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:: 2008 29 January :: 7.17 pm

hey world
I'm still alive. I totally forgot I had a woohuh anymore.. so wrapped up in myspace. lol. It's amazing how many things change, and yet how much will always stay the same.

Justine... I miss you.

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:: 2007 11 April :: 9.08 pm

Gotta love Friends

Sam says:
but.. i'm just average..

"Obviously this blue portion is the land." says:
no, you're not

"Obviously this blue portion is the land." says:
you are not just average

"Obviously this blue portion is the land." says:
you're special, you're great and you're wonderful

"Obviously this blue portion is the land." says:
you are currently and will continue to kick life's butt when it tries to knock you down.

"Obviously this blue portion is the land." says:
you make the great seem average and the average seem crappy

"Obviously this blue portion is the land." says:
smart, beautiful, funny, down to earth, relatable and able to do whatever the hell you want. That's fucking exciting.

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:: 2007 7 April :: 9.08 pm

"True love is your souls recognition of its counterpoint in another"

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:: 2007 25 March :: 9.03 pm

I had a fantastic weekend. I hung out with Lindsey and Alyssa friday, and got some cold stone icecream it was delicious.. We ended up seeing Premonition at celebration. It was really good.
Then saturday I was literally babysitting from 5 am to 130 am sunday morning.. for 3 different people and made a total of 110 dollars
And then today I went running and then went and had dinner at my sister's house. Which was also delicious.

And next weekend Justine and I and some people will be hanging out hopefully.

I love the weather, it is fantabulous and i'm in an excellent mood.
I couldn't be happier!

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:: 2007 15 February :: 9.09 pm

So.. this weekend my sister and I are getting together and going through all of my mom's things and deciding what to do with all of it. I think it's going to be very difficult. I've been in a great mood these past few days, but right now I just can't get her off my mind. I miss her so much.

You have know idea how much of a mistake it is, if you are taking anyone in your life that you care about for granted. They could seriously be gone tomorrow. I saw my mom 4 times in a period of 2 years, but we always stayed in touch through letters, and everytime I saw her, I thought it may be the last time. I didn't take her for granted, and am so thankful for the great last conversation we had together, and that the last time I saw her, we had an aboslute blast and hugged like 6 times before I left. That is what I'm holding one to. I see her face, hear her laugh, and voice, and I can still smell the way she always smelled. It's like she's not really gone. And then reality hits, and sometimes it hits hard. Wow, she is gone. And it still is incredibly hard. I'll never get another letter from her in the mail, I'll never talk to her on the phone again, or laugh with her. One may almost allow these thoughts to drive them to depression, however I believe that I'll see her again. I believe she's in heaven, and she's happier than she ever was in her life. This brings me some peace of mind. There are so many people who I hear have just lost a parent, or loved one. While the situations are exactly the same, I do in some way know exactly what they feel. I just know that, as long as you don't take your loved one's for granted, it wont be as hard if they do ever leave you someday.

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:: 2007 5 January :: 2.40 pm

So.. Alyssa and I decided that we are going to get our ear peirced together, on the top cartilage area. I think we are going to do it this weekend. I think it's going to be fun, but i'm scared that it will hurt. I'm a big sissy about things poking.. no stabbing through skin. haha.

thats my update.. have a good weekend everyone

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:: 2007 1 January :: 9.00 pm

So.. stayed up till 7 am this morning, and slept till noon. It was nice. Came home and had to clean clean clean though. I found this keychain and on the front it says: Samantha: "she who listens" and on the back it says:

"the world has great need for her
turns her problems into oppertunities
has keen vision in matters of the heart
once committed, she follows through
inspires others to achieve
not swayed by adversity
one who is immune to pessimism
likes being in exotic places"

I thought it was very interesting.
I've never really been any where exotic.. but it sounds fun.

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:: 2006 30 December :: 8.22 pm

I absolutely hate my feet...

however, I must say that I spent quite a bit of time doing my toenails today, and they look very sexy. Now I smile everytime I look at my feet.

Dorky huh?

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:: 2006 28 December :: 11.19 pm

I really miss her. I'd give anything if I could just call her and talk to her one more time. To just hear that corny, but contagious laugh of hers.

Last night I had a crazy dream

A wish was granted just for me

It could be for anything

I didn't ask for money

Or a mansion in Malibu

I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day

One more time

One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again

I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl

Then I'd unplug the telephone

And keep the TV off

I'd hold you every second

Say a million I love you's

That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

Leave me wishing still, for one more day

Leave me wishing still, for one more day

I thought I was tired, but you know you can't sleep when you can't get your mind to shut the hell up. Memories keep passing through my mind. My mother was such a beautiful person. Gosh I'm going to miss her.

Looks like i wont be sleeping much tonight.

