:: 2021 17 April :: 9.46pm

had a really good birthday, just feeling pretty good about life when not looking at the parts I don't like.

it's going to be hard going back to work on Monday...

try again

catatonicsean

:: 2021 15 April :: 2.52am
:: Mood: bored

Something something, I'm a delivery boy now, yadda yadda I no longer work at the donut factory.

Got my weed card, a nice little scooter, still married, I take Prozac once again to augment the Zyprexa that I am being prescribed since my stay in the looney bin, and for once things are relatively balanced and stable.

Am I still the self-loathing, drug-addled, perambulating piece of shit of yesteryear? Not entirely. Aside from smoking bud, I abstain from drugs and hardly imbibe.

Also: I have learned to accept my nose and complexion, and have confirmation that my dick is not pathetic, quite the opposite (fuck off, dysmorphia).

Progress? I fucking hope so.

1 --- | try again

goodbye

:: 2021 6 April :: 10.22pm
:: Mood: Tremors

Some moments go by without him and I fall apart. I miss him like I can't breathe, I'm drowning. And whenever he shows up, he's a decade younger and joyous, a single tooth still missing. I keep hoping this was all just a rouse... one of his crazy, attention-seeking antics to see who cares. I want to hold out hope. He has no idea what him being gone has really done.

try again