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:: 2003 31 October :: 12.49 pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Lit - My Own Worst Enemy

Your assignment is an unhappy one. (hehe I just had to use this title)
Heh heh... I was looking through my sister's blog and I ran into an entry she made earlier this summer while she was living with us before she shipped off to the land of the rising sun. I made some little harmless joke about her ass while she was asking me about how a pair of pants looked on her. So then she got the greeaat idea to draw it:

Aren't older siblings the greatest?
For my sake, I guess I shouldn't talk about people's asses anymore, huh... ;)

P.S. - Omg omg omg omg, she met Domo-kun! I am so jealous. Noona, you stink.
P.P.S. - Happy Halloween everyone!

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:: 2003 30 October :: 7.53 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: The Unseen - Are We Dead Yet?

So what if they're all poor and starving?
The other day (er, yesterday), I had an hour to kill after acting class and before Aikido, so I just kinda wandered through the northern end of the big campus and chanced upon the art and design college, so I strolled through it. My God it makes the rest of the school look shitty; it's a beautiful part of campus, and there are all these people just hanging around with sketchbooks doodling; such amazing artists... I wanna be one of them so badly. I am sooo registering early this time. I wonder what private art school will be like...

On a different note, Cassi sent me this link to this freaky-ass Indian music video, and it's pretty funny. Haha, the guy can really move. Aside from the utter cheesiness, the song's catchy... even if I have no idea what the hell this Daler Mehndi is saying. ;)
And no one tell you know who about you know what and we can all be happy. :)

That'll be all for now.

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:: 2003 28 October :: 6.30 pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings

For the love of God and all that is holy, MY [NOSE] IS BLEEDING!!!
Yesterday I was talking to Tim on his new AIM account...

hitokirivader (1:25:46 PM): my forehead is bleeding a lot right now for some freaky reason
hitokirivader (1:25:57 PM): i dunno, i just felt a drop come down and it was blood
hitokirivader (1:25:59 PM): hold on brb
Mac Monst3r (1:26:05 PM): that happens to non mac users sometimes
hitokirivader (1:28:43 PM): ok that was frigg'n creepy
hitokirivader (1:28:51 PM): oh so mac users are impervious to bleeding
Mac Monst3r (1:29:17 PM): what was it
Mac Monst3r (1:29:18 PM): yes

It was just some little cut I didn't know was there, but later that night I got a serious nosebleed for no apparent reason. I must be a hemophiliac. But hemophiliacs don't just spring blood leaks. Weird.
Anyways, school wasn't cancelled today, so I went and breathed in all those fumes and ash. It's snowing ash outside my window right now. It sucks that Old Glory is in danger of burning down; all of John Quigley's efforts up in flames, so to speak.

Hehe, I picked an idea for Kristal's novel. :)

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:: 2003 27 October :: 6.12 pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: Tupac & Dr. Dre - California Love

I was at CSUN this morning eating ditching my English class because I didn't want to listen to some boring informative speeches, enjoying a brisk early mornin' munchin' (hehe omg ok none of you got that right? good, ok moving on) and I look westward and see nothing but smoke. That wildfire is so scary when you're close up to it; the smoke pretty much filled up the entire sky in that direction. My Aikido instructor told us that while most of the smoke is whitish grey from the burning brush, here and there we'll see giant plumes of soot-black smoke. Those are the homes burning, along with all that chemical paint and whatnot. It's all over Simi Valley; I hope my violin teacher is ok since she lives there. Nearly two dozen have died... sheesh...
But as freaky as this wildfire is, I didn't let it ruin my day. I've been pretty depressed over this past week for unknown reasons (well, not unknown... but I won't go into it). But today I'm feeling a lot better. Dunno why, but I'll take advantage of it while it lasts. Don't bum me out, I'm on a roll. :)
Um, I don't know what else to say, sooo, uh... here's a funny quote from Stephen King:

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."

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:: 2003 26 October :: 1.25 am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Bernard Herrmann - Twisted Nerve

"Don't mess with the Wyoming queer, or they'll fuck you up good."
"Twisted Nerve" is stuck in my head... that whistling... it's driving me nuts... Yeah I finally got the KBV1 soundtrack and it rocks, aside from the whistling that's making my brain swell.

Anyways, I just saw "The Laramie Project," a really powerful play production at CSUN, the true story of a gay hate crime that took place 5 years ago in Wyoming. It was amazingly well constructed, covering all viewpoints on gay hate, and really made me think...
I was at some point somewhat homophobic, but several years ago my receptivity to differences grew and my views changed. I know a number of gay people and some of them are the nicest and coolest people I know. However, I do know a few homophobic people, and some being my friends, I've tried to assess their opinions on why they feel the way they do. Their arguments have some strengths, so I won't be too quick to criticize them for how they feel, but I just wonder how some people in this world can feel justified enough to torture and murder someone for being who they are. I can understand the existence of homophobia because it's human nature to fear what one can't understand, but hatred to that extent? And they think they're justified? Some people can do evil things and perhaps that may not be under their control, but everyone has a conscience... *sigh*
I'm bored and I need something to get my mind off of matters. Ah yes, sleep. Daylight Savings ends and I'll have myself an extra hour of it.

