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hi. i'm Lindsey.

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:: 2004 16 August :: 3.14 pm
:: Music: rolling stones

i've realized theres nothing in this life of mine that makes me feel the way you do.

do you know how wonderful that is?

its amazing how much i can screw up and still somehow manage to hold on to the main thing i truly loved all along. im not sure why or how i do it...i just know its the only thing that always lets me know in the end what i truly wanted- the thing i held onto the longest.

....when everything you'll get is everything that you wanted princess...
(well which would you prefer?)...

-you can't always get what you want
but if you try sometimes
you just might find-
you get what you need-

- the rolling stones

word of the day: regret.

dont let it happen to you

3 thoughts | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 14 August :: 4.19 pm
:: Mood: hurricane ish whatever mood that is
:: Music: yellowcard- ha

new poem writing thing
and it was all coming apart
(the center cannot hold)

so look at us now
im so proud
of the way i've let you
let me down
(so this is how it is?)
if this is love
then it's been overrated
and i must've missed something
along the way
what happened to that feeling-
i'm feeling now
that i should throw up
(did that turn you on?)
i'm betting not.
so this is what it's like?
sweet talking for months
kisses in the dark
whispers down low
hoping to spark
a little conversation
and then this?
(this is good enough
for you isn't it?)
i'm so tired of trying
you're chances are up
and the lying
to myself
-well it's become
another habit to break
i must say
i thought you were different
the worst thing
is that it's not all your fault
not really
but i'm let down
and you're happy
(atleast that makes one of us)
this is soon to be expired
it's dead
and i'm tired
of only pleasing you
in certain ways
look at us now
aren't you so proud?
as i'm falling.
i'm falling apart.

3 thoughts | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 12 August :: 11.24 am

sometimes you've just got to live a little i guess.
wow today was so much fun.
my sister took me to the beach early this morning where i saw my other friends there surfing.
i wasnt wearing a bathingsuit because i had no plans of getting in the water-
but after a little while
i just jumped in.
clothes on and everything.
pants and a t-shirt.
soaking wet.
it was so much fun.
and so weird and unpredictable.
i guess i loved it because it was something i would've never done in the past.
wow i dont want this summer to end.
i have 3 days left.
thats it.
i guess i'm going to try and make the best of them.

word of the day: evanescent

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 10 August :: 1.00 pm

quote of the day:

behind closed doors
people are waiting to sparkle

kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 9 August :: 1.56 pm

i'm 15.
stubborn, outgoing, and i know what i want.
i'm messy, and so random,
half the time i don't do what i should've.
i can be bossy,
i have a natural ability to ramble...
im analytical.
whatever i swear to know, i usually don't.
if im good at anything its laughing,
if im horrible at anythign its being perfect.
i could tell you that i don't exaggerate things
to make them more exciting,
and that im not dramatic AT ALL-
but wow
that would be a huge lie.
and i hate lies.
one thing i can state as a fact:
is that i have loved. and way more than once.
maybe not that happy ending, perfect, forever kind of love-
but i have loved.
it probably seems strange coming from a 15 year old living in a world of adults
who have spent their whole lives in this constant journey
of finding love; wondering exactly what it is;
how it feels; waiting to experience it.
but i just guess maybe they're all looking too hard,
some arent looking at all,
or maybe for some people like me, it comes to them early.
someone once asked me why love couldn't be perfect:
and im no expert-
but if love was perfect
no one would seek it with so much passion as we are supposed to
and finding it wouldn't be as wonderful.
im guessing my answer is far from close.
but its my opinion.
i love... well alot of things.
i love old vintage things-
sloppy and pretty, messed up with imperfect edges-but so beautiful.
the rain, i believe, is one of the best sounds-
especially at night.
i want to dance on a pier at night with little lights on it with someone who means so much to me.
i love magazines.
i love walking in the rain and getting soaked.
i want to go to a drive in movie at night far away from here.
i really want to go somewhere at night and actually stop to notice the stars;
slow down a little bit...stop the constant fast paced life.
i love the atmosphere of new york-
i want to live there for more than a year.
...another thing about me:
i dream big.
not that you couldn't tell.
my life is...
one big giant sloppy mess of imperfections, mistakes,
love- as to what i've seen of it-,
alot of laughter, and of course
if theres anything i've learned in the past few years
it would have to be
that life is randomly beautiful.
as an actress once perfectly stated.
i see it like a circle- one continuous motion of things that just keep happening.
and the only thing that reassures us
is knowing that whats' ahead
is always better than what we're going through.

im guessing this is enough for today.
good proof that i do ramble.


kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 9 August :: 1.50 pm
:: Mood: content i guess
:: Music: saves the day

starting over. kind of. but not really.
so for the beginning of the school year coming. im going to keep this journal...but kind of start it over. i know. it makes no sense. but you'll see. i just figure with new things starting to happen. it calls for a kind of new beginning. because god knows

there's going to be so much drama.

there always is.

im preparing now...
summers been the best ever.
no drama at all.

kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 9 August :: 10.43 am
:: Music: rolling stones

im not exactly sure when i became so anyalytical
it used to seem like such a bad thing.
its kind of worked out for the best.

being simpleminded wouldn't have helped me at all when it comes to some of the people i know.

im going to treat _ the way i always have. maybe one day the game will stop.

the truth is when it comes to you
im just sick of this

you're bullshit, that is
( for lack of a nicer word )

people get so insecure and afraid
i've tried
but im not so sure i understand it

this sounds unhappy and unlike me
but its me and im not unhappy

i wouldnt let someone as low as what im talking about get me that way

but i do get angry

and i've got to tell about it...without somehow telling it all

im not ever giving their name
because unlike other people
i care about them
and i dont want people to know
that they treat me like this

im going now
this time for lack of thoughts

advice for life: leave a beautiful memory

quote of the day:
don't let go of the best thing in your life just because you're a little unsure of who you are

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 8 August :: 5.17 pm

it amazes me what some will do for something as little as -

i know what you're thinking and i dont really care. so share it but im not willing to change my mind for you're unwanted opinion.

i love people who tell the truth.
i hate the way its so easy to lie.

this is random i know...but sometimes you've gotta get it out wihtout really spilling it all.

i hate this i really do. however my life has been so much worse. so im not complaining.

do you know how it feels when you -
i wish you did.
but you're lame and i would never treat you that way and stoop to that level.
but i still wish you knew.

i love the people in my life who know my mistakes and love me anyways. thats so wonderful.

i hate it when someone gives up on you.

advice for life- dont ever be with someone who confines you.

word of the day- myrmidon

look it up

kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 7 August :: 3.54 pm
:: Music: your song- moulin rouge

chelsea rocks my world. kind of. not really. im writing htis because she told me to. GOSH. shes stupid.
went to the beach today. despite the fact i never got in the actual ocean once. it was awesome. chelsea took me and we swam in the holiday inn pool the whole time- go figure? yeah thats us.

ummm baskin robbins was probably the highlight of my day.

the down fall was the car not starting and sitting in the parking lot for half an hour wiht chelsea abusing me...but hey- you get used to these things.

saw anchorman last night- good movie. will ferrell kind of dissapointed me because he wasn't hte funniest one this time. but it was good. much better than dodgeball. geez.

whats the word of the day
the word of the day is insipid.

and i dont really know what htat means.

good day

kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 5 August :: 1.30 pm
:: Music: fall out boy

leaving soon
so obviously im back. and did i mention previously taht i love fall out boy?
great band.

ive been thinking alot about different people and how i feel when im with them. theres one person who im giving up on. oh well

so the problem is this

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 5 August :: 1.21 pm

its hard to come up with something
that even comes close to how i really feel
and maybe this is overrated
well thats been stated
but it doesnt change the way i feel
i wish there were more words to choose from
something of substance
that measures up
to this thing im thinking of
everyone else seems to be doing a much better job
of expressing expressions
unknown to me
so it seems
ive sat here with this same dilemma
of finding different words that seem to be
everything that doesnt add up to anything at all


kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 5 August :: 1.14 pm
:: Mood: pretty cool

so its official
man this is quality stuff.
quizzes for band geeks. whoa

What kind of band geek are you?

2 thoughts | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 1 August :: 11.15 pm

so im in fayetteville until wednesday around afternoon ish i guess. i got a compliment from a girl today on my last poem...i went to her journal and found she'd copied and pasted one of my biggest entries from a long time ago on her journal. thats flattering i guess? i dont know. i wish she would've atleast told people it wasnt her own thoughts and feelings..i mean hey, awesome she liked what i said and maybe even she relates completely- which is so cool- but i mean, to put something of someone elses on something of yours...and not tell anyone you didnt write it...i dont know. never mind.

parentals are in the bahamas for a week. rock on. i know they're having a blast.

chelsea is STILL in pennsylvania...SAD SAD SAD times. and then she goes to new york for another ETERNITY. so pretty much no chelsea for a long long long long time. and thats sad. chels- if you're reading this...COME BACK TO WILMINGTON.

ummm yeah thats pretty much it. just hangin out here in fayetteville with my favorite cousins erica and kramar- and kramar's girlfriend crystal who is like a cousin anyways.

yeah and now im rambling so i should go now. no new poetry lately....and now im kind of just ya know, a little scared to post stuff on here now cause there's people out htere who take it. and thats not cool. NO OFFENSE to the silentcriez girl..your compliment was awesome.


