Fool enough to almost be it Cool enough to not quite see it Doomed Pick your pockets full of sorrow And run away with me tomorrow June We'll try and ease the pain But somehow we'll feel the same Well, no one knows Where our secrets go I send a heart to all my dearies When your life is so, so dreary Dream I'm rumored to the straight and narrow While the harlots of my perils Scream And I fail But when I can, I will Try to understand That when I can, I will Mother weep the years I'm missing All our time can't be given Back Shut my mouth and strike the demons That cursed you and your reasons Out of hand and out of season Out of love and out of feeling So bad When I can, I will Words defy the plans When I can, I will Fool enough to almost be it And cool enough to not quite see it And old enough to always feel this Always old, I'll always feel this No more promise no more sorrow No longer will I follow Can anybody hear me I just want to be me When I can, I will Try to understand That when I can, I will


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the sun shines but i don't

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:: 2011 24 January :: 9.01pm

I keep getting asked what married life is like or how married life is going as if I underwent some magical transformation at 5pm on October 23 and I woke up as a new species, a new life form, on October 24: Wife.

My response is always: it's exactly the same, nothing has changed.

And in a way, that's true. But really I only respond that way because I don't know how else to answer and I don't think people are really expecting an answer beyond "fantastic" or "wonderful." So I answer the same way every time I'm asked.

It's exactly the same. Nothing's changed.

And really, the day to day stuff has not changed at all. That comes with territory though and has nothing to do with marriage or our marriage. When you date someone for 6.5 years and live with them for 3.5, there's not much that changes once you put a title on the relationship.

However I'm still lying when I say nothing has changed. I have changed. Nick has changed. My name has changed.

My name has changed. I didn't think this would be such a big deal to me and I still don't feel it is that much of a big to-do but I do feel the change intimately. I never was really in the feminist/non-name changing camp as I always felt that changing your name was a part of the marriage just like middle school follows elementary school. It is what you do. So I did it because that's what you do. And despite changing my name on Facebook almost immediately (peer pressure is a thing, children) I procrastinated and didn't process the legal name change until January. And now this is who I am. I am not a Greggs, I am a Hazen. My voicemail still says Greggs, at work I am still Greggs but in the eyes of the government of the United States of America and the state of Michigan, I am a Hazen. Who I am as a person and who I identify myself as has changed.

I always thought names were strange. Nick's name isn't Nick, it's Nicholas but to everyone and to himself, he is Nick. Oliver and I were talking about this the other day in relation to celebrities. He was wondering if celebrities' spouses call them their birth name or their stage name. He used Fergie as an example. Is she Fergie at home? To her husband? To her friends? Is she Fergie to her parents?

Now I'm not the person I was for 23 years of my life. I'm someone new, someone different, someone married. I have to learn to respond to a new name, a new title. I'm a wife, I'm married, I'm a Hazen, I'm a Mrs. It's all so very strange that I don't know how I'll get used to it. I'm sure that 23 years from now, I won't be able to imagine it being any different.

I always knew that Nick and I were together for the long haul and we were in this forever, even before we got married. We were good kids and we talked about marriage for quite some time. We talked about getting married like it was some great accomplishment far off and far away from us. Being married was something that happened to other people. We would get there someday but it wasn't today and it wasn't tomorrow. Then suddenly it was tomorrow and then just as suddenly it was today. And then just as quickly it was yesterday and a month ago and two months ago and yesterday it was three months ago and I didn't even notice. We passed this great threshold, this life defining moment, this milestone, this sacrament and it was just a day. Now we're here and it's exactly the same.

But it's not.

I don't know how to describe this feeling to people who aren't married and that's why I haven't been trying. I'm married. I have someone who will always have my back. I have someone who is always on my mind, who is the most important person in my life and someone who is my best friend. All these things were true even before we signed a piece of paper and said those vows but now it's different. Now I have someone with me for the rest of my life. I have someone who will always be there and someone I know I can always turn to for help. I have someone who I can call my husband. I have someone I'm legally bound to and who is bound to me. I have someone who loved me enough to spend all that money on one day to celebrate being us. Together. Finally.

I am married to a wonderful man and someday I will be married to and will have been with Nick for longer than I've been without him (June 13, 2021 to be exact). We will be with each other for the rest of our lives. It's an amazing feeling that didn't really hit me until our "staycation" honeymoon when I cried that afternoon in our hotel room, holding on to my new life. I was a wife celebrating her marriage to her husband and the overwhelming non-change change just threw me. It still hits me hard sometimes and it always surprises me the most when people ask me how married life is. It's not exactly the same but I can't very well tell this story can I?

