I love Hippies and guys that are engaged and/ or married, not fair
wow I havnet written in this thing for a long time! well I have 2 more finals and I am done with my 3rd year. i cant believe i am almost out of this place. I am happy, yet nervous b/c that means i will have a real life with a real job (hopefully) like a real person. I am going to Italy for a month this summer and i am leaving next week..I am so Fin happy i cant stand it. I never get excited for anything in my life, but this is something I am EXTEREMLY happy for. then I will be back 5 days before my 21st! hopefulli can find a job for 2 months.
This year has pretty much sucked i am not going to lie or surgar coat anyting it SUCKED. from classes and jsut being annoyed and pissed about everytign and everyone. I ve come to the conclusion I dont like people. Everyting is such a big freaking deal. I need to relax and just chill out, stop worrying and getting pissed. I am going to either have a heart attack or kill someone. So yeah 2 days and i am done. Stress..I cause stress i make shit more diffuclt than it needs to be, but damnit i am a perfectionsit mayeb a little ocd, but hey too freakin bad go suck a dick if you have a problem :) ok its 1:45 i have a final in 7 hours that i am going to fail. I did do well on my fiansl..and do you think i care. I dont knwo why but i have been really calm, i havent studied its b/c i am going to italy in a week, so i dont give a shit(but you all know deep down I care, i wish i would of studied more..oh well :)
2006 6 March :: 12.54am
:: Music: Poppin by Chris Brown
get me out of here...
short update...i am counting down the days till this semester is over b/c it sucks..period...so much shit going on..the best part is i dont give 2 shits. b/c in about 6 weeks or so i will be on my way to Italy! yes going to Italy for a month will be great...then i need to find a job for the rest of the summer....but yeah the quicker this semester is over the better...i just need to graduate...its like highschool all over again. cant end soon enough..not saying a want a job..just dont want to be at kent anymore....yeah maybe i should of transfered like i was goign to...oh well to late. I got to get it done..hopefully sooner than later
wow i havent updated this in a long time. just checking in to say hello. I think the tie i worte was thanksgiving..well its 2006..dan g time files. Iam back at school..hopefully this time next year i will be on my way to graduate!! Nothing much has been going on I went to visiit my brother the day after Christmas...I went to the Nets vs. Cavs game we had amazing seats..and then we went to see Stomp in NYC. IT was GREAT! i want to go back jsut to see it. When i was there the only thing i could think is :god I cant wait to move there" but yeah it was a great break. Gina's little boy noah turned a year old on Jan 18 i got ot go home for his birthday..he is adorable! Classes are goign ok, I hope i do well. I got a 3.2 last semester. so iam hoping for like a 3.4 this semester. I like my classes expect for aesthtics...that class is insane we already had a test. i know i failed that crap. anyways...ive been doing alot. iam joing Alpha Phi Omega...DONT WORRY it is not a sorotiy..APO is an co-ed service freternity. so no worries people iam not becoming a sority girl ( there is nothign wrong with it..its just not me:) But yeah i dig the semester so far..people have been pissing be off left and right..but whats new! well its Thursday @ 12:15..no iam not out partying like all the other cool kids...and i dont even have classes on friday..I am very tired night class 3 nights in a row can be bad....but at least my one class is almost over!!
2005 17 November :: 8.47pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: the dame heater..its f'in loud
Who falls asleep in the libaray back behidn the stacks, while studying.. for an hour......ME!!
hello...wow i am tired(havnet slept in a long time)
Havent updated in a while. School is killing me, so i am leaving this saturday for thanksgving break, i cant stand being here, so iam skipping out. anyways I passed my GSP! so now i dont have to worry about it, now i only need to get a B in media wriitng and my worries will be over! anyways i dont think i wrote this in here but iam a photo-ill major! haha the reason why i came to kent inthe first place, so iam doing that and i am not changing. i finally declared my minor in writing, so iam set, only a year and a semester to go. I know what I want to do and where i want to live, and that would be living in New York and being an art director for a magazine, until that happens i wont be happy. i swear everytime i update this is always about school, thats because thats all i do, i have no life, no love, just school and that is perfeclty ok with me (i guess).