3 thoughts | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 31 July :: 1.45 pm

how can i
what did you say?
can you repeat it
im falling
i dont even know it
you're leaving
i'm not sure that
i want you to go
what is this
can i make it?
i dont even know
what i want
it's obvious im different
when im with you
and someone else
when im with him
can you tell?
who am i to expect
you to love me
the way you do
oh i want to leave
but im going backwords
to get to the beginning
this is depressing
im such a mess
how could i ever
do this to you
if i told you the truth
would you still love me?
im guessing
that my guess is all wrong
this is so wrong
so many emotions
that i can't express
and that hurts the worst
how could i
what did you say?
can you please refrain
and not repeat it
if this is how it is
i'd rather just fall

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 26 July :: 4.57 pm

im getting it right for real this time
okay so today killed. band camp from 8 to 4. yeah thats even longer than a normal school day. and yes i am a dork because i put myself in activities that involve going to band camp and pretty much being an all around band geek. but whatever. :)

chelsea is gone and has been gone for quite a few days now and its starting to get depressing. i was spending every moment with her for awhile there...

then again erica is back in america...from wherever she was? -just kidding- and she's jsut been told she's not going to south america. yayyy. so i have her back AND she doesnt have dance. wHoA.

other than that there's no new news to tell of and im hungry..sooooo goodbye for now

nathan- the cool points are out the window and i'm all twisted up in the game...

good times

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 22 July :: 11.17 am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: goldfinger

things are changing
time is passing
im still wreckless and random
impatient and moody
confused and daring
spontaneous and needy
the only constant in my life
is the way you love me
through every season
every change
every moment that fades
and every different person
i become
and decide i want to be
through it all

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 19 July :: 12.53 am
:: Mood: ummmm
:: Music: aslkdfja;klsdf

watching zoolander

1. What's your favorite kind of apple? candied
2. Strawberry shortcake or strawberry ice cream? strawberry shortcake definitely
3. Stop signs - how many sides do they have [don't cheat]? 8
4. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop? see- it's a funny story...
5. Do you run stop lights? umm ME?! never! ask nathan. haha


1. Orange juice or orange smoothee? ugh to the juice- smoothees all the way
2. Do you like Orange Julius? yes i mean i don't personally know him..but i like the place
3. Make up a word that rhymes with orange and define it: well lets see porange...because instead of going through the process of saying yeah i'm peeling and orange and eating can just tell someone you're poranging.
4. What was the name of the orangish Care Bear? no clue i only like the cupcake one
5. Do you like orange marmalade? if i knew what that was i'd be doing good


1. Do you prefer sunny days or rainy days? hmm well it depends. sunny for beach...rainy because i love the sound
2. Do you like lemon cake or lemon meringue pie more? lemon cake yum.
3. Do you run yellow lights? of course
4. What's your favorite yellowish flower? sunflower
5. Do you like yellow or pink lemonade more? pink!


1. What's your favorite green plant/shrub/tree? banana tree
2. What does green make you think of? how nathan think cheese tastes green??? haha
3. Do you turn green when you're nauseous? umm chelsea made a good point. no one turns green. and usually when im about to vomit i dont run to the mirror to look at my face
4. Why aren't there any green mammals? because there's too much green everywhere else..." you gotta mix it up a little bit" - haha tyler
5. What's more nauseating - lime green or olive green? ugh olives. disgusting.


1. Do you like blues music? nope.
2. Does the color blue make you sad? uhh never really thought about it. not really
3. Why is the sky blue? it's more colors than that
4. Are bluebirds and bluejays the same thing? haha no...chelsea made it clear when seh said one's a bird and one is a jay.
( chelsea- you're awesome)


1. Is Tinky Winky your favorite Teletubby? umm no i liked po. little. short. ya know- cool.
2. Why do so many old people wear purple? old people wear...i dont really know what they wear.
3. Do you know a guy who wears purple or pinkish purple? yep
4. Have you or anyone you know ever had purple hair? nope
5. Why is Prince so obsessed with all that is purple? how am i supposed to know..well yeah its cause hes gay

tyler- this is your spot in here. ( more later )
keep it real. not gangsta- not mmbop. just real.