I also am now deeply affected by any sad/happy stories about married couples. Whether reading a story about the death of a spouse or a child or just thinking about how hard it must have been for immigrants to leave their families behind, I get upset. Thinking about how my great-great great granduncle (or whatever he was) left his wife and traveled on the world's largest unsinkable ship to America, I get teary. I know how Fahim Leeni must have felt when he left his wife of four month for something better. I know how people feel when they are separated from their spouses. I know this because I know this feeling, I know how people feel when they are together.

How's married life?

It's about the same.

4 ..... | ....


:: 2010 13 October :: 5.52pm

I'm getting married in a week.



:: 2010 2 September :: 1.16am


This freakout brought to you by wedding stress. For when you really want to stay up all night worrying about shit you could not care less about, there's wedding stress!

3 ..... | ....


:: 2010 8 July :: 2.12am

This is where I just keep talking and you guys can leave at any time
I have sunburn for the second time in my life and it sucks even worse than the first time as I am not 10 years old and have to work. At least I only have sunburn on my back, shoulders and knees unlike poor Nick whose face is red and peeling. I learned long ago that the first place I put sunscreen on is my face, especially on my nose and ears.

I've been sick for about a week now, just congested and gross and haven't been able to taste food for that entire terrible week. I was starting to think I wouldn't be able to ever taste food again (I had nightmares about tasteless Popeye's chicken and I cried a little) so I went into the bathroom with half a box of Puffs and emerged victorious! I then ate some ham dip and Pita House for lunch.

Speaking of Puffs, how great is it to be a company that has become a household name. I almost typed Kleenex before realizing I bought Puffs (because the only Kleenex at Meijer were the ones with lotion which gross me out and don't have nice, pretty boxes (Great selling point, companies! You've got me down pat. I take these to work and I want to look stylish while I wipe my nose every five minutes.)) and I was thinking about proprietary eponyms. Kleenex, Jello, Google, Vaseline, Q-Tips, Frisbee, Band-Aid, Velcro, Thermos...even Hi-Lighter. It's very interesting how our language has absorbed brand names as actual words. Maybe I'm just watching too much Mad Men.

I took a break from wedding planning for a week or two because I was having dreams about it and stressing out. Now I'm just more overwhelmed because apparently invitations are to be sent out 8 weeks before the wedding (which is the last weekend in August and OMFG IT IS JULY ALREADY WTF YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN TIME KTHX) and I keep having to explain to people (at work) that yes, I'm getting married, no he hasn't proposed. After 6 years, we knew we were going to do this, I don't need some hard consolidated mineral matter (thanks,!) on my finger to know that it's happening. Also, Nick lost his job which means we will soon need a cheaper and less awesome place to live which makes me sad but means more wedding money which we seriously need because my parents have said in the past that they aren't paying for it because they paid for their wedding so I can pay for mine. Although my mom did offer to help out after I called to tell her Nick lost his job. And I might need that help after seeing the price of these places. And my mom is the best dealfinder to ever hit deals.

Have you ever planned a wedding by the way? I don't know why in the world people want to stretch these things out over 6 months or even over a year! I'm stressed out already and I only have to deal with this for 4 months. I talked to Nick about it and he got me to calm down and figure out priorities which immediately made me want to throw up but I'm getting things done, kids (while throwing up)! I'm not actually calling anyone (because it's 2am and I talk to people on the phone all day at work why would I want to do it for leisure) but I've sent out emails and I have a few days off next week so hopefully I can get the hardest parts (ceremony and reception location) out of the way so I can think about food and food. And Nick was completely useless but now that he has time he is very useful.

Okay, this is getting long and I want to go watch another episode of Mad Men before I hop in my oatmeal bath so I'll stop now.

I love you all.

1 .... | ....


:: 2010 24 June :: 2.05pm

Nick lost his job.

They eliminated the entire department.

Talked to him, he said the wedding is still on. He actually said "Why wouldn't it still be on?"

He says we'll be okay. He gets severance and we'll be fine as long as we move out of our awesome expensive apartment.

Just crazy timing.

1 .... | ....


:: 2010 19 June :: 2.46am

Nick and I set a date.

October 23, 2010.

No, he didn't propose yet. Yes, I'm crazy. Yes, I'm planning it already.

