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rayray

:: 2016 22 April :: 12.14pm

Today marks one month since the accident. I am finally feeling relief after going to the chiropractor. I am still recovering though. Occasionally I have brain fog, or things get fuzzy and I have a hard time focusing. Everyday I am even more grateful that my baby was unharmed in the accident. Last week was the first time that she had even asked questions about the accident. I knew it was going to happen, and I didn't press her after the accident because I was waiting for her to be ready. After the accident she asked what happened one time. And it was literally the first thing out of her mouth after we stopped. From that point on, all she would say was "I hate that lady's car for hitting us. She's a bad driver. I hate her driving". I would always reassure her that the only thing that mattered was that we were okay. I have been trying hard to not harbor anger over the whole ordeal. I am pissed that she wrecked my car. I am pissed that I am still recovering. But the fact that even after all that, my child is okay, makes me not want to hang onto those feelings of anger or hatred. Reagan could have been killed, or severely injured. She could have had cuts ALL over her body from all the glass. She could have been covered in glass, but for some reason she wasn't.

Tell me...


rayray

:: 2013 11 November :: 3.12pm

Yesterday, my mom had a heart attack. This morning she had a heart cath, and it showed that she has a small blockage but they aren't doing a stent because it could cause more harm than good. I was told this morning she would be coming home tonight, but by the time I got to class, they decided to keep her for another day. And the cardiologist told her numerous times she needs to quit smoking. So I am hoping that, the heart attack and the fact she has already been told by her doctor that has been treating her for Lupus, is enough to get it in full swing..

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rayray

:: 2013 2 September :: 9.41am

I started my last fall semester of college last week. So far, I hate it because I have to go to class 3 times a week. But, at least this semester is going to be a breeze compared to next semester.

My mom has lupus, but it's just the horrible rash on her face, no organs are being affected or causing it, yet. She told me that her doctor told her that she HAD to quit smoking, so she is cutting back and going to try the e-cig before she tries chantix. I'm not going to hold my breath. I want to have hope that she will quit smoking and maybe she will even quit drinking or at least cut back tremendously and live a semi-normal life. I'd like to think that at some point in my life, I can go visit her and not wreak of smoke just from sitting on her couch.

My brother had his 6 month check up to see if the cancer is back, and there are signs the cancer has come back, or it's just residue from the hodgkin's that wasn't seen in the last scan. Not sure what's going on, because he hasn't heard from his doctor or had any more tests scheduled.

Reagan so badly wants to go to school, but is too young by a week to start preschool. Preschool that I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for on top of fundraising anyway. I would love for her to go, but I think she will benefit from going to daycare a couple days a week to.

Tell me...


windedhero

:: 2013 21 June :: 1.55pm

This is what a blockquote looks like.

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rayray

:: 2013 28 May :: 10.05am

A year ago today, my brother got some pretty life changing news. It's so crazy and amazing that within the last year, he has found out that he had cancer, had chemo and has been in remission for 4 months.

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rayray

:: 2012 13 November :: 2.44pm

Today I remembered that I forgot to sign up for Spring classes last week, so I got a pretty crappy schedule.. But, I found out that I will be done Fall of next year.. Not sure what I will do when I don't have school anymore.. I will have to go back to work, because I have an ass load of student loans to pay back.. Maybe I can put off getting a job until Reagan is in school full time.. Seems weird that I will be done with college in a year..

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rayray

:: 2012 31 October :: 12.38am

Can't sleep.. Not sure if it's because I don't feel good, or because my mind won't shut off.. 7 Years later and I still can't believe we are together.. Pretty sure neither one of us thought it would last this long.. We sure press each others buttons, and annoy the hell out of each other, we aren't perfect, and we both might be a little on the bipolar side.. But I am glad that I said yes to going on a date with him. I can't picture anyone else I would want to go to bed next to each night..