sorry can keep it pretty gangsta though. :)

peace KIND OF easy ( ..hmph CAN be in the middle )


kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 17 July :: 7.01 pm
:: Mood: bored out of my mind tired mad pouting not really
:: Music: not liking this very much

lotsa stuff and stuff like that
havent updated in awhile..i guess it might be because of my wonderful perfect life that stays so busy and everything. i don't know. everybody just like loves me.


very funny.

actually it's only been a few days since i've updated and i've actually done a lot of nothing because i just got back from belize adn i mean who comes back from Belize CENTRAL AMERICA where toilets don't even flush toilet paper with juicy details and drama to tell about. so there goes that.

i saw spiderman 2. i told nathan it was kind of cheesy and comic bookish. but we came to the conclusion that it was probably because it's like a comic book or something. hmm

im so bored.

chelsea freaking rocks my world.
i just figured i'd put that in here...cause she's awesome. hahaha
LOVE that girl.

tyler don't worry you're going to get your own journal dedicated to you and your guitar skills and curly hair and all out craziness. just not now. :)

let's see. events of the day i could tell you about. cleaned the house. folded a buttload of clothes. went to pizza hut- HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY. came home, got told i couldn't go to taht rockin party in Leland. ..hahaha..not laughing cause i couldn't go- just at the thought of a party in leland. but still- i was mad. i wanted to go. and now i'm sitting at my computer thinking about ordering a pizza.

recent thoughts.
that vindicated song kind of bothers me. i mean he says he's selfish and wrong, and then he's right and he swears he's right, he swears he knew it all along..c'mon now dashboard guy. you're slipping. you gotta know if you're wrong or right before you sing about it and confuse the girl you're singing to. geeez

okay my mind has quit rambling for now. and i mean i know you're sad that i'm ending all this ultimately awesome thoughts of mine adn juicy drama i'm letting you in on. i know. i know. it's okay though. i'll be back tomorrow. i think.

PEACE. kind of easy.

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 14 July :: 3.27 pm
:: Mood: really really happy
:: Music: seether- broken

happy face a lot
ahhhhhhhh belize for 13 days....SO glad to be home. so glad. went to chili's and got junk food like mad. pigged out. good stuff like that. got home finally after being hugged by everyone at the airport each about three times. talk about too much love. got to talk to nathan and erica and chelsea and tyler. that was good too. haven't talked to any of them the whole time pretty much. missed them SO much. belize was hot. and other than i can't really think of anything to say about it. hahaha- just kidding. it was an experience i'll never forget. beautiful country.....ahem even though we didn't get to really SEE the beautiful part. except for the day we went to the waterfalls. i'm goign there again for my honeymoon. i've declared it. or tahiti. but then again why am i thinking about getting married now? i must have a problem. like hopeless romantic disease or soemthing. and that's ultimately sad. sooo uh- OH YEAH. got the book in the mail that was published with my poetry in it!!!! ahhhh so happy about that. it came today in the mail. that's so freakin cool. and i have a bad habit of saying freakin way too much and there's really no point in saying it. whatever. im thinking too much. and rambling WAY too much. oh and sorry about that long survey in the entry before this...i'm not a big survey person but uh i have friends like chelsea connor who sit me down and make me do it. sigh. oh well. i missed that girl. hahaha


good to be home.

3 thoughts | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 27 June :: 9.16 pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: music at chelsea's..WHO KNOWS?!?

