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No one could see me. I fell into yesterday.

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:: 2009 21 December :: 10.05pm

grrrr....time to down load
Question: Is it bad that when hot guys like me i secretly want to know why?


Really why would a smokin guy pick me? I'm not "hot", i'm not "fit" im not a barbie so why would they pay any attention to me?? I don't get it! Perfectly hot delish men going after me kinda freaks me out and i think its because i know what they are really after and i'm not game for it.


suffocation. death.

im soooooo not happy with him right now, its like taking care of a little kid- i need my space so bad right now and it sucks.

help me


:: 2009 19 December :: 1.59pm

Weight loss so far: 10 pounds
Weight left to lose: 41 pounds

Then I can sign up for the USMC delayed entry program.

2 worthless words | help me


:: 2009 2 December :: 10.52pm

i'm mad.

My friends in my vicinity seem to think i am forever perfect and happy.

Like i didnt lose anything from that stupid break up.

Well i did and thats why i can't really sleep.

As much as i was IN love with him i still loved him. and that counts for something.

Bye Scott

help me


:: 2009 1 December :: 12.44pm

Fuck them
I hate right now. just this period.

Scott pissed me off, but after all the shit and all the nonesense i came out feeling absolutly alone.

This is terrible. I'm so mad! Why the hell?????



And Casey!!
HOly7 crap when he's not happy no one else is allowed to be!! Whats his malfunction?????


fucking. fuckity fuck.


better though

help me


:: 2009 4 November :: 3.08am

I WILL get a job before january, and I WILL move out.

help me


:: 2009 23 June :: 1.32pm

Gonna go work for my uncle Rob at his place just a few minutes south of a canada for a few weeks here soon, gonna do it a few times. Thinking if I can save up enough money I'm gonna send myself on a vacation.

With Travelocity I can get myself a week in Japan for $1250 if I book far enough in advance, add another grand or so on top of that for food, touristy shopping, etc. and I'd have a great time.

help me


:: 2009 15 June :: 1.55am

Meant to post this last night after Donnie Darko, but I was le tired and forgot, but it just came on during shuffle in itunes!

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world

help me


:: 2009 24 May :: 11.23am

No hangover, I AM A GOLDEN GOD!

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:: 2009 11 May :: 12.37am

What a fucking rat bastard of a boy!!! REALLY??!!?!!?! are you kidding me?


let this be a not to all you girls out there.

Not all boys are bad.

But some are.

Some are also not who they seem to be.

And if you arn't careful, know where you stand and are sure he really cares about WILL get burned.

Its not uncommon.

And it sucks.

help me


:: 2009 10 May :: 2.11am

Well, finally home, and only about a day later than originally planned, pictures of the epic wreck:

4 worthless words | help me


:: 2009 8 May :: 11.50pm

So.. 05/07/2009

ME : age 20

to Anthony Guerrero age 24.

help me


:: 2009 29 April :: 12.44pm

Goin' to Texas on the 6th.

Will be back on the 9th hopefully.


1 worthless word | help me


:: 2009 3 April :: 4.32pm
:: Music: Goodbye Love- Rent

Tripping. of late some things have happend. I'n one of my last entrys i said that i had walls still up...welll...those are gone.

Cause i got over one and the other feel down in an attempt to crush me but a good guy pulled me out from under it just in time haha.

So now what?
I'm free. :) Its a strange feeling, let me tell you, being able to e yourself and be HAPPY- its really new to me but awesome.

I dunno, i learning a ton about myself, which is good but i also think i'm losing a peice of myself at the same time. I'm terrified too.

I've had my fair share of crapy relationships and a chunch of that was because i was so wrappped up in a different concept that i really wasn't IN a relationship each time.

Anyways now i've developed a big intamacy problem. Like....i freak out a little. And its super frustrating to want something but as sooon as you get it your brain goes into overdrive and freaks out! WHERE THE HELL IS THIS COMMING FROM?

I'm confused.

On top of that I've become very lonely yet surrounded by friends all at the same time. I havent been like that in a long time.I love the people i know, i love my friends but i really just want someone to cuddel with right now, no strings, no akwardness, no end game plan, just innocent cuddeling and talking.