Tell me...


rayray

:: 2012 16 September :: 10.38pm

It melts my heart, and brings tears to my eyes, every time Mike prays for my brother when he does Reagans bed time prayers with her.

1 No way... | Tell me...


allyson

:: 2012 16 September :: 12.15am

Still can't believe I'm pregnant. Again....

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rayray

:: 2012 17 August :: 6.21am

My kid won't nap. And some people might think that, that is no big deal. But you've probably Never met Reagan. She is a major crab without a nap. She is sleep deprived and has been since she was about 4 months old. Her dad is no help with that. He contradicts everything I say or do.. She hasn't napped since Tuesday. And that wasn't a very long nap. Maybe a 20 mile drive. Wednesday, she fought it for 4 hours, and screamed bloody murder for 2.5 hours. I am seriously going insane. She doesn't ever let me do anything. Other than watch cartoons with her. I'm to the point where I'm ready to send her to day care just so I don't have to deal with nap time... But I would feel super Shitty about dumping her off on someone else when she wont go to sleep on her own.

And complaining and being this frustrated with her makes me feel like a Shitty mom and a Shitty person. Which just makes me cry along with her.

6 No way... | Tell me...


allyson

:: 2012 11 July :: 12.48am

I wish....

I wasn't me
I didn't look like me especially.

Just want to feel pretty and sexy once in my life.

5 No way... | Tell me...


allyson

:: 2012 19 May :: 11.21pm

I'm cheating on you!

2 No way... | Tell me...


allyson

:: 2012 21 April :: 5.48pm

2nd time away from home
Well, the baby is with Grandma and Grandpa O. She is probably having a blast.. but I'm kinda sad.. and lonely. hahaha. figures.

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eddy

:: 2012 3 March :: 1.23am

Holy shit, woohu. How ya been?!

Going through some friends' posts. Really wish woohu had a 'like' button, and also disappointed with myself for being that ingrained with facebook.

I feel like I had more to add here....perhaps not. I'm terrible with updates, even on facebook people post pointless little trivial updates sometimes every minute, and I can't seem to post one update to even sum up my week. But from what I hear people prefer that? Nah, people talk shit but they know they love the facebook. I think they shoulda kept the 'the'.

And now I'm just rambling because it's almost 3 am and I shouldn't be conscious right now. So I will stop.


Now.


Night. =]

4 No way... | Tell me...


rayray

:: 2012 29 February :: 3.13pm

Its been almost 2 month since Darielle has been over. She has barely said anything to Mike. I only saw her long enough to drop money of to her at school (for her mom because she forgot to give it to her before school and her mom was in the hospital having surgery) and tell her I deserve an apology. Mike saw her long enough to pick her up from school and take her home because her mom was at one of the other kids sporting events. She has asked Mike to bring her food at school and he probably would have if I hadn't been home. She told him her trip money was due in March and he told her that her attitude adjustment and better grades were due a long time ago.

I feel guilty because she hates me so that is ruining her relationship with Mike and Reagan. And it breaks my heart that she hasn't even asked about Reagan. It probably makes me seem really petty that I am really upset and hurt that she never says one thing about Reagan on facebook and on the rare occasion she has, she deletes it before too many people see it. Yet she posts tons of things about her nieces and nephews.

I can't help but think she is ashamed of Reagan and hates her or resents her. What the hell am I supposed to say to Reagan when she is older and asks where her sister is? I'm not going to lie to her but I definitely dont want to break her heart.

I want to punch someone in the face.

