~John 3:16: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotton son, so that whosoever believith in Him, shall not perish, but have eternal life. Believe, He will save you.

 

home | profile | guestbook


Jesus Girls: Strength, Hope, and Love~Live for Him

recent entries | past entries


iron-cipher

:: 2006 12 May :: 7.49am

Okay I know that both are important but which one is more important?
College Education or Ambition

4 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?


iron-cipher

:: 2006 25 April :: 8.52am

So yep it is actually me updating once in a while. I am sitting here at 9 o'clock on tuesday because I finally have a day off. It has been a long week. For those of you who don't know I started a job at Frito-Lay last week monday. It's a good job, but it is alot of physical work. Wery hard work. I walk about 12 miles a day, and lift over 6 thousand pounds by the time the night is over. Every muscle in my body is sore at the end of the night. The pay is good and I can't wait to see my first pay check, though of course it is all going toward rent. Anyway I am sad. I haven't seen rachel all week and from the sounds of it I may not see her until next week either. I work the weekends and she has been sick, her car is also kinda crapped out. I miss her alot. It's funny sometimes, you would think that it is the way that you feel when you are with somebody that would tell you that you love them, but if you see them all the time you don't notice it as much. Well I realized how much being apart and feeling like crap because the one you love is no where in sight can have the same effect. Everytime I want to share a moment with her or just wraps my arms around her and relinqish all my grief and anxiety to fate, and relax in the melodic rythm of her heart beating against my side, she is no there :( I love rachel so much and right now I miss her.

On another note I need some socail interaction please!!!!!!! I have two days off from work and I really want to get out of the house or see some old faces. *Cry for help* :P Peace all,

We Win!

1 Thought | What are your thoughts?


shinigami

:: 2006 8 April :: 12.13pm

OMG, I just realized I am an aunt. Like, a real aunt, my cousin in Missouri just had her baby. O_O I have to call her!

2 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?


Shinigami

:: 2006 19 March :: 12.08am

Pour Moi
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle, it'll up the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.

What are your thoughts?


Shinigami

:: 2006 18 March :: 12.25am

I hate feeling inferior.

1 Thought | What are your thoughts?


shinigami

:: 2006 11 March :: 11.36am

Anyone want a busted '92 Dodge Dynasty?

6 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?


Iron-Cipher

:: 2006 21 February :: 10.39pm

My name is Nicholas and I am loved very deeply and completely by a young woman named Rachel. This young woman loves me very dearly and tries her darndest to make me happy and smile when I'm feeling a little down. Earlier today, I was a bit upset and antisocial. Instead of pressuring me, Rachel left to run errands and returned to keep me company. Very sillily, in an effort to make me smile or just to be weird, she read to me from The Little Prince. She tries her best to force that book on me at every turn.

Anyway, this Rachel girl loves me very much at tries to prove it as much as she can. She makes food for me every once in a while and on Sunday made a little indoor winter picnic for us to share. She lets it be known that she loves me very much. From my smile handles all the way down to my little feetsies.

Although the loss of my job and Rachel's future trip to France has set our plans back a few steps, Rachel still would love with all her heart to move in together. Being that we're both poorer than pancakes, it doesn't seem to be much of a real goal anymore. Rachel is constantly on the search for another job so maybe it's still attainable, either way it's something we hope to achieve at some point in the future.

Rachel loves me a whole lot of oodles and still hopes, in her hopelessly romantic way, to someday be my wife. Whether it's three or ten years from now, I know she'll stick around. As long as she gets at least a ring after five years of putting up with me. Heaven knows she needs a reward for that.

Our two-year anniversary is coming up soon (sort of) and it seems like we've been together for so much longer than two measly years. I suppose it has something to do with time flying when fun is had but surely this comfortability and feeling that it has and never will be any different from how it is now must come with a lot more time than two years.

Anyway, Rachel loves Nick. With all her heart. For always and forever and for a day or two. Three if he cooks. (He does. Very well indeed. I am willing to add on three months for that.)



(This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Rachel who can't seem to stretch her paper to six pages but somehow can easily write about nothing for one.)

1 Thought | What are your thoughts?


Iron-Cipher

:: 2006 16 February :: 11.06am

I feel like such a failure. I just lost my job, I suck at doing this college stuff, the person I love is leaving for france, and I have no idea what i am suppose to do anymore. I feel selfish for not wanting her to go, but I geuss atleast one of us will get to chase down our dreams, meanwhile i will sit here and do nothing and become nothing. I can't help but think about how much she will change while she is gone. Will her heart still be in the same place. Will somebody else discover how wonderful she is and her discover how mediocore I am? I really don't know where to go from her. Everyone else seems to be enjoying college, and have some idea of what they want to do. Maybe I just don't belong here.

3 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?


kandy

:: 2006 14 February :: 10.13pm
:: Mood: nostalgic

A Cleansing of the Past
Ok word of advice. never look through past entries. I just went through all my entries actually reading most cause my boyfriend is sleeping lol. But wow. A few of them really made me want to cry. Cry for the past. What I destroyed and what harm I caused. I was a bitch. I know it. I'm sorry to all those I hurt. I'm sorry for being such a damn drama queen.
James I know you won't be reading this, but you will always have a piece of my heart. You were my first love. I will never forget that. You are the one everyone has to stand up against. I'm happy for all the good times we had. I wouldn't be the person I am today without you. I know we had our bad times and those sometimes stick out more, others I look back and could almost cry at what we lost. Because honestly if we would have worked things out more or differently things could have been different. But that was then. We're only friends now and that only barely. :(

Christopher, I'm sorry for all the hurt I caused you. For all the trouble I caused too. I did love you and still care for you. But you are my best friend now. And that's all we'll ever be.

