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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 30 November :: 12.45pm
:: Music: Rufus Wainwright- Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

Take a lot of sentimental valiums...
Cigarettes and chocolate milk
These are just a couple of my cravings
Everything it seems I like's a little bit stronger
A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me

If I should buy jellybeans
Have to eat them all in just one sitting
Everything it seems I like's a little bit sweeter
A little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me

And then there's those other things
Which for several reasons we won't mention
Everything about 'em is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder
A little bit deadly

It isn't very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

Sitting here remembering me
Always been a shoe made for the city
Go ahead accuse me of just singing about places
With scrappy boys faces have general run of the town

Playing with prodigal sons
Take a lot of sentimental valiums
Can't expect the world to be your Raggedy Andy
While running on empty you little old doll with a frown

You got to keep in the game
Retaining mystique while facing forward
I suggest a reading of Lessoon in Tightropes
Or surfing your high hopes or adios Kansas

It isn't very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

Still there's not a show on my back
Holes or a friendly intervention
I'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit Irish
A little bit Tower of Pisa
Whenever I see ya
So please be kind if I'm a mess

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
Cigarettes and chocolate milk

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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 27 October :: 12.56pm

In the light of the sun
Is there anyone?
Oh, it has begun
Oh dear, you look so lost
Eyes are red and tears are shed
Some world you must have crossed .

You said, You don't know me
You don't even care
She said, you don't know me
You don't wear my chains

The essential yet appealed
Carry all your thoughts cross an open field
When flowers gaze at you
They're not the only ones
Who cry when they see you

You said, You don't know me
You don't even care
She said, you don't know me
You don't wear my chains

She said, I think I'm going to Boston
I think I'll start a new life
I think I'll start it over
No one knows my name
I'll get out of California
I'm tired of the weather
I think I'll get a lover
I'll fly 'em out to Spain

I think I'm going to Boston
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town
To leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise
I'm tired of the sunset
Here it's nice in the summer
Some snow would be nice

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michellestar

:: 2010 18 October :: 10.12pm

last
To my readers:

There's a reason I haven't been writing. I cannot talk about it here. But I realized this gave me the opportunity to do what I knew would have to be done someday. Say goodbye.

But first, thank you. Thank you for listening to my words through your pixels. Thank you for coming along, whatever your reason, whoever you are. Thank you for watching my mystery unravel.

It's hard for me. To let this go. Seven years of my life are in these pages. A documented path from student to scientist. I'm not leaving because there's nothing to say, rather the opposite is true. There's so much that got left out from this summer, all those months I wasn't writing. A huge chunk of this is missing because of it, but that's the way it goes.

It wasn't always this way. Woohu was a community once. I thought of it more of a message board for my dorm and the group of friends I congealed with freshman year. One by one they left here, but I made a conscious decision to stay. Not for any particular reason, other than this became home. And I began to realize that all along, this journal, the memories buried in these pages, had been for me. To see growth flowing through words, representing actions, representing faith in myself.

And this became my memoir. My memoir of everything I lost and all that I gained. My winding road from those terrifying early moments in chemistry freshman year to a full-fledged forensic scientist in the NYPD. From being horrified to speak in front of room of classmates to testifying in courts of law to a jury of strangers. From bemoaning biochemical pathways and stoichiometry to analyzing mass spectral evidence.

When this journal began I was 18 years old. I was a wide-eyed freshman in college surrounded by strangers who would eventually become friends. I was dating a British boy back home, saw my parents every month or so, and thought I was going to become a biochemist. My first entry was made in playful angst as I fidgeted with my new life.

As this journal ends, I am 25 years old. A girl standing on her own two feet looking back and knowing how she got here, in large part to this very place where she could watch it unfold. This place took my experiences, often too close for me to see clearly, and let me take a step back and examine them to see them for what they were. Seven years later, I have a domestic partnership, a new group of friends, and a career in forensics. And my last entry is not in angst, but rather in wonder. This is to have succeeded. To end better than I began.

I didn't write everything here. There are a lot of things that happened to me, or I happened to them, that will never grace these pages. But what's here is my truth nonetheless. What's here was for me, and that makes it real.

I am not done writing forever. This has become ingrained in me and I had to make a conscious effort not to do it. Not because I have some sort of fantastic life that the internet needs to know about, but because life is something worth documenting even if just for myself. I will be found elsewhere, when I'm ready.

I am going to open back up a few of my last entries to give a sense of where I left off. These last two years had more loss, in the sense of people, than I have dealt with in the rest of my life combined. My life has undoubtedly changed because of it.

But in the end, thank you to the friends in Michigan, friends in New York, Jason, family members, a few coworkers, and a handful of strangers who read this. Thank you for finding this interesting enough to even have read it just once. Thank you for embracing yet another cell floating in the endless sea.