just dont put a subject
YoUr LifE___
[x] they call me: Lindsey
[x] also: Lindz, Cupcake-haha, Ms. Edwards (chelsea), ms.icing (also chelsea)
[x] sex: female
[x] my first breath of air: 4.6.89..geez did you have to make that question so hard?
[x] status: taken..completely
[x] occupation: as for working, im not really sure what that is...i dont do very much..(excpet for that one street corner that i took a liking to back in the good ole days of chelsea..the story of how we met..what?)
[x] nationality: american??
[x] best homegirls: CHELSEA CONNOR, erica gallagher
[x] most memorable memory: when nathan told me i was beautiful
[x] worst?: afternon before formal
[x] first word uttered: how am i supposed to know?
[x] first bestfriend ever!?: Deni Torgeson (i know shes canadian)
_______fAst fOrward_______
[x] college planning to go to: NYU
[x] future resident of: no clue
[x] wedding: traditional or beach
[x] children: 2 at most
[x] looking forward to: getting engaged..chelsea will cave in sometime soon..HAHA
[x] NOT looking forward to: senior project
[x] feeling: currently content..that will change in two minutes
[x] Listening: Toxic- byBirtney Spears- c'mon at chelseas house..
[x] Talking to: Chelsea Connor and her little brother sean
[x] doing: sitting on a futon
[x] craving: a chocolate extreme from dairy queen
[x] thinking of: when nathan left chelsea's tonihght with his brother
[x] hating: my chaotic life as of now
[x] love is: i've tried answering that question a thousand times
[x] first love: been with alot of guys..first love however..nathan bedsole
[x] current love: nathan bedsole
[x] love or lust?: love
[x] best love song: i dont listen to love songs
[x] is it possible to be in love w/ more than one person at the same time?: the heart is decieving but i believe if its true love, theres not room for another
[x] when love hurts, you: ususally i find myself analyzing everything about it...give up, eat some ice cream
[x] true or false--all you need is love: false
[x] is there such thing as love at first sight?: yes
(x) turn ons: longer shaggy hair, perfect teeth
[x] turn offs: big headed cant be himelf around certain people
[x] what kinda hair style?: i thought we already went through this
[x] where do you go to meet new people?: school?
[x] are you the type of person to holler and ask for numbers?: when i ask for numbers i ususally talk reasonably within distance
________pIcky pIcky_______
[x] dog or cat: dog
[x] short or long hair: lonng
[x] innie or outtie: innie
[x] sunshine or rain: rain
[x] moon or sun: sun
[x] basketball or football: football
[x] righty or lefty: righty
[x] hugs or kisses: kisses
[x] 1 best friend or 10 acquaintances: 1 best friend
[x] bf/gf or best friend: best friend
[x] tv or radio: radio
[x] starbucks or jamba juice: JAMBA juice??
[x] mcdonalds or burger king: mcdonalds
[x] summer or winter: summer
[x] written letters or e-mails: written leters
[x] playstation or nintendo: nintendo..ohh yeeeah
[x] disney or nickelodeon: disney
[x] car or motorcycle: car
[x] house party or club: house party
[x] sing or dance: sing
[x] freak or slow dance: slow
[x] yahoo messenger or aim: aim
[x] google or ask jeeves?: why does it matter?
[x] can you swim?: yup
[x] whats your most embarrassing moment?: don't have one
[x] whats under your bed?: my guitar case[x] what are you scared of?: being hurt as much as ive hurt other people (still regretting that)
[x] what is your greatest accomplishment?: most definitly meeting chelsea, lol
[x] what kinda roof is over your head?: well..we dont have a rooof
[x] do you like tomatoes?: yes..not by themselves
[x] how many TVs in the house?: 4
[x] how many phones?: 8 including the cells
[x] how many residents?: 4 plus a dog
[x] how many DVDs do you have?: very few
[x] last dentist visit: tomorrow at four o clock
[x] last doctor visit: i dont keep records
[x] last phone call: an hour ago

(( ... ::: W o R D a S S o C i a T i o N ::: ... ))
(type what pops in your head when you see the word)
Ice : cold
Rod : metal
Red : rose
Blue : ocean
Black : goths
Cold : winter
Hot : boiking water
Cute : spparkly frilly things
Soft : pillow
Annoying : misery
Perfect : gahhhhhhhh
Light: hahahaha
Dark : whooo
Heavy : rubs face
Love : nathan
Short : me
Tall: tree
Coffee: eyuck
Beanz : noo
Milk : cookies
Pencil : lead
Cookies : milk
Peace : in da world
Funny : chelsea
(( ... ::: S T R i C T L y Y e S / N o ::: ... ))
Are you happy? : yes
Are you mad? : no
Do you want this survey to end? : yes
Are you having fun? : no
Are you addicted to the computer? : no
Are you addicted to the opposite sex? : no
Are you addicted to your xanga? : no
Have you ever seen The O.C. ? : yes
DoEs ThIs AnNoY yOu? : yes
Am I annoying you? : yes
Do you still watch cartoons? : yes
Do you think that Lisa Simpson will grow up to be a bum? : yes
How about President? : what do you mean?
Will you be president?: no
Do you Hate Bush? : no
Do you simply adore clowns? : no
Cen u speeel? : yes
Are you embarrassed to be with your parents? : no
Are you feeling depressed? : no
What's the time? : dont know
Did you answer what time it was? : no
Then you didn't follow directions because I said STRICTLY yes/no, or did you follow the directions? : no
Do you feel bad now? : no
Well you shouldnt!! Know why? : no
Because it's over!! Thank you!!

