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The Voices In My Head

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:: 2006 10 July :: 9.20 am
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Pink

emotionaly f*cked
Some people sit and think of how they can end all of the bull sh*t going on in their life. I know b/c I used to be one of those people. I would just sit in my room playing my favorite cd over and over again. Trying to think of the best way to comit suicide. Then I found out I was pregnant with Kyra. I had no problem killing my self but i would never kill a child. I never knew that such a small child could save my life. I still get depressed but I know I have a reason to wake up now.

I some times just wanna grab my daughter and drive away untill I can keep my eyes open. Just drive to some where I've never been. Ever wish you could exscape reality! just take a vacation!

I'm so emotionaly f*cked right now. I'm happy and sad all at the same time! all I wanna do is run away and at the same time I just wanna curl up in his arms and fade out the world. I have so much shit to do and I don't even know where to begin. life is just spinning me in circles I thank every friend I have that has stuck by my side threw all the b.s that has gone on in my life.It's nice to know that some people would miss me if I was ever to leave this earth.

2 Dug Ins | Pick my brain

:: 2006 26 June :: 3.45 pm
:: Mood: blah


Daily extended (by
When you put your passion into something there is no limit to your success, and that will be true especially when you're given the chance to take control. Grab the steering wheel and put the pedal to the metal. If you think about it long enough, you'll realize that you know exactly where you need to be right now -- so get there quickly. Put everything you are into this journey, and don't make any compromises. Nothing you do can be done only halfway now

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:: 2006 26 June :: 2.29 pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Pink-Dear Mr. President

life is too short
Today I went to my Grandma Carols Funeral. I kept telling my self that I was ok but now that everyone is gone. I realize that I'm not ok at all. It's so hard to realize that she's really gone. I miss all the things about her. I know she's in a better place now, but that doesn't make it any easier. Well that's about all for now.............


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:: 2006 25 June :: 12.46 pm
:: Music: Disturbed- Get down with the sickness

Well I just thought I would write and say hello ! Today I'm doing better! I stayed up way to late last nigt and then Kyra had bad dreams so I had to get her back to sleep. But it's all ok today! Yesturday evening I went swimming with my sister and MacKenzie, We had a blast. Kyra loved the water! well I'll write later ok Love to all

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:: 2006 24 June :: 7.03 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

ok glad I got that off my chest! I don't understand life some times. I mean why do ppl do the things they do? I guess it's just me. Like today I asked some one to stop by so I could talk to them and what happens, they leave with my sister, who also knew i wanted to talk to the person........ Grrrrrrrr
Why can't I say the things I want to? There is this person that i really enjoy being around and at the same time this person seems to like me too. But then stupid sh*t like this happens. Why can't I just stay mad at them and get it done and over with? Some times I wonder if it would be easier to just shut down all emotion. I mean just stay at one constant state of mellow. Not have to deal with happy,sad,lust,love,pain,heartache, etc...... who knows maybe i'm makeing a big deal out of nothing. oh well life sucks move on right

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:: 2006 22 June :: 9.53 am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: countyry!

stayed up way too late!
Well good morning world! I went to bed only 5 hours ago and I am already up! I am so tired right now. I stayed up talking to Wayne on the internet last night for way to long !I think we started talking at like 11:30 and finally stopped at 5am this morning!I can't even tell you what we talked about! Well I think I'm going make this one short today. I will write to all

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:: 2006 21 June :: 2.26 pm
:: Mood: surprised
:: Music: Keith Urban- better life

A smile makes the difference!
Well Today I got up in well kind of a blah mood! I stayed up way to late on the computer setting up my new web site. But today I got online to check my feed back and write a few e-mail and much to my suprise! i had feed back again!!!!! I only wish I knew who was sending it. Well today I'm going out with the girls to do a little shopping! then I'm not to sure what I am going to do for the rest of the day. I might just get into the hot tub and relax! Well I have to go finish getting dressed I just wanted to share the good news! love to all,

Pick my brain

:: 2006 21 June :: 12.03 am

Who Should Paint You: Tamara de Lempicka

You're universally attractive with a modern appeal
A portrait of you would be both bewitching and approachable

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:: 2006 21 June :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: amused

You are 80% Pisces

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:: 2006 20 June :: 11.57 pm
:: Mood: amused

just another test!
Your Ideal Relationship is Casual Dating

Maybe you're looking for love...
But mostly you're looking for fun.
You could get serious with the right person.
For now, though, you're enjoying playing the field.

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:: 2006 20 June :: 11.10 pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Gwen stefani- rich girl

Hello everyone! well things here are going a little rocky.... I found out today that my grandma Carol passed away. =( As much as I miss her I am glad that she is in a better place where she doesn't have to deal with pain every day. I'm staying at my dads for a little bit right now. Then it's back to figuring out my life! I was reading threw my comments today and to my pleasent suprise I found a really nice comment. It lifted my entire day up. I don't have any Idea who sent it but I would love to find out. Hopefully this person sends me an e-mail soon. Well I'm going to head to bed now. love to all,

3 Dug Ins | Pick my brain

:: 2006 11 June :: 2.13 pm

Well I'm just letting everyone know that I won't have internet service very often so my entries will be fewer and fewer. I'll try and keep everyone up to date on how things are going. Kyra is doing great, she had a great time meating her family. and things for me are slowly falling in to place. but I'll write more later ok. love to all

