I now view my long road as a search for truth in my own heart, in the world around me, and in the bigger questions of purpose and of existence.

 

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oceanchild

:: 2009 29 November :: 10.21pm
:: Mood: disappointed

My sister had a party last night and someone stole my Nintendo DS. Apparently some of her friends had their phones stolen, too. Random people showed up; she didn't know who they were or who had invited them.

I'm really angry and really sad. I bought the DS when I was in Germany, and it was the prettiest turquoise. I liked it a lot. Sadie got me a replacement, which is white, and that was really sweet of her...but I just wish I had my old one back.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 22 November :: 10.44pm

The shortest story that Hemingway ever wrote (and probably also the saddest) was only six words:

For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 20 November :: 10.51pm
:: Mood: optimistic

Things are changing
As the title suggests, a lot has happened during my long silence. I'll try to keep the exposition short so this doesn't get TL;DR. The main idea I wish to convey is that I'm making some changes in my life for the better, and I feel optimistic about the way things are going.

David from Scotland...
Read more..

A sudden realization about the status quo...
Read more..

Haircut!
Read more..

Relationship...
Read more..

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oceanchild

:: 2009 17 September :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: happy

I've just had the best day. This morning, my Scottish friend and former roommate from Berlin told me that his parents had offered him a paid trip anywhere in the world he wanted to go, and he wanted to come to California to see me. I'm so excited to see him again! We've already started planning lots of exciting American things to do when he gets here (and lots of not-particularly-American but still quite fun things to do as well). He'll be here for about two weeks in the beginning of November.

We used to joke about Americans being so patriotic that they go around in American flag suits all the time, and at some point he started saying that if he ever came to visit the US, he wanted me to pick him up from the airport in an American flag suit.

I'm totally going to do it. When I told Sadie, she said she wanted to come too and to dress up as the Statue of Liberty. It will be awesome.

Then I spent the evening with one of my best friends from elementary school. We were practically inseperable back then but we drifted apart during high school and I hadn't seen her in quite a while. It was lovely to discover that we still get along really well, and we've decided that we have to see each other much more often now.

Tomorrow I'm driving to Santa Cruz for a close college friend's birthday, and the day after that Nathan and Juliette and I are going to dress up in costume and go see Serenity, which is the midnight movie at the local Santa Cruzian theater.

I'd been getting to feel pretty lonely and stressed during the past couple of weeks, but things are taking a definite turn for the better.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 26 August :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: sorta blank

Today I ordered some cool stuff from the internet.

We also had a memorial picnic in the park near my dad's bench. Lots of really great Mexican food. Tomorrow makes it five years since he died. I'm surprisingly okay. Mostly I dread any of my family members wanting to talk about it.

I watched a Buster Keaton movie when I got home in tribute; he loved Buster Keaton. Tomorrow I plan to spend a good chunk of time reading my book of Arthur C. Clarke essays.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 1 August :: 6.08pm

Nathan and I went out the other night with Felicity and Trevor, friends of ours from college who recently moved to Sacramento. They took us to Monkey Bar, which is (very originally) covered in abstract monkey art. We went back to what was called the "Play Room" and, since we couldn't find any darts to throw at the dartboard, just sat on the couches and talked.

Felicity went to the bar at one point to get another drink and as she was waiting, a girl who was already well in her cups showed up and said, "I'M GONNA NEED TEN PATRICK SWAYZES!" The bartender made her drinks, and Felicity came back to relate the exchange to us.

We decided later that we had to find out what the hell a Patrick Swayze was, so we trooped up to the bar en masse. When we asked for one, the bartender laughed and said, "You heard us talking about that, huh?" We said yeah, and we really wanted to find out what it was. He admitted that he'd had no idea what she was talking about so he just made something up, and he brought us one on the house. Vodka, pineapple juice, cranberry, and Red Bull, for those interested; it was actually quite good.

Nathan now thinks that we should go to every bar in town, ask for a Patrick Swayze, and see what we get.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 23 July :: 7.55pm

I have a lot to be happy about these days. I have friends in Sacramento whom I see (or can see, if I'd get off my duffle) regularly. I'm indulging in some of my favorite hobbies and keeping myself busy. I don't have to pay rent or buy groceries or take my clothing to a laundromat on laundry day. Nathan and I are doing better than ever, even though we're living in separate cities. There are cats.

And yet being here, unemployed, despite everything else, is getting me down a little. I'm having trouble sleeping at night because I feel rather devoid of purpose. I don't know what to expect from the next few months, and so I feel both that I should be making long-term plans, and that I can't make any long-term plans. Money is no longer flowing my way, which isn't a problem because I'm not supporting myself, but it would be nice to get the ball rolling on that front. Originally Nathan and I had planned to move to Oregon together at the end of the summer. Now it's looking like it can't happen until next year.

