friends | profile | guestbook


fluttering beats in the dark

recent entries | past entries


:: 2019 19 June :: 6.28 am

3 days until the really adventure starts

feels like an eternity, I just want to run away now.

been eating like shit, feeling like shit, trying to remain positive. so exhausting "looking on the sunny side" all the time... but it's made a difference I guess.


good robot human unit, ya did good cold unfeeling robot arm. learned some stuff about other robot units at work... can I just say if that particular unit cannot take feedback/constructive criticism from people who only want them to succeed, I can only imagine the nightmare of being married to them...

or maybe they are this way due to their relationship, maybe the SO was constantly berating and criticizing them, so now that they are free, the habit dies hard.

I can't say I'm much different... I can't seem to trust anyone. I can't please myself over others. I can't say no when I want to without endless writhing guilt.


you make me feel lonely. you make me feel unimportant and insignificant. you make me feel trapped.

are you reaching out


:: 2019 13 June :: 11.23 pm

tomorrow is the big day... when I find out if I got the training job. I'm so nervous I can't sleep is like Christmas Eve when all you can think about is how your parents had to have gotten you that kitten this year is the year..... but deep down you know there is no kitten.

I am trying to remain optimistic. that my trip to Canada with emy will be a celebration vacation rather than that of defeat... I'm so excited getting pedicures then staying in a restort for a few days right on the ocean. I miss the ocean, I need the ocean again. I just hope this time I come back feeling better, because something has to give.

I just hope it isn't me.

now I just need to learn how to love someone again, and trust him, but it's just so damn hard to not be scared that I'm going to be hurt again




you make me cry sometimes baby and I wish ... I could move you like you move me sometimes ...

Oh, honey I'm worried 'bout you
You're too much to lose
You're all that I have
And, honey I'm worried 'bout you
Put yourself in my shoes
You're all that I have so please don't die
Wherever you are tonight

3 night time trust fallnight time trust falls | are you reaching out


:: 2019 4 June :: 9.33 pm

finally listening to the taking back Sunday album I thought I was buying when I drunkenly bought that all American rejects album

that's the good shit

are you reaching out


:: 2019 4 June :: 1.27 pm

this happens every month
where I just fill up with every negative emotions I bury deep down
and every sad song is about me
and I feel so alone

desolate and isolated stuck on an island of my own design

I was hoping these pills would make me a zombie but all they do is make me an ifrit

are you reaching out


:: 2019 8 May :: 6.43 am

update to favorite word list:

skin
mirror
ephemeral
wrinkle wrinkly wrinkles wrinkled

are you reaching out

Woohu.com | Random Journal