hOw yOu chanGe my wOrld , yOu'll neVerr' knOw .
anGel of miine color=white>
piiCk me up now , ii need you SOO bad .
**

 

friends | profile | guestbook


[ S w e e T L a d i i ' ]

recent entries | past entries


:: 2004 16 July :: 2.09 am
:: Music: christopher on da ph0ne

heyy yall!

sh0ut 0utz::

bailey-- i l0ve y0u and y0ur the bestest friend ever! im here f0r ya babe!

kayla-- w0rds cann0t describe just h0w much i freakin l0ve y0u.. m0re hang 0ut time!!

lacey-- y0u are in my bed right now!

britt-- y0u is da bestest big sister a dudette can get! we need to hang 0ut m0re. mizz jizz!!

chris-- b0o!!/jack/best friend cry babii!!**

mia-- mia i l0ve y0u m0re then life itslef. y0u are the funniest pers0n ever!! i <33 y0u t0 the starz and back *((haha, britt, you n nick))*

calli-- dude!!! lol. y0ur s0 sweet!! f'din t0 kn0w ya better!! we still g0tta g0 0n 0ur date.! ((haha:: r0bert w0rd!!))

nich0las-- da biggest c0olest br0ther in the w0rd. :-)

devin-- mah h0mie! / h0ney / 0ur sexii special special handshake!! y0u have a nice b0oty.

kaela-- heyy sexii thang! y0u are s0 beautiful!! alm0st as beautiful as da firew0rks at red white and b0ob ::c0ugh:: b0om!! ::c0ugh::

daniela-- i l0ve y0u! maybe y0u sh0uld c0me 0ver n jump in mah p0ol again s0metime! <3

mark-- mah 0ther c0ol 0lder br0ther! maybe i sh0uld walk 0ver therr right NOW! lol.

becky-- didis/ hillbilly!! lol. i think i l0ve y0u. l0l.. I L0vE MaH seXXi SoCKs! startin a new trend! l0l.

n t0o every0ne else, y0u kn0w i l0ve y0u!
((including m0m, wh0 s0metimes reads mah j0urnal! ))

<3

1 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 14 July :: 11.18 pm
:: Music: echo-- trapt

bailey
hey babe!

you wanted me to update.

so its for you.

i love you so much.

and im always here.

b/c thats what best friends are for.

everythings gonna work out.

and youll be fine.

b/c you have SO many ppl that care abuot you.

and hey i would make a list of all the ppl who love you, but g0d. andi'd prolly kick me off woohu for writing so damn much!

your my best friend.

and i love you. forever. and ill always be here.

right here.

to listen.

you talk.

-x0

3 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 11 July :: 10.27 pm
:: Mood: _GaNgStER_
:: Music: lacey eatin chips yo!

Your Inner Gangsta by crash_and_burn
What is yo name?
Yo gangsta name beLos Pantalones
You ride around in aHuffy Sun Catcher (Ride that bicycle, fool)
Yo gangGary Coleman's Alleycat Thugs
Yo shoes beBathroom slippers
Yo dubs be dis big, fool4,336
How much money you got?$4.56513075787745e+26
How gangsta are you, bitch?: 100%
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 11 July :: 8.14 pm

im S0 stupid!

me n bay went to daytona and i dropped my cell phone in the p0ol :( so i lost all mah f0ne numbers.. so if you can.. leave me a comment wish your numbers! i luVv yOU

1 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 8 July :: 6.19 pm

britt\'s next to me!!!

thirteen random things you like:
01) guys

02) shopping
03) hang 0ut wif BrItT
04) laughing
05) friends
06) movies
07) music
08) abercrombie
09) hollister
10) shoes
11) purses
12) money$$
13) my phone

twelve movies:
01) texas chainsaw massacre
02) the notebook
03) night at the roxbury
04) the ring
05) white chicks
06) mah d0g skiP
07) SwimFAn-- LOL. KAYLA, great movie
08) d0DGebALl
09) fINdINg nEmo
10) aL0nG cAmE p0lly
11) STaRsKy N huTch
12) thE bUtTerFlY eFFeCT

