it was way after i was supposed to leave anyway) so i punched out and when i was in my car she came out. so i decided i was going to STAND UP for myself for ONCE instead of letting rude people get away with walking all over me when i literally did NOTHING. she just wanted to btich at someone. So i yelled "Maam, I just wanted to let you know that I do not appreciate being yelled at for doing my job. (i was starting to cry b/c i was so mad) " and she bitched at me (i was so mad i seriously have no idea what she said) and so i yelled BITCH! at her and drove away lol, and she screamed after me "Larry is going to find out about this!" (even thoughhhhh i was punched out and not working) but WhateVER. I called Larry crying and i told him i quit b/c i hate rude people and i'm sick of dealing with jackasses who don't even care about other people's feelings. he told me to calm down it was fine and he would deal with her when she called. I called Charles (the manager on hand who witnessed her yellings at me) and he said after i drove away she came back in and told charles i should be fired and that i drove up to hear and screamed btich and ran away.

I have to work at 5am with Larry tomorrow to do trcuk . I told him i didn't want to come in but i GUESS that i would. If they give me any trouble (which larry and charles both stood up for me) I'm quitting. I hate that job, i always have and i don't have thick enough skin to deal with retail or any customer service for that matter. I hate it. I'm sensitive.

I am glad i stood up for myself and didn't just let her get the last word. She was so mean to me and i was crying and she didn't even care. She was a btich and she deserved to be called one. Well, if I lose my job, whatever. At least i know for ONCE i was brave and stood up for myself and told the rude ass customer off like she deserved.

2 listened | put on your bra

:: 2008 22 May :: 5.11 pm

and so here i am back in the GRCC librarium. killing time before class.

i really enjoy my class, it's called like 'family relationships and sexuality' and we're to the sexuality part. we talked about gays and lesbians tuesday and you could tell which people didn't approve. they were on the edge of their seats because the teacher was trying to teach us 'tolerance' of different people.

then this one african american lady (is black politcally correct now?) stood up and said she hated when people compared gays discrimination against racial discrimination....i admit back in the day-minority races had it worse, but now they're everywhere and almost as prominent as white people (at least on the grcc campus) but if a gay person was to come into one of the classrooms i think many people would whisper and judge...most people don't do that when a black person walks in the room. the lady that said that was wearing a huge cross necklace. it irked me.

i went and saw allyn's baby kylah. she is so cute, especially in real life, the pictures don't really give her justice.

so i worked today 8-4. it was annoying because we were busy and my lips were really chapped and alas i had no chapstick.

Oh also in my class the other day, we had to get in groups and come up with synonyms for penis, vagina and sex and then we had to read them outloud to the class....after a while things like twat, snake, garage and firehose come to mind (after all the obvious ones are gone) it was really funny the things people were coming up with. our group came up with "dipping the breadstick in sauce" for sex because we were behind and we needed to come up with more synonyms. LOL it was really funny.

1 listened | put on your bra