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:: 2006 7 June :: 2.24 am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: what every country station we get here ! lol

Well I am no longer at our fancy hotel! what a big surprise, our "family" got into a huge blow out..... this entire trip has been moody to begin with. then today my grandma told my mom that "she was so busy being worried about Terry ann messying up the trip that she did it her self." Yup my grams is "!such a nice person!" isn't she! lol not. She made me feel like crap the first night we go here. And every time my mom or I would walk off we were being" distant from the family" but I tell you what, Kyra starts crying and everyone comes running to "sugest" we take her out side b/c she's too loud. I really dislike my family.
well on a different note!!!! lol
Cy, Mom, Kyra, and I went to Canon Beach today to look for sand dollars and pretty shells. oh man did we find them! we got ton! Kyra even picked some up on her own! we had a blast, then we relaxed in a little mexican food joint and had luch together. I was so amazed at how stress free we were with out the other 2/3 of the group.
I just wish that Candy and I could have hung out a little bit more this past week. She is my cousin from the big OK!! she's so fun to be around and to talk to. I wish I was closer to her. But we have already agreed that no matter how much our wonderful family fights her and I will always stay in contact.
ok next subject!!
I landed on the 22nd of May and threw out that time I have been trying to deside if I should stay here or go back to my husband. Well at first everyone told me to just stay here and now there are about 1/2 those ppl telling me to go home. It just seems like I'm not welcome to stay any more.. I don't know what to do really! Everyone tells me to do what feels right , well nothing really does feel right. My sister thinks I should pay the 75$ to extend my ticket 3 months out and that way if I change my mind I can always go home then and not waste the ticket. But if I deside to stay here I not only waste the money on the ticket but yet another $75 for changeing the date. Well i'm all messed up about everything that's been going on. I will update later on down the road. Love to all,

Pick my brain

:: 2006 18 May :: 5.11 pm

Current Location:Oregon coast!
Eye Color:depends on the day
Hair Color:pink this week
Height:depends on my shoes!
Right Handed or Left Handed:right
Your Heritage:100% mutt
The Shoes You Wore Today:people still wear those!
Your Weakness:companionship
Your Fears:being a bad mom
Your Perfect Pizza:lots and lots of pineapple
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:loose a little weight and go on a date
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:sorry don't instant message ppl
Thoughts First Waking Up:call Nick
Your Best Physical Feature:I have one of those? wow!
Your Bedtime:when I get to tired to text!
Your Most Missed Memory:watching the sun set on Lake Michigan
Pepsi or Coke:crown and coke!
MacDonalds or Burger King:McChicken and BK fries
Single or Group Dates:single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Lipton today
Chocolate or Vanilla:depends on it's use!
Cappuccino or Coffee:good home town coffe chop coffee
Do you Smoke:yep but am trying to quit
Do you Swear:yep
Do you Sing:yep but only with alcohol involved!
Do you Shower Daily:duh doesn't everyone!
Have you Been in Love:yeah but usually end up hurt so I try not to.
Do you want to go to College:yep
Do you want to get Married:nope been there done that. Divorce is too expensive! lol
Do you belive in yourself:nope, should I?
Do you get Motion Sickness:not unless my brother in law is swinging me in circles!
Do you think you are Attractive:no I don't
Are you a Health Freak:ha ha You funny
Do you get along with your Parents:yes I do for the most part
Do you like Thunderstorms:yep
Do you play an Instrument:nope
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:yep, too much
In the past month have you Smoked:yep
In the past month have you been on Drugs:..............
In the past month have you gone on a Date:well kinda but not really
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:yep to many times!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:ewww gross
In the past month have you been on Stage:not that i can recall!
In the past month have you been Dumped:nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:Hell No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:Nope
Ever been Drunk:yep it sucked
Ever been called a Tease:yep...............long story
Ever been Beaten up:yep
Ever Shoplifted:yep
How do you want to Die:in my sleep
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:a good mom and dependent on no one
What country would you most like to Visit:Japan
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:depends on the person
Favourite Hair Color:not picky!
Short or Long Hair:short for the most part
Height:5'9" or taller
Weight:doesn't matter at all
Best Clothing Style:comfy
Number of Drugs I have taken: legal or not
Number of CDs I own:none at the moment
Number of Piercings:just got my tongue peirced!
Number of Tattoos:4
Number of things in my Past I Regret:nothing, I've learned from it all


2 Dug Ins | Pick my brain

:: 2006 18 May :: 4.26 pm

Hello to all! well I'm at the coast for the first night. Things have been a little rocky through out the day. Hopefully everything evens out by tomorrow.
I have desided that I'm going to stay here in Oregon well actually Washing ton but I'll be makeing regular trips to Oregon to go see Nick. He's a friend of mine that I met through my sister.
We met at her wedding!! lol The night of the wedding we stayed up all night long together, we watched the sun rise as much as it does in this part of the U.S! then went on a drive up the mountain. We had a lot of funn over the weekend. I actually thought we wouldn't talk to each ther after that but sure enough we have talked every day (and night) since! It's so nice to have a friend to go hang out with, it's nice to be free again and not really have to ask permission.
My sister and I have bonded alot in the past weeks. We still have our differences but that's just how sisters are! lol
Any way i'm going to let everyone go!
love to all

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