color: grassy green and of course pink
cartoon or character: jimmy neutron- ahha he looks like athan
band or singer: alot
type music: weird instrumental sometimes singing slow sometimes fast stuff
hobby: photography
sport: tennis (haha nathan fuzzy green balls?)
store: goodwill - good stuff for cheap
game: DREAM PHONE with chelsea- oh yeah!
...The Best...
Restaurant you've ever been to: undecided
movie you've ever seen: zoolander
grade you've ever got: 100?
present you've ever got: a glass stone form germany
present you could ever get (future): wedding ring
kisser:nathan most definitely
sports team: i dont really know
place you've ever been: a little village on the top of a mountain in asheville
Christmas: this past christmas
way to eat an oreo: bite it?
...The Worst...
Restaurant you've ever been to: CHINA BUFFET KING nasty stuff right there
movie you've ever seen: UHF- haha
grade you've ever got: 74
present you've ever got: a presents a present
present you could ever get (future): uhhh nail clippers..nah thats a pretty good present -haha chels-
kisser: he shall remain unnamed- bless his heart
friend: dont have one
sports team: dont know
place you've ever been: trapped in the car with my mothers rambling
Christmas: donever had one
way to eat an oreo: good grief i dont not know
...Have You Ever...
bungee jumped?: no
skydived?: no
been kissed?: yes
been in love?: yes
failed a class?: no
been out of the country?: not yet
told someone you loved them and meant it?: yes
told someone you loved them and didn't mean it?: yes...
forgot someone's birthday?: yes
broken a bone?: no
kissed a dog?: no
pulled an all nighter?:yes
hated someone?: not really
...Which one do u prefer?...
dark hair/ light hair?: dark
running/ walking?: walking
half empty/ half full?: half full..duh
chocolate/ vanilla?: chohcolate
dogs/ cats?: dogs!
coke/ pepsi?:pepsi c'mon now
cake/ ice cream?: ice cream
...Who is...
yo mama?: Melissa
yo daddy?: Michael
your g/f or b/f?: nathan henry
...Boyfriend/ Girlfriend questions...
do u have one?: yes
how long have you been together?: almost 8 months
what do u like most about him/her?: that he doesnt always tell me what i wanna hear....constantly keeps me waiting
are you in love with them or just love them?: im pretty sure im in love
or not love them?: what?
could u see yourself marrying him/ her?:yes
what are you getting them for Christmas?:how many months away is that?
how long do u think you'll be together?: alot longer than this
Why do people drive in parkways but park in driveways: whats the point of that question?


2 thoughts | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 26 June :: 11.52 pm

Watch these stars drift tonight
Its amazing how they come and go
sometimes it looks so easy
and floating seems the answer
the clock is ticking
as you kiss me
but Iíve lost track of time
that look you give
and I know youíll miss me
can a heart hurt
as much as mine
in this moment I feel light
and tomorrow empty
the whispers echo off the
hollowness inside of me
and Iíll need a song
any song to sing
myself to sleep


kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 26 June :: 9.08 pm
:: Music: nothing. wow.

happy face
okay so the past few days since that wednesday night have been really good; so that counts for something. hung out with the band tonight at friday's until about's the last time i'm going to see them besides for about 30 min on wednesday before i get my luggage checked and leave for belize. ahhhh....i'm getting nervous. excited too though. i'm not exactly sure what i'm feeling now i just know when i get there it is going to be sooo awesome to see what God has in store for everyone! i went to brent's party on friday night, which was a surprise, -and those are always fun- so that night was good too. and of course thursday night was fun because CHELSEA came over!!! ( and danced to spice girls?? what nathan?? ) -haha- LOVE that girl. so as i can see now i vented alot about one stupid night that really wasn't all that bad...and as proved, not everyday is a bad one. oh well. i do miss erica even though she's only been gone 2 days. she hasn't gotten to call very much because she's cheering all day. haha funny thought- erica. cheer. ( hope she doesn't see this... ) just saw nathan wednesday night at chili's but i do miss him....MAYBE HE'LL SEE WHITECHICKS WITH ME. (ahem ahem) but i don't know. because sometimes he's jsut not cool like that and even though his wonderful girlfriend went and saw DODGEBALL with him...he probably STILL won't see whitechicks with her. sigh.


love you nathan
miss you erica ( if you can read this where you are??)
chelsea- um ..enough said.


of course love

and most definitely
~chicken grease~

- Lindsey

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 24 June :: 1.59 pm
:: Mood: content

ahh the joy of reflection and second chances to speak... -lol-
okay so i was definitely doing some more reflecting on last night after venting in the journal below..and there were good things about last night

1. chelsea showed up and that made me really happy

2. nathan was there...and that's always a plus

3. i worked all day to make those plans for everyone to meet there at ten...and it all worked out