eleven good bands/artists:
01) BlINK 182
02) go0D CHaRlOtTe
03) TaKINg BaCk SunDay
04) uShhHer
05) fEfE DoBsON
06) lp
07) THe SeXii MaN WiTh THe WaLK.. lol. britt
08)nfg
09) dc
10) mest
11) anything ROCK***

ten things about you ... physically:
01) brown hair and blond. lol.
02) green eyes sometimes brown
03) (p0wer chain!!=)straight teeth
04) 5'2
05) strong fingernails. lmao.
06) full lips (dsl)
07) peanut shaped eyes. lmao. i luvv britttttt
08) long hair
09) pierced ears
10) glossy ears, lmao. sorry kayla,we luvv you!

nine good friends: in like.. special order or anything.. (j/p)
01) BRITTANY!
02) bailey
03) chris
04) mia
05) kristi
06) kayla
07) chris
08) callli
09) rachel, lacey, kaela, sandra, and BRITTANY***

eight favorite foods/drinks:
01) shrimp stew
02) shrimp salad
03) brittany!!!!!!!!!lol
04) shrimp rye
05) pop corn shrimp
06) fried shrimp
07) shrimp cocktail
08) shrimp! (j/p bout all those.. i hate shrimp!! me n britt are jusss REALLY hyper!!!*

seven things you wear daily:
01) socks
02) bra
03) shorts/pants/skirt
04) shirt
05) makeup
06) undies
07) deoderant ( none of you ppl put that!! YOUR ALL SICK!)

six things that annoy you:
01) ppl who leave annonnmous comments that are mea :(
02) ppl that arent britt
03) the pop pop pop POP of pop corn
04) nick
05) nick attemtping to play the guitar.. the same song over and over and over and over and over and over!! grrr. lol
06) havin no $$$cha-ching$$$

five things you touch everyday:
01) keyboard
02) phone
03) brittany
04) brush..?
05) my bedd

four shows you watch:
01) boiling points
02) the brittany show. lol
03) mad tv.. (STUART! AND LORLAINE!)
04) snl

three celebrities you have a crush on:
01) ashton kutcher
02) brittany!!
03) tom delonge!

two people on lj you have kissed
01) brittany!! even tho she doesnt have an lj!
02) and YOU!

one person you could spend the rest of your life with
01) brittany!!* muah britt! thanks for helping!

3 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 8 July :: 2.12 am

thanks britt!!>>>
the journals lookin hot now! lol
ne ways.. today was fun. me and bailey got our nails done. and made fun of her lil cousin. lol. NEMO! lol. and umm. we went shoppin and tomorrow i get to spend the night at baileys and we get to go to daytona friday for brooke and paul's birthday! gonna be fun fun fun
gonna get tan babii!! lol

SuperScriptgotta jet!

i love dudes
are you a dude?

i love you <3



3 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 6 July :: 12.01 am

crying. no idea why.

ive been thinking so hard.

about everything.

and all the thoughts= the tears rolling down my cheeks.

i cant remember the last time you cared about ne thing.

the last time you allowed yourself to be seen.

listenin to trapt now.

emo is mine.

all mine.

chris is gonna call me and make me feel better.

just pray it works.

all im thinking about is making my stomach curl.

and im thinking about just so much. that it would be impossible to type it all.

and all my thoughts change so fast.

everything from kayla velente.

to brittany.

and everything happening with chris and calli.

and bailey.

and mia.

everything is my fault.

nothing would have happened with mia if it werent for me.

everything would have been ok, if i hadnt come along.

i cant escape walking down these halls.

have to find a place where there are no walls.

definitly an emo girl.

screwed

and i love all my friends.

but all of their wrongs.

have something to do with me.

crying.

still..

and as for you,

your wasting your time reading it.