I just figured that if I'm going to get married by the end of the year, I should start planning. I made him set a date without formally proposing since I already know we're going to get married (and have known for years). Talking to my mom (she was naming places and planning and talking about dropping her dress off and food and who to was awesome), really kick-started the process.

I also realized time is flying by and it's almost July. Like I said, if I want to get this done this year, I should start planning now.

I'm not counting myself as engaged until the ring is on the finger but this is official, kids. I'm not joking.

I'm more excited about this than I think I will be about the proposal.

I love you all.

P.S. I wanted to get married earlier but Nick and I already have the days off of work for October (and we won't have the money by August or September) so I figured why not do it then. I hate that being an adult means planning our wedding around when we can get time off but it's better than never doing it!

P.P.S. I wanted October 10 because then it would be 10-10-10 and Nick would remember it easily. Also 101010 in binary? 42. Perfect. But Nick said he's not planning our wedding on a day "because it looks good in binary" and he sent me this:

public static main()
If (you == "robot")
Console.WriteLine("Are you sure?);

P.P.P.S. I don't think Nick's mentioned it to his family yet. I kind of don't want to yet because his older sister just got engaged and I don't want to ruin her moment. Everyone should have a moment that is all about them. Like birthday week. I just told people at work because I was excited.

P.P.P.P.S. Nick's grandfather is doing okay. Thanks, everyone. They ended up not giving him bypass surgery and just putting stints in because they don't think he could handle bypass. However, they give him a good 3-5 years as he is so yay for mediocre health!

3 ..... | ....


:: 2010 7 June :: 1.24am

Nick's grandfather had a heart attack on Saturday and had a smaller one (without knowing it) earlier last week.

He's in the ICU with very low blood pressure and a very low pulse. He was going to have surgery tomorrow but his blood pressure is still very low and the blood thinners haven't left his system yet.

He's in the hospital up in Cadillac. As long as the surgery goes well, we will be visiting him later this week. Luckily, Nick and I both have some days off already scheduled (for our anniversary but whatever, family is first).

Happy thoughts would be welcome.

Love you kids.

4 ..... | ....


:: 2010 31 May :: 2.56am

Nick and I are moving to the Seattle area (Redmond or Bellevue, probably) next year.

This is as long as he finishes what he's doing at CC and gets accepted to the school he wants to go to out there. Both of which are very likely and probably most definitely will happen.

So, I'm already pretty nervous/excited about this. Moving out west means higher rent, higher gas prices, higher everything but it's what we've wanted to do for a long time and now we have the chance to do it. Plus it means maybe a scooter for me which ohmanissoexcitingkidsiamsoexcited.

Things I am currently nervous about:
The actual moving process
Moving our 2 cats
Finding a job
Finding a place to live

Any tips on cross-country or long distance moving between now and July 2011 would be appreciated. I have moved states before but only when I was too young to help out or know the logistics of the whole process. And it was never more than 6 hours away. Also, any Seattle advice would be welcomed with open arms.

I love you all.

P.S. This move means we definitely will get married this year. Exclamation point.

7 ..... | ....


:: 2010 10 May :: 1.45pm

I got an invite to my high school reunion. The thought of going makes me want to cry.

I just saw these people. I haven't changed. My hair is a little shorter, I guess. I got new glasses. I've been dating the same guy I dated in high school for almost 6 years now and I've been living with him for the past 3 years. I'm a supervisor in a call center. None of these things make me want to see these people.

Oh and look at what the invite says: "Remember parents, even though children aren't invited, bring pictures!!" SOME OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE KIDS. KIDS THAT I HAVE TO FEIGN INTEREST IN. I'M NOT EVEN ENGAGED. PUKE PUKE PUKE.

Also, if I wanted to reconnect or see any of these people, I'd already have done so.

That being said, I still haven't decided if I'm going.

2 ..... | ....


:: 2010 15 April :: 2.16am

I just want a crappy car (NOT TRUCK) that I can drive to work. Is that too much to ask for?

Craigslist is letting me down for the first time ever. All it has are trucks and winstars.

Nick won't let me get the mustang convertible for some reason.

2 ..... | ....


:: 2010 11 April :: 2.52am
:: Music: SHARKS IN VENICE on SyFy

Real quick because I don't really feel like writing but I do feel like you guys deserve an update.

I got a promotion at work after being here for 10.5 months. woo. I will now be making 65 cents more (plus shift bonuses). I've actually been acting in this position for a month so it's nothing new. I did it last November but I just realized I only mentioned this on my other blog so I better link to that so I don't have to explain anything because I'm feeling lazy.

