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:: 2006 16 February :: 1.32 pm
:: Music: Californ-i-a by Yellowcard

so.
monday-- work
tuesday-- work/sick/ no valentine
wednesday--sick/ glamour shots with the girls/ prom dress shopping/ panera
today-- sick/no school/mona lisa smile/ tears/ called in sick for work

so on one note i would just like to mention a finding.
i think it is quite intriguing how you can say the same thing, to like almost 3 different people and expect no one to notice?
is it not genuine then?
are you trying the same concept with them to see which has the best outcome?
maybe you're so unoriginal that you cant think of different things to say, to explain how you feel.
or maybe the feelings arent really there and you are just fooling yourself to think that they are.
maybe, you say to one, what you say to the other hoping the one can replace the other because they hurt you so badly.
i just found this really interesting.
i will have further look into it.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 16 February :: 10.45 am

a poem by a friend

I remember the FIRST time I met you
You had me from the start,
I remember how I FIRST wished
You would take me from the heart.

I remember the FIRST time holding your hand
And never wanting to let go,
I remember the way you made me feel
From the FIRST time we said hello.

I remember the FIRST time I hugged you close
And how I didnt want it to end,
I remember the FIRST time I kissed your lips
Even though you were just a friend.

I remember when I FIRST dreamed of you
And woke up still half asleep,
I remember I laid back down
Just to try to get back to sleep.

I remember the FIRST time I held you close
I hoped it had a meaning,
I remember the FIRST time I tasted your kiss
Inside my body was screaming

I remember the FIRST time I thought I lost you
I cried so many tears,
I remember the FIRST time I thought you hated me
I was filled with so many fears.

I remember the FIRST time I hadn’t seen you in a while
My heart began to race,
I remember the FIRST time I tried to forget you
My mind just wouldnt erase.

I remember the FIRST time I saw you
I dont think ill ever forget,
I remember the feelings Ive always had for you
Since the FIRST time we FIRST met.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 12 February :: 8.50 pm
:: Music: Wish You Were Here by Incubus

"is it dark yet?"
"yes."
"i like the dark."
"why?
"because, its quiet."

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 12 February :: 1.31 am

so the oc on thursday... yeah that was amazing.
i cried... it was so sad i totally did not want johnny to die.
so basically i am in love with the oc and i'm totally mad that the next new episode isnt until march 9.
what the hell is up with that?
last night was fun, i hung out with my peoples. lindsey is hilarioussssssss. josh was being retarded and then jonet slept over it was sweet.
we chilled and then went to walmart and then lol we sat in ryan's driveway because i wanted to see if his room light was on so i could see if he really got kicked out or not. but he he really did, so he wasnt there.
butt then there was a fire like 2 houses down from his and there were like 3 firetrucks and 2 ambulences and all the police cars so we got blocked in his driveway. and i had to pee like really bad so he just sat there and watched and then josh asked the firetruck blocking us if they could move a tid bit. but the fire wasnt that bad, and everyone was ok so it was all good.
tomorow i have to go to down melbourne for my aunt's birthday but i dont really feel like it lol.
i really want to see ryan, he called me finally today but we only talked for like 5 minutes so i dunno. oh but yeah he got kicked out and lives with his uncle now...
im tired.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 9 February :: 6.51 pm

can you look me in the eye
and tell me
that you're happy
now.

ooo ooo ooo

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 8 February :: 9.30 pm

so don't go worrying about me
it's not like I think about you constantly
so maybe I do,
but that shouldn't affect
your life anymore

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 8 February :: 6.16 pm
:: Music: The Ocean by Mae

so today was early release, which made today a relatively ok day.
i got home and went straight to sleep. woke up at 4, called work, they didnt need me to come, so i went back to sleep and woke up at 6.
i am ridiculously tired... and i have the worst headache.
ive been feeling really weird lately like im not even here.
like i cant tell the difference between being awake and being asleep.
it weird.
but i definately do not feel well... im hoping im not sick.
i have so much homework its insane and i really need to get on that.
i have a physics test tomorrow and i'm freaking out.
ahh.

oh and im definately no doing anything on valentines day this year.
again.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 7 February :: 7.38 pm
:: Music: Echo by Incubus

ew,
i cant even look at it,
its so ew.
makes me want to cringe actually.
makes me sick to my stomach.
its just the thought of it
makes me want to r u n
right
back
to
you.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 7 February :: 7.25 pm
:: Music: Rough Landing, Holly by Yellowcard

[ 4 months from the day ]

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 6 February :: 11.07 pm
:: Music: City Of Devils by Yellowcard

i dont want tomorrow to come...

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 6 February :: 4.58 pm
:: Music: Bound To Happen by THe Spill Canvas

lyricssssss

I used to know you like the back of my hand
Until today you held your place
Now you're shifting like the sand
Your chest would heave with pride if I were spoken of
'Till tonight I never knew the difference between comfort and love

Although you're sleeping right next to me
Well, it feels like you are wide awake in a distant dream
leading a life that is finally free
of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into
who we hate to be

This is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same

I used to hold you like it's all that I had
Now begins the falling out, we are like a passing fad
Your mouth would crack a smile if I were spoken of
'Till tonight you never thought
you'd lose this epic battle with love

Although you're sleeping right next to me
Well, it feels like you are wide awake in a distant dream
leading a life that is finally free
of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into
who we hate to be

And this is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same

For what it's worth, I've always admired you
I always thought that we could make it through
Now look what time can do
It took our masterpiece we built and broke it in two
I always believed in you
I always loved you

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 5 February :: 9.14 pm
:: Music: The Truth by Staind

my mom wouldnt let me go to a super bowl party with the pacsuns
and that made me sad.
lol oh anywayssssss.
dont feel like going to school all this week,
blah
tomorrow is my induction thing for nhs and i dont feel like going my mom is making me go...
i feel a cold coming, yeah that definately suckssss.

so what you dont know how to call me anymore?