I swaer in every class I have I find one person in every class that i just dont like and they find reasons to piss me off, or i find a reason to pick a fight with them...oh how i love to argue. This one kid in my poetry writing clas....we are going to fight. freakin ass hole who write for the stater....YEAH THE STATER SUCKS..there i got that out. by the way it is extremely cold here and it is anowing, i like winter, but ohio winter is another story...how many days till summer break...who knows what iam doing this summer? Stayign here-taking classes, or finding an internships and staying here and extra semester! who knows i will figure it out. well i am out, watching the O.C. on taope delay
WHo eles is pissed Lauguna beach is over....and for some odd reason iam going to watch it again..and 'the hills'...oh reality tv about a bunch of rich white kids...i love it 1 ) b/c i will never be that rich(maybe) and 2) I will never be white (thank the lord,no offence)
2005 20 October :: 11.20pm
:: Music: Who ever live above me laying Fat Joe's "whats love got ot do with it" Its been palying for the past
Hello..i hate that song
I am not dead, i jsut dont have time ot update this thing. I have been living in the photolab fo rthe past week...I had a midterm due this week in photo and poetry..iam not too happy the way the photo midterm turned out..but its not worth much.. iam jsut ready to get started on the final. but nothing eles has been going on. I still have a boring BORINg life...everyone sucks. I feel bad i havent talked to anyone..like my good friends for such a long time...but oh well thats what happens. I guess halloween is next weekend...WHOOOOO HOOO...yeah i dont care...anyways
I am going to sleep b/c i cant keep my eyes open. I have class at 8:50....and i have no idea what is going on in that class...
The school of Journalism and Mass Comm is on my shit list!!
2005 28 September :: 10.39pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: fall out boy...no comments
hmmm staying up till 3:15 studyign and waking up at 7:50 for a test is AMAZING..i better of passed that shit!
well there is noting to up date school is kicking my ass and that is about it. I think i am in the running for the most boring life of any college student
photography is going well. iam happy i have that class. poetry writing is great, i've been writign some good stuff (i guess) media writing...my class from hell is going ok after my slight break down after class on monday. its kind of early in the year to be freaking out but it is bound to happen at least 3-7 times in a sesmester...DAMN STRESS
but its ok now (no worries)
but i know some people who have in thier AIM profiles about ott having girl or boy friends..WAH WAH WAH
I have this to say.
" the one thing you are searching for, is seeking for you too"
- thanks to poetry class for that! b/c its very true!
2005 12 September :: 8.55pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: TV
Kayne West is my hero!
Well i am in my 3rd week of my jr. year!
So i dont have much to write. I am doing good i can't complain. I am oddly happy so some unknown reason. but always annoyed! i love photography and poetry writing. my professor is the most inspiring person i have ever had the joy of listening to. But yeah i joing NABJ which is the national assoc. of black journalisr. Which is cool its good to be around people that are intered in the same things you are and are focused and alot liek you. So this is the update. I am going to go watch tv. Later
" I hate grammar more than president bush hates black people"
hahaha i love people who speak thier minds on National TV ven if they make an ass out of themseleves.
2005 31 August :: 12.39am
:: Music: Patty Griffin's Forgivenss Covered by Marc Broussard
I for some reason feel in love with these lyrics written by Patty Griffin- but i found this cover by one of my favorite people Marc Broussard.
