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godessalthena

:: 2018 30 March :: 4.11pm

Everything is ok

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 23 March :: 7.10pm

I fucking LOVE Easter because my mom always makes my favorite dish: minty potatoes.

I know it sounds weird, but imagine small red potatoes with the center peel taken out of the skin, then cook until soft and mix with a metric fuck ton of fresh garlic and fresh mint and hella butter. It's all my favorite things in one dish plus mint! And then you put all the salt on. It's heaven.

This year is a special Easter because it also is my very special friend Jay's birthday! Turning the big 24! So proud of you man! Keep fighting the good fight and keep a stiff upper lip! Pip pip cheerio hip hip huzzah!

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 23 March :: 7.19am

To the fuck head using a pneumatic machine at 7am:

FUCK YOU SOME PEOPLE SLEEP IN THE FUCKING MORNING THERE IS NO SHOW WHATEVER IT IS YOU ARE DOING CAN WAIT 1 MOTHER LOVING HOUR >:(

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 21 March :: 9.51pm

love is this thing I've been chasing ever since my childhood. I keep putting my heart into people, imagining that one of them will put me as number one, put me on a pedestal and let me still be independent.

I have been asking for space, but also suffocating attention. My childhood was taken from me, and my emotions are all fucked up. But I finally had this moment of clarity...

Maybe my second relationship would have worked out if I had just stayed in college. If I had valued that stupid worthless piece of paper over my dillusional image of what love is.

Love isn't noble or pure, just or heavenly. I haven't really believed in it for a long time, but it's still something I crave. I my relationship I can feel the same feelings that love is in my heart, and I suppose it is still love... My mind just warps it into this cynical and painful experience where nothing is ever good enough.

I'm never good enough
They never read my mind well enough
I cant even read my mind well enough to know what I need or want

I just want to feel important to you. But first I need to feel important to myself.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 21 March :: 9.03pm

Ate two medicated cookies before my drive home from work,they hit me maybe half an hour after I got home, I fell into a hole.

Edibles are always too much for me. I don't know why, maybe I just underestimate their power... Maybe they just hate me.

Maybe I just got some that were really strong, the distillate didn't blend into the icing well so it turned out really random, some are weak and some will make you get lost in a hole!

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 19 March :: 10.00pm

soon my work raise will hit

If they offer OT I'm taking it as much as that place removes my soul and consumes it while I watch in terror I really need to get serious about making some cash

FUCKING 1%ERS CAN KISS MY ASS

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 16 March :: 10.12pm

If I ever start balding I'm going to shave my head and have a giant eyeball tattooed on the back of my head and make it so it follows you everywhere you go

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 13 March :: 9.58am

Sometimes I will sit at my desk at work and look at my waterfall background and pretend the white noise machine is the creek with the waterfall rushing through the wet Pacific rainforest

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 12 March :: 8.10pm

Finally got an RX for glasses

Only one in the family who is farsighted hahaha

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 9 March :: 7.05pm
:: Mood: disappointed

Sometimes the people closest to us are the ones who make us feel the most alone.

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 9 March :: 9.39am

I got a good girl ear rub

First time I've been that good

And I was a Looney toon

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 8 March :: 8.39am
:: Music: Portugal. The man

You don't need sympathy
They got a pill for everything
Just take that dark cloud
Ring it out to wash em down

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 8 March :: 12.19am

I have two little dogs. The smaller girl dog always humps the bigger boy dog's head when she gets excited. My dad came up with a new nick name for him: fuck face. I ask so does that make hers fucker?

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 6 March :: 10.18pm

Shit is too hard sometimes
Other people are challenging
I don't like feeling like an asshole and I don't like making the people I love out to be them
It is PTSD I have been diagnosed with it by every doctor I've seen
I know bad things happened too you too, but your triggers aren't being in a relationship and men who look a certain way

Not that one person's trauma is worse than the others, I guess I just can simply say I'm doing the best I can, I do have a hard time communicating but that is also a two way street.

I said I wouldn't be easy. And I said it's ok to leave if it's too hard. I still say the same thing. I just also know I am a good kind hearted person and I do always try to do what's right and what's in everyone's best interest (even at the cost of myself). I just sometimes lose my mind and can't handle being a human being.

I am hoping a large part of the problems are from stress due to depression and winter and work. I need something new and exciting.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 6 March :: 11.41am

Found an Xmas pic of you. You still look like a hideous monster.

