So I have to get back in the swing of updating. For right now there won't be too much, I'll make a post all about Japan soon I swear. Postcards may or may not be coming. I haven't uploaded my 400 some pictures yet, either. :P
So my trip is in 10 days. I have 800 US dollars in spending money. :O This is the most money I've ever had in my entire life. It makes me very sad, and I feel terribly guilty to the point of tears. My parents sacrifice so much for me and I hate it because I'm not worthy of any of it D: All the money they've spent on this stupid trip could have gone to something inmportant. My mom could have used it to help fix her teeth. My dad could have used his share to help get him the help he needs right now, but instead they waste it all on their stupid little daughter and her pathetic dreams. It's terrible.
By the way. I found out that my hypnagogia is caused by a purple dragon with a long neck named Dudly. I'm not making this up, I saw him, and it came to me that HE does it.
Be careful when reaching into water because you might accidently pull out your double. That's what the lady in my dream taught me. I was her apprentice, she was teaching me magic. Apparently this was a very important lesson :O Also, lightning can reveal the truth.
EDIT:
i need to really start proofreading these things :O
While I was babysitting we were at the neighbors' because he likes to play with the neighbor girls around his age (one is 8, one is 10, ev is 7). And the girls were climbing their swingset even though they're not supposed to. The mom told them to get down and they argued and back-talked but eventually came down, and when the mom was out of sight, the girl said : "God, I hate her. She is an evil stepmother." WOAH. Okay, you're fucking 10 years old. You don't hate your momI And, I don't know if it was the other girl or not, but she said "Sometimes I feel like just runing away and getting out of here."
And at that time, I thought:
If climbing on the swingset is the worst of your problems, then you have it VERY good.
And at that time, I realized:
I thought that because she is younger and doesn't understand the world, hating her mom because she won't let her climb the swingset. When I am an adult, I will look back to where I am now, and be thinking along similar lines.
::
2006 9 June :: 10.21 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: [Phantasmagoria] + [Moonlit Revival ~into the phantasmagoria~]
I got sun poisoning XD It's utterly amazing. Well, acutally it's itchy but still amazing. I don't know why i find it so amusing but it totally is. I broke out in a rash on my arms from being outside. Now, normaly i don't GO outside (which is probably why i got it), but Ev hates it being indoors.
active little boy + pale-assed loser = the recipe for sun poisoning
So now i must stay inside (not possible when i'm babysitting, during the hottest hours of the day!) but outside i must be 'screened at all times and i have to hide in the shade. XD
mike put it "vampirism stage 2" i might as well be a vampire XD
it's funny, there's a break in the rash where i wear my bracelettes. ha. it's all pale and normal there.
I'm so much cooler than you<3
on a different note, i finally got mosnter rancher evo!
::
2006 8 June :: 11.16 am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: [Shonen Knife] + [Lazybone (LP Version)]
i don't wanna get up early in the morning, i wanna sleep all day
so, updates, updates.. um..
I've been babysitting Ev now, he's alright, but his filthy 'activeness' is wearing me out. After one short bike ride i'm ready to die. But then, i guess it's good for me, so.. I have to go today. But like, when i get home i fall alseep and i'm ready for bed at like 9 O.o That's not summer! damnit, maybe i'll get used to this after a few weeks.. maybe.
So this Saturday should prove to be most delightful. My mom said she'll take me junk shopping tp these junk stores she really likes (val is probably coming too, but, i don't want her to .__. that'll spoil it) and then that night Als is allowed to sleep over!
I'm in love with Oscar Wilde.
"The artist is the creator of beautiful things.
To reveal art and to conceal the artist is art's aim.
The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new
material his impression of beautiful things.
The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode
of autobiography.
Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are currupt
without being charming. This is a fault.
Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful
things are cultivated. For these there is hope.
They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty.
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book.
Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.
The nineteenth century dislike of Realism is the rage of Caliban
seeing his own face in a glass.
The nineteenth century dislike of Romanticism is the
rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in the glass.
The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of
the artist, but the morality of art consists in the prefect use
of an imperfect medium.
No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true
can be proved.
No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy
is an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style.
No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express
everything.
Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an
art.
Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art.
From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is the art
of the musician. From the point of view of feeling, the actor's
craft is the type.
All art is at once surface and symbol.
Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.
Those who read the symbols do so at their peril.
It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.
Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work
is new, complex, and vital.
When critics disagree the artist is in accord with himself.
We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he
does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is
that one admires it intensely.