Just someone to KNOW. I'm tired of stupid boys just wanting in your pants- thats really frustrating. Plus i dont really want a serious relationship- just a guy who is happy, kinda, and protective. No more project boys, no more bad boys (for a bit haha) just someone pretty well balanced and open minded.

A lot of that dosnt make any sense.

Ashley is trying to hook me up with the guy she commited adultry with. O.o WTF woman- that dosnt make anysense.

I'm really digging woohu right now. Its like this: my facebook/myspace/whatever-else is the packaging. The flash and sparkle and drama filled fun girl. But here...this is the real product, the ingredients, me. And only a few people know about it which makes it even better cause i trust those 2 the most and they uinderstand me more then most.

I love this little safe haven. :)

One of my favorite memories of the past months is driving back from Ryans dam with Casey and Lauren, Red Hot Chili Peppers blasting in the speakers and the huge sky above/ around us, wind blasting through my hair, sun beating down on my face and us belting the lyrics to "Shes Only 18."

That will stick with me for a long time.

I miss Jessika. and I miss Nick. and Paul.
They are the best people to hang with, low key, fun and they deal with my random wants. I got such a kick out of hearing how Nick dosnt care for bowling or skating yet he still goes with us. And the weird web thing jessika and i have going on and Pauls total and rediculous naive nature.

New Years Eve was awesome this year.

Actually this past year in general has been kinda epic in the way of change, decisions and trust.

I just hope it ends well.

help me


:: 2009 12 March :: 3.41pm

Aiko had kittens last night and they're the cutest little things EVER.

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:: 2009 6 March :: 2.53am

I'm thinking that soon I might start updating this in japanese, that way it's like a private diary, but if somebody is really interested, they can figure it out!

help me


:: 2009 17 February :: 1.42am

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed-upon duties, i.e., the illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every reasonable caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed-upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counterclockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in Step 1 of this document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of commerce and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm."

help me


:: 2009 8 February :: 2.23pm

Audition tomorrow...I'm so nervous.

10 worthless words | help me


:: 2009 30 January :: 4.28pm

I finally got a job interview!

Monday 1PM at Appleway Subaru/Mazda.


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:: 2009 28 January :: 8.03pm

I hate job searching.

I've applied for at least 100 jobs in the last few weeks and I haven't gotten a single freaking interview! I'm even applying in other cities now! This is bullshit!

Whatever, once I have some money, I'm leavin' this town and heading down south, setup camp in LA.

4 worthless words | help me


:: 2009 22 January :: 10.46pm

So i have walls with 2 people.

1. Savanna-duh
2. Well you dont get to know.

Why? Cause i have a daunting fear of rejection and i dont trust those who have broken my trust ive given them. The reasons are not in the same order for the people. The first broke my heart and asked for forgivness and the second i think would if i ever took down my wall. never gonna get anywhere with this room around me. -_-

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:: 2009 5 January :: 12.26am its official...almost every guy i can keep a friendship with is gay. Another one just came out of the I love them...but i also attract any within a 5 mile radius. eh.

help me


:: 2008 25 December :: 2.33am

Why do I even bother, honestly?

2 worthless words | help me


:: 2008 10 December :: 2.12am

Current Plan
Disappear somewhere around June, set up a new life somewhere out east or in california, let everyone know where I went about six months after that.

help me


:: 2008 4 December :: 1.20am

I have jealousy issues.

really bad ones. and that scares me.

like...that was bad. it was so insignificant and i wanted to yell at him for it. THATS SO BAD. omg

help me


:: 2008 2 December :: 3.05am
:: Music: That Girl- Lindsay Lohan

Stage 1: I don't like my body.
Plan 1: Deal with it.- Epic Fail

Stage 2: They don't like my body.
Plan 2: They suck and don't m,atter- WRONG

Stage 3: My body holds me back from doing what I want.
Plan 3:Condition it to deal. Not so much a fail but not quite a sucess.

Stage 4: My body imprisons me and i hate it.
Plan 4. Learn to love yourself and the world will follow. EPIC FAIL and you need to get help.

Stage 5: My body is a prison with no doors or windows. (Current)
Plan 5: BUST A FUCKING HOLE IN THE WALL. - Amazingly enough i will make this one work.

My body is something i've battled for many a year and this time i will win against myself. Even if it kills me i will lose my weight.

help me | Random Journal