2005 10 June :: 1.47 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Raffi - Bananaphone (Fast)
It makes your teeth turn green. Comet! It tastes like gasoline. Comet! It makes you vomit! So try some Comet, and stop up your motherfucking bath tub today!
So that's not how the song ends. Whatever... it still stops up the fucking bath tub. Well, maybe it wouldn't if my grandma didn't go apeshit crazy with it. We're not talking like... "hey, this'll clean the tub" crazy. We're talking... "PREPARE TO PAY FOR YOUR SINS, TUB! MAY YOUR PORCELAIN BE BURNED CLEAN! PRAY, TUB, PRAY! SCREAM OUT TO BE SAVED BY YOUR GOD! SCREAM! MOAN IN PAIN!" crazy. Like, close enough to an entire can of this crap that she gets one use per can. We're talking the big cans.
So, what does using a can of a non water-soluable powder in a tub lead to? That's right, a tub that doesn't fucking drain at fucking all. I wake up this morning, and it's just sitting there in the tub, the sea-green puddle, the cleanliness crusader. I pull the plug out of the drain, and then wait about 10 minutes while slowly but surely the water drains... but the Comet remains. I turn on the water, and try to wash the remaining powder down the drain. Now, repeat the previous two sentences about five times. I've gotten skin burns on my feet from this shit before. Fuck that. Alright, now that it's all gone, I get in the shower. Doot doot doo.
Uh oh. The tub is stopped up. Again. Just like every other time she's made a feeble attempt at cleaning the tub. What's this lead to? There's always the plunger, but that rarely actually works. Then, there's this stuff we get from Sherman's, "Clobber." So, what smells like sulfur, reacts to water, will give you a nasty fucking chemical burn, and is obviously the best choice for cleaning drains? This stuff! It says to pour about two or three ounces down the drain, and to just wait. We've learned from the past though. Two or three ounces? More like about two fluid cups. Of sulfuric acid. In a tub drain.
"It's Clobbering time, drain clog!" I think. Oh, but how wrong I am. How wrong I am. I pour it down the drain, and it A.) Smells like the stinkiest crap you've ever taken, B.) Smokes a little. That's right. Fuckin' smokes. Might just be water evaporating, or something. Not a whole lot, in any case, and C.) Makes this odd sizzling sound as this brown liquid I just poured in the drain backs up into the tub. That's mostly because it hit the water trapped in the drain, but it's still nasty. What now? Now it flows back into the drain, and comes back up again. This time it's jet fucking black like crude oil, but there isn't but so much of it. Well, now it flows into the drain for the last time. I'm supposed to wait about 2 hours before pouring water down the drain... fuck that. Water on. Paint off.
The drain sizzles and gurgles, but I don't give a shit. It's not like it's going to come exploding our of there anyway. Sizzle, gurgle, sizzle... at least the drain works again. However, This stuff has this odd tendency to... eat through things. That's because it's acid and that's what it does. We've used it three times, and it's left its mark. Where there used to be pearly white enamel, now there's big black spots. I should've taken before and after pictures, because it really looks kinda shitty.
All praise be to Clobber!