MichelleStar
October 18th 2003 - October 18th 2010


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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 10 August :: 10.08pm
:: Music: The Postal Service- The District Sleeps Tonight

I'm staring at the asphalt wondering/ What's buried underneath where I am...
Smeared black ink
Your palms are sweaty
And I'm barely listening
To last demands
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering
What's buried underneath where I am

I'll wear my badge
A vinyl sticker with big block letters
Adherent to my chest
That tells your new friends
I am a visitor here: I am not permanent
And the only thing keeping me dry is where I am

You seem so out of context
In this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving

D.C. sleeps alone tonight

You seem so out of context
In this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I am just visiting
And I finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving

The district sleeps alone tonight
After the bars turn out their lights
And send the autos swerving
Into the loneliest evening
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving

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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 10 July :: 7.53pm
:: Music: Ben Folds Five- Fair

I send my best, cause God knows, you've seen my worst...
you know when you don't listen to an album for a really long time and then you listen to it again and it's like... whoa.

i bought ben folds five- whatever and ever amen, on cd... i already have it, but it's on..umm... cassette tape.... so i haven't listened to it in a while.

<3

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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 8 July :: 9.29pm
:: Music: Ben Folds- Kalamazoo

Don't you know that I've been there too?
Ran out of time
Running my mouth
Ran up a tab and
All the way from Kalamazoo
On my way back home
I was surely stoned
Now I'm sober in my yard

Can't believe I was there
Can't believe I've been anywhere else

There was a time
Almost forgot
We had been drifting
All the way to Kalamazoo
And I said that I loved you too
All the way back home

There's an old joke
I just made up
How many of me
Would it take to screw up your life?
One to settle down
One to turn you 'round
Now I'm sober in my yard

I would say you had to be there
And I regret that you're still there

Seems like you'd be frozen
Frozen there in time
Waving your goodbye
High up to the sky

Your place on the map
Has faded away
Looks to be lost in
More that one way, Kalamazoo
Don't you know that I've been there too?
And it puts your mind more at ease
If you'd say the words of release
All the way back home

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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 7 July :: 9.29pm

i think i might have a driniking problem.........

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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 6 July :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World- Always Be

How are you gonna know the feeling/ until you lost it?/ I've been losing plenty since...
Could've been a night like any other
One of us has to drive
One of us gets to think
I'll force a laugh to break the silence
It's gonna get harder still
Before it's easy
You can't keep safe
what wants to break

I'm alone in this
I'm a "as-I've-always-been"
Right behind what's happening
She's a "lost-in-this"
She's a light
She'll always be
a little far for me to reach

I was just a boy like every other
I thought I was something fierce
I thought i was ten times smarter
Love would be something that I just know
How are you gonna know the feeling
Until you lost it
I've been losing plenty since

Maybe something else I'm missing
Something good and you're the reason
It's a dream but there's a real world waitng

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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 11 June :: 9.12pm

I'M DRUNK and this is exciting.
the movie of my life.... paul played by jason segal... me played by amy adams.............. AWESOME.

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taoman1121

:: 2010 3 June :: 12.05pm
:: Music: Gorillaz - Stylo

Dear Jim
Dear Jim [Gaffigan]:
I had a weird dream last night where I went on a killing spree, murdering all of my ex-college roommates (I had a lot of them apparently), and for some reason Elvis Costello was fingered for the crime. I sat in the courtroom and watched him get a life sentence, and then he turned to me and smiled and starting singing, "Alison, I know this world is killing you." And the really bizarre part is, my name isn't Alison. What could this dream mean?
- Norah, Lancaster PA

Dear Norah:
Wait--the "bizarre part" was that your name isn't Alison? Really, THAT was the bizarre part? Not the murder spree or your letting a great musician take the heat? Just your name? Lady, you're a nut bag. Stop watching Law & Order before bed.
- Jim

Excerpt from "You're a Horrible Person, But I Like You: The Believer Book of Advice":
Amazon Page

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taoman1121

:: 2010 10 May :: 1.23am

Fringe - A Show on the Rise
So, I have a question for you fellow TV viewers out there: When did Fringe all of a sudden get so good??