4. erica was on time despite her busy dance schedule

5. our band played at flipside right before we all left to go to the restaurant and all went really well, so that was fun

so there's my good things that happened last night list...sorry for venting so much guys

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 24 June :: 11.30 am
:: Mood: what mood is there for this
:: Music: good riddance

after i get done venting i PROMISE to never have a journal entry this long or pessmistic EVER again
i'm trying to forget every part of yesterday. every single part.

erica was right- i ALWAYS have fun with her, nathan, patrick....we just ALWAYS have a good time. and last night at chili's...i had a headache, nathan wasn't picking on erica -strange- patrick didn't talk much. i'm still not sure what happened to us but i pray it never happens again. and when i say pray i mean really, truly praying. there was more to it than that, i just seriously don't know what went wrong. i had a headache and was trying to interact still and talk to people but i felt so horrible. the room was spinning and it was just- it was horrible. of course me worrying about everything the way i do didn't help...which i've gotten better about...but last night i was definitely worrying. and as i said, me worrying about everything, well, one thought lead to another and i kept thinking "is it me?, does nathan not like me?, what's happening to all of us?".....tons of horrible things. i'm smart enough to come to the conclusion it's none of those things because i'm sure it wasn't even as bad as i make it sound. but what can i say. i'm pretty bad about analyzing one thing until i've completely lost common sense and just have this one big jigsaw puzzle of an idea running non stop through my head...and i keep it all in because god knows if i let out some of those analytical thoughts- it'd be like one huge volcano explosion of puzzle pieces and anyone who even TRIED to understand the puzzle or catch a piece at that would die trying. im serious. i'm confusing like that. so last night i told my self to stop analyzing...and tell myself reasons why the night was not THAT bad. this is my list i came up with -

reasons why the night couldn't have been as bad as i made it sound :

well i had a spell of virdigo and felt like i was going to puke so i went to the bathroom and just stood there crying because nothing would stop spinning...then came back to the group when i realized crying didnt help and puke was not going to come out

nathan and i didnt get to talk much because there was so much noise and i had a really bad headache

my mom was standing over my shoulder MAKING me eat because she thinks im going anorexic which IM NOT. i just didnt want those cheesesticks and i wasn't allowed to take the tylenol until i ate...

so i never took the tylenol which meant i had a headache the whole night

erica was upset because patrick didnt even talk to her...he just snapped at her when she smiled at him. how nice of him.

we were supposed to take nathan and pat home and their mom KNEW that..and nathan at some point in the chaos of the night called her and told her to pick them up??

erica was supposed to stay the night with me...but asked me to stay the night with her instead when she got to chili's cause her dad just got home from puerto rico

so i convince my mom to let me go to her house at the last minute which was stressful in itself

so we're at erica's house and my mom callls and says shes ON HER WAY TO PICK ME UP - at midnight mind you - because i "put her under pressure" at the last minute by changing plans

that was the LAST time i was going to get to hang otu with erica for the whole summer possibly. WHOLE summer.

i cried myself to sleep last night. ( to top it off )

so that was my list...i really did TRY to think of something good that actually happened.
and there was nothing besides uh nathan and patrick made it home safe. i have friends. and me and erica will atleast get to talk to each other long distance until school starts?? that makes the night SO much better. i should definitely be an optimist i mean c'mon. my life is jsut so perfect.

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 17 June :: 11.49 am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: best of me- the starting line

going dillusional? maybe just insane...and absolutely crazy
so today i woke up AT 8:30 and thats just wrong.
who wakes up at 8:30 on a summer morning?
( besides me )
so i offically have nothing to do until tennis at 2:30 - hey dont laugh
and until then...the morning is slipping by oh so slowly.
i can tell this day is going to be nice and boring
filled with oh so many things to not do and keep me unoccupied
i think im going crazy
but i think im already crazy
and im not sure if you can go crazy when you're already crazy
so maybe im just going insane
both sound pretty accurate to me.

im out

until later when there is something good to talk about

and unless something drastic changes or someone dies
there won't be
and i dont like thinking about people dying
because that's really sad.

so goodbye officially this time.