Nick and I got awesome tax returns and put most of it away in our savings account for an engagement ring. So that should happen soon. I don't know, Nick's being vague about it. He's all "I have a plan" and "stop bugging me" and "I want to make it special". It's annoying.

I DVR'd both Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus and Mega Piranha. I've been wanting to watch the former for about a year now and the latter was just too good to pass up. I mean, seriously? Here's the synopsis on my DVR: "Giant mutant piranha escape from the Amazon and head for Florida." You know what? Just watch the trailers:
Read more..

And now I'm watching Sharks in Venice which has terrible Italian accents, Stephen Baldwin and the synopsis "A great white shark menaces the waterways of Venice." Oh and it wasn't even filmed in Venice. That was too hard. This soundstage is terrible and the music is even worse.

So I think that's it. I'll try to write more often but nowadays I sleep and work and I'm lucky if I have the energy to do anything else.

Still love you all, by the way.

P.S. I forgot to mention that today Stupid Cat not only pooped on the only rug in the bathroom but also peed on it right before I went to take a shower. He (it could have been the Other Cat, but I doubt it because he's not dumb) then proceeded to PEE AGAIN in the same spot (and waited until we got home to do it!!) because he is a jerk.

P.P.S. Before you try to diagnose Stupid Cat with some Stupid Urinary Infection or Stupid Bowel Disease, he did the first Stupid Move because their litter needed to be changed and the Second Stupid Dumbass Jerk Move because I apparently didn't get rid of the smell well enough and he's a big meenie.

P.P.P.S. Update from my Adventures in Wikipedia:
"Empire State of Mind got at most 20 million views on youtube (combining all the videos of the song together) They thought that this song was going to be a bigger success; however, only the east coast and the west coast knew about this song. This song was a failure due to the amount of views it got, they were desperate on youtube so they gave it acouple million more views than it originally had. Only 10 radio stations put this song on air in the whole entire world, only 10 radio stations had it on. Due to this, Jay Z quit singing and Alicia Keys retired aswell. Many were shocked and disappointed"



:: 2010 10 January :: 3.01am

I just watched Return to Me and then played some Assassin's Creed. I now have the world's strongest yearning to go back to Italy. Seriously.

I think Italian will be my next language to learn. After I finish my current goals, of course.

Oh, here are my New Year's whatevers:
(Check out that underline, this is official, kids.)

Read the Bible (that I've had since third grade) and blah-g about it.

Read the Qur'an (that I received from the wonderful CAIR) and blah-g about it.

Find a church that I like (and actually go and check it out). Current prospects: Fountain Street Church and Grand Rapids Friends.

Get married (ha ha, a girl can dream).

I love you all.

1 .... | ....


:: 2010 5 January :: 3.02am

Things that make me happy
Nick did NOT propose to me on Christmas or on New Year's Eve. I have taught him well.

I have tomorrow off.

I switched a comp day with someone so I can have my birthday off and the guy was SO nice about it that I might make him cookies or something.

I received a cookbook and an apron for Christmas. Both of which I asked for and are awesome.

I still have my Christmas wreath up and I think Nick forgot it was there so I will keep it FOREVER.

I went to bed last night at 10:40pm and woke up at 8am.

My boss asked Nick and I out to dinner with him and his girlfriend.

It is my birthday month!

1 .... | ....


:: 2009 19 December :: 2.02am

We learned today that we are getting Christmas bonuses! Yay! And then if I get my doing-my-job bonus, I will have money to pay bills and rent and school loans!

yay for crappy job that makes me feel grown up!

1 .... | ....


:: 2009 15 December :: 2.33am

I should not eat when Nick is not around to edit my eating habits. He is asleep since he has to work at 7 am tomorrow.

Things I have eaten since Nick went to bed at 1:
Spaghetti with sauce and Parmesan cheese and green olives
Reheated TGIFriday's French fries (reheated in a pan with olive oil and crazy seasonings)
Green olives
Warmed up tortilla with above seasoning/spices and leftover oil along with garlic, sour cream and feta (the sour cream was a TERRIBLE idea... ugh)
More green olives
Snicker's bar

We don't have any food in the house. That is the main reason I ate a bunch of junk. Also I just went with my cravings. Usually Nick stops me before I add the sour cream. I am feeling really awful and would like to just throw everything up, please.