I've been watching this show since the beginning, and despite the fact I immediately saw it for what it was (a 'X-Files' ripoff), it didn't stop me from making it a part of my regular viewing rotation for the past couple of years. While I've always enjoyed (most of) the characters and its escapist/sci-fi tones, I always felt it was vastly inconsistent. Well, that's not entirely true... it was consistent in its inconsistency. The mythology episodes were usually good-to-great, while the stand-alone episodes were usually boring-to-silly. But something's happened since it came back from hiatus. To start, even the one-offs have been captivating, with the time-traveling episode guest starring Peter Weller (aka RoboCop) the most noteworthy example. But, more importantly, I think the showrunners are finally letting the characters and the storyline find their own voice. Yes, they are still ripping off 'The X-Files' (even going so far as cribbing the "I Want to Believe" tagline in last week's episode), but for once, I'm able to see past the similarities because I find myself totally engaged in the stories on their own merits and not as a derivative of another show. To wit, last week's twist evoked an audible reaction from me usually reserved only for my most "hardcore" shows. (As a side note to complete the 'X-Files' comparison, they have even managed to do something the veritable FOX show couldn't, making local law enforcement characters richly detailed with their own angles and motivations. Hell, it's even picking up at the same time 'The X-Files' did: late second season.)

More than anything, the one facet of this show that has kept me coming back through its ups and downs (and is all the more richer now that the rest of the show has caught up) is Walter Bishop. Make no mistake, John Noble's character is the best, most complete, and engaging currently on television (and yes, I'm including 'LOST' in that discussion). There's no other character I can think of--on any medium--that can have me laughing out loud one moment, pulling on my heartstrings the next, than back to guffaws, all within the space of a single scene, as the supermarket scene in last week's "Northwest Passage" did (see link below). Noble's performance is absolutely gripping, and the range and nuance he brings to the already juicy lines reminds me of how criminal it is that this man has not even yet been nominated, let alone won, for this role yet. (Seriously Hollywood, get on this!)

If you haven't seen the show or previously gave up on it, now's the time to give it a(nother) chance. As sad as I am to know that my favorite Leonard Nimoy won't be making any appearances past this season, I can't wait to see where they take it from here.

"Delicious Strawberry-Flavored Death!":
http://www.hulu.com/watch/144902/fringe-northwest-passage

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taoman1121

:: 2010 5 March :: 1.52pm
:: Music: The White Stripes - Little Cream Soda

Well every highway that I go down
Seems to be longer than the last one that I knew about
Oh well

And every girl that I walk around
Seems to be more of an illusion than the last one I found
Oh well

And this old man in front of me wearing canes and ruby rings
And it's like a dang explosion when he sings

And with every chance to set himself on fire,
He just ends up doin' the same thing

Well, each beautiful thing I come across
Tells me to stop moving and shake this riddle off
Oh well

And there was a time when all I wanted
Was my ice cream colder and a little cream soda
Oh well, oh well

And a wooden box and an alley full of rocks
Was all I had to care about
Oh well, oh well, oh well

Now my mind is filled with rubber tires and forest fires
And whether I'm a liar
And lots of other situations
Where I don't know what to do
At which time God screams to me
There's nothing left for me to tell you
Nothing left for me to tell you
Nothing left
Oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well
Oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well

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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 3 February :: 5.25pm
:: Music: Hockey- Song Away

I'd like to let you know I'll always be straight with you/ I stole my personality from an anonymous source/ And I'm getting paid for it too, I don't feel bad about that.
Make me a deal and make it good for me,
I won't get full of myself, cause I can't afford to be.
This is small town music, this is big town music,
He's ahead of his time, you know... but, he can't use it...
If only he could prove it.


Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
It's just a song away.

See what your man has done to the world,
See what the world has done to your man.
You know I'm leaving you, you don't need me,
Lovin' you wasn't always so easy.

This is believe me music, this is forget me music,
This is who can love me, you know, this ain't no roxy music.
This is new form music, this is old form music,
This is I paid attention not some makes his prediction music.
Oh, he could let me use it.

Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
It's just a song away.

Not wanting to write a truthful song over an eighties groove,
I'd like to let you know I'll always be straight with you.
I stole my personality from an anonymous source,
And I'm getting paid for it too, I don't feel bad about that.
Give me my chance back.

This is on the rise music, this is novelty music,
This is who can blame music, I don't get fooled by it
This is "where'd you go" music, this is "come home" music,
This is down to the wire I'm such a perfect angel music.
Who really tries?

Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
It's just a song away.

Ah well,

This is success music, and what's it to ya?
My lawyer always says these are the facts about the future, well....

Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.

Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
It's just a song away.

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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 19 January :: 8.40pm
:: Music: MGMT- Time to Pretend

Yeah it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?/ Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?
I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life
Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars

This is our decision to live fast and die young
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We were fated to pretend

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone

But there is really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew
The models will have children, we'll get a divorce
We'll find some more models, everything must run its course

We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end
We were fated to pretend

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jedibumblebee

:: 2010 19 January :: 8.06pm

Bands/artists I would like to see in concert soon-ish:

Eric Hutchinson (again)
Modest Mouse (again)
MGMT
Ben Kweller (again)
Passion Pit
Vampire Weekend
Beck
Death Cab for Cutie (again)
Regina Spektor
Matt and Kim
Phoenix
Franz Ferdinand
Ben Folds (again)
Mates of State
Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers (again)

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