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srsbsnsrunner

:: 2017 4 July :: 9.51pm

Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?

sing


koalalady

:: 2017 28 June :: 3.10pm
:: Music: Kygo

I used to know exactly what I needed. There was a time when I could wake up, walk outside, and feel what my body and my mind were craving. Now it's harder to tell. Now my instincts are less sure-footed.

But, in a lot of ways, I did get what I wanted. I got out of Cedar. I got to disappear. I got away from the people and the culture and the religion that I didn't really like that much. Despite my constant anxiety about being a "failure" who "everybody hates," I am a working artist. I am, quite objectively, making it.

BUT I WANT TO BE MAKING IT...MORE.

sing


poisonedheart

:: 2017 16 June :: 11.54pm


When something I hold dear is out to hurt me
I kick that feeble dream and whisper something like a prayer

No more shame, no more fear, no more dread

sing


koalalady

:: 2017 15 June :: 11.52pm

Goddamnit, the episode with Fry's mom in Futurama gets me every time. *sniff, sniff*

sing


koalalady

:: 2017 10 June :: 12.11pm
:: Mood: pensive

On Getting What You Want Out of Life
I have a habit of working myself all up to want something...really want something...and when I finally knock on the door of opportunity...I knock just once. Ba-dump bump, it's me, any room in the inn? and if it doesn't open, I turn away, go sit down, and remain motionless for years at a time.

I do not recommend this strategy.

sing


koalalady

:: 2017 8 June :: 12.31pm

"I'm not going to sit here and try to interpret the President's tweets."

sing


poisonedheart

:: 2017 9 May :: 8.40am



When I was a kid
My whole reality split
I was living a lie
I was a killing machine
I was a war lord
When I closed my eyes

I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
We had a real long talk
I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
They made the visions stop

When I was a kid
I was a total dick
To inanimate objects
The world beat the hell from me
I took it out on a tree
Great Illustrated Classics

I took it out on a fig tree
Out on the lawn
I took it out in the backyard (backyard!)
And behind Rite Aid
I took it out on the crates
And on the shopping carts

We were on another plane
I was the king of pain
In unspeakable cruelty
I set the mommy on fire
I set the baby on fire
Not even Jesus could stop me

I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
We had a real long talk
I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
They made the visions stop

I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
We had a real long talk
I had to talk to the teacher
She talked to my mom
They made the visions stop
Stop, stop

sing


koalalady

:: 2017 25 April :: 11.14am

I need more Shakespeare in my life. Miss that quirky dude.

sing


poisonedheart

:: 2017 25 April :: 1.09am

So I looked into your eyes and I saw the reflection
Of a coward you and I both hate very much

sing


koalalady

:: 2017 11 April :: 10.13am
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: general funk

Finally.
Another door shut. Another tangent I don't have to explore. The older I get, the less pressure I feel to twist myself into all these unnatural pretzel shapes. The less I feel the need to change to fit the image I see in my head, or to meet the expectations of others. Overall it's a good thing, but at the same time I'm left with more questions: If my path isn't being defined by the authorities in my life, by the institutions that I once looked up to, then it's all up to me. And what do I want it to look like?

Do I want to get married? To be somebody's wife? Is that something I ever really wanted?

I wish now more than ever that I hadn't shut you out. You believed in me, never mocked me for what I liked. What would you have said to me when I was ten years old?

What am I doing here?

sing

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