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:: 2005 8 May :: 8.34 am

Well, nothing is going right. I've felt really bad all week and I don't think it was just the PMS. She's talking to me after school tomorrow... I'm so nervous. I think it's time for me to go and die....


:: 2005 28 April :: 7.10 pm

Currently I wish I wasn't living. My best friend is moving. She's moving 2000 miles away. She'll be back in a year. But she won't be there for prom. Or Christmas. Or my next birthday. Or anything... I don't know how it will be without her. She is half of my whole world. She kisses and hugs me when things are tough and she gets me through it... How will I get through it without her? She is the one person who can always make me smile and happy and laugh... The one person I share everything in my life with. Though I'll have Elizabeth... Though I'll have Ryan... Though I'll have every other friend...

I won't have.... my Anna

cupcakes


:: 2005 23 April :: 10.19 am

If I could tell myself how to be happy and work my way towards it, I would...
But I don't know how.

6 munches | cupcakes


:: 2004 11 November :: 12.35 pm

He tried really hard not to get angry last night... I appreciate that. Because I was crying for 20 minutes...

I think I'll be doing homework all day, today. November 11th should be cherished. And I thank my dad so much for serving. It's important... very... Too bad I'm going to switch to Canadian citizenship because of our new president...

I'll be looking for a job... I'll also be signing up for driver's ed. I'll be reading my book... I'll try to finish it by the 18th.

I'll try and not hold things so litteral... I'll not be a drama queen... I'll not hit Ryan, and I'll take the consequences of my actions. I'll try not to complain as much, I'll try to be friendlier. And my friends will not be my life, nor will Ryan. I must get my grades in order, And now's the time to start. 2 fresh F's on my report card and one quarter ended... I'm going to see if I can switch out on Friday, of Chemistry. I'll get my missing work into APUSH and get my ass up to speed on what's going on.

No better fucking time to start, eh?

Love you.

2 munches | cupcakes


:: 2004 8 April :: 1.07 pm
:: Mood: unwanted

Ryan came over yesterday...

He laughed when we were kissing...

I don't know what that means...

He said he would call me later that night...

He didn't...

I don't know what to do. I'm frightened he doesn't love me...

I am mean and selfish and rude and over reacting and stupid and a drama queen and a flake and narsassistic and horrible and a monster and aweful and dumb and foolish and retarded and I can't stand my feelings at all..

K!ll me now,
Lauren

6 munches | cupcakes


:: 2004 10 February :: 12.13 am
:: Mood: blobby
:: Music: exploded into pieces

Okay....so.....
I wish Ryan was on...I just listened to a song that made me lonely. I need to hold him now. He loves me. It makes me feel so good inside that someone loves me differently than family and differently than friends....But yet, when I'm without him, it makes me feel worse because we aren't together....you know?

Well anyways, Mom says I shouldn't be putting everything about me on the internet. Otherwise someone (such as 'Dennis') could be screwing with me. I don't know how I would change what I said about anything....I don't think I can...but yeah.

Everythings so messed up right now. I have homework to do, but I just don't feel like doing it. I have to do this chili unit for English and flashcards for vocabulary. Then in my leadership class we are looking at our qualities and worth as a person. I don't have any. I look at myself and see nothing. I don't have good self-esteam or anything. I hope I get past that. I want to be as posative as Ms. Rypien. She's so full of life....I'm a worthless blob just sitting there....look at me and all my blobbyness...it's so not majestic...weeee.

I also don't feel well phsically. I feel extra tierd all of a sudden. And I always feel as though I'm going to puke when I eat. Maybe I just shouldn't eat and then I can become annorexic....yey.

I have no idea what to get Ryan for a valentine's day present. I h a t e it when people get me stuff and I don't get something for them...give me some ideas!!! He won't. It really bothers me because usually in elementary you can just give them a valentine with candy. You don't do that in high school...or I guess you just shouldn't. I would just like some help, please? Only one week left. That's it.

Love,
Lauren

4 munches | cupcakes


:: 2004 8 February :: 10.18 pm
:: Mood: cold

Buried Myself Alive

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines
You almost made me cry again this time
Another false alarm
Red flashing lights
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
and let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
So I could shut you out
And let you go away for a long time

Ahuh
I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
And if you want me back
you're gonna have to ask

I think the chain broke away and I felt it the day that I had my own time
I took advantage of myself and felt fine
But it was worth the night
I caught an early flight and I made it home

I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that
Nicer than that

With my foot on your neck
I finally have you
Right where I want you
Right where I want you
Right where I want you
Right where I want you

I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that
Nicer than that

And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that
Nicer
Nicer

Love Always,
Lauren

4 munches | cupcakes

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