-x0

4 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 5 July :: 11.33 pm

Name: kayla
Birthday: 2.24.91
School: gms
Color of eyes: hazel
Hair: dark brown and blond
Height: 5'1
Shoe Size:7ish
Righty or Lefty: righty
Brothers/Sisters: 1 brother
Who lives with you?: my mom, my dad, my brother
When's your bedtime?: whenever im tired
------------HAVE YOU EVER------------
Been so drunk you blacked out:iunno. bailey?
Missed school because it was raining: nope
Kept a secret from everyone: yea
Put a body part on fire for amusement: uhh..?
Had an imaginary friend: actually, no
Had a New Kids on the Block tape: no
Been on stage: yeah
Cut your hair: yeah..ive cut it
---------------FAVORITES--------------
Color: red
Day/Night: night
Summer/Winter: summer
Fave food: basgetti
Fave ice cream: the soft ice cream
---------------RIGHT NOW---------------
Wearing: roberts shirt and red cheer shorts
Hair: wet from the shower
I'm feeling: ok.. i guess.
Eating: nothing..last thing i ate was a slice of cheese though
Drinking: last thing was sprite.. mah fav
Thinking about: puh i dunno
Listening to: yellow card and trapt
Talking to: britt
Watching: uhh..my computer screen
--------IN THE LAST 24 HRS.-----------
Cried:yeh
Worn a skirt: yeh
Met someone new: no
Cleaned your room: no
Done laundry:no
Drove a car: nope
----------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-----------
Santa Claus: no
Tooth Fairy: no
Ghosts:iunno..
-----------FRIENDS AND LIFE-----------
Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? nope
Like anyone? not really
Who's the loudest: lol uhhh thats easy.. ME! Who's the shyest: hmmm...becky
Who's the funniest: mia and kayla
Who do you go to for advice: kayla and britt
Who do you cry to?: bailey
When you cried the most: when im depressed i guess...
What's the best feeling in the world:ok ok, not to sound corney or anything like that but prolly love both ways
Worst feeling: being alone
Where do you plan to go on your honeymoon? california.. my future hood
Last person you talked to on the phone? uhhh...chris and mah bro
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? eyes and personality
Your favorite drink? sprite and pina coladas
Favorite alcoholic drink? bailey's dad's shots!!
How do you eat an Oreo? i bite off the top choclate part n then i eat the frosting on top of one of the cookies.
Relationship or one night stands? relationships
Chocolate or vanilla? both
What's on your mouse pad? no mouse padd
Least favorite smell? umm shit?
Favorite sound? guitar
Which finger is your favorite? middle!!
What is your favorite lunch meat? umm turkey. bock bock
Any bad habits? swaring
What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? n*sync...i dunno why i have it..i should burn it
Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid? yupp
Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? no but i think ur on crack or soemthing
Do fish have feelings?yeh i was a fish in my past life
Where is your second home? mia's house.
What was your favorite toy as a child? uhh.. i guess i liked barbies..
Do you have a journal? ....what does it look like?yeh, like 5.
Have you ever been in a mosh pit? yeh, close, got bumped into at the blink concert! dude they f***in rock
What are your nicknames? lala and diddy and kay-kay :(
Would you bungee jump? yeah, i have...a cheap version though..not actually off a bridge...i wish!
Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? no, my shoes arn't even tied when they are on
Do you ever wear overalls? no lol
How many people have a crush on YOU right now? oh wow.. lol. just playin like 0.

-----------ON THE INSIDE-------------

YOUR HERITAGE~ american, irish and german
GOALS YOU'D LIKE TO ACHIEVE~ college... lol
*YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW*

YOUR MOST OVERUSED PHRASE ON AIM~ uh. lol
YOUR THOUGHTS FIRST WAKING UP~ "f*** you, let me sleep"
YOUR BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE~ hair..?
YOUR MOST MISSED MEMORY~ a lot of stuff:-(
ADIDAS OR NIKE~ Nike
LIPTON ICE TEA OR NESTEA~ dunno
CAPPUCCINO OR COFFEE~ coffee

*DO YOU*

SMOKE~ uhh.. mia can answer thaT ONE..
CUSS~ yeh.
SING~ yeah. not that i can, but yeh i do
TAKE A SHOWER EVERYDAY~ of course
WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE~ yupp
LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL~ i guess.
WANT TO GET MARRIED~ yeah..not now though
THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK~ ha, no
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS~ uhhh...?