I feel left behind.. not sure by who or what. I feel like I'm out of time,out of phase, shifting to the blue spectrum with high frequency panic electricity in my veins.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 6 March :: 11.38am

0049. THE FCC STOLE MY WALLET AND KIDNAPPED MY SISTER

Unless my brain is foreign, I think most censorshipped radio's boring. And who claims that orange doesn't rhyme? I'm chilling right here with David Lawrence. It's Online Tonight, they wanna wind up fights for free speech, broadcast as far as they can reach. It's a swell day, let's see what they'll say when I'm dialed up live, Toronto to LA. But look what's come up with that Janet Jackson - FCC with $5,000 infractions. We got a plan of action.

FCC cracking down to burn Bubba the Love Sponge and also Howard Stern. Oh dear, man overboard at Clear Channel. What dorks and weird panel of analysts decides what to battle with? The whole thing's just a waste of time, and I hope I don't see anybody paying the fine. I'll fight this 'til I'm old and washed up, and I'm sure right beside me will be Lily Von Schtupp. What's up? Censorship? Not for long. Is someone gonna step to me and try to stop this song? It's cool to protect our children; I've got no qualms. So maybe the president should stop dropping bombs.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 2 March :: 5.43pm

My timing is so fucking wretched

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 24 February :: 11.08am

After some tears and a few fits I got my files taxes

I just fucking hate all this fucking bullshit they take my money and I have to request they give it back to me in an overly complicated transaction.

Bleh.

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 23 February :: 9.41am

White coffee is one of my favorite things

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 22 February :: 10.16pm

maybe I'm looking for something I can't have...

every song coming on YouTube feels so significant right now. I hate having these stupid fights over nothing. I hate feeling trapped but paralyzed by social anxiety. I have such a hard time making it into a friendship after the first part.

I need to do something with myself I'm losing my God damned mind but nothing sounds like it would be interesting... And cheap. Ugh.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 20 February :: 12.11pm

It's a lonely world, I know
Gonna get a lonely girl that's for sure



Knowing I hurt you

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 19 February :: 2.06pm

There's always going to be an excuse for you to not come over to my house.

Always.

So no matter how much or often I tell you it hurts my feelings, it's never ever going to change.



Sometimes I really wish I hadn't taken a chance. So I could just be alone and lonely. And I wouldn't have to feel bad about everything because I'm not over my trauma and I'll never be normal.

I'm not worth this.

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 15 February :: 6.52am

When all you can think about is how lonely you feel

When all you can think about is how lonely every family must feel after losing a child

Or how lonely the best friends of those children feel

Or how lonely the dead children feel

How lonely the world feels

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 13 February :: 9.42am

Found the journal entry my first boyfriend posted after we broke up... Daggers in my heart but I'm determined not to make the same mistakes I did so long ago. That was 12 years ago, but it still is deep in my heart.

I say often that I am atoning for past sins in my current days, the scars on my heart from all the people I've wronged or hurt still throb in my mind.

I know I can't make up for everything and I know holding onto these things are detrimental to me. How do you let go, how do you leave the past in the past?

I can feel all the pain in the world, and it mixes with my own. The paints blur together into a grey and dismal portrait and we all know once mixed they can't be separated. Will these paints ever dry and allow me to paint over with something beautiful?

What is even beautiful for a life?

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 6 February :: 1.09pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: bleachers - dont take the money

When you're looking for your shadow
Standing on the edge of yourself
Praying on the darkness
Just don't take the money
Dreaming of an easy
Waking up without weight now
And you're looking at the heartless
Just don't take the money

You steal the air out of my lungs, you make me feel it
I pray for everything we lost, buy back the secrets
Your hand forever's all I want
Don't take the money

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 5 February :: 4.02pm

I have a very difficult time relating to people who love life

What do you mean you don't want it to end? That's the only part i am looking forward to...

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 3 February :: 11.40am

I find the face of a woman very comforting

I miss many faces I used to know

But I'm very happy about the faces still in my life

And hopefully I can help them smile once in a while

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 28 January :: 10.51am

I just want to feel loved

How do you keep.gping when all you are at the end of the day is a number

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 26 January :: 11.59pm

I've been dying to reach you... But my extension cord doesn't reach that far.






There's just no fighting the sadness

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 26 January :: 11.21pm

I wish I was anything but white

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

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