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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, Fuck It.

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:: 2005 22 January :: 8.57 am

Together, but not...
I love you. I know im a screw up and I can never make you happy, but i love you. Thats why we broke up. because we cant make each other happy. and this is why we are still together, because we love each other. I am so lost right now, I dont understand it. Everything in my head is telling me that we will go no where except where we are right now, together, but not. In eachothers lives, but not. But everything in my heart is telling me that it doesnt matter. As long as I have the little peice of you that I have now, its ok. And i know we will never date openly again. And I can't describe the feelings of doubt and unwantedness that go through my head at that thought. But it doesnt matter. Because I love you.

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:: 2005 19 January :: 4.29 pm

hmm..for the past two days i have been at home. my pain pills arnt doing shit, because im still in pain. And I asked someone for a milk shake or an ice cream sunday but..they never showed. Thanks alot kids. My kitty has been so nice to me today. All cuddling with me and stuff. At least my cat cuddles with me.

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:: 2005 1 January :: 7.33 pm

happy fucking new years you peices of shit.

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:: 2005 1 January :: 12.00 am


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:: 2004 31 December :: 11.59 pm

now here is that moment where everyone counts as the ball drops

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:: 2004 30 December :: 9.22 pm

Blessed suicide
Lying in the bathtub,
Cutting every vain.
Watching the bath fill with blood,
And drowning here in pain.

It's about an inch deep,
And I've got so much more to go.
Wondering if I should turn water on high
and watch it overflow.

I remember my father,
I saw him last when I was eleven.
I think it's my time to see him again
and be with him in heaven.

But when I get to the gates,
And look down and wish me well.
I will spend eternity
burning in the pits of hell.

I'm hardly here and
regret what I have done,
wish I thought twice
beofore I had the blade and begun.

I'm lying here in my watery
Blood, no one to hear my cries,
I look up and see Gods face
with my very eyes.

I hold his hand and talk
as I repeant and we begin to walk.
so now there is nothing else to hide
this is what you truly call a blessed suicide.

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:: 2004 30 December :: 8.50 pm

Another night alone.

Another broken heart.

Another hour to think.

and here I am, and there you are.


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:: 2004 30 December :: 8.38 pm

I loved you once
You loved me not
I loved you twice
But i forgot,
You never loved me
and You never will
but yet again
I love u still

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:: 2004 30 December :: 3.56 pm

Sent out of Paradise Garden for their sins, the first couple stole fruits from every tree they passed on their way to the gate, so as to spite their crator. And outside the Garden, crouched against the wall, they gorged upon the fruits, eating one after the other, until their bodies sickened with the excess of it, and they puked them up. And the seeds of the fruits were spilled in the dirt, and from them came Monsters of the World, who were born in filth, and never knew there was such a thing as love. -CB (from The Holy Book of Fiafeefo)

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