*IN THE PAST MONTH*

DONE A DRUG~ what do you mean by drug?
MADE OUT~ nope
GONE ON A DATE~ yeh i guess. group of ppl
GONE TO THE MALL~ yup
EATEN SUSHI~ ew
BEEN ON STAGE~ no
BEEN DUMPED~ nope
MADE HOMEMADE COOKIES~ yeh but, i ate all the cookie dough
STOLEN ANYTHING~ ...no.. had someone steal something for me

*EVER...*

PLAYED A GAME THAT REQUIRED REMOVAL OF CLOTHING~ iunno.. i dont think so
BEEN CAUGHT "DOING SOMETHING"~ iunno

AGE 2 GET MARRIED~ 20's
NUMBER AND NAMES OF CHILDREN~ 2-3...names..umm ...brooke, travis,kalia, WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE~ cali, wif kayla.
WHAT DO YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU GROW UP~ iunno.

*IN A GUY*

BEST EYE COLOR~ dark
BEST HAIR COLOR~dark
SHORT OR LONG HAIR~ kinda long
HEIGHT~ taller then me
BEST WEIGHT~ umm good fer the height
BEST ARTICLES OF CLOTHING~ umm...shoes:-p
BEST FIRST DATE~ somewhere nice

*IN THE NUMBERS*
NUMBER OF TIMES MY NAME WAS IN THE NEWSPAPER~ a cuple
NUMBER OF SCARS ON MY BODY~ a lot
WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? stayed wif mah girlie kayla and watched frieworks
HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?hott -n- dark
HAIR COLOR? mine? brown and blond
EYE COLOR? answered that.
SUNRISE OR SUNSET? sunrises occure to early sooo sunsets
FAVORITE HOBBY? iunno
____ im not gonna fill out the rest. so this other girls answers are from here on, her names emily._____
Zodiac Sign? Pisces
ON GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT
Boxers or briefs: boxers
Curly or straight hair: prolly staright
Tall or short: tall
Six pack or muscular arms: if i had to choose then....6 pack
Hat or no hat: either
Ears pierced or not:nothign overboard
Tan or no tan: not too picky about that
Stubble or neatly shaven: shaven! hate stubbles
Accent or not: not unless it's french;-)
Glasses? dont care
Smart or dumb: smart
What sport should he play? snowboarding, surfing, skateboarding
Dependent or independent? independent

Pick One:

Lights on/off: uhh off
Mickey D's or BK?Bk
Backstreet Boys or NSYNC? they are both fuckin fags
On the phone or in person? in person
Paper or plastic? umm plastic bags have handles....
Sausage or pepperoni? pepperoni
Milk Chocolate or white chocolate: mmmm they are both good
Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? dr.pepper
Glass half full or half empty? half full
Tape or DVD: DVD
Mud or Jell-O wrestling: mud
Cake or pie: pie
YOUR FAVES
Candy: skittles
Animal: penguins
Number: 22
Scent: lilu

Here/there:there
Cold or hot: hot
Pool/Hot Tub: pool
Open or close: depends
Open or Empty: dunno
Pop or Milk: milk
Water or Tea: water
Fruit or Vegetables: fruit
Radio or CD: radio
Email or Instant messenger: IM
Phone or IM: IM
Cookies/cake: cookies
(To watch) Baseball or Soccer: Soccer
(To watch) Football or Basketball: Football
Blonde or Brunette: Brunette..the whole blonde thing is going overboard
Ocean, lake, or pool? umm ocean or a pool
Flordia or California: ive only been to florida
Old or young: young

THE LAST TIME YOU...~*~
Danced: while ago
Fell: i dunno
Kissed someone: not long ago
Hugged Someone: yesterday
Showered: i dunno... an hour or o ago

KISSED A GIRL: fuck no
KISSED A GUY: yeah....dah
Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no
Buttered, plain, or salted? which food are we talking about?
Can you juggle? haha no
Who would you hate to be trapped in a room with? ummm lol a few ppl

~~~Most Disliked~~~
food:....shit?
condiment: mayonnaise<-- thats what liv put -n- im sticking to that seeing that i dunno what a condiment is
Drink: alcohalic...
Attitudes: preps