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:: 2003 24 October :: 11.22 am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: The White Stripes - Fell in Love With a Girl

I was thinking about the universe again...
...and as a firm believer in science and logic, I believe all mysteries of the universe have a scientific and logical explanation. Whether or not the extent of human intelligence and intellectual capacity can comprehend these so-called vindications to the full magnitude may be in question, and frankly, I doubt it. All things considered, this is what I believe.

All matter consists of particles. Galaxies, nebulae, systems, planets... us. Amid these finite particles is infinite space, but space does not affect these particles, other particles do. All of these particles contain energy that cannot be created nor destroyed, and thus the universe of particles is in eternal motion. But the motion of these particles is judged by none other than the motion of other particles. That is the universe. If some impossible (yet in this case hypothetical), singular mind could somehow comprehend the location and velocity of every particle in the universe, all of the past and future could be determined. But notwithstanding, this is impossible.

But what of the greatest mystery of the universe? All science points to the human brain, the human consciousness, as an anomaly of science itself. It cannot be explained by our science, and thus, many believe it can never be explained by our science, and from this belief many religions are based... the concept of the soul and the supernatural. But I think of this and wonder... "our science..." is this simply an element beyond the boundaries of our current level of comprehension (I say current because this may not always be true)? I believe it is, and I believe that our mind, just as everything in the universe, is simply particles in motion, and thus the hypothetical yet impossible mind can predict this and the future as well. But enough of this mind; it does not exist and can never exit. Or does it? Is it God? God... is supernatural. And while I don't believe that elements beyond explanation can exist, the supernatural may very well be something beyond human comprehension... beyond me.

Which brings me straight back to the beginning. How will we ever know if there are elements of our universe and our existence beyond science and logic if we simply cannot comprehend the extent of what can be explained? That is impossible...
And thus the world continues to move forward, and mankind continues to search for a meaning in existence. Is there a meaning to our existence? Or are we simply just... particles in perpetual motion...

I need a Red Bull; can't you tell? ;)

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:: 2003 23 October :: 12.29 am
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: Green Day - Hitchin' a Ride

Aw shit yeah check this out!
Liz and Tim took this thing so I felt obligated to do the same. Duuude... I'm the Architect...

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.
Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

INTP - The Wizard

...but you can call me Larry. :D

"You do NOT want to see me get out of this chair! Ergo open your yapper one more time and I'm going to architect a world of pain over your candy ass! ERGO! VIS A VIS!! CONCORDANTLY!!!"
Hehe, I love Will Ferrell. Mugatu was the coolest guy in Zoolander.

Btw, aside from slight inconveniences in the playlist fuctions, iTunes is so much cooler than Winamp3.

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:: 2003 22 October :: 12.44 am
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: Everclear - Santa Monica

Are we idiots? Maybe we just haven't realized it...
I was thinking again (omg run for you lives), thinking back on my childhood, my recent years, and the future...
A few little things I saw or heard in these past couple days have made long dormant memories of my childhood come back to me, and all I could do was smile and laugh at how innocent and silly life was as a child. I remember way back when; I had thought I had this world down, but compared to me now, my view of the world was far from complete. But then again, who's to say my view right now is complete? Our minds learn and grow through experience, but if we can't anticipate the future and what we'll become, we're just sitting ducks wallowing in false hopes that what we do is not in vain.
When I think back to my more recent years, I can't help but pine over some really terrible decisions I've made, only making me want to go back and slap some sense in me. Just like when considering how I've changed since childhood, I feel far more worldly and wiser right now than I did in high school, but unfortunately where I am now is for the most part based on decisions I've made in recent years... what I now consider years of ignorance. In high school, I felt ready to take on the world and make my own decisions, but my present-day self would have never let me dream of doing such a thing. I feel like I'm my own parent, and I feel like I've failed at raising myself, miserably. Whatever happened to all of that potential? I was too damn busy living in the present doing jack squat to take any advantage of it. And someday, I'll probably live to regret what I'm doing right now. Namely, I guess that's why I avoid doing a lot of things, like drugs, that I might regret; I'm too goddamn afraid that I'll feel even worse about what the hell I've done with my time and how I've disregarded my future. I've had enough regret in my life to know that I sincerely hate it.

I think Pvt. L.L. Church from "Red vs. Blue" put it best when he said:

"You are a goddamn idiot. And I'd like to prove this mathematically if I may. Take your current age. Now subtract 10 years from it. Were you smart back then? Of course you weren't! You were a goddamn idiot! The fact of the matter is, you're just as big an idiot today... it's just gonna take you 10 more years to realize it."

Why am I so depressed? I was happy 2 minutes ago. Ugh. I'll be happy once I get some sleep.

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:: 2003 21 October :: 5.06 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Orgy - Stitches

Oh the things you do when you're bored...
Do you ever Google your name? I know a few people do sometimes when they're bored. If your last name isn't too unique (my last name is too common for my own good), often you can find a whole bunch of semi-famous people out there really making a name out of... you... sorta.

So apparently I'm a 60-year-old blues guitarist who's been blind since he was eight. Here's my official fansite, and you can buy all of my CD's here. I'm also some bodybuilding skydiving medical student guy with a website. I'm also apparently a clothing store in Santa Barbara.

And some freaky shirtless Aussie Korean dude with my name has registered it as a domain name... hehe.

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:: 2003 20 October :: 8.30 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Rancid - David Courtney

Mount Fuji-yama - Mount Mount Fuji

PIN Number - Personal Identification Number Number

The La Brea Tar Pits - The The Tar Tar Pits

that's all folks

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