:: 2009 30 November :: 4.06am
:: Music: George of the Jungle

Recent thoughts with added emphasis
I like the idea of Montreal (much like one enjoys the idea having a baby but not the pushing it out of your own vagina part or the human being inside me thing or much like one may love the idea of organizing a bookshelf by color but not actually having said bookshelf (I cannot find any book I am searching for. Surprise, surprise, I do not remember my books by color.)) but that whole French thing always turns me off. Gravy and cheese curds on French fries? I am there. Calling it poutine? Sorry, I'll pass. Maybe next time. With bacon. And a not French name. Losers.

I think I might have mentioned it before but this I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant show is insane. How the fuck do you not know you are pregnant? "Oh I had missed my period two months in a row but I just thought it was stress." "I had a craving for tacos but I just like tacos, you know?" "I thought I had to poop and then a baby was in the toilet." What the fuck, kids? And they never have any prenatal care but the baby is always fine. While people who take care of themselves have sick babies. Also, what sexually-active woman is not hyper-aware of every single thing that is going on with her body period-wise?

I am having more and more dreams that involve someone sending me back to France for some reason. And I'm not allowed to leave for some other strange reason. Like I lose my passport or I lose a piece of luggage and cannot leave until it is found. I suppose that is what I get for speaking French all day.

Speaking of...speaking French, I think I speak more French in my average work day than I ever did during my 8 years of studying it in school. Probably even more than I did in an average day in France. I really hate myself for not speaking more French while I was there but whatever. I went to Budapest, bitches. French didn't matter. Now I talk about having votre numero de reservation and combien des chambres voudriez-vous and sorry, you need a carte de credit and who doesn't have an adresse email these days? My dreams are just filled with more French.

My sister is studying in Innsbruck, Austria next year. For the whole year. My mom didn't want her to go for the entire year because she didn't want to pay for Notre Dame with my sister not even being in the country but somehow they got over that. Also, next year is the motherfucking bicentennial of Oktoberfest so my friend and I were already planning on going to Munich. She lived in Germany for a long time and knows people we can stay with for free. We would only have to pay for airfare and food/drink money. My sister and I are planning a European tour since we can handle most countries with my French and her German.

I need to learn to play an instrument. I am thinking something terribly hipster like a ukulele or organ. I've always wanted a hurdy gurdy.

I have no clue what to get anyone for Christmas. Personne, kids. Not even Nick. It is terrible. I know what Nick wants but I can't buy him a 400 dollar laptop/netbook or whatever. And I can think of things I would like for him but nothing he would actually like. You know how guys are. I can think of about twenty things I think he would like but he would just say "oh, thanks." And not really enjoy them because it's nothing he wants. You know? And of course if you ask him what he wants, he never knows.

Nick does many things to annoy the heck out of me because he thinks it is cute when I'm mad. One of these is not putting the new toilet paper roll on the holder. He knows it drives me insane, so he doesn't do it. Every single time he does(n't do) it, I fake yell at him for it. It's what we do. It's our joke. Anyway, the other day, I was joking with him about it and he said he'll always do it. It's his thing, and it won't ever stop. And I said, "Just like it's never lupus." So today when I went to shout at him about it, he said, "It's never lupus."

I am torn about Monk ending this week. It jumped the shark years ago but it has always been one of my favorite shows. I almost have Nick hooked on it but I think it will be like West Wing, I will talk about it for years and he won't watch it until it's OFN and then he'll fall in love with it and talk about it like it's something new.

I read about the newest game from Team Ico and it looks like it's going to be only for the PS3. This may be the game that forces my hand into buying a stupid PS3. Damn you, Team Ico. DAMN YOU.

Nick's parents got us an electric fireplace for Christmas (and already gave it to us, obviously) and it is awesome. The smart cat has only slept on it once so far but their favorite thing seems to being going behind it for some reason. Silly cats. We totally tripped a breaker with it already too. Which was bound to happen since it's on the same plug with the xbox and the router and the modem and the TV and the cable box and the surround sound and the Wii.

I've typed for about an hour now so I think that more than makes up for my silence. I'm out, kids.

I love you all &c.

P.S. I was watching Zero Punctuation's review of Modern Warfare 2 and the little line he always puts in the credits said, "I wonder what kind of gun fires with a noise that most closely approximates the word 'BANG.'" I read this to Nick and he replied, wittily, "An onomato-P9." This is why I want to marry this kid.