~~~history~~~
how many people are in your family (extended family): thats funny cuz i have no fuckin clue
What's your blood type: no clue
Your pin #: specify...
How much do you love your job on a scale of one to ten? i will be getting a job soon
Love someone so much it made you cry? funny question..yeah
What color is your bedroom carpet? blue-gray
How many times did you fail your drivers test? im only 15
What do you do most often when you are bored? work out, ride my bike, listen to music, draw, read, computer, eat, umm...sleep..wow, i actually do a lot of stuff when im board...
What do you like to do in you spare time: write, go places, i duno, do something entertaining...
What kinda grades do you get?: low 80's
Do you work?: not yet, but soon
Do you like coffee?: yeah..it's got cafeen in it...what do u think?
Write down what comes first to your mind when you see these words.....
SCHOOL: fuckin jail fer kids -n- a good way to waist the first 20 yrs of ur life.
BROWN: ...shit?
FOOD: yum
WOODLANDS: don't go in them alone, u might get raped...
MONARCHY: i dunno..soemthing about global?
TEA: leaves
POWER: magical powers...which is faggishly gay lol
BUTLER: ur rich -n- lazy
YELLOW: the sun
WAR: iraq
FREEDOM: puh, not what we are livin in
RED: my fav. color
TELEPHONE: good way to evesdrop..i dunno how to spell it...

1 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 3 July :: 11.08 pm

yellowcard-- only one
britt, i love you. i can talk to you about ne thing without you judgin me or tellin anyone. i love you To0o much!! thanks for being ther.. <3



broken this fragile thing now,
and i cant i cant pick up the peices.
and ive thrown my words all around.
and i cant i cant give you a reason.
i feel so broken up
and i give up
just wanna tell you so you know
here i go
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
i let go
therrs just no one that gets me like you do
you are my only my only one
made my mistakes
let you down
and i cant i cant hold on for too long
ran my whole life in the ground
and i cant i cant get up when your gone.
somethings breaking up
i fel like giving up
i wont walk out until you know
here i go
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
i let go
theres just no one that gets me like you do
you are my only my only one
here i go
so dishonestly
leave a note
for you my only one
and i know
you can se right thru me
so let me go
and you will find someone
here i go scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
i let go
theres just no one, no one like you
you are my only my only one.
my only one.

4 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 3 July :: 8.27 pm

gonna be changin my icons a lot.
check the journal.
everyday.
i have so many icons.
not as much as kayla tho.
but a lot.
and i need to show them off.
but they're copyrighted by me.
dont take them.

i lOVe HaPPy pEoplE.. arE yOU hApPy?.

I <3 yOU.

1 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 3 July :: 7.24 pm

look at her go,
useless and torn.
at this point in time,
she'd never been born.
so many friends
the other ones had.
this case is so sorry,
hopeless and sad.
sat by herself
at the table in school.
watching those kids,
their label was "cool"
thinking about her fantasy
realizing it wont come true.
she'd found her solution,
her problem will be through.

got home round 4
dad was there,
drunk tired and sore.
grabbing the knife
she went to her room.
this lovely place,
would see her doom.

up from heaven she stares,
happy and free
up here, in heaven, everyone cares.
smiling bright,
not a care in the world,
shes happy now, everythings right.


i made that up.. feelin in a depressed mood, no idea why.

kayla's coming over later.

maybe calli.

her mom's pms'ing. lol.

gotta go!! kayla's coming.

i love kayla.

i love you.

-x0

3 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 2 July :: 5.32 pm

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
Birthdate
You killed
With a
OnDecember 14, 2011
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

2 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 2 July :: 5.21 pm

im at mias. fun... cept shes leavin me for like 1o days. why is everyone leavin?! well i think goldman is comin over tomorrow. goin to a 4th of july thing. miss moore, you should spend the night with me n kayla. or do somethinng with us.. hows bout tomorrow during the day? ya free? lol. bailey, mia wanted me to tell you that you have her pants. she sed you wore them to our b-day party. the pants with the balls. well.. i guess ill just get them the next time i see you. me n mia got our eyebrows waxed today. we got this 80 year old lady who did it. and she sucked. omg im gonna miss mia SO much!! SO much!!! more then anyone! lol. she walks in on mark and daniela.. and mark comes out and trys to grab mia and she jumped and screamed "DONT TOUCH ME WITH THOSE HANDS!!" lol. i love her. she enjoys walkin in on her brother. lol. no knockin.