10 No way... | Tell me...


upchuck

:: 2012 27 February :: 8.48pm

K/BB

Halladay
Haren
Lee
McCarthy
Kershaw
Grienke
Hamels
Velander
Tomlin
Bumgarner

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upchuck

:: 2012 27 February :: 8.46pm

K/9

Grienke
Morrow
Kershaw
Sanchez
Lee
Lincecum
Pineda
Gallardo
Verlander
Garza

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upchuck

:: 2012 27 February :: 8.42pm

OPS

Bautista
Cabrera
Braun
Kemp
Fielder
Berkman
Gonzalez
Ortiz
Votto
Ellsbury

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upchuck

:: 2012 27 February :: 8.40pm

Steals
Bourn
Crisp
Gardner
Bonafacio
Kemp
Maybin
Stubbs
Suzuki
Ellsbury
Reyes

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upchuck

:: 2012 27 February :: 8.36pm

Runs = Total bases
Ellsbury
Kemp
Gonzalez
Braun
Cabrera
Cano
Fielder
Granderson
Votto
Upton

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rayray

:: 2012 19 February :: 8.28pm

I will no longer have a relationship with my mother.
I have had all I can take.
Apparently I am the only one of her kids who didn't turn out..

Fuck her. She can't even come over to see her granddaughter. She drops Reagan's gifts off at my sisters, and sends me a text telling me i can go pick them up. Really? That's fucking ridiculous.

I have turned out better than I should have considering she was my influence.

I am DONE!

6 No way... | Tell me...


joslyn_julia

:: 2012 13 February :: 3.24pm

yeah, so i love how I am a "bad person" because i don't go to work when i am sick. I mean honestly, if you don't have a job don't criticize me for taking a day off at mine just because you are pissed that I have a job and hate it, while everyone else you know calls to bitch because they can't get a job. I'm not bitching and whose business is it aside from me and my boss if I don't go to work.
Get real.

Tell me...


box

:: 2012 6 February :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: Numb

I don't know what to do with myself anymore.. It's like I lost all sense of purpose in life...

Tell me...


rayray

:: 2012 17 January :: 3.02pm

I have been trying to find a way to vent without feeling guilty and like a total bitch when I am done. I think I have finally realized that it's not possible for me to do that, and I guess I don't really care too much about those feelings anymore. I will have to deal with them.

I have been struggling to have some kind of civil relationship with Mike's daughter for the last 4ish years. One day, she just decided she didn't want to listen to me anymore, and felt that I can't tell her what to do or anything. At first it caused Mike and I to argue, a lot. He thought I was being mean, or that I didn't know what I was talking about. It took awhile for him to finally see that she really doesn't listen to me, and completely ignores my existence. I thought it was getting better, but I was wrong. Now, she absolutely hates me. She won't admit it to me, or Mike, but we all know. I am not trying to be her parent, because I know she doesn't want me to. But I am not going to sit back and watch her let her grades fall, or see her curse like a sailor on Facebook. So I say stuff to her about it. I am not mean about it, but I am direct, and I come off as a concerned elder, not a parent. However, she see's it differently, and completely disrespects me. The other day, I finally had enough, and I ratted her out to her dad. Because of course she deleted the conversation on her status, so that I didn't have any proof. It really got to me, that she was that disrespectful to me. Well Mike was instantly pissed about it, and let her have it. He took my side and told her that she needed to respect me. A lot of things were said in their conversation. But summary version, I am a bitch and I act like a two year old, and don't deserve respect. And Mike told her not to ask for another damn thing until she learns to respect me, and apologizes.. Now, she won't talk to him. He tells her every night before he starts work, "Good night, I love you". (He sends her and I a text every night telling us that). And she won't respond, if she does, all she says is "night".

I feel horrible that their relationship is shitty. I feel like it's my fault, but at the same time I am happy because they need to learn that he needs to have the upper hand and discipline her, and that she can't get away with everything. I also feel bad, because Reagan loves her, and because she is mad at us, she won't come over for at least a month.. So Reagan is suffering because of that. I want to say something to her, but I don't know how to do it without making things worse..

5 No way... | Tell me...


allyson

:: 2012 15 January :: 10.53pm

Two things,
I'm apparently not who I wanted to be or though I was
And two
I wanna ride tanner.
And ride with him.

1 No way... | Tell me...

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