P.P.S. Earlier today, we were eating pizza and watching Away We Go and we couldn't find the TV remote. We looked everywhere but it was nowhere to be found. Finally, after the movie was over (98 minutes after it was lost) and we began a hardcore-retracing-steps mission. This mission was quickly completed when Nick found the remote in his pocket. This is why I will keep this kid around.

2 ..... | ....


:: 2009 19 October :: 2.04am

Oh, Wikipedia, you slay me
"Vaughn dated two of his The Break-Up co-stars: actress Joey Lauren Adams during the filming of 1999's A Cool, Dry Place[9] and jon favreau between 2005 and 2006."

Ha ha. I'm totally not fixing that. That's awesome.

Also, in the discussion:
"This article seems incomplete without some mention and/or photo of his weird right thumb."


"Vince looks part black...he has some skeletons in the closet. he looks quadroon to me like he has black grandma"



:: 2009 16 October :: 7.32pm

Speaking of...
Look what I noticed today, kids!

Read more..

2 ..... | ....


:: 2009 15 October :: 6.52pm

I just unsubscribed from a wedding blog because they offered the most retarded wedding tip ever: "Etiquette strictly forbids listing where you've registered on your invitations, so enlist your families, bridesmaids and groomsmen to spread the word - tactfully, please!"

What. How does that make sense? That's just rude. Everyone knows you want gifts and that you registered somewhere. Making them ask you or someone else about it is just rude.

In other news, I'm thinking maybe I should clean up my RSS feeds. I last checked them at 5 am this morning and I now have 53 unread items. Omg.

7 ..... | ....


:: 2009 7 October :: 12.58am

I downloaded Ubuntu today. It is pretty cool.

Except a bunch of things didn't install correctly or automatically so I spent the first two hours fumbling around the internets and learning new things by stumbling blindly into terms I'd never heard before in my life.

I did get to relive fun DOS times in a place called Terminal. It made me feel like I was 6 again and booting up Lion King Print Studio. I never printed anything, we didn't have a printer. I just made cards. And didn't save them. P.S. Windows 3.1 and that cat/mouse cheese game, you will always have a special place in my heart.

Anyway, Ubuntu. It is good. And gorgeous. And my computer does not chug up or burn my fingerprints off.

And that, children, is progress.

P.S. I don't know where Ubuntu is getting its weather reports from but it is eerily accurate. It was raining earlier and it said rain. Then it stopped and was very windy and it said windy and cloudy. Now it started raining again and it says it is raining. I may never have to leave the house again.

5 ..... | ....


:: 2009 5 October :: 2.59am
:: Music: When Water Comes to Life by Cloud Cult

Monroe Center
I'm pretty sure the people across the street have seen my butt.

Multiple times.

As it runs from bathroom to bedroom and from bedroom to bathroom.

Who's across the street you ask?

Oh, you know, just some condos above the sushi restaurant.

And the Grand Rapids Police Department.

No biggie.

7 ..... | ....


:: 2009 24 September :: 10.23pm

i'm still here.

where are you?

2 ..... | ....


:: 2009 16 August :: 1.21am

My mom is on facebook now.

My life will never be the same.

4 ..... | ....


:: 2009 9 August :: 12.31am
:: Music: Take Me to the Riot by Stars

Warning: Rambling Ahead
Nick asked what The Time Traveler's Wife was all about and I told him. He was all




Life Update: I didn't pass the test in Sault Ste Marie because it had things like math and history on it. Those will get me every single time.

We saw Away We Go today and it was fantastic. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Nick was at his computer and just turned around and said "if we leave right now, we have 13 minutes to get across the street to see Away We Go." And so we went. It made me feel all fuzzy and happy. And then I had to go to the bathroom and peed THE WORLD'S LONGEST PEE and I was afraid I was going to be peeing for the rest of my life and Nick was going to have to sneak me food because I was in the women's restroom and I hope they at least allowed him visiting rights because I missed him already and I couldn't eat food in a bathroom while I was peeing and it's never going to stop and it's still going and I can't even feel it anymore but IT IS STILL GOING and I will be peeing for the rest of my life and I can't have a kid while I'm eternally peeing and I'll never have children, I'll just pee forever and ever and my skin will fuse to the seat like that poor woman a few years ago and then I'll have toilet seat butt but no one will care because I'll be peeing forever and I'll already be that woman who peed her entire life and that was really bad enough and will they bring children by to see me like I'm in a zoo or something: THE MYSTERIOUS ETERNALLY PEEING WOMAN and then I stopped peeing thank God.