Nothing to do but keep playing it by ear.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 21 July :: 4.19pm

Lots has happened since I last wrote here. Nathan and I have both graduated and are now living with our respective parents, about 70 miles apart (which is still pretty convenient). Nathan's dad joked to a friend the other day that our new apartment is half in Richmond, in Nathan's room, and half in Sacramento, in mine.

I've been looking for work but so far haven't heard back from anyone. In the meantime, I'm keeping myself busy by doing chores around the house, watching anime, preparing for a substitute organist job in August, and taking care of a quarter horse called Ruby that lives at the same barn where Sadie keeps her pony. Tomorrow I'm going to start taking yoga and pilates classes at the new West Sac rec center, which was conveniently built right near our house.

I don't really know where I'm headed at present. Nathan and I are intent upon living together again, but it's going to have to wait until we have more money, and who knows how long that could take. In any event, I've committed to staying in Sacramento until at least November.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 10 June :: 10.31pm

I got well rejected by a bunch of my friends tonight. I had planned a little bonfire party at the beach, and despite everyone I invited having said that it sounded like fun and they'd be there, nobody showed. I waited for over an hour, burned what I'd brought to burn, and then went home.

Nathan was there, so at least I wasn't completely alone, but I'm having some trouble not taking it personally. This is the third or fourth time this has happened to me this year.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 6 June :: 10.43pm
:: Music: 'Ode To My Family' --The Cranberries

Stages
Yesterday, I walked up onto a stage, shook hands with the Dean of the Humanities, and received a certificate acknowledging me as a Dean's Award winner. I won it for an essay I wrote about the old English text of Beowulf while I was studying in Berlin.

A week from today, I will walk across another stage and probably shake another hand; but this stage will be outside and the hand I shake will probably belong to the provost of my college. When it's over, I'll have a B.A. in world literature and only a few tenuous ideas of how to proceed as a graduated and fully accountable member of society.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 1 June :: 11.05pm

I'm lying on the couch with my computer on my lap, watching Inu Yasha with the headphones in because Nathan is working on the 10-page paper he has due on Thursday. I feel like I should have something to do other than watching anime and being a lazy bum, but I don't, really, other than reading articles in preparation for my politics final coming up at the end of the week, which I'm going to start tomorrow.

On Saturday I went to the art supply store downtown and bought a scrapbook-type album with black pages and grey fabric covers, held together by a blue-grey ribbon. I'm using it to display my band-aid collection. I've stuck one of each type of band-aid I've horded over the past decade or so in, and then with a white pen wrote in the name of the band-aids (if they have one; if not, a description), the brand, and where and when I got them. I need to beef up the collection now. The book isn't even half-full yet.

It's less than two weeks now until I graduate, and that's only just beginning to sink in. Recently I've been cruising the interblag looking for jobs or internships I can do over the summer, and I've learned 3 rather trying things about the editing field:

1) every job and its mother is located in New York City, which I very much do not want to live or work in
2) those offering internships hate graduates, probably because they can't be offered school credit instead of money
3) those offering jobs hate graduates, probably because they don't know enough yet

It's a paradox that everyone wants experienced employees, and so no-one is willing to give new employees any experience.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 14 May :: 9.04pm

There are often eggs smashed on the sidewalks of our apartment complex. I wonder about this sometimes, at it is a strange thing to be happening over and over again.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 11 May :: 6.04pm

When I was on the bus the other day from yoga to work, a girl got on at the last on-campus stop and started talking to the bus driver in Spanish -- he very fluently, she less so. He handed her a silver cylinder with ribbed sides and a long slender thing that looked like a skinny, angular tuning fork with a few extra tines. Turns out it was a percussion instrument used for mariachi music, and he spent a while explaining to her the different ways it could be played to accompany different styles of music. She noodled around with it for a while, with him coaching. A few stops before mine she struck up a pretty solid rhythm and the bus driver started singing La Bamba. When he got to the chorus he shouted "Everybody now!" and everyone else on the bus started singing La Bamba too.

Just before I got off they finished La Bamba and launched into Twist and Shout; I could still hear the singing as the bus pulled away and I walked in to work with a smile on my face.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 20 April :: 8.31pm

There are cockroaches in our house, which is grossing me out a LOT. We found two of them today, which is apparently a bad sign because you're not supposed to see them during the day. Strangely, they are in the closet, and not the kitchen, where I'd expect them.

Time to call the landlord.

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oceanchild

:: 2009 27 March :: 12.38pm

Spring break
As the title implies, I'm enjoying a week of freedom before my final quarter at university. For the first bit I was really worried that, due to a mix-up over the submission of my final paper, I was going to fail my senior seminar. That would have been fixable, because since I've got one quarter remaining I could have taken another, but it would have been really unpleasant.

Grades came out yesterday though and I found that I had passed. I was so relieved.

So now I'm at home, watching altogether too much Bleach and occasionally going out on the town with my mom. Yesterday we went to the Capital Nursery and bought plants. Mine is called an anthurium, and it looks like this:



I'm going to make our apartment look like the rainforest.

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