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fluttering beats in the dark

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:: 2019 1 January :: 12.19pm

It's so strange and wonderful to be in love with so many people/places/pieces, all at once.

I choose to have faith that this is where I'm meant to be.

are you reaching out


:: 2018 29 December :: 9.56pm

i like to consensually choke girls in bed

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:: 2018 21 December :: 2.36pm
:: Mood: awed
:: Music: Debussy

I never knew it was possible to experience love like this


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:: 2018 6 December :: 9.14am

Feel like garbage this morning. Can't focus on work. Had a really fun night in with S last night, though. I don't know why I was in such a good mood, but it was nice to have energy for once.

This winter stuff is HARD. I already feel beaten down by the season. It's only December 6th. Every time I look outside I want to die.

Deep down, I am still the same person. Still capable of committing the old atrocities.

5 night time trust fallnight time trust falls | are you reaching out


:: 2018 5 December :: 9.18am

She grows extraordinarily quickly and flourishes even under the most deprived conditions, however sunlight-starved or snow-covered. Rather than wilting under adversity, she triumphs over it as easily as you or I would skip over a little stream. Her spirit is like a rapacious weed, with a fibrous vitality that burns and cuts your hands if you try to pull her from her roots. But o, how beautiful are her bright purple blossoms!

As children walking along the country roads of Michigan, we learn which species are named friend or foe, which are good to eat, nice to look at, and which must be eradicated. Many very respectable gardeners will caution against allowing weeds to exist in the garden. These unwanted specimens are known to be callous, unpredictable, greedy. Yet even now, as I look out from the window at my carefully cultured roses now asleep in their wintry beds, I long to see those simple purple wildflowers burst upon the scene, filling the garden with carefree, brilliant, indefatigable life.

for M

are you reaching out

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