We are swimming with the snakes at the bottom of the well
So silent and peaceful in the darkness where we fell
But we are not snakes and what's more we never will be
And if we stay swimming here forever we will never be free
I heard them ringing the bells in heaven and hell
They got a secret they're getting ready to tell
It's falling from the skies
It's calling from the graves
Open your eyes boy, I think we are saved
Open your eyes boy, I think we are saved
Let's take a walk on the bridge right over this mess
Don't need to tell me a thing baby, we already confessed
And I raised my voice to the air
And we were blessed
It's hard to give
It's hard to get
But everybody needs a little forgiveness
We are calling for help tonight on a thin phone line
As usual we're having ourselves one hell of a time
And the planes keep flying over our heads
No matter how loud we shout
Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey
And we keep wavin and wavin our arms in the air but we're all tired out
I heard somebody say today's the day
Big old hurricane she's blowing our way
Knockin over the buildings
Killing all the lights
Open your eyes boy, we made it through the night
Open your eyes boy, we made it though the night
Let's take a walk on the bridge right over this mess
Don't need to tell me a thing baby, we already confessed
And I raise my voice to the air
And we were blessed
It's hard to give
It's hard to get
It's hard to give
But still I think it's the best bet
Hard to give
Never gonna forget
But everybody needs a little forgiveness
Everybody needs a little forgiveness
2005 30 August :: 12.21am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: hanson...they are on tv
I DECLARED MY MAJOR BITCH!
Its offical I declared my major today.( you should be clapping for me) I declard in visual journalism (concentration in info design) then some time this week i might declare my minor in writing, I might be double minoring in PR b/c i only need 9 more crdits for it. so iam happy. its done! i finally did it. i know i will change it so oh well
hello, this will be short. ok iam back at Kent... i wasnt overly happy about going back, i mean i wasnt excited, but do i ever get excited or happy abotu anything? No. Anyways i moved in on saturday, was a bum on sunday. Went to class today (monday)
8:50-9:40am Principles of Thinking
then i have a long ass break
6:15-8:05 Media writing
Ok my morning class is too early...I dont funtion before 12:00pm so what the hell.. i fell asleep in class, mostly b/c i coudlnt see the projector screen becuase this guy on the football team sat in front of me, and he had a big ass head not to mention he was like 6'5...thank god my prof is giving notes in a packet.
ran into some friends...went to the Rec
seeing some people was awkard, b/c everyone is freaking strange.
so that was my day, tomorrow is going to be long, another night class, i have a damn night class everynight, boo.
Ok i am going to sleep...
Well I haven't written in here about my political views. If you know me you know where I stand. I will however say I do not support the war or government officials on their decisions to go to war. reasons have been unclear to me and it is very hard for me to follow someone b/c they are in a power position. I feel that we have another Vietnam situation on our hands. Reading today that their is a strong possibility that we will be in Iraq for 4 more years makes me very sad. The one good thing that has come of this lately is that my cousin Quinn is home from Iraq. She went b/c she used the military to help pay for her college.I never asked her if she feels she needed to be there, hopefully i will one day I am just happy she is home b/c I dont think i could of handled her dying there, for a reason unknown to me.in a place that is not fit for anyone to die I still have a cousin there. I am not close with him, but my heart is with every solider who is there willingly or by law. this political issue that iam writing about stems from a coverstation i got into in a friends journal about the war. It seems iam the only liberal who posted and caused a stir, but i will never apologize for being a liberal. I am always strong my beliefs. (if you know me, you know how horrible true that is) Writing about my feelings and what iam thinking about latley with this war, it makes me sad. Not only sad in the way I feel about how our civil liberties, our voices, our thoughts are nothing being counted for. but sad in the way i know too many many people are dying. We are humans for God's sake. No matter what God you worship or Dont Worship we are flesh, blood, souls, hearts. We are all made of the same thing I am not bashing republicans or conservatives. I am strictly speaking my mind on how i feel about this current situation. I believe in freedom, I believe in helping but at what cost. I guess we are just paying with lives. This could stem into how we have people here dying everyday of gun and domestic violence, people starving on our streets, people in Africa dying by the 1,000 everyday. A Continent that has no future in sight. But yet we fight in wars, bloody battles to do what? Help? Defend? Oppress? I don't know. But I do know one thing, This war needs to end b/c we are doing more harm then good at this point. Think iam crazy, Think I dont know what I am talking about, Thinking that we are helping, Think that war is Great, Think That "those" people dont have hearts or families, Think That we are the good guys, Think That there is a heaven, Think That we just have to sit back, Think That there is a hell. Just Think that this will end. Think That We Have No Control, Think Of what it would be is the roles were reversed...they almost are.
