2004 14 August :: 2.21 am
i think i am leaving this journal. wont you miss me?? nah i got a new one. visit me at live journal under the name spaceghost13. goodbye woohu, you have been swell...
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2004 13 August :: 9.43 pmgoodbyes really suck...
:: Mood: sad
2004 13 August :: 4.41 pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: Garden State Soundtrack
I'm going to college tomorrow!!
2004 5 August :: 8.40 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: The Carpenters: Close to You
never thought i would hear it...
I am highly amused right now. My dad thinks he has found me a boyfriend. What the fuck?! Lol. He comes home and tells my mom this. Apparently one of his clients has a son that goes to UF. He met him and I guess he like him. He already graduated but is going back for his masters. I was so embarrassed. He even told him I was staying at Lakeside! I was like, great, I am going to have some stalker guy trying to find me. I never thought my dad would be out looking for a boyfriend for me. It just feels so wrong.
Lets see, what else? Ooh the countdown is down to 9 days! Crazyness. I went yesterday to the hair place and got my hair done. I also got my eyebrows waxed. I am one sexy bitch! Lol I got my hair cut a little shorter and now it is blonder cuz I got highlights. Fun day for me.
Today sucked. I had to get a cavity filled. Good thing that it was small. The guy made me feel bad. I was freaking out and he was telling me how he did this yesterday to his 8 yr old son, so I should be fine. I was like great, an 8yr old kid is more brave than me. The whole left side of my face was numb until about 4:30pm. He must have used a shit load of novicaine, cuz my appointment was at 11:30am. Thats ok though, cuz if I felt any pain, I would have been out of there!
I'm really excited for class now. I cant wait to go to college. I got my books for my literature of knighthood class. It sounds fun now, so I am not dropping it. Here are the books I have to read...
Parzival by Wolfram Von Eschenbach
Tristan by Gottfried Von Strassburg
The Nibelungenlied by Unknown Poet
They are all german works about knights, quests, the holy grail, murder and revenge, love and betrayal. They sounds pretty good. I think the class should be pretty easy. I mean I like to read.
Great news!! I got the class that I wanted! Finally!! I am now in the Japanese Culture class. Its basically an anthropology class, just focused on Japan. Yay! My plan is working out. See, I wanted to take Japanese Culture, then I would go off and take the Japanese Language classes. Its going to be fun.
Well it sounds like my first visitor is going to be my brother. He doesnt want to come up with my parents, so he said he will come up AFTER they come home. Lol. Now why wouldnt he want to ride for 4 hours with my parents in a car? I cant imagine.
The days are flying by now. It seems like the summer has just vanished. I cant believe I am going to college. I cant believe I still havent gotten my roommates names!! God, when are they going to get around to that?! I leave in 9 fucking days!
I have so many things to do. I need to pack and clean out my room again. I also need to spend as much time possible with the friends that I have to leave behind. God, I am going to miss you guys terribly. Everyone better get their asses up to Gainesville and visit me.
Well I am going to go take a shower. Over and out...
2004 2 August :: 2.22 pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: Radio: 107.9 WIRK
I'm in a weird mood right now. I am so bored that I am not really bored. Make sense? Didnt make sense to me either. But there ya have it. I was working on my scrap book a little earlier. Its turning out pretty snazzy. I figured I should put my pics in a scrap book since my "picture box" has seen better days.
I actually got up at 7:50 am . Well I did have a purpose, to change my schedule, but that didnt really work out. I still cant get the classes I want. Bah! You know, this class that I am trying to get out of, Literature of Knighthood, is probably going to be one of my favorite classes. It would make sense, because I am trying so hard to get rid of it, but cant. I was looking up the professor and his website and he seems pretty cool. Maybe it wont be sooo bad. I mean I like to read. And knights are pretty cool. I guess I will just have to give it a chance...HOLY CRAP! Did we just witness Michelle being reasonable?! Wow, I must be growing up...
My mom is telling me to start packing. I almost wet my pants. Well, not really but I cant think of another phrase. I cant start packing yet. I am still using the stuff! Why would I pack something just to take it back out? Silly mothers. I told her I would do it the night before. Hehehe....
*Sigh* I have to do some laundry. I guess I will be back laters. Since I have nothing better to do with myself. Damn, its raining really hard now. I hope my car doesnt float away!
2004 31 July :: 1.02 am
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: Tim McGraw: Live Like You Were Dying
15 days 11 hours 36 minutes 12 seconds...