NewJob is beginning to vary between sucking so hard that I cry on the way to work to OMFG EASIEST JOB EVER EXCEPT I DO IT ALL IN FRENCH to HORRID to I AM SO GLAD I LOVE THESE PEOPLE to I MIGHT PUNCH THIS KID IF HE TALKS TO ME AGAIN to MONEY IS MONEY I GUESS AND THIS MONEY IS GOOD to AT LEAST I HAVE A JOB, SOME PEOPLE DON'T HAVE JOBS to OMG GET ME OUT NOW MAYBE I CAN JUST QUIT. My French is awesome now, bitches. Mangez-le! I told Nick that I liked speaking French because I can talk to people and they understand me and I understand them and we get things done and he was all YOU JUST SAID YOU LIKED SPEAKING FRENCH and I was all OMG I DID, KILL ME NOW.

We finally have a place to live come September. After much drama (we found a dream place, got turned down, found an okay place, found another dream place, dream place ran out of funding and wouldn't be finished until October, saw two horrible places, found an okay place and found out that October apparently = maybe probably November/December but not soon and we actually shouldn't hold our breath (see the kind of math I can do? Word math.), I gave up hope and just wanted a place to live, Nick held out hope for our dream place while I got all sad-like.), we found our dream place for real. It's a totally awesome place that I am totally having friends over at STAT. That is if I had friends. Anyway, party time, kids. Can you say awesome condo on the third floor across from the police station on the best street in GRap: Monroe Center?

NewPlace means NewFurniture (eventually) because Nick and I are not moving the pullout couch alone and whoever moved it before knows better now. That leaves us with the TV, a loveseat, two desks and a small bookshelf. Oh and our three awesome shelves. And our bed, of course.

Changing deodorant helped the smelly problem go away by the way. Apparently your body can get used to deodorant. It only took about 4 years but it happened. I like this new stuff more actually. I'm not pregnant in case that was still a worry of yours. I know you were concerned for an entire comment thread.

I think that's it. That's been my life so far. I'm hungry. The end.

I love you kids.

4 ..... | ....


:: 2009 23 July :: 10.18am

Still not a life update
Went to the bank today.

The kid who helped me out was named Bruce Wayne.

I totally asked him if it was his real name. And if he got beat up as a kid.

He said with a name like that, he beat up the other kids.

3 ..... | ....


:: 2009 19 July :: 1.24am

Things that are funny
When people yell at you ON THE INTERNET for saying things to/about them ON THE INTERNET and are upset that you did not say these things to them in person, only to then insist that it is your responsibility to contact them and apologize. Like it's your problem.

I'm sorry, kids. You are way overdue for a life update.

I'll get back to you on that.

3 ..... | ....


:: 2009 4 June :: 8.10pm

Okay, kids.

I have a question/request.

My deodorant just isn't cutting it anymore.

Apparently I sweat when I'm hot now? This never used to happen. I am obviously out of my element.

So what do you guys use? Guys meaning GIRLS. Because I tried using Nick's and it doesn't work. Unless you have asexual deodorant.

12 ..... | ....


:: 2009 30 May :: 11.57pm


At NewJob this week, we actually had to do some work. We had to call up hotels and supply them with credit card info for some guests. The reasoning is really boring and lame. Of course, we got assigned hotels that speak our language.

Ug ug.

So I call up a hotel and the guy has no idea what I'm getting at. He cannot understand my French. (It was pretty terrible. My first call, haven't spoken French in ages, super nervous etc.) Anyway, he can't find the reservation and puts me on hold for long enough that I begin to think he's trying to get rid of me. He comes back finally and I tell him I have the reservation number if he wants to look it up by that. Sure, he says, let's try that.

I read the number (which of course has to be nine numbers long, three sets of three. It can't just be three numbers.) and he repeats it back to me. "Cent vingt neuf. Trois cent quarante cinq..." He can't understand quarante of all numbers. Okay, "un deux neuf. Trois quatre cinq." He's with me so far. Thank goodness. This isn't that bad after all! "Un six neuf." He repeats it back to me: "un huit neuf."

Oh no. Please don't do this to me. I know my French sucks but SIX (6) sounds nothing like HUIT (8).

Kids, six sounds like "cease." It is nowhere near huit which sounds like "wheat". It had to have been a phone problem because I was clearly saying CEASE. NOT WHEAT.

"Pas huit...six."