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 5 February :: 9.06 pm
:: Music: All Hail The Heartbreaker by The Spill Canvas

sweet lyricssss

I had the notion that you'd make me change my ways
My bad habits would be gone in a matter of days
I had the feeling that you'd open up my eyes
To a whole new world that had since been in disguise

But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taking everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far

I had the notion that you'd make me forget the world
But your undecisive mind shows me that
You are "just another girl"
I had the feeling that those looks you gave me were real
What if I ripped your heart apart at the seams
Maybe then you'd know how I feel

But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are

I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
That cause my comatose to begin

I will sleep another day
I don't really need to anyway
What's the point when my dreams are infected
With words you used to say
I will breathe in a moment
As long as I keep my distance
I wouldn't want to go messing anything up

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
I guess that's how this one's gonna go I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim
All hail the heartbreaker

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 5 February :: 7.03 pm
:: Music: Miss Delaney by Jack's Mannequin

it was you i was thinking of.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 5 February :: 12.42 am
:: Music: All Hail The Heartbreaker by The Spill Canvas

well i guess now i know how you really feel.
i knoe now what were lies and what was the truth.
i have to admit i'm surprised
i never saw it coming even though i know i should've.
you decieved me
and i fell for it.
at least now my thoughts arent left to wonder.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 4 February :: 10.57 pm
:: Music: Sidewalks by Story of the Year

wellll
just got back from when a stranger calls.
i think it was really good but a couple of people who saw it as well said it wasnt that scary to them...
but i have never screamed that much in a movie in my life, and so was everyone else in the theatre.
hahaha it was me, kristie, kaylan, katie and patrick.
scarrryyyy shit let me tell you.
i'm tired, waiting for ryan to call.
but im too scared to go to sleep.
plus mad tv comes on in a minute.
gotta go to work tomorrow- 12-6:30

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 31 January :: 10.21 pm
:: Music: The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance

i never said i'd lie and wait forever.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 30 January :: 10.36 pm
:: Music: Crazy by K-Ci and JoJo

every time i read it.
i swear
i cry.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 28 January :: 8.05 pm

you are acting exactly like him...
and no.
and i dont mean that in a good way.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 28 January :: 7.45 pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: City Of Devils by Yellowcard

you push me up to this state of emergency.

work today.
got home a little while ago.
i tried to go shopping for emily and ryann's birthday presents but came home with little luck.
but i did get something
i dunno.
i should be doing my homework since i have a butload but i dont feel like it
and i have work again tomorrow....
im so bored i want to go watch tv but my mom has people over and theyre all out there and i would like to avoid the meaningless fake "so whats new in school?" conversation.
i wanted to hang out with ryan tonight,
but no such luck.
im...yeah...

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 28 January :: 12.21 am
:: Music: Joga by Bjork

i wish i knew how to quit you
you're like a drug that has taken control
over me.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 23 January :: 7.34 pm
:: Music: Love by Keyshia Cole

yucky day
first it rained
then it was hot and humind the rest of the day.
and i was sweaty and nasty all in dance.
tech for student choreography concert was today.
everyone should come
thrusday at 7:30.
i dont have much to say right now.
i feel kinda sick.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 22 January :: 12.24 am
:: Music: How I Go by Yellowcard

the growing space between us
is like the vast ocean and the shore.
where i'll stand watching
your every move.
every wave rolling
and tide chage.
every silent minute
feels more alone.
every step apart
is a piece lost.
every thought of you
turns into a forgotten memory.
i cannot say i ever predicted this.
i never thought the shoreline would change
as you drift farther out to sea.
i remember when the leaves fell,
i thought the sky was falling.
but now the sun is setting.
creeping into the darkness.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 20 January :: 8.15 pm

oh and i got in to national honor society.
nhs
yesssssssss.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 20 January :: 8.08 pm

apple martinis taste so good.

so today
was actually a fairly good day.
compared to the rest of the week.
a scarlet letter test became a take home, even tho its ridiculously long.
in dance we got to have ms jenkins instead of stampolia and got to work on our piece for historical concert.
dance aestetics was ok... but better than most.
and in spanish we had ms selvig for a sub so of course everyone left. well almost and the rest of us just did whatever.
i ran up my minutes on my cell.
after school we picked up the circus tickets i won off the radio
woopwoop.
and then i drove home.
well
it was going good until ryan's mom told him he couldnt hang out with me tonight
oh
and btw have a mentioned he's moving out?
hmm yeah.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 15 January :: 12.15 am
:: Music: I'll Be by Edwin McCain

tell me
that we belong together.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 14 January :: 7.15 pm

dont get upset with me for the mistakes ive made
i can do that for myself.
but look at yourself
and look at the mistakes that you have made.
dont blame me
this wasnt a one sided deal.
i can do this on my own
because you're not here now.
i guess it never was like how you said.
o well.
i
am
so
over
it.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 14 January :: 5.59 pm

does it hurt
when you think about me
and how broken
my heart is.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 14 January :: 3.26 pm
:: Music: One Year, Six Months by Yellowcard

lyrics

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you,and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget

I'm falling into memories of you,and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you

I'm falling into memories of you ,and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that we can share
Falling into memories of you, and things we used to do.

gimme a *winkwink*


:: 2006 14 January :: 1.26 pm

LuCkY FoUrTeEn...

gimme a *winkwink*

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