life update / rant
Dad got heart surgery on September 7th. Double bypass. I've been staying with him in Michigan for the last three and a half weeks taking care of him. Spent a week in Spectrum Hospital downtown GR, visiting him every day. The day of the surgery was something else. Physically he's recovering really well, which is good news. Back on his feet, making his own meals, no infections or complications following the procedure, etc., etc. But there's a lot of other stuff going on...

Dad still has bed bugs and refuses to take action to get rid of them, so I've been staying in a camping tent with a blow-up mattress outside his house. Well, they found me anyway. I now have maybe 15 bites on my face, neck, and leg. I don't have a safe place to sleep or a way to get clean. We have an extermination scheduled for next week, so that's good. I'm trying to be patient and forgiving, but I am very upset that I've been exposed again. There's always a chance I can bring the bugs home with me. Even with all the precautions I took this time - poison, lemongrass oil, never wearing any clothes into my tent that have been inside the house, a goddamn tent OUTSIDE - it still didn't work. Based on their sheer tenacity and resourcefulness, I'd call them the Walter Whites of the insect world, but even he had some redeeming qualities.

Dad's memory loss is getting worse and worse, which is making his insulin pump increasingly impossible to manage (type 1 diabetic). I have a meeting with an assisted living facility next week and will be putting down a $2k deposit to get him on the waiting list. He can't live alone anymore. I'm going home next weekend, and crossing my fingers that he'll somehow manage to be OK until we get an opening and can move him in. Then he'll be in a much safer place, but his care bill will be $4500 a month (A MONTH) ad infinitum. God bless America.

To top it all off, my mom came down with a pretty serious case of COVID over the weekend. She went to the emergency room yesterday and they've got her on 15 litres of oxygen per day. She's lying on her stomach most of the time because it's easier to breathe that way. She's in North Carolina and since I'm currently in Michigan, with my hands already full taking care of my demented, bed-bug ridden dad, there's not much I can do at the moment - plus she's in a COVID isolation unit so no visitors allowed anyway.

She spent the last 18 months insisting that COVID was just like the regular flu, refused the vaccine, and was hurtful and abusive towards me at every turn (typical). Would I even visit her if I was back home in Chapel Hill? Probably - she's still my mom.

Some of my Michigan friends - M, K, R - all know I'm in town, and I've promised to work out a visit with each of them at some point - but how? I simply don't have the time. I know it would be good for me to see them face to face, but any time I *do* get to sneak away from my dad's care / bed bug prevention / communicating with family is pretty much going towards work. My boss has been great and very understanding. If I don't get enough raw time to throw at work though, I just won't make enough money to sustain my own needs.

Hence the reason I'm going home next weekend, no matter where Dad is at. I have to get back to my husband, back to my clean home, back to work, back to my life. I might even try to book a session with a therapist when I return to Chapel Hill because holy shit, this has been a LOT. Every day I feel like an air traffic controller, trying to maintain enough cognizance to get all these details and big logistics right. High stress, high focus, non-stop. But weirdly enough, I'm holding it together so far. I came into this knowing that it was going to be a lot. My dad needs me - this is something I had to do. So I don't have any regrets (unless I DO end up taking the bed bugs home with me...but I can't do any more than I'm already doing on that note).

That's it for now - just needed to shout into the void. Thanks.

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