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:: 2021 27 January :: 8.25 am

in my freshman year in college I had a lot of feminine issues and saw SEVERAL doctors

but the one I remember the most was the one that handed me a mirror and let me watch the exam and told me what I was looking at.

that woman made a fundamental difference to my life, and I wish I could thank her. I hope she's alive and well and doing well.

are you reaching out

:: 2021 22 January :: 1.19 pm

I'm starting to feel like there are only like 5 people who would call me a friend.

the rest are just people I interact with occasionally, for 5 years, we can't be friends.

I just can't fucking make friends.

are you reaching out

:: 2021 19 January :: 8.31 am
:: Music: smashmouth Lord help me

smashmouth and cake always remind me of better times. I've been looking back more and more at my experiences, and I feel myself slipping away into a lethal kind of nostalgia.

I miss the friends I used to have.
I miss giving a strong impression of a sense of self.
I miss having fun.

All I really want are more people I can laugh until I cry with.

are you reaching out

:: 2021 13 January :: 3.16 pm

what ever happened to ska?
remember the mickey avalon concert where we met?

and that birthday party. all those birthday parties.

I miss you friend, I wonder where you disappeared to, why you ghosted me, and if you're still doing alright.

I hope things are good for you. you deserve the best

are you reaching out

:: 2021 12 January :: 6.10 am

regret is a deep rabid river, constantly trying to pull you under

are you reaching out | Random Journal