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iT mUsT hAvE bEEn LuCk

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:: 2006 2 May :: 12.08 am

im am super bored. . and i just feel like i have to say this and get it off my chest. . now if u just so happen to get with ryan agian. . .make sure he doesnt do the same damn thing to u that hes done before. hes apologized over and over agian and nothing changes. . .to me this just seems like hes being all sweet now and when he gets u back. . its gonna b the same, maybe not right away but u know itll happen. ill respect ur desision only if u know itll work. . dont go into it thinking "maybe itll work this time" im saying this to u as a friend and not cuz i wanna b with not gonna do nething until u know wat ur gonna do, but ill b by ur side thru this, i hate to see u so confused. . .but just bhappy ok. . .do wat u know will make u happy. jerry springer taught me a lesson about love today, love can b the best thing that happens to u but it can also b the worst, u need to move on if u know its not gonna work cuz all its gonna do is hurt more.. . haha those were his words. but for serious if ryan doesnt see wat an angel he has had in his life, he might as well tear his eyes out. . ok im done now before i start goin crazy and its umm 130 in the mornign and i need to get to bed. . .

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 29 April :: 3.12 pm
:: Mood: yucky


I saw your new girlfriend the other day
And i expected for her to be so much more than she was
I checked out her style, the way she smiled
The way she moved, the things she said
The way she looked at me like, "i got yo man"

She cant love you like i can
Her awful love just cant compare to what i have
She cant touch you like i do
Cause when y'all touching, you pretend its me and you

And theres no way her love's as good as mine
Theres no reason for you to waist your time

When we were together you told me what you didnt like
And you went out and got exactly that type
Except that your new girl is nothing compared to me
Everything that she did wrong i always did right

She cant hold you like i can
Boy you a fool if you cant realize what you had
She cant feel you like i can
Cause im a girl thats always standin by my man

And theres no way her loves as good as mine
Theres no reason for you to waste your time
And theres no way her loves as good as mine
Theres no reason for you to waste your time

theres no way, theres no way
that her love could be could be good as mine
theres no reason no reason
for you to even go and waste your time, your time

and theres no way her loves as good as mine
theres no reason for you to waste your time
and theres no way her loves as good as mine
theres no reason for you to waste your time [repeat until fade]

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 26 April :: 11.45 pm

im barely listening
to last demands,
i'm staring at the asphalt wondering,
whats buried underneath.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 26 April :: 10.56 pm

To Be Second

To be second means to know that they like you… not love you
It means to know they think your cute instead of sexy
It means to know you’re the one she falls back on when he leaves
It means to know that they think of you secondly…

To be second means to know that you love them and need them with a passion
It means no matter what, you want them to be happy… no matter who that’s with
It means you can look past the fact that you are second
It means that no matter how hard you try… you’ll always be second best

-- TB

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 26 April :: 3.42 pm
:: Music: Bruised by Jack's Mannequin

every inch of me is bruised.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 26 April :: 11.45 am
:: Music: Where'd You Go by Fort Minor

its funny what time does to the senses
how easy it is to hide secrets.
there has never been such a great distance
between you and me...

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 22 April :: 10.42 am
:: Music: Hey There Deliah by Plain White T's

im so over it.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 19 April :: 8.20 pm
:: Music: Shh By Frou Frou

i was never one to catch on quickly.
but my efforts to remain bitter with you are useless.
you always had a way around it.
i end up being bitter towards myself
because i never knew something so passionate.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 19 April :: 5.22 pm
:: Music: Someday You Will Be Loved BY Death Cab For Cutie

and your memories of me
will seem more like bad dreams

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 18 April :: 10.54 pm

i never thought to think that this image
might haunt me
in my head.
something so surreal yet so farfetched.
as recollections hit me hard
the reminiscing of what once wasn't
seems so foolish now,
you never knew what you did to me.
you made me question myself.
twisted turns, and do not enter signs
follow me around every where i go,
and i always seem to arrive at a dead end.
being stuck isnt the best position to be in,
not being able to move forward,
rejecting going back to the nightmare you just left.
i was the one worth leaving.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 17 April :: 7.50 pm

One More Chance

That old saying about love being blind never had such an obvious meaning until now... I always thought we could take both our fragmented hearts to make one, strong only with and by the other but again, I was wrong. Yet in my love for you, I hope and pray you'll be happy. I only wish I was the one that could fulfill this in your life. Jealousy, the one ingredient taking over the feelings I once had. I would be lying if I didn't admit to being jealous; yes I am envious of him, envious of the way you love him, the way you want him to love you, however I only blame myself. I guess our lives have different paths... No matter how much I wish that to change, I imagine it never will. As the clock tics each second away we grow farther and farther apart, beginning new lives with new people. Soon, I feel I'll be nothing but a mere memory that will soon fade away with all the new ones you will have to replace it. So here I sit, lamenting the decisions I've made. Hoping we can reunite in friendship again in some way/shape/or form, knowing how my heart still screams for you ever minute of the day. Trying to seek myself among this shattered heart never has been so hard; if only all of the pieces were not screaming your name… calling for you to please … please give me one more chance.

-- TB

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 16 April :: 8.42 pm
:: Music: Nothing Better by The Postal Service

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

I feel I must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...

