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fluttering beats in the dark

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:: 2018 15 February :: 6.52 am

When all you can think about is how lonely you feel

When all you can think about is how lonely every family must feel after losing a child

Or how lonely the best friends of those children feel

Or how lonely the dead children feel

How lonely the world feels

3 night time trust fallnight time trust falls | are you reaching out

:: 2018 13 February :: 9.42 am

Found the journal entry my first boyfriend posted after we broke up... Daggers in my heart but I'm determined not to make the same mistakes I did so long ago. That was 12 years ago, but it still is deep in my heart.

I say often that I am atoning for past sins in my current days, the scars on my heart from all the people I've wronged or hurt still throb in my mind.

I know I can't make up for everything and I know holding onto these things are detrimental to me. How do you let go, how do you leave the past in the past?

I can feel all the pain in the world, and it mixes with my own. The paints blur together into a grey and dismal portrait and we all know once mixed they can't be separated. Will these paints ever dry and allow me to paint over with something beautiful?

What is even beautiful for a life?

are you reaching out

:: 2018 6 February :: 1.09 pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: bleachers - dont take the money

When you're looking for your shadow
Standing on the edge of yourself
Praying on the darkness
Just don't take the money
Dreaming of an easy
Waking up without weight now
And you're looking at the heartless
Just don't take the money

You steal the air out of my lungs, you make me feel it
I pray for everything we lost, buy back the secrets
Your hand forever's all I want
Don't take the money

are you reaching out

:: 2018 5 February :: 4.02 pm

I have a very difficult time relating to people who love life

What do you mean you don't want it to end? That's the only part i am looking forward to...

3 night time trust fallnight time trust falls | are you reaching out

:: 2018 3 February :: 11.40 am

I find the face of a woman very comforting

I miss many faces I used to know

But I'm very happy about the faces still in my life

And hopefully I can help them smile once in a while

are you reaching out | Random Journal