6 thoughts | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 15 June :: 12.33 pm

I didn't notice
But I didn't care
I tried being honest
but that lead me nowhere
I watched the station
Saw the bus pullin through
and I don't mind saying
a part of me left with you
So one of these days
I won't be afraid
of staying with you
Im waiting here
trying to find
a way back to you
did I make you nervous
did I ask for too much
Was I not deserving
one second of your touch
what would you do
if I could have you?
oh if I could
I'd let you feel
everything i'm thinking
Wouldn't that be nice
One of these days
I won't be afraid
of staying with you

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 13 June :: 4.00 pm
:: Music: shekina- blindside

i cant be your savior
- cant even save myself -
but im learning well
how to just be who i am
and stop pretending
i'm what you need me to be
the truth is
at this rate
im more than youll ever be
the lies
the stupid miscommunications
it's all adding up
to be a lot of nothing
and im tired of sums
and tired of trying
i just love being the person
you refuse to know
and thats not bad
is it
it's just you've taught me
so well
something so wrong
and now its growing old
the delicateness of time
is slowly slipping by
and im still here
waiting for you
to wait for the person i truly am
but you just want
the part of me that isnt real
the person you think can save you
but im not your savior
- i cant even save myself-
im just learning to finally be
the beautiful person
you never see

- Lindsey

"There are moments such as these when time stands still, and all you can do is hold your breath and hope it will wait for you."

3 thoughts | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 11 June :: 12.20 pm
:: Mood: i dont have one for once
:: Music: anberlin

he waited for you...
there by the trees
as the morning dew
dripped down
off the leaves
he waited for you

he waited for you...
standing silent
tasting drops
of past reflection
rolling down his face
in a lonely place
he waited for you

he waited for you...
there by the pond
where blades of grass
collected under his feet
and flowers from the garden
permeated the air so sweet
he waited for you

he waited for you...
with bated breath
whispered your name
softly, slowly
again, and again
as time passed
in quiets rasp
he waited for you

he waited for you...
there with his soul
and there with his mind
yet only you would know
what he would come to find
absent without care
love would never share
wonder if you new
he waited there for you

he waited for you...
in just a split second
as the chamber turned
the flash sought reckoning
as his heart for you still yearned
-final problem solved
for all that were concerned
wondered if you new?
or of the news you have learned?
he waited...
and yet he still waits...
waits, for you

- Heather Defoggi

i love this poem. for many reasons that are going to remain unstated. if you like this poem too..leave a comment - for her sake. :)

8 thoughts | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 8 June :: 10.20 pm
:: Mood: worn out
:: Music: spice girls?? why is it that EVERYTIME im with the listening to something gay? hmmm

hey its me.
Lindsey: hey you, its Lindsey.
Chelsea: hey me, its you. (or nathan said that?? not sure. but i kind of like chelsea more...haha)

so tyler- whose my favorite? i know..but i'm not telling...(especiallllly with chelsea looking at the screen- haha *punched in the arm by chelsea)

alright so writing time for real. i guess i used to update pretty much every moment...but i guess when all i do is sit at home and hang out with the same people every other day...well- there's just not anything juicy to talk about. (juicy? god im gay.) so. heather's party is this saturday. FUN FUN FUN because-

FUN= birthday and
birthday= CAKE. and well
CAKE=very good and well uh
very good stuff= LINDSEY HAPPY.

WARNING: the next lines contain random thoughts that might be offensive. dont read them.

i like driving.

don't eat sour cream and cheddar chips- they make you really sick. especially when you've left the bag open in a humid heated car for 6 hours and they're kind of chewy instead of crunchy?

(sidenote about driving) chelsea connor started driving. she's driving tomorrow for driver's ed. good advice: stay off the road and pray for the drivers ed program.

this might be offensive but i just dont get how walking a marathon can cure the people with cancer.

my sister asked me the other day at the lake why two bugs were stuck together. she's 18.

im out.
like whoa?



1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully.

:: 2004 3 June :: 10.44 am
:: Mood: happy...certain people piss me off...but happy mos
:: Music: ocean avenue- yellowcard because im at chelseas and shes obsessed with this band. so i must listen

hmm happy birthday to alek.
hmm it's been awhile. surprisingly with how NOT busy i've been this summer, i've had enough things to do that i haven't had a chance to write in here. plus- no school=no drama. pretty much. so yeeeah.

BUT i'm getting sick of flipside where it's turned into one big love fest for um *ahem some people* (no names) -haha alek- and yeah it's just NOT a youth group anymore since SOME people decided to get there. hah.

and thats all i've got to say on that.

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to alek!! turned 15 YESTERDAY! and her party tonight is gonna be the BEST!!!! im excited... :) this girl is the COOLEST...and surprisingly acts quite a bit more mature than um..other people older than her. -haha- gotta love some alek redden.

oh and if not stated...zoolander is probably the love of my life and too bad i can't marry him. like really. too bad. it's that damn kristine taylor girl he married! ahhh. haha chels...

"YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL- well here's a newsflash ---
YOU AREN'T." -zoolander

im out.

1 thought | kiss my mischief blissfully. | Random Journal