Good Night this will be the one and only political post b/c i wont change my mind on one thing i wrote here unless I read it in a history book when iam 90
2005 1 August :: 11.41pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Marc Brossard- Let Me Leave...what a great song!
Hello Lovely People..it jsut dawned on me i have to go back to Kent in 26 days :( I am VERY SAD
Well I got to see Gavin Degraw in concert at 7 Springs on July 29..he was amzing I mean this man, this very talented and good looking man walked through the crowd as he sang Chemical Party. I was blown away. I like him even more now. There is something about being within 2 inches of someone that you listen to almost everyday or have seen on tv. Its Great! But I had so much fun. I got to spend time with a great friend. Someone that will be one of my best friends for a long time. I am very happy Shane came with me b/c we dont get to see eachother alot and it was just cool to pick back up and discover we still have alot in common, You know there are jsut some people in this world that are on your wavelength. That no matter how much time passes by, there are some people who are just there, and there are many who arent. And I guess friendship is jsut being there with the people that have always been there. Ange aka Big AL and Gina L. came with me too. It was alot of fun, your typical Concert,,,the 5 girls who are drunk off of one beer,,,,yes the scared 1 shared beer " This is going to be a fight" and the Drunk boys not men that were dragged there by thier stupid ass girlfriends and these "men" bitching about how much everything sucked...and me wanting to beat someones ass, Ive never been to a concert were peopel talk while someone is performing... LAME!! well after the concert, the peope with yellow wrist bands were suspose to stay and us with the purple wrist bands were suspose to leave. SHIT~ we stuck around and met Mr. Micheal Tolcher who opened for Gavin. He was Great,,, I am a fan now. and he is a relaly nice guy too bad he is like 31, but what a nice guy, you know he didnt have to talk to us, he didnt have to at all. But he did, it was a great Night. I saw this kid who looked familar I jsut thought I new him from town or something....No he goes to Kent! So later after running into him I am getting some pictures from him b.c iam a dummy and didnt take my camera with me! an ig to Cold ( what a surprise) so i had on my Kent Sweatshirt and in the middle of the concert this girl turns around and asked me if I went to Kent. I said "Yeah" shae said me too...that was the end of the conversation. But how odd, I mean thats like 3 hours away form Ohio,,,What can I say its all about Thoes PA Mountatins!!!
And Holy Crap I jsut saw Gavin Degraw in concert. defitenly in my top 3 (out of 7..i know sad) best concerts I've been to, this was very low key and i didnt loose my voice, but it was good. I am glad I went, the high point of my summer!
ok I've been checking out new music
1) Micheal Tolcher- Becasue I jsut saw him Live and he Coverd the song "Da Butt'''....doin the but/ohh sexy sexy....You better look that up if you dont know!!
2) Citizen Cope- b/c he is damn good
3) Marc Brossard- prob one of the best voice of any singer/songwriter otu there, I dig his Cajun stlye, his funk, his soul, and his Rasspy Voice,,,I have to get his cd
2005 25 July :: 1.26am
:: Music: Fall Out Boy- Sugar, We're going down, and The Killers- All the thing I've done
We are all searching for inspiration, like it or not
OK this is my new favorite song even though i have liked it for a while now.