...that is when my world comes to an end. Scary isnt is? 15 fucking days till I am torn from everything I have known. Needless to say I am scared shitless. I have lived for 18 years and change, 12 or so of those years have been in this same house. I cant believe I am never going to be living here again. I mean, after this I am an adult.
Its funny. I spent 18 years of my life wishing I was older. I couldnt wait to be an adult. Now that it is coming, its coming too fast. I dont want to grow up anymore. I dont know if I can handle it. I really dont know. It all sounds nice, but the unknown is terrifying for me. I find myself clinging to the vestiges of my past.
I sleep every night now with an old friend...not that you sickos....an old teddy bear that was once forgotten in my attic. I found him when we were cleaning out my stuff and we revived him. I have long forgotten the name I gave him in my youth, so I have dubbed him Reginald Burberry. Get it? BurBEARy. Hahaha...nope not really funny. He just seemed british to me. Looks like a war veteran too, missing a nose and his bow tie, all scrapy looking. Poor dear. Hmmm I think I got off track here...
Where was I? Oh yea, mental break down. Geez man, its a scary thing. I dont know if I can do it. I cant wait for the day to come, but I know when it does I am going to be crying like a little girl. Im not ready yet. Holy crap I am being thrown into the real world. Im not as secure as my parents seem to think I am. They think everythings fine, but really I am starting to crack. These days are just flying by. I can do nothing but cry myself to sleep and cluth onto Reginald Burberry, hoping that his war experience can keep the world from touching me.
God, listen to me. I am talking like a crazy person. What am I going to do without the people that keep me sane? I am sure Richelle has forgotten about me and Hillary is going to be with her new sorority sisters. I'm scared that I am going to be left behind. I have this horrible way with people. I cant loose the people I already have. If every thing is taken from me I dont know if I could survive. How I wish this summer could keep on keeping. I dont want things to change. I HATE change. I hate myself for hating these things.
What is wrong with me? I should be jumping for joy that I am finally leaving this house. That I am going to be on my own, new adventures, new people. Every sane person I know cant wait for college. I dont even know why I started this long rant. I was cleaning in my closet, getting rid of yet MORE things. I looked around and suddenly felt small. I realized that I am just a scared little girl, being thrown into the world. I dont think I am ready...I really dont think I can do this....
2004 28 July :: 1.28 am
:: Mood: blah
Well I guess I have to update to please my little stalker. Lol. Hmmm...not much to update really. That is how boring my so-called life has become. Tonight I went out with Hillary. We went to the movies and for some odd reason we decided to see Napoleon Dynamite. Dont ask me why, it was a momentary lapse of sanity. Needless to say, we walked out halfway through it. Plus we were the oldest people in there besides the strange old couple. I have no idea why THEY were there. I also remembered why I hate obnoxious kids. These kids were like either middle schoolers or freshmen. They were so fucking stupid and imature. I wanted to turn around and punch them in the face. *Sigh* But terrorizing young children was not on the menu tonight.
So we cut our losses and went to coldstones. Nothing can ease the hurt like a big cup of ice cream. We had fun though. We sat in her NEW (well new used) car in the parking lot and chatted while the rain poured down. All in all, it was a pretty calm night.
I was so ashamed of my recent laziness. I have done absolutely NOTHING. Lol, on the phone with Hillary today I was like, "Man, I dont think I have left my house since monday." Hillary is like, "Oh thats not so bad, its only tuesay." Long pause....I answer with, "No I mean LAST monday." lol good times.
I need to get out and do something. I havent riden my bike in over a week. I have to do that.
Ooh, but I have been a book hermit for the past couple of days. I finished reading Angels & Demons, and a few minutes ago I finished the Da Vinci Code. OMG they are the best books ever! Made me not like organized religion even more. Now I want to do some research, especially about Mary Magdalene and the Holy Grail. The explanation in the book seems plausible to me. I mean, why wouldnt have Jesus taken a female companion? He was a MAN was he not? I would love to see these documents uncovered and to prove that the church is built on nothing more than lies and fabrications. I cant wait to read his next book, which comes out summer 2005. It is suppose to continue right where the Da Vinci code left off.