All art is quite useless."
-Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
So Oscar Wilde has stollen my heart. I've but started this book this morning and already i've become infatuated. But then, it doesn't take much. And if it is indeed him on the cover, he is quite handsome <3 But that's not why I'm in love with him.
I like babytalking, popcorn without butter,
and any boy who will pay attention to these requirements
I'm an "optimistic" "beauty". Never impolite.
Easy like Saturday (mid-day).
Breezy, chilled-out, dumb grrl.
That's life with me, I know.
Around and around you will go.
But, if I French-kiss you in the broad daylight,
You'll fall in love.. Oh, oh, oh
That's life with me, I know.
I am pretending to be a free-bouncing lover
I wear my "Defensive Mask of Optimism" like a badge
Ultimately, I am much too lazy to change
I'm rather conditioned to my life of melodrama
That's life with me, I know.
Around and around you will go.
But, if I French-kiss you in the broad daylight,
You'll fall in love.. Oh, oh, oh
That's life with me, I know.
That's life with me - that's how it will be my friend:
a roller coaster ride you won't forget.
I am just a mess!
I am just a mess - at best.
I'm a "blue-ribbon prizewinner" till the end
That's life with me, I know.
Around and around you will go.
But, if I French-kiss you in the broad daylight,
You'll fall in love.. Oh, oh, oh
That's life with me, I know.
That's life with me, I know.
Around and around you will go.
But, if I French-kiss you in the broad daylight,
You'll fall in love.. Oh, oh, oh
That's life with me.
i've got to say hello to an old friend
This was not a good weekend. The whole issues with my sister, and the issue of my father's job security and all this other stuff as gotten my dad really stressed, and he's been taking something. He wasn't right all weekend, like, he was really out of it. I keep telling him how i wanted to go the library but he forgot. Then i had to keep reminding him that I had to get poster board for my project and he kept asking when i need it and what for, but finally he got up and got it. He was upset because he made me cry. His eyes were all red and watery all the time and he said it was the cats, bullshit. He's on something. At my meeting he said he had a headache and went out in the car for the whole thing. It was really upsetting me, and i'm really worried. I kept asking him if he wanted me to call mom and have her take me, but he objected. He was mumbling wierd things all weeked. I told all of this to my mom, and she told me that my dad has an issue where he gets depressed easily and he doesn't handle stress well, so he take pills. And she told me how he has a mild drinking problem; he drinks like my mom smokes. I saw him drinking on the weekend and my mom said that alcohol makes the effects of the pills worse. Because of the issue with my dad's mom, my dad is convinced that my sister is suicidal and that she's going to hurt herself, and that's all he was asking me about this weekend and i'm sick of telling him that I DON'T KNOW. And so now my mom was telling me she noticed this past month how he's been out of it too, and well, it's bad, and i feel like crying again.
they say that rock is dead, and they're probably right
So, i do believe an update is in order. Although i never have anything important nor exciting nor inciteful to say.
I got my hair cut today! It's not different really, but my bangs are all cool now :D Not exactly how i wanted them, i want them more blunt but i'll get that fixed next appointment. And i got my eyebrows done, um, it was weird, it didn't really hurt that much, just like ripping off a bandaide... they look alright i guess?
there's more, but.. ah well. screw it.. it was kind of important but oh well.
::
2006 3 May :: 10.05 pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: ¢SUGIZO & THE SPANK YOUR JUICE£ + ¢EXORCISM£
so... Bob called me around 7:30 because they were going to funeral and were wondering if i would babysit. Of course i said yes, i can't say no like that, because i have no real reason not to... and it's just not in my power. So from 8-9:30 was i babysitting, it wasn't that bad though, i did some puzzles with Alex until 9 when he had to go to bed, but then he forgot about his homework and had to do (god, having to listen to first graders read would be the best military torture tactic) and so then he went to bed and all was well. So, i was talking to Bob abour Nekromantix, and then he was telling me that his friend saw Madsen in cleveland (the german band) and the one guy from Nekromantix did some stuff on the cd, and so Bob gave them Coffin Banger cd's X3 he said he was the cd, and he'll copy it for me (the copy i got from german class is missing two songs) I hope American doesn't bastardize them and make them the next hot thing. Foreign music shouldn't be popular in the US.
Oh, yes, and the new floor is in! And the toilet is back! Now Jess is working on putting the sink in, the new sink is so cool and pretty, it makes me feel like we're rich lol.