Thank you for destroying me.


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:: 2010 24 August :: 11.06 am

life is a whirlwind right now. so many good things, and so many that i am freaking out about.
I just got back to WI and now I feel like I need to turn around and head right back to michigan.
f*ing pain.

Open your eyes

:: 2010 11 August :: 3.19 pm

for some reason i just started thinking:

"lolly, lolly, lolly, get your adverbs here. Father son and lolly get your adverbs here..."

I have either been watching too much children's programming or the onset of school next month is driving me crazy.

Open your eyes

:: 2010 5 August :: 12.13 am

somedays, when i see the wedding albums of all the people i know on facebook, i get sad. I am happy for the people... don't get me wrong, but i wish that i could have gotten those things.
no wedding cake
no pretty white dress
no pictures

i wish i could have that fairy tale.

Open your eyes

:: 2010 30 July :: 3.32 pm

it's a bit messed up when i start singing songs in my head just to avoid these arguments. I want this fuck head of a "guest" not to come back.

Open your eyes

:: 2010 25 July :: 12.14 pm

sometimes I think my "friends" are just politely saying they don't want to see me in encrypted messages. I want a heart of stone. I hate feeling like this is all a lie.

If that's the truth tho, i guess i will never find out. My phone calls and attempts to do things can just be continuously evaded. Life goes on right, and nobody will ever truly understand how damaged i feel, how empty, or how alone.

1 find grace | Open your eyes

:: 2010 23 July :: 5.46 pm

somedays my dad just annoys me!

Open your eyes

:: 2010 21 July :: 11.25 pm

the people who told me to open up and trust have hurt me worst of all. it would figure right

Open your eyes

:: 2010 14 July :: 5.14 pm

i am feeling a bit mischievous! I wish I could come back to MI for a few days while my hubby is traveling.

And maybe I am.... oh yay!

Open your eyes

:: 2010 13 July :: 7.16 pm

I'm sick of fighting. I am sick of headaches and I AM SICK OF CLEANING UP THE SAME MESSES! I just want to be happy and calm. Is that too much to ask for?

Why is it that I don't' ever get a break, and as soon as he comes home from work that is all he gets. It's just the same redic. shit on another fucking day. And I wonder why I don't have a portfolio at all going into my senior year... maybe if i had the time to ever be creative I wouldn't feel like such a worthless sac.

Open your eyes

:: 2010 6 July :: 12.33 pm
:: Mood: listless

why is it that friends just make me sad? or I feel broken because I am just all alone.

In other non whining about how my friends make me depressed news... apparently August 7th we (and by we, I mean my graduating class) are having a 5 year beach party. I like how it is not really official and I am invited through facebook. Maybe I'll sit on the beach here in Kenosha staring out at Lake Michigan thinking... Wow has it really been 5 years? I don't need to go home to see all those people. Most of the people I care enough to keep tabs on are facebook friends, and I wasn't much wanted or needed 5 years ago, so I think I can wait another 5 years to go and see that crowd anyways.

Mike is thankfully enjoying his new job and left for a 24 hour trip to pick up 3 ppl to bring back to WI tomorrow.
The suck thing is that as always I am left alone.
Being a cooped up bitch must just be the life. Although, you would think with how social I can be professionally, I would have more friends. Funny how it works, that the rest of the time I am just a wall flower, with nothing and no one.

1 find grace | Open your eyes

:: 2010 24 June :: 8.51 am

ya know considering that I am 23 I should not be having petty arguments with my mom. I am so sick of being blamed for her finances I could just smack her.

I as an only child, should be able to expect some help with buying clothes. Oh wait... I had to buy my own shit in high school, why the fuck would I get help now.

I am fed up with not having appropriate clothes for the season and even more annoyed that I am constantly having to get clothes that my friends are getting rid of, and then keeping them forever, just because I constantly am unable to get any clothes for myself. I really wish I had the gumption in high school that I have now... but it's prolly good I didn't, or I would have been in a lot of fights.

I am not spoiled! I have to work for what I want/ need. And considering that everyone thinks my parents are rich just because we have a jewelry store... wake the fuck up and smell the roses. The only people who seem to buy gold these days are place who are selling it to china. And people buying 9karat or less stamped goods coming from china with.... *drumroll please*... unregulated markings!
People keep buying crap that is marked totally wrong. What happened to trade regulation, and pride in work? What happened to honesty? We are living in an era where it is so difficult to find any of the things we ought to have. Decency is gone... for the most part. I am sick of living in a world where it feels like I am the only one who cares.

What's worse is Mike doesn't even want to understand. I feel totally fucking alone. I should probably be used to that by now... since it's just about all i've felt for the last 10 years.

3 find grace | Open your eyes

:: 2010 21 June :: 9.23 am

I'm on the pursuit of happiness <3

Mike starts his new job today. And I am wishing I could have stayed in MI for at least another week.

Oh yeah... and wake up sex rocks! lol

Open your eyes

:: 2010 13 June :: 11.20 pm

somedays i think i am cursed to always be alone... might as well start getting used to my own company

Open your eyes

:: 2010 26 May :: 10.28 pm

i hate that mike isn't working normal hours. i hate not being able to know when the heck he'll be home...

Open your eyes

:: 2010 20 May :: 1.53 pm

sometimes life makes me feel like we will always be stuck between a rock and a hard place. thankfully things somewhat pan out. and thank God that our land lord is willing to work with us and can understand how life happens.

a long weekend of work and weddings in MI is coming up.

Open your eyes | Random Journal