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It's in your dreams, it's in disguise, So you should try to free your mind

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goodbye

:: 2020 29 April :: 5.34pm
:: Mood: lost

The truth is that I'm sad.
I'm sad that I'm not at a point in my life where I've accomplished more. I'm sad I'm not at a point in my life where I'm still setting goals because I don't even know where to go from here. I'm sad that people that I loved so dearly don't love me anymore. I'm sad I didn't do things differently and that I can't go back and repair or change what will now never be. I wish I knew the answers which I so desperately need in my life.

I feel like my time is running out and I have nothing to show for where I've been but old photos in a box of a happy girl with people who used to know her. Now she doesn't even know herself.

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goodbye

:: 2020 28 April :: 7.37pm

I wish someone loved me enough to get corresponding tattoos together... My family is supposed to love me the most and they won't do it. None of my friends are interested. I wish though. I've always wanted to share that special bond with someone I love dearly.

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goodbye

:: 2020 15 April :: 6.29pm

Blegh.

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goodbye

:: 2020 7 April :: 10.32am

I need to get out in nature. I need to get writing again. I've been doing my best to ignore how I am feeling so I don't get weepy every few minutes. Julius was a good person who did some shitty things. I feel like I knew the real him but just wasn't entirely engaged for protective reasons. I greatly regret this. My overwhelming feelings of regret are infecting every facet of my life. I don't know how to let go of this overwhelming grief. My counselor thinks that writing him a letter would be the most beneficial for me to get all of this negativity out of me and into the universe. I feel like being cooped up inside is one thing truly hindering my healing.

I am lucky to still have a job. I am lucky to still have a place to live. I am lucky to not be sick. I am lucky that my loved ones aren't sick. I need to be grateful for my opportunities. I need to be thankful for all that I have.

...But I wish I still had him here to tell him that I love him and want to be in his life.

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goodbye

:: 2020 28 March :: 5.09pm

I feel so guilty for being here when you can't be.

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goodbye

:: 2020 26 March :: 4.29pm






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goodbye

:: 2020 24 March :: 10.55pm

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