Oh, oh

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 10 April :: 5.20 pm
:: Music: Avondale by Yellowcard

If you're gonna rip my heart out
Could you use a knife that's dull
And rust in color
Once I die
There will be no way that you can cover
That scar. It's hard, I know.
And if I get a little blood on, you
Finally the world will know you're guilty
Know you're wrong
Of taking everything you're gotten from me
No heart. It's hard, I know.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 8 April :: 10.55 pm
:: Music: Trouble by Coldplay

O no, I see,
I spun a web, it's tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
O no what's this?

A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
O no, I never meant to do you harm.

O no I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in love in a bubble,

Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Although I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 7 April :: 10.46 pm

[ 6 months from the day. ]

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 3 April :: 10.52 pm

there has to be something
she has
that i dont.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 3 April :: 10.19 pm
:: Music: Martin Sheene or JFK by Yellowcard

i could sleep
but when i wake here
you'll still be gone
and you're my air
i could breathe
if you would stay here another song
so i could stare.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 3 April :: 12.30 am
:: Music: Waiting Game by Yellowcard

Everything, everything we have had
Out of sight, out of mind
given that
What I see,
What I dream,
hurts like hell and back.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 31 March :: 8.45 pm
:: Music: Screaming Infedelities by Dashboard Confessional

its when i see you in places like these
i see you,
and you don't notice it
but im watching you.
and i realize
its love.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 27 March :: 12.12 am

Your Star by The Benjamin Project


Slow down,
this could be the last time I come here
I'll come around after everybody's gone
This this, this could be the worst impression of
a "Tisk Tisk" and a guilty look of shame
Dont dry your eyes if your bent on crying
dont ask me why if you don't like lying

I could be your star, but not your ocean
your coast it slips away from me
as your tearing this apart.
I could keep your heart, but not your focus
if I knew where you are, I'd be telling you to get lost

Well I'll admit, that I knew the last time you were here
but part of this has to do with what you said
and this this, this just gave the worst impression of
a kiss kiss, and a lonely look of pain

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 26 March :: 10.34 pm

Me, I thought you were perfect
Even though I knew
you were not the epitome of perfection
I still thought you were perfect

And when I was with you
It felt perfect
No matter what anybody else said
It felt so perfect
just to be right next to you

And I’ll never be able to forget
What it felt like to be with you
To hold your hand and walk in the sun
To stand next to you or be in your arms
To hug and kiss you
Or our endless conversations
And our inside jokes

Now I guess I’ll just put away these memories
and lock them in my heart forever
and play them back in my head
like a movie
Just for me to see

Other times I’ll wonder
Why I always have to watch the rain fall
and listen to the saddest songs
about how much I miss you
Wondering if you feel the same way too

Now when I look back
To how it used to be
Something comes over me
And everything becomes so blurry...

I thought what we had was perfect
Even though I knew
It was not the epitome of perfection
I still thought it was perfect

Despite what everyone said,
about how we shouldn’t be together
I never listened

Because if you just put me and you together
and forget all the mistakes and details
It didn’t just feel perfect
It was perfect.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 25 March :: 12.35 am
:: Music: Iris by Goo Goo Dolls

i got the dress.
i dont like it.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 25 March :: 12.20 am
:: Music: More Than Words by Frankie J

if you only knew how hard i try
to make it work.
it seems like im setting my self up for failure.
i cant help that you're irrestible.
you're such a beautiful disaster
that ill never be able to fix.
i'd give it all up just to live a moment
how we used to.
i didnt think you'd understand.
thats why i keep quiet.

dont foget to shut the door when you leave
i already know thats where you're headed.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 24 March :: 3.12 pm
:: Music: Two Weeks From Twenty by Yellowcard

you are such
hopeless case.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 24 March :: 12.20 am
:: Music: Grey by Yellowcard


Grey skies clouding up the things we used to see with wide eyes
Maybe everything was meant to be this way
Will it ever change
But are we stuck here on our own

It's all gone grey

I found telling you the truth the hardest thing to get out
I know it wasn't you that made me feel this way
Will it ever change
Or are we stuck here on our own.

And give it one more try
I don't know if I would stay
I feel so much better now
And baby begging me
Will leave you so empty inside
So you shouldn't even try

I know every last regret inside of me is my own
The way I hold them close has made me be this way
I will never change
I know I'm stuck here on my own, on my own

Given one more try
I don't know if I would stay
I feel so much better now
Where did we go wrong
I know you still hold on to me
But it's time that you let go
I gave you things I had
That I could not get back again
But I'm better off alone

It's all gone grey

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 24 March :: 12.11 am
:: Music: Hey There Deliah by Plain White T's

its what you do to me.
sleepless nights.

today was a bad day.
i started my period today which contributed to me feeling like shit.

my dress hasnt come in yet and prom is in like a week.

im so sick of everything right now its no surprise you show no interest.
it was silly of me to fool myself into thinking that things would be different.
too many things have changed.
theyre are too many gaps to overlook.
its like trying to frame a puzzle with missing peices
expecting no one to notice.
people will see.
its what you do to me.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 22 March :: 12.37 am
:: Music: Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional

no one's words were good enough.
i remember when that one night
it seems so long ago
and we were away from the crowd
you sang to me in my ear.
nothing ever seemed no perfect.
nothing ever was.

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 12 March :: 9.50 pm
:: Music: Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin

this bottle is so tempting

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 10 March :: 11.53 pm

you know exactly how to make my day go wrong

gimme a *winkwink*

:: 2006 9 March :: 11.28 pm

we were so young
we thought we were unbreakble.
i miss the square

gimme a *winkwink* | Random Journal