Ryan, You won't read this. So it really doesn't matter what I think or say anymore.

Stacy, I love you dearly sister. We've become further apart lately. And I know it's still my fault. Every time I find a guy I tend to push you away. I want to turn to him for mostly everything and not my friends. Well this time it was both of us. It's been a hard year. But I love you and you will always always be my sister. Remember blood is stronger than anything else (although I think the saying is that blood is stronger than water). I'll promise you the always, always, never promise too.

Chrissy, I'm sorry we weren't better friends in high school. I'm so very grateful and glad we're friends now. I think it's a good thing cause if we weren't friends I think we'd get a lil irritated with the brothers! lol. And you are like a sister to me, just like Stacy. I love you too.

Josh, I know you won't see this because you never knew about this site but I want to get this off my chest. I loved you, you abused me. You destroyed my relationships with my friends and lowered my self esteem and self worth. I hated you for awhile. I hate what you did still. But I can forgive you. I will never forget it. What you did was wrong and I hope you are punished by the law for as long as possible for what happened! No I don't want to deal with it but I won't let you go and prey on some other girl like you did me. That would be me allowing you to go free and to knowingly let someone else get hurt. Fuck you you asshole. Just because I hurt you it does not give you the right to slap me or choke me. Even if I destroyed you emotionally it does not give you the right to rape me to try to make me feel like you did. I didn't intentionally hurt you. I hated doing what I did. I felt for over a month that things were going bad. I just didn't know how to tell you because I knew it would destroy you. And because I wasn't sure if that was what I wanted or if I wanted to try and work things out. But I'm glad things didn't work out. You are a dick. You made me think things were always my fault... guess what.. THEY WEREN'T!

Brandon, Now again I doubt you'll read this only because you don't get online to look at these things. I love you Brandon. You should know that. After the first time we had sex, I was in tears and just thinking "oh my god. I want to tell him I love him already" and we weren't even dating. Then we had to deal with this shit with Josh and are actually still dealing with it. Between my lil freak out moments or my low confidence or my horrible thinking. Not to mention the court dates. Moving in here was the best move I made. I feel closer to you than anyone else. I know we will be together for a long long time. I can feel it in my bones. After all I've been through I think you are truely my one. You comfort me when I need it or make me laugh when I think that's the last thing that will happen. You put up with my moods and emotional break-downs as well as my stress out periods. I know you love me. I can see it in you beautiful brown eyes. :)

To everyone else from high school or just other friends I had, I'm sorry from some of the things I did. Others I feel I was justified in doing them. Everyone makes some mistakes and you just have to grow a little to realize them. But sometimes people hurt you in ways you don't see until you get out of that situation. That I think is the hardest to deal with. Seeing the relationship of one you love, become nothing but a way for them to control, use, or abuse you.

I have changed. Looking at the past really helped me to see that.
And damn did I write well when I was upset!!! lol!

Constance Maria *hmm should I?... naahhh*

3 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?


kandy

:: 2006 14 February :: 9.02pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Show: House

Well just wanted to say Happy Valentines Day to all! Miss ya guys!

~Constance

What are your thoughts?


Shinigami

:: 2006 9 February :: 4.01pm

So yeah, sent info to the wrong college, sent in my application to San Francisco State University. It's still cheaper than Hawaii, so I am most likely going there.

5 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?


shinigami

:: 2006 7 February :: 1.20pm

College expenses
University of Hawaii (estimated) - $20,000

Univeristy of San Fransisco (estimated) - $41,000

Guess which one I would rather go to.

2 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?


stay_c

:: 2006 2 February :: 9.25pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Whatever Bucky is listening too...

I am a horrible person!
So yeah... i haven't updated in ages (as you can see). Xanga sucked me in....I feel like such a traitor.

LIfe has been crazy.

School, Guys, Partys, Finding a new Job, everything. I don't even know where to start so I guess I'll just tell everyone to go to www.xanga.com/stay_ccv_2004 if you wanna know what I've been up too.

and I'll try to update here more often....

Stacy

1 Thought | What are your thoughts?


shinigami

:: 2006 26 January :: 1.09pm
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World- My Sundown

I see it around me, I see it in everything.
I could be so much more than this.
I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.
I'm gonna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I need you to show me the way from crazy.
I wanna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I could be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I could be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
Good goodbye lovely time.
Good goodbye tin sunshine.
Good goodbye I'll be fine.
Good goodbye, good goodnight.

What are your thoughts?


Iron-Cipher

:: 2006 25 January :: 11.11pm

I can never be any more or any less than who i am. I may change but I will never fail to be a hundred percent me. If you do not like it you can wait for me change, but do not think it is becuase I am be too much or too little of who I should be that you are displeased.

5 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?

Woohu.com | Random Journal