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American Cliche

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:: 2005 18 December :: 7.16 pm


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:: 2005 17 December :: 12.42 am

From the Do's and Don'ts of picking up girls at the computer lab

DO look at Facebook

In the Church of College, Facebook is a God, second in power only to the dieties of Beer and Marijuana. If you want to get closer to a girl, let her see that you're checking you're profile, or maybe adding something inspired like Caddyshack II to your "favorite movies" list. She will probably say something like, "Oh, you're on Facebook?" And you should reply, "Yes, my lamb, and you?" She will invariably reply, "Yes," because every single person in college is on Facebook. If you're lucky, she'll tell you her name, and you can add her to your friends list, if you think she's good enough. Then it's on to months of faux-sexual poking, wall messages, and never seeing each other face-to-face again.

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:: 2005 12 December :: 3.49 pm

The Scene: Geek Squad Precinct inside of Best Buy (Portage), work bench by customer service.

Who's There: Myself, and fellow Agent Tom.

What's Going On: I'm disassembling a 5 disc CD/DVD stereo/player, and removing the discs inside that the customer (younger mexican guy) was unable to get out.

*Pulls out tray one* Me: "hmm...House of Flying Daggers...i've heard that's a great movie!"

Tom: *nods in agreement*

*Pulls out tray two* Me: "Hmm...some old ass martial arts flick! Dragon Kung Fu Fury? Not my type...."

Tom: *Laughs*

*Pulls out tray three* Me: "Young Teens; Making The Grade, 5 hours of hot footage.....Are. You. Serious." *starts to laugh*

Tom: *chuckles* "No wonder he wanted them back!"

*Grabs Ralph, sales manager* Me: "Ralph...check this out!"

Ralph: "Hmm....i'd burn a copy of it!!"

*Fifteen Minutes Later, after calling the customer and telling them their discs can be picked up*

Mexican Customer: *Giggling with his friend*

Me: *Grinning and handing discs back with porno on top* "Here ya go guys, have a nice day"

Moments like that are why I love my job!

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:: 2005 27 November :: 3.02 pm

Family Singing: "Tis' the season to be jolly..fa la la la la la.. la la la la... dawn we are now gay apparel....*music stops"

Dennis Leary: "You know what else is gay? Your husband! And little liberace over there doesn't stand a chance either!"

Such a great moment in commercial history!

Reggie Ray: "Coach says it's okay to bleed from the ears!"

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:: 2005 14 November :: 10.38 pm

Beal: "Is it true that there is a cream at the OB/GYN that makes you girls cum?"

JagerBomb: "yes beal!!

and you'll be tickled to know that if you look in your junk email folder you can add inches to the peen, chicks will never be fat what with all the hydroxycut, breast size will soon quadruple due in part of bust enhancing cream, you can cover yourself in deer piss and kill at will, after the mighty hunt you can carve up your trophy meat prize with knives that will never need sharping, you will be happy to know that willy wonka has apparently created a gobstopper that will last FOREVER, and when your old and shitty ron popeil made hair in a can noone will know the better, you can increase your cars horsepower by 40% by installing a 10 dollar fan, real women are waiting to hear from you call NOW, a sticker will give you the best cell phone reception in the world, and jenny says you can eat all the food you want and still lose wieght!!!"

That conversation delivered!

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:: 2005 2 November :: 7.13 pm

Hopefully one of you know someone who wants a cat. She's free and needs a good home!

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:: 2005 1 November :: 6.28 pm

A nightmare come to life!!!

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:: 2005 29 October :: 12.56 pm

# henrywaters Says:
October 29th, 2005 at 8:20 am

I too am repeatedly unplugging and plugging in my iPod headphones. Oh God, so tight. It feels so good.

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:: 2005 29 October :: 12.23 pm

I had a dream last night, that Amanda got an abortion at a walmart with a USB thumbdrive....


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:: 2005 27 October :: 1.10 pm

"Desired satisfaction. This is great. Back when I worked at an office, I had assistants, but there was never any talk of desired satisfaction. In fact, if anyone ever used the phrase "desired satisfaction," we'd all end up in a solemn meeting with HR. And I won't even comment on the name Honey except to say that, real or not, it sure carries Anaïs Nin undertones."

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:: 2005 26 October :: 6.43 pm

[18:41] jeeber4u: and I have some skittles and a milky way candy bar sitting in front of me
[18:41] Amanda: see? not only is that extremely unhealthy, you're probably really hungry
[18:41] jeeber4u: eh
[18:42] jeeber4u: i'll make for the hunger with my lack of sleep and proper dietary nutrition ;)

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:: 2005 26 October :: 4.17 pm

How I feel at work sometimes...

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:: 2005 25 October :: 8.38 pm

For whatever reason, here ya go Michelle (for jason)!

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:: 2005 25 October :: 3.48 pm

Totally something I would do!!

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:: 2005 24 October :: 9.39 pm

Just a reminder on why you girls should keep up on your birth control everyday! Enjoy!

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