2006 10 July :: 9.20 am
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Pink
Some people sit and think of how they can end all of the bull sh*t going on in their life. I know b/c I used to be one of those people. I would just sit in my room playing my favorite cd over and over again. Trying to think of the best way to comit suicide. Then I found out I was pregnant with Kyra. I had no problem killing my self but i would never kill a child. I never knew that such a small child could save my life. I still get depressed but I know I have a reason to wake up now.
I some times just wanna grab my daughter and drive away untill I can keep my eyes open. Just drive to some where I've never been. Ever wish you could exscape reality! just take a vacation!
I'm so emotionaly f*cked right now. I'm happy and sad all at the same time! all I wanna do is run away and at the same time I just wanna curl up in his arms and fade out the world. I have so much shit to do and I don't even know where to begin. life is just spinning me in circles I thank every friend I have that has stuck by my side threw all the b.s that has gone on in my life.It's nice to know that some people would miss me if I was ever to leave this earth.
Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
When you put your passion into something there is no limit to your success, and that will be true especially when you're given the chance to take control. Grab the steering wheel and put the pedal to the metal. If you think about it long enough, you'll realize that you know exactly where you need to be right now -- so get there quickly. Put everything you are into this journey, and don't make any compromises. Nothing you do can be done only halfway now
2006 26 June :: 2.29 pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Pink-Dear Mr. President
life is too short
Today I went to my Grandma Carols Funeral. I kept telling my self that I was ok but now that everyone is gone. I realize that I'm not ok at all. It's so hard to realize that she's really gone. I miss all the things about her. I know she's in a better place now, but that doesn't make it any easier. Well that's about all for now.............
2006 25 June :: 12.46 pm
:: Music: Disturbed- Get down with the sickness
Well I just thought I would write and say hello ! Today I'm doing better! I stayed up way to late last nigt and then Kyra had bad dreams so I had to get her back to sleep. But it's all ok today! Yesturday evening I went swimming with my sister and MacKenzie, We had a blast. Kyra loved the water! well I'll write later ok Love to all
ok glad I got that off my chest! I don't understand life some times. I mean why do ppl do the things they do? I guess it's just me. Like today I asked some one to stop by so I could talk to them and what happens, they leave with my sister, who also knew i wanted to talk to the person........ Grrrrrrrr
Why can't I say the things I want to? There is this person that i really enjoy being around and at the same time this person seems to like me too. But then stupid sh*t like this happens. Why can't I just stay mad at them and get it done and over with? Some times I wonder if it would be easier to just shut down all emotion. I mean just stay at one constant state of mellow. Not have to deal with happy,sad,lust,love,pain,heartache, etc...... who knows maybe i'm makeing a big deal out of nothing. oh well life sucks move on right
2006 22 June :: 9.53 am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: countyry!
stayed up way too late!
Well good morning world! I went to bed only 5 hours ago and I am already up! I am so tired right now. I stayed up talking to Wayne on the internet last night for way to long !I think we started talking at like 11:30 and finally stopped at 5am this morning!I can't even tell you what we talked about! Well I think I'm going make this one short today. I will write later...love to all
2006 21 June :: 2.26 pm
:: Mood: surprised
:: Music: Keith Urban- better life
A smile makes the difference!
Well Today I got up in well kind of a blah mood! I stayed up way to late on the computer setting up my new web site. But today I got online to check my feed back and write a few e-mail and much to my suprise! i had feed back again!!!!! I only wish I knew who was sending it. Well today I'm going out with the girls to do a little shopping! then I'm not to sure what I am going to do for the rest of the day. I might just get into the hot tub and relax! Well I have to go finish getting dressed I just wanted to share the good news! love to all,
Hello everyone! well things here are going a little rocky.... I found out today that my grandma Carol passed away. =( As much as I miss her I am glad that she is in a better place where she doesn't have to deal with pain every day. I'm staying at my dads for a little bit right now. Then it's back to figuring out my life! I was reading threw my comments today and to my pleasent suprise I found a really nice comment. It lifted my entire day up. I don't have any Idea who sent it but I would love to find out. Hopefully this person sends me an e-mail soon. Well I'm going to head to bed now. love to all,
Well I'm just letting everyone know that I won't have internet service very often so my entries will be fewer and fewer. I'll try and keep everyone up to date on how things are going. Kyra is doing great, she had a great time meating her family. and things for me are slowly falling in to place. but I'll write more later ok. love to all
2006 7 June :: 2.24 am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: what every country station we get here ! lol
Well I am no longer at our fancy hotel! what a big surprise, our "family" got into a huge blow out..... this entire trip has been moody to begin with. then today my grandma told my mom that "she was so busy being worried about Terry ann messying up the trip that she did it her self." Yup my grams is "!such a nice person!" isn't she! lol not. She made me feel like crap the first night we go here. And every time my mom or I would walk off we were being" distant from the family" but I tell you what, Kyra starts crying and everyone comes running to "sugest" we take her out side b/c she's too loud. I really dislike my family.
well on a different note!!!! lol
Cy, Mom, Kyra, and I went to Canon Beach today to look for sand dollars and pretty shells. oh man did we find them! we got ton! Kyra even picked some up on her own! we had a blast, then we relaxed in a little mexican food joint and had luch together. I was so amazed at how stress free we were with out the other 2/3 of the group.
I just wish that Candy and I could have hung out a little bit more this past week. She is my cousin from the big OK!! she's so fun to be around and to talk to. I wish I was closer to her. But we have already agreed that no matter how much our wonderful family fights her and I will always stay in contact.
ok next subject!!
I landed on the 22nd of May and threw out that time I have been trying to deside if I should stay here or go back to my husband. Well at first everyone told me to just stay here and now there are about 1/2 those ppl telling me to go home. It just seems like I'm not welcome to stay any more.. I don't know what to do really! Everyone tells me to do what feels right , well nothing really does feel right. My sister thinks I should pay the 75$ to extend my ticket 3 months out and that way if I change my mind I can always go home then and not waste the ticket. But if I deside to stay here I not only waste the money on the ticket but yet another $75 for changeing the date. Well i'm all messed up about everything that's been going on. I will update later on down the road. Love to all,
Hello to all! well I'm at the coast for the first night. Things have been a little rocky through out the day. Hopefully everything evens out by tomorrow.
I have desided that I'm going to stay here in Oregon well actually Washing ton but I'll be makeing regular trips to Oregon to go see Nick. He's a friend of mine that I met through my sister.
We met at her wedding!! lol The night of the wedding we stayed up all night long together, we watched the sun rise as much as it does in this part of the U.S! then went on a drive up the mountain. We had a lot of funn over the weekend. I actually thought we wouldn't talk to each ther after that but sure enough we have talked every day (and night) since! It's so nice to have a friend to go hang out with, it's nice to be free again and not really have to ask permission.
My sister and I have bonded alot in the past weeks. We still have our differences but that's just how sisters are! lol
Any way i'm going to let everyone go!
love to all