just wanted to give out journal sites to ppl..

www.woohu.com/~bugga3
bailey

www.livejournal.com/~kayla_g
kayla goldman

www.livejournal.com/~tipsybabii
mia

www.livejournal.com/~_canes04_
callis

www.woohu.com/~thoughtskill
britts

.::love you::.
-x0

start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 30 June :: 12.26 am

oops i did it again
i played with your heart
got lost in the game
"oooh" baby baby
oops you think im in LOOOVE
that im sent from aboooovvveeee
im not that inecent (h/e you spell it)
you see mah problem is this (i think thats it)
im dreamin away
wishin that heroes they truly exist
i cry watchin the days
cant you see im a fool in so many ways
but to lose ALLLL myyyee senses
that is just so typically me!!
ooooooh baby baby
^^^ me n lacey wrote that song!! lmfao!!! i love you laceeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

ooh baby baby (she seems to say that a lot) (actually, we say it a lot b/c ya know.. we wrote it lmao)
how was i supposed to know
that somethin wasnt right here
oooh baby baby
i shouldnt have let you goooooooooo
but now your outta sight yeah
show me
how you want it to be
tell me baby cause i need to know now
what we got
my lonliness is killin me
"aaaannnnndddddd iiiiiii"
i must confess i still beleive
"STILL BELEIVE"
when im not with you i lose mah mind
give me a SIIIGGGGGNNNNN
HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!!!
^^^ n therrs another one

we decided to make a remix of one of britneys famous songs "im not a girl not yet a woman" (beleive it or not.. we didnt write that one)[[question by kayla:: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!]]

i used to think
i had the answers to everything
but now i know
that lyposuction doesnt always go my way
yeaaahhh
feels like im caught in the ________ (open for suggestions)
thats when i realize
im not a chub
not yet bulimic
all i need is time
a tiolet that is mine
while im releasing
im not a chub
there is no need to feed me
its time that i learn the new carb diet on my own
i've weighed so much more then you know nowww
so dont tell me im oversized
im not a chub
not yet bulimic
all i need is time
a toilet that is mine
while im releasing
im not a bulimic
there is no need to judge me
its time that i seek profeesional help before it kills me...

we're still workin on it.. but if you have ne suggestions please PLEASE let us know!!
thank you

sincerley,
the next... uhhh.. really big song writer people. yeah.

2 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 24 June :: 2.37 pm
:: Mood: bouncy

i lo0ve y0ou!
Hey tatter t0t .. its Britt .. i fixed y0ur j0urnal =] .. im not done with it cuz i dont know what else you want but i hope u like it s0 far .. im tryin t0 find some more stuff t0 find if u find any drug quotes / blink quotes tell me cuz i have some really cool affects.. and tell me if u want me to change anything okie love ya s0o0o0 much <3333333
y0ur big sis

3 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 23 June :: 8.29 pm

hella good mood!!
hella.. i just sed that to liz and she started flippin out.. "hella, i love that word!!" lol.. iunno i just started sayin it todaii and iunno where i got it.. hmm.. i love lil miss moore and she has an icon that says i love kayla.. and i hope she keeps it for awhile!! b/c we have a promise and we cant break it! calli. we should promise our promise!! lol. chris is **** lol. i luv ya n all the kiddies who somehow get mah journal (?????) lol
-x0

1 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 23 June :: 8.20 pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: me singing the darkness-- "i beleive in a thing called lo0ove.."

chris is **** lol calli!! love ya babe!! and you need to f'in cALL mah ass on like sundaii!! ya heard!?
-x0

2 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 23 June :: 5.25 pm

I woke up this morning
shaken from a dream;
you were there,
alive,
and all the pain of the last five years
had never occurred at all;
no funeral,
no messages written on the casket,
no crying myself to sleep
every night.

my first thought of the morning
was,
what was your last thought
as your life drained from your body?-
your existence becoming a statistic,
your future claimed
by the chaos of life and
the noose around your neck.

The medical examiner claimed that
most suicide victims
instinctually
scratch and pry at the noose
in their last moments;

She found your skin beneath
your nails –
and chalked it up to
impulse,
to a natural human response
to danger:
the fight for self preservation –
for life.