One of the things in the book that amazed me was the painting of the last supper. I never knew those things about it. I looked at a picture of it and saw those details. It was really very ingenious of da vinci. Hmm...maybe I will go to the library tomorrow and see if I can find some stuff out for myself...
well, that is all for now. I hope I have satisfied my stalker... ;) hehe jessica
2004 18 July :: 9.46 pm
:: Mood: moody
:: Music: Urge Overkill: You'll be a Woman Soon
Grr....parents came home today. There goes my peace and quiet. I really didnt want them to come home for some reason. Guess I cant wait to move away. I havent been doing much lately. I watched Pulp Fiction and I fell in love with this one song, "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon." Listen to it some time. The movie wasnt half bad either.
I hope tomorrow me and my mom can go shopping. I finally get to buy stuff for my dorm now that I know where I am living. This is exciting. Its actually getting closer, more real.
On a side note, I make a fucking good cup of coffee. Lol. I get better with each batch. Its like heaven in a glass. Good stuff. Guess I'm gonna get addicted. Thanks Hillary!
Not much is new, so I don't know why I am updating. Still cant find my Maroon 5 cd. Dammit! I want to listen to it and I cant find it. Sucks. Well I should go, this was a waste of an entry...
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2004 15 July :: 10.51 pm
Hmmm, isnt that interesting?? Im too good to be true!
2004 14 July :: 3.07 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Radio: 107.9 WIRK
Well I am back home from my trek to Gainesville. Its good to sleep in my bed again. I had a lot of fun at Hillary's with her and Jessica. I mean, how can you not have fun with 2 nights of drinking?? Lol I LOVE strawberry daquiris. I think I like coffee now too. Damn Hillary. So much fun was had I dont have the energy to type it all here. Here is the whole trip in a few short phrases:
Alcohol. Cowboy hats. Country music. Gabe hunting. Broken cars. Hillary Bed and Bar. "Cum shots". Richelle and Andres. Hot College Boys. El Toro. Stalking.[ Food food and more food. Domestic Hillary. Axel Rose. On the road again...
Wow, that sounds like we had a lot of fun huh? Well take my word for it. Anyways, I finally got my housing assignment for UF. I GOT LAKESIDE!!! Can you tell how excited I am? I am soooooo glad. Its a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment. I get my own little room. So exciting. I found out that the bedrooms are 13x8. Small, but if you think about it, its more than I would have in a regular dorm. They are about 16x12. If you split that up in 2 the amount of space I would have is 16x6. So its all good. I can handle a little space. Shit it will be my new corner. (LOL Jessica)
Now I get to decorate. I am getting this movie poster for Snatch that I loved. I found it on the internet for cheaper than that one store was selling it. I dont know what else I should buy. I am going to need some help decorating cuz I suck at interior design. *hint hint, anyone who loves me should help*
Well I should get going, I have things to do and people to see. Well maybe not, but I need to do some cleaning. Here comes Domestic Michelle!!
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2004 6 July :: 10.42 am
:: Mood: ecstatic
Whos got a diploma? i do!!!
oh my freakin god! i got my IB diploma!! I just checked my scores. heres the results...
English - 5
Spanish - 5
Euro History - 5
Social Anth. - 5
Bio - 4
Math Studies - 6
That a total of 31 points baby. I got an extra point from my extended essay and TOK project. Woo! That is a HUGE weight off my shoulders. I am so relieved. I cant believe I actually did it! This calls for a celebration. Man, I need a drink for this. Well I got to go congradulate myself. Write later...
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2004 5 July :: 6.35 pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Deric Ruttan: When You Come Around
Well, I just made my first ebay sale. I got $69 dollars for a doll I had. Well actually $66 after ebay and Paypal took their cut. But thats still cool. My other auction is over in like 12 minutes. It wasnt as successful, but then again it was just a regular doll from toysRus. So far its at $8 not including shipping. They other doll was an American Girl Doll. You know, those you can only get through that magazine or the internet.
I have plently more where that came from. I was a very spoiled child when it came to dolls. I have a million of them. I plan to make some cash...hehehe. But my dad is driving me crazy. He is so fucking annoying. He keeps hovering over my shoulder and bothering me while I try to complete the sale. Geez, I was reading to slug him.
I was awake to see the sun rise this morning. I was up all night. I think I finally fell asleep around 6:30am or 7am. It was horrible. I didnt even realize how late it was until I looked at the window and saw the faint light. The birds singing also gave it away. lol. Well I guess I should go, I have to finish my other sale...
2004 4 July :: 8.01 pm
:: Mood: lethargic
:: Music: radio tunes
Um ask me later...
Well I am bored again and so I decided to write some in my journal. I know my last entry wasnt very happy, but I have moved on. I know she is in a better place now.