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:: 2006 5 August :: 11.28 am

Never give up. Poptarts and Pepsi aren't worth it.
My six hour test is over and I'm now officially a 1st degree black belt.

It was absolutely not easy physical training this morning for 5 hours, but it was fun.

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:: 2006 3 August :: 8.44 pm

My black belt test is in 2 days. I'm so excited. The physical training part starts at 5 a.m. at my senseis house (he lives on a lake) and then we have to go back to the dojo about 9-930 ish for the rest. (this is the part that people can come and watch)

This time Saturday night, I'll be a black belt.

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:: 2006 26 July :: 11.38 am

Wow, time is going by pretty fast. My blackbelt test is less than 2 weeks a way. I'm very nervous.

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:: 2006 8 July :: 11.19 pm

5 weeks from today is my black belt test.

That's right.... only 5 more weeks until i'm a first degree black belt.

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2 today. It was pretty good. Orlando Bloom sure is a nice sight.

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:: 2006 21 June :: 10.57 pm

Where are you?
Well.. nothing is new. I've been running a lot lately and spending more time in karate for blackbelt training. I can't wait until my test.
I hope everyone's summer is going really good.

11 days until my bday.

I'll never have what I really really want.

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:: 2006 17 June :: 11.36 pm

Just got back from camping like an hour ago. Yesterday was Alyssa's 18th birthday.

Happy 18th Birthday Phil!

and in only 15 days it's my birthday. (but I'll only be 17)

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:: 2006 8 June :: 1.27 pm

I have been doing lots of PT this past week. Black belt training started last Saturday. I have a demo tomorrow in Rockford at 6:30. I do have a new partner this year though, he's 12 years old and bigger and taller than me, and he's not as good as my last partner, but he's learning. (wow that's a runon sentence) but oh well, that's my update.

24 days until i'm 17!

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:: 2006 13 May :: 11.08 pm

This is Disturbing
A German Man is sentenced to death for being a cannibal.. read on:

FRANKFURT, Germany - A man who admitted killing and eating an acquaintance he met on the Internet was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison Tuesday, following his retrial in a case that engrossed and appalled Germany.

Armin Meiwes, a 44-year-old computer technician, also was convicted of disturbing the peace of the dead. His lawyers had argued that the Frankfurt state court should instead convict him of the lesser offense of “killing on demand,” on the grounds that he was only following his victim’s wishes.

The retrial of Meiwes opened in January. It was held after a federal appeals court overturned his initial manslaughter conviction to allow prosecutors to seek a tougher sentence.

At the retrial, Meiwes renewed a detailed confession, telling the court his version of the grisly details of the March 2001 killing of Bernd Juergen Brandes at Meiwes’ home in the central town of Rotenburg.

Meiwes said Brandes — who had traveled from Berlin after answering his Internet posting under the pseudonym “Franky” seeking a young man for “slaughter and consumption” — wanted to be stabbed to death after drinking a bottle of cold medicine to lose consciousness. He testified that Brandes, 43, had wanted to “be eaten alive.”

“Otherwise, I would never have done it,” Meiwes, who captured the killing on video, told the court during the trial.

‘I didn’t want to kill him’
Meiwes also maintained that Brandes had urged him to carry out further killings after his death.

Still, the defendant claimed he had hesitated before going through with the act.

“I wanted to eat him — I didn’t want to kill him,” he told the court.

Police tracked down and arrested Meiwes in December 2002 after a student in Austria alerted them to a message Meiwes had posted on the Internet seeking a man willing to be killed and eaten.

In early 2004, a court in the city of Kassel convicted Meiwes of manslaughter and sentenced him to 8 years in prison, but prosecutors appealed the verdict.

Federal judges overturned the original ruling last year and ordered a retrial, arguing the lower court, in rejecting murder charges, failed to give sufficient consideration to the sexual motive behind the killing.

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:: 2005 25 July :: 2.51 pm

I rode my bike 12 miles today.

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:: 2005 11 March :: 8.13 pm

I kick ass
So i passed my second brown belt test.. and im a 2nd kyu brown belt.. one more then black.. hell yeah! its pretty exciting.. I think i did really good.. there are somethings i need to work on... but i was extremely focused and it just totally rocked.

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:: 2004 2 May :: 7.35 pm

The Difference Betweent Men and Women.. -read carefully lol its hillarious
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realise that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car.
To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship... maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Wow. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children?

Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was... let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... let me check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment... maybe he has sensed, even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty... scum balls.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Roger," Elaine says aloud. "What?" says Roger, startled. "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so... (She breaks down, sobbing.)" "What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says. "No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. "It's just that... it's that I... I need some time," Elaine says. There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work. "Yes," he says.

Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger. "That way about time," says Elaine. "Oh," says Roger. "Yes." Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks. "Thank you, Roger," she says. "Thank you,"

says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.

When Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of.

A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyse everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

And THAT'S the difference between men and women!

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