I wonder
if you changed your mind
when it was too late;
if the faces of your family
and your friends
flashed in front of you;
if the beauty of life
and the strength of love
at that moment
seemed like
enough
to live for,
but apparently nooses do not ask
“are you sure?”
as they claim your
fourteen year old life.

I wonder if visions
of rainbows
danced in your mind;
sunsets over the ocean;
your wife walking down the aisle
to say "I do";
your baby being born,
his first piercing scream
awakening a part of your heart
you didn't know existed...

I wonder if you realized
you weren't ready yet,
seeing your life's potential
waiting
to be fulfilled
with the fullness of life
and the sheer
imperfect beauty of it all -
but it was
too
late?

I shake my head to clear these morbid thoughts,
far too gruesome for
such a beautiful Sunday morning.
I will continue my day
in your absence,
approaching five years
I have wandered through life
without you at my side.

Like usual,
I will see someone
with sandy hair and
turquoise eyes
in the coffee line,
and I will double check
just to make sure
it is not you.

For some reason,
hearts do not accept
the finality
of death.

then I will wonder
what you would have looked like
at nineteen,
what beautiful roads you might have
found yourself driving down,
windows open,
music up,
and free from the demons
you fatally fought with
five years ago…

how much more beauty
my life would have had,
if you had stayed.

but these are morbid thoughts
for a gorgeous Sunday in June,
so I push you from my mind
and throw the covers back
to begin one more day
without you –
five years have taught me
how to do so,
but haven’t shown me how
to forget you

or how to understand
that your bones
are becoming dust
in a coffin…

that you are now
nothing
but memories.

start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 21 June :: 9.34 pm
:: Mood: _blah_
:: Music: hands down--- dc

hey
im in ky right now. i got in yesterday. fun shit. um me n beckers got in at like 10 am yesterday.. got home. loren came over. and then kelsey and we rented feardotcom and had pics developed of me devin chris and becky at the bowling ally.. more fun shit!! lol. um diz woke up at 2 in the morning yelling at us b/c we were cheering. lol. we went outside and did builds. of course i was the frickin flyer. um. threw my backhandspring. becky is the bestest spotter in the world. kinda got my scorpion back. lol. havnt done it in like 3 years. lol. ummm then today we went to the mall and i bought $130 worth of stuff in 3 hours!!! :(.. but realli cute stuff!!!!!
n then loren kelsey becky n i went to lazarus ( a furniture place in therr kick ass mall) and we were like jumpin on the mattresses. evn more fun shit. n omg andy looks like SO different.. he walked up n talked to me and i didnt evn kno who he was at first. he looks like a dam abercrombie model!! more of them bailey!! i keep running into them. lmao. ne ways.. i just wanted to say that me n chriss pony is better then calli and mikes cow. lol. im playing girlie!! i love you. but mah pony is better. like 11 ppl sed so in your journal. lol. and that wasnt me. ne who. loren was like screaming catalyst in the mall.. screaming!! lol. and she found out that i can moon walk so she like asked random ppl if they wanted to see me. dum ass. lol. n now im in becky's room, shes in the shower. so ima go.. but ne body who wants to come to brookwood tomorrow we'll be therr. love ya kiddies (sorry andi, i stoled it) lol
-x0
lala

4 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...


:: 2004 18 June :: 7.58 pm

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is b l e s s e d,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and d-u-l-l,
these hearts they [r][a][c][e],
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so h~i~g~h,
that your k.i.s.s. might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
s/o/ /I/ /d/i/e/ /h/a/p/p/y.
My heart is yours to fill or b u r s t,
to break or bury,
or wear as j*e*w*e*l*e*r*y,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay (e)(n)(t)(w)(i)(n)(e)(d) here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so d u m b.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can **get some**.

My hopes are so >>high<< that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or b u r y, or wear as j*e*w*e*l*e*r*y,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever [r][e][m][e][m][b][e][r],
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the DIM of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we r-e-a-l-i-z-e-d it's so late
and this walk that we s.h.a.r.e.d. together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I l'e't' 'y'o'u' 'i'n'.
And you stood at your door with your h`a`n`d`s on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you m-e-a-n-t it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

7 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...

Woohu.com | Random Journal