I have been thinking for the past few days that inspiration is missing, not just in my eyes, but in everyone's life. You know its not love that is missing, or hope, or fear that is missing. It is inspiration. now that inspiration could be love or friendship or hope, or the 20 other million feelings we have in our hearts, or at least in mine. No i haven't figured anything out. i just realized that we all put blame in why our lives suck and why we are unhappy with what we have, but how many of us have something to work for. What is driving us? if you don't have an absolute love in your life, weather it is a person, a hobby, a sport, or an art , nothing is truly driving us to have fulfillment in our oh so very short lives. So what am i trying to say. I guess i am trying to figure that out as i randomly type all this rambling. It just comes down to wanting something, bitching about it till you get it, being temporarily happy, then when it leaves b/c your hopeless since of perfection is completely destroyed, Your true and i mean TRUE happiness can never be fulfilled forever b/c you are a feeble minded human that is never entirely satisfied until the next big thing comes along. That you will never get what you need, not what you want. Take everything and everyone person that enters an exist your life as a tool. (Even if they are a Tool) that these people no matter hoe insignificant they might be in the big scheme of you life. You are connected to the for a reason. That someone my exude a spark of inspiration. That spark that makes a difference between yes and no. That spark that puts you on the right path. So yes we blame this things that go wrong in our lives on how God or you personal higher being Hates you! but we need to blame it on lack of want in out lives. We all have heard we live for love. That love is happiness. but how is love anything with out the inspiration or want or yearning to drive that powerful feeling. How can you be passionate about anything without being inspired to want it. How do we find this inspiration? I can't answer that or I would have insiparation in my life now. I wouldn't be sitting here at 2 am writing about needing inspiration.
I need it more than anything, not to be happy but to feel and be alive. So Yes, We are all looking and searching for inspiration, weather we like it or not. The only thing I can say is look in the unlikely, small places, get low and look high, reflect and breathe, you might find it, I will try this along with you.
* OK I am done and if you read all of that God Bless you and if you think i am insane...i think you are amazing!
More Lame Quizzez, b/c i have no life
I found this funny....yet true, if you really know me, beyond a name and a face,then you know its ture, if you only know me on the outside and you don't think any of this is true, you dont know me. You only know my name and my face. That my friend is sad. Invest your self in getting to know people.
You Are An Apple Tree
You are quiet and shy at times, but you have lots of charm and appeal.
You are quite attractive: your pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, and adventurous spirit draw people in.
Sensitive and loyal in love, you want to love and be loved.
You are a faithful and tender partner - who is generous in sharing your many talents.
You love children, and you need an affectionate partner.
2005 14 July :: 9.53am
:: Music: Sideways by Citizen Cope
(......) I AM MVP, MAKE ME CEO....my brother
- The dots above in the subject stands for a bad word)
Hello, Don't know why I am writing anything here, but you will be happy to see I am using spell check in my Google tool bar, so hopefully i wont annoy you with my wonderful attempts at spelling elementary words! But OK, my mom and i went yesterday to buy a car, which we will be picking up on Friday! Its the same car we have, I like it, the color is crazy dark blue but it doesn't have a spoiler i am pissed about that. while we were buying this car it was raining so the sales guy did his whole routine in the car. This lady smacked the shit out of her face with her car door, her hair flew everywhere and she dropped her notebook. I laughed so hard I thought iIwas bad. The guy selling us the car like ducted down behind the seal b/c he pointed and laughed at her and her husband saw him. He was cracking up. Then he told this story about at waitress falling! A man after my own heart....too bad he is married. Yesterday was just one of those days. Then on the way home some ass in a truck almost ran us off the road. That was very scary b/c he would of taken out the entire passenger side of our car...then we couldn't get our new car or i would be dead. Crazy ass. Yesterday I almost beat the crap out of the movie store worker. She was going to stand there and argue with me, So I left. Not much more to say. My brother is in ATL (aka hot-Lanta) for work. He called at like 11:30 with this bluegrass playing in the background.....I couldn't even hear him, being a true dummy. but that's Ray!
