::
2003 12 October :: 10.24 am
:: Mood: cranky
Today was pretty shitty, I woke up feeling like nothing went to work as nothing, and den went to bed as nothing, which makes me come to the conclusion of...
I will never amount to anything, ill always be a N---o---t---h---i---n---g...
These days things have been sooo different...alotta shit has been going on wit friends, not good stuff either...ive been losing alot of my friends lately...alot of my close friends...and its all my fault, ive been screawin everything up lately, and i dont know how da hell or when da hell dat i did it...
I want everything to go bak to normal again! I want my life bak! *Yells fo her mommy, but then realizes her mom dont give a fuck bout her...*
urgh..
On the other hand, ive been talkin wit Mike again, and dats really kool, cuz i liked him alot, and now i do again...but that will jus turn into another nothing guy dat i really didnt care bout anyway...they all always do...
Last night when Kim was driving me home from work n everything, like we were talkin bout shit n everything and like we were talkin bout alotta shit, and one thign was dat If i ever were having sex n everything that i would have to tell her cuz she said dat its better to tell her so that she could talk wit my mom and like get me something {Like birth contral} so dat i dont wind up preganet at da age of 15...wow seems like she has high expectations of me too wouldnt u say...den another thing i said to her was dat my friends mean everything to me and dat if i had to choose between my friends and my boyfriend, i would choose my friends ova anything, and she said dat jus wasnt rite...and yah like ya know wat...its so true, ive ditched so many guys fo my friends who said dat they really needed me and needed to talk to me and all dat shit, when they really didnt and in the end it jus really hurt me, like wit Andrew, like i ditched him alotta times fo my friends, who really didnt need me but said they did, and like i lost him, we broke up, and i was da one dat was heartbroken...he maent alot to me and i jus blew it off cuz i used da excuse dat i didnt care cuz it was fo my friends and they meant everything to me...but really i could have killed dat friend fo ruining something that meant a million times more to me than our friendship...
Urgh..
I unno anymore..
Who gives a fuck tho..
Latah,
Love always,
~*me*~
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