I have been reading a lot today. I am reading this story on the internet and its all about love and its hardships. I seem to be reading a lot of these lately. I must be a glutton for punishment. I keep filling my head with these silly notions of love. I went on his website today, just to get a glimpse of a picture. I havent seen him since graduation and I forgot how much I missed him. I missed seeing that face everyday.
*Sigh* I can already see how I am going to be in college. I hope I grow out of this love sick puppy thing. Its already pathetic enough that I havent had a boyfriend. God, how embarrassing is that going to be?! I can just see myself explaining this to some guy in college. Its almost unheard of you know? Guys are going to think something is wrong with me. I mean, there must be a reason why I am still single.
I keep seeing these REALLY cute guys around, like in stores and restuarants. I have to keep myself from drooling! But I mentally kick myself. I cant get attached to anyone here. Not when I am leaving in like a month.
I hope I get my letter from UF housing tomorrow. They are suppose to send it the first week of July. I think it might be on moday. How exciting is this?! I hope I get Lakeside. I will be so sad if I dont!! Anyways, I got to go, write some more later...
2004 30 June :: 10.35 pm
:: Mood: crushed
Today has been the crappiest day ever. My dog is dead. Holy crap. We had to take her to the vet today to be put down. When we came home from shopping we found that she had thrown up the little food that we had been able to get her to eat. She was covered in it. She hasnt been eating and was getting worse by the day. She wasnt happy and it was killing me. I told my mom that I couldnt stand to watch her go through with this. So today, at 5:30, we took her to the vet. I held her while they did it. Dr Burns asked me if I wanted someone else to hold her, butI said no. I wasnt going to leave her like that. The least I could do was hold her while she died. God, I have been crying all day. I miss her so much already. I have had her since I was 6 or 7. This sucks so much.
If there is a "god", he is one sick bastard. On the way to the vet, the song "Live like you were dying" came on. If that wasnt enough, on the way home, when I was a mess, we passed by a man walking his dog. A FUCKING schnauzer! If you didnt know, my dog was a schnauzer. My brother was driving and he was like, "You have got to be kidding me." Nope.
I miss my dog, I feel like crap, and my eyes are all puffy and sore. This really sucks...
2004 26 June :: 12.27 pm
:: Mood: sad
Well, just got back from the veterinarian and the news does not look good. Pepper's throat has been swollen for a couple days now and hasnt gone down all that much with the medicine. We took her back today and Dr Burns suugested that she might have lymphoma. Which is a form of cancer by the way. She said we should go to this vet down in miami to get a biopsy to see what it actually is for sure. I hope she is wrong for once.
God Dammit! I am going away to college and now my dog is dying. I feel sick to my stomach. I really hope its not cancer. Please dont be cancer. I was looking it up eariler, about what it was like and the treatment. Even with chemotherapy the most logical success rate is about 2 months of quality life. My dad would never pay for all that treatment. I'll be lucky is he lets me drive her down to Miami. I hate him.
Grrr! Why do these things have to happen? Why cant just one of my animals die of regualr old age, peacefully in their sleep. Every single pet that I have had has had to be put to sleep because of some illness. God just hates me.
*Sigh* On a brighter note, I think I am going to Gainesville with Dr Burns for like 2 days next week. She asked me to go with her. Sounds like fun. She is first going to Melbourne to check on these puppies, I think they are hers, little french mastiffs! I love those dogs. Then we are going to Gainesville to pick up some sperm. Yes, sperm. Lol. Amber, her dog, is in heat and we are taking her up there to be inseminated. She breeds them. I think she is also bringing Sampson. Oh this should be fun, me Dr Burns and two large French Mastiffs, one in heat. Lol Makes for an interesting ride.
Then I get to go to Gainesville again the following week! Yay! I am going up with Jessica to visit Hillary. That should be fun. I dont know exactly how long we are staying though. I have to call Hill and make the plans. But I am pretty sure that we are going on the 9th. I think we will come home on the following tuesday or wednesday.
Ooh, and this morning I actually woke up at 9:30am and went bike riding. I am so proud of myself. I only went once around lake chareston today, since my knees started to pop and ache. I think I will try 2 times tomorrow. It took me about 1/2 hr to do. Yay this is so exciting, I actually did something active. Funny thing though, I wouldnt even be awake now, normally! hehe
Better go, I am hungry. If you pray to something or someone, please include my dog in those prayers...
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