I am going to go work it out.
2005 3 July :: 8.41pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Jonny Lang
Ramblings...i need help with my road rage.You lmost hit me, you deserve being cussed the hell out~
Well Bitches I am 20~
Not much going on, my mom is in Bosnia...i know how odd, but i talked to her twice, she sounds so happy, and alive. My omo, i feel hasnt gotten over her dad dying 3 years ago. So she needed this, she needed the time to be away and focus on herself, i think we all need that in our lives, some more than others (like myself), but yeah nothign going on. I had cake for my birthday thats about it got some money, I have been babbysitting, that has been a kick in the ass, but fun, kids are funny, annnoying at times but fun. the highlight has been the 7 year old girl turinging to her one brother and saying "Well Your Mom" I almost died. but yeah its been good. My bother got a new job, a better job with cingular, so iam very hppy for him, maybe he will stop calling every 20 minutes, but i love him. so yeah iam 20 and nothing new, no new feelings, jsu tthe thought of in 10 years i will be 30..WTF. but yeah The feelings on the whole birthday thing is this. I find it shity that people i have known for a long time dont even have enough respect to say happy birthday i mean i dont want a card, I mean i loved how people sent ims's or a text message, or signed that thing on facebook. That was amamzing to me, but iam done with people. I mean i sent a card and a text message to some people, and you cant even get a fucking Happy Birthday on AOL...That is just sad. Ok iam over that. Respect this missing and you need to find it. Oh and another thing I have never in my life wanted to hit soemone so bad. There are people out there i have known for 13 + years and they act like they dont even know you...thats some shady shit. I ran into Kerstin from Highschool I was very happy to see her. I am starting to miss old friendships, hopefully i dont loose them all, but some need cut loose for real. I mean after a certain point does knowing someone by name and knowing them in highschool count as being friends now? I think not.
anyways, i alwys say ntohign is going on, but there is alot. I suffer form road rage. I have cussed 4 people out while driving the past 2 weekends, i got my hair cut...HAHAHA yeah me, damn its short, but i like it. I mean its not like SHORT...but compared to it before its short. My mom wont belive it when she comes home. I went to my aunts and uncles for supper today, and my aunt ask me if i was dating anyone, I said No, I dont have time for that, she syas " you just cant find the right person" I was thinking Shit I havent been looking, i knew before i went over there that question would be asked. and to my surprise we are on the same political wave length, she is a little but more extereme saying that (you kow who) is the Anti Christ. and being dead serious, this statement form her was Great..b/c she is sucha religous person. I loved it. And I love their house its Very Ecletic and is different everytime i go there. but it was good. and i got to see the Crutchman's some of the best people i know. So yeah there is an update. Long I know but hell i like to ramble...I am going to go see War of The world, Bye
2005 20 June :: 1.34am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: silence
Small Update, i wish i had good news everyday...my heart is starting to hurt
Well I decied to update, I dont use my computer anymore since we switch internet services at home, but htere is that much to say. I only have 2 more microecon classes to go. I got a 49 out of 50 on my first test, and a 51 out of 50 on the 2nd one, so i will be done this week. my birtday is coming up in 8 more days. I am not exited abotu turing 20 b/c i still feel like i am 18, where have the past 2 years gone? I wish someone could tell me. What happen to being young and ahving fun, that part must of skipped me. but anyways, i got my hair cut yesterday...i hate getting my hair cut, but it needed to be done...sigh, that is all the personal news going on in my life at the moment...wow exciting...summer is going to fast, if only i knew what was going on.
but the main reason i wrote was to say if you are reading this, keep andrew boadwater and his family in your prayers. Andrew passed away today. It is always hard to see someone that you know die, it is ever harder when that person is your peer, and near your age, so may God bless his soul and lift the spirits of his family and friends. Its a sad day to say good bye to someone, but is hopefull to know he is in a better place.