"Huit. Un huit neuf."



Sure whatever. Huit. I don't care anymore. He's never going to find the person anyway.

So he can't find the reservation and finally we both give up. He says he found it and has the credit card number and I can't/don't want to fight with him.

I au revoir him and move on.

Next guy I call up can't understand me either. He switches to English. And I'm all, whatever, I love English. It's my native language. So I get it done in English and call the next one.

Who also switches to English.

Then I call the next one. Who ends up getting upset that I said his fax machine wasn't working. I am sorry but it wasn't. He also switches to English but doesn't speak good English so we're doing a half and half thing and he calms down. He flirts with me and invites me to Corsica because the weather is wonderful. Everything ends up going well and he finds everything and I'm done. I remember to get his name: Philippe.

The moral of the story: my French is terrible.

Then last week, I end up fighting with Hope girl because I hate French people and French and she's all why'd you apply for the job then and I'm all for the thousandth time, they found me. And it turns out she's dating a French guy and gets all defensive and it's awful. Oh and she's one of those uptight controlling people. And I'm the exact opposite. You know me, I'm completely chill. It's not going to kill me so I don't care.

Anyway things are crazy. I wouldn't be able to survive it if my class and my trainers weren't so awesome.
Read more..

3 ..... | ....


:: 2009 28 May :: 11.17pm

oh to the em gee
This work week has been hilarious.

More details tomorrow. I should be in bed.

2 ..... | ....


:: 2009 16 May :: 7.35pm


First week of NewJob went okay. It actually was a whole lot better by week's end. I am going to have to get over this not liking to speak French thing since that's my job now. Sigh etc.

I have a stupid NewJob story that happened on Wednesday and I wrote on Wednesday:

Today [Wednesday], we had a trainer come in and teach us Google Earth [which I TOTALLY already know and used when it first came out]. Before we started, he went around the room and asked our names and for us to say something in our language. He was French African.

Please tell me you are feeling the same thing I was: DREAD. PANIC. DREAD.

So we go around the room and everyone is saying five bajillion sentences and the other two French people have great accents and each have two paragraphs prepared already.

So he gets to me and all I can think to say is "ta mère est un pamplemousse." I can't call his mother a grapefruit! Who knows what connotation that has! I am probably calling her a whore or something.

What do I do? What do I do? OH! MAKE A JOKE! People love jokes! They will be so busy laughing that they won't notice that you say "Bone-jewurrr y'all"! Make a joke, Rachel.

Do I say my name in French or English? What did the Hope girl say? KAH-Rhen? Okay, so French.

"Je m'appelle Rachelle et je ne parle pas français."

Everyone is staring at me. Why are they staring? Did I miss an article? "Parlez-vous anglais?" No. No article needed. I said the "ne" but they can forgive that, I was nervous, I had to prepare a simple sentence. THIS IS A JOKE. I just said "I don't speak French" in French! Ha ha. Laugh already. No one is laughing. Okay.

"Ceci n'est pas une pipe...?"

Did they get it? Okay. He got it. And I got a little laugh. Ugh. Do these people have no sense of humor? Hope girl is staring at me. I'm not even looking at British guy. Heaven forbid he judge me. He's British. We left them for a reason. And Hope girl liked France. Screw them.

Reasoning doesn't stop the embarrassment. I can feel myself turning red. I am warm, it's warm in here. Ugh. I am a retard. Why did I think this job would be okay? I can no longer get away with the fact that I don't speak French.

I told them up front. I told them it was terrible! It's not my fault!

During break, I am furiously checking the internet as I have chosen sleep over Google Reader for the past week and have 97 unread items. I AM STARING AT THE SCREEN AND NOT WELCOMING CONTACT.


"Bonjour, Rachelle."

Cut her off, cut her off! There's no way I'm speaking French to her and letting her judge me. I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND. I hate France! I hate French! I just told you I don't speak French.

"Oh, no. I cannot think to speak French today." Still staring at my 97 Google Reader items. Must label all interesting things.

"Oh. I was just... I was wondering why you said you didn't speak French."

I looked over at her. Oh, God. She is looking at me with pity and concern. Cut it off quick! No friends! No pity! No French!

"It was A JOKE."

"Oh." She turns back around quickly. The conversation is over.

Was I just a bitch to her? I think I was just a bitch. Whatever. She's not talking to me.

Ugh. Why don't these people get jokes?

At least they are all nice.

3 ..... | .... | Random Journal