2005 29 May :: 8.37pm
:: Music: Basketball game
More Deep Ranting
Wel.. i finally got my computer to work, so i decied to update! I havent benn doing anything but sleeping and reading/writing
I am laying off thinking about my major for about a week, but i think about it all the time. I eny people who know what they want in life... I finally got my grades up I ended up with a 3.6 this semester so i made the deans list! I am happy about it b/c i worked my ass off this year. So now i can decalre my major, whatever that might be. But i went to church today, i am glad i went something made me go, and no it was not my mom. I was thinking today
about all the people you meet in your life, and the reason you know them. and the reason why some stay and some go. and the reason why you can't forget about soem of them. It takes me a logn time to consider someone a friend. I dont make friends easily, and jsut b/c i knwo someone for 2 minues doesnt make that person my friend. If i can talk about religion or politics i can but you up for a canidate for friend. So for the people who read this and i have called you friend. Then yes, we are still friends. There might be some reason why are firendship isnt strong, either a mis understanding, on my part or your part(probly on your part b/c iam always right :) but iam someone who doesnt hold a grudge, I live, I learn, I Move the Hell on. So I guess if you are reading this, and taking it to heart then know i am your firend, weather its is obvious or not.
I know this is rambling and ranting, but its the truth.
I have come to a point in my life yes... a point n 19 (almost 20 years) that things in my life need to change, people need to change, I need to meet more Good people. there are alot of things i need to feel, experience, and learn..and no that doesnt mean I need to gt amrried or get drunk. It jsut means I need to do some "soul searching" and to quote john mayer " something is misssing and I dont know what it is" Ok that ends that cheesiness. So i guess iam jsut rambling b/c i rather be asleep right now....I am going to go call my brother and make fun of him b/c he is planting flowers!!!!
Back home for summer :\
Home For Summer...well things suck, my mom has something wrong with her lympnots i know that is spelled wrong. I of course broke down, b/c most people think Cancer. that is the first thing that came to my mind, if i lost my mom i would die, b.c as of right now who would i have to turn to? God? I am jsut waiting like everyone eles, and my dad had to have a CAT scan to, yeah he has high liver enzymes, the same thing my mom had, so this started out great. and when do I find out? when iam moving my shit out of my dorm. yeah a whle week, I was wondering why I haven talked to my brother, I guess form what my mom said he is taking it hard. We both worry too much. Its just always something. this is not about me, this is about my family. ok I need to move on to something positive. But yeah my grades look great iam expecting a 3.6 or 3.4..i worked my ass off this year,,,, Can any one believe I am startign my 3 rd year and i will be 20, this is crazy. Just so much thinking going on, too much. Oh yeah and iam back at square one with my major...there are days I wish I was addicted to something. but yeah this summer is going to shit, plaine and simple. you can say I am happy to be home so i dont have to deal wiht school work and people. but I hate being back home. I love my parents, and everyhing, but there is something about being here that jsut pisses me off. I start my micro econ class on Monday...so much for a break. The highlight fo rthe summer will be going to go see my brother.
I got to see Green day and My Chemical Romance about a week ago, I like both of them alot. I am glad I got to go. We had amzing streets, I couldnt hear for 2 days and i thought i los tmy eyebrows form the pyro
*Have you ever been judged by people who thnik they know you. Have you ever been judged by people who will never know you?
Have you ever been judged by people who cant judge themselves
Have you evr been judgde by someone who isnt good enough to judge you...look in the fucking mirror.
This was going to be short, but once i start i cant stop thinking..... :)
Well things have been ok lately...school cant be over soon enough.. teaching poetry has been amazing...the only problem is i need to write a poem about it and do a crap load for that class...so that will be the reat of my semester..i am jsut happy to done with school and i want to take a trip somewhere, by myself ( or if i had a someone to go with that would be cool too, but i dont ahve anyone) i want to go away. And this kid i had class with (chris) said something to me while i ran into him goign to my class, and he said you should go on a trip. i was like my classic "WHAT?" but he is right i need to go away...you know like regroup and focus on what i want in this Crazy life... and during that conversasion he said i should be an english major..that is the 2nd time someone has said that to me. so maybe i will change my minor to writing...you see my strong hold on everything happends for a reason is stayign strong. their is a reason for everything. I jsut wish some reasons were more clear...alot more clear. I wish this missing things in my heart were clear.
line of poetry for today
" My cutting thoughts are bleeding thier way to my hert"
2005 10 April :: 11.38am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: My NASTY ASS Neighbor Hackign in the Bathroom....YES!
Well form my last entry you can say I have been in a shitty mod latley....yes I have been, from having troblue with my major to people just being flat out annoying! I can say I am ok now. Its jsut the end of the year and I am Bi-Polar. so day to day i change. but not much has been going on. I actully have alot to do i forgot i have a book review due (well the draft) due on Tuesday and iam not done with the book and I have a test in Art which is easy, but this Teaching Poety in the schools thing is going to be a pain. i have to go to the schools 4 times this week...I am not happy about this, but I have to do it! anyways thats the short update,,,,no worries people I am Stable
PS WHO THE FUCK TAKES THIER CELL PHONE WITH THEM IN THE SHOWER....JUST A QUESTION TO PONDER!!
2005 1 April :: 10.06pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: J LO - Rebirth
Well Its Friday. And i jsut want summer to come. I just love how life loves to dick me over no matter what is going on. My alligeries are crazy and I am just in plain bitch mode. and I just want ot snap on everyone. I was informed today that my advisor doubts i will be able to declare my major anfter this sesmester..i think her math is wrong but oh well. I just want this semester to be over for alot of reasons,,this place pisses me off. people piss me off and yeah i can say iam pissed. I just want to graduate and start my job.,,thats all I want in life to take photos and be proud of my work. I dont need anything eles other than my camera and my eyes. and thats it..friends are ok..but not a focus point for me. god i hate being here sometimes
2005 29 March :: 12.51am
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Classic Soul Ballads..yes the Time Life collection from TV!!
Putting songs on the iPod :)
Well hello. I am back at kent from Spring Break/Easter. Break was good! i got to see some of my firends including Selina and Gina B ( and baby Noah) but it was great to see selina b/c i havent seen her in a long time. I swear we are the only ones who see the strange ass shit that goes on in Fayette County..we were in teh mall and we see this lady petting a dog..." Selina: is that a dog that lady is carrying?" "Me: Yes, and there isnt a pet store in the mall" Fun times! i got to spend the day with Gina B which was alot of fun! but I love Easter its my favortie time of the year to go to mass. I went on Thursday, Friday Evening mass, and Easter Vigil for 2 and 1/2 hours on Saturday. I dont know but i just like to go alot. I know it sounds "crazy" to some people but it works for me. So iam back at kent EWWW but yeah only 6 more weeks, I am not excited to go home for 3 months, but iam happy that i wont have to do all this school work and shit. Eventhough iam taking 3 or 6 credits..The funniest moment of today was when Beth and I were walking back from the rec and we see 2 people climb into the grate that goes underground....yeah that was the funniest thing i have ever seen in my life!! Randomness. But i was dissapointed b/c I didnt get to talk to alot of people at mass and stuff B/c we had to leve the church in silence...yeah so i mad about, but its good to see people are Alive.
Well I am going to sleep.
OH yeah I got a great green ipod for Easter. and got yelled at by my brother for not coming to visit him over my break...so yeah i could jsut get on a plane and show up at his door and it would be cool....i dont know about that.! but its cool. maybe i will go there for my birthday b/c my mom will be in Bosnia...yeah i said Bosnia for a religious Retreat. I wish i could go not only for religous reasons but so i can go over seas, and take photos....ooo how i wish i had money!