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:: 2013 26 October :: 9.12pm

So I've not blogged in a whole, and I guess its new for me on the tablet. I thought I should start keeping tracking of my dreams and imaginings. Maybe they might be worth something some day. I know it sounds ludacris especially since John has proved me to be an idiot, I know what he thinks. It sucks not being able to keep something like that a secret. I just wish he had listened to me you know? For some unknown reason people assume I much smarter than I actually am. Any way, here it goes.

You know why the tablet isn't very ideal for such things so I'm gonna do it on paper then translate it later.


:: 2011 3 October :: 10.54pm

Dear Victor,

I'm selfish. That's what you were trying to show me. That I'm fucking selfish. I am so insanely selfish that I'm selfless completely selfishly. I hate that. I want to be selfless.

I lurk your band pics nom om om omom. I date John...nom om om om om. I get phone call from Kevin asking me to send him pictures of my ass nom om om (apparently sex sucks with Mel, big surprise). Phil calls me to just talk about nothing...nom om omomomom. I am sick of all of this bullshit. All of it. I hate this. I hate living like this. Nothing is getting done. I'm bored. Absolutely utterly bored. I was using John a little bit there to alleviate that boredom, same goes for you and any other poor soul that's walked this way.


:: 2011 2 January :: 8.52pm

today was productive tooo...an ace start to 2011
applied for jobs, sorted more of my stuff- some to be rehomed..and i'll do more tomorrow.
i put pics on facebook and just left people to pick what they want.

soon all my junk will fit in my car for the next nomadic 6 months.

happy list thought for the day: old books- i love the way they smell and feel..soo exciting :)

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2011 1 January :: 6.04pm

ok, so its a whole new year! 2011!

so, some resolutions:
1) make birthday presents for abi,kirstie,amanda, jen and soph
2)start a happy list
3)de-clutter my life
4) do something musical/join a club

AND i applied for lots of jobs! -how is that for kick strarting my new year

so, my "happy list thought for the day is jam tarts.
especially for breakfast.
but they're pretty pleasing.

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 18 October :: 10.12pm

To my readers:

There's a reason I haven't been writing. I cannot talk about it here. But I realized this gave me the opportunity to do what I knew would have to be done someday. Say goodbye.

But first, thank you. Thank you for listening to my words through your pixels. Thank you for coming along, whatever your reason, whoever you are. Thank you for watching my mystery unravel.

It's hard for me. To let this go. Seven years of my life are in these pages. A documented path from student to scientist. I'm not leaving because there's nothing to say, rather the opposite is true. There's so much that got left out from this summer, all those months I wasn't writing. A huge chunk of this is missing because of it, but that's the way it goes.

It wasn't always this way. Woohu was a community once. I thought of it more of a message board for my dorm and the group of friends I congealed with freshman year. One by one they left here, but I made a conscious decision to stay. Not for any particular reason, other than this became home. And I began to realize that all along, this journal, the memories buried in these pages, had been for me. To see growth flowing through words, representing actions, representing faith in myself.

And this became my memoir. My memoir of everything I lost and all that I gained. My winding road from those terrifying early moments in chemistry freshman year to a full-fledged forensic scientist in the NYPD. From being horrified to speak in front of room of classmates to testifying in courts of law to a jury of strangers. From bemoaning biochemical pathways and stoichiometry to analyzing mass spectral evidence.

When this journal began I was 18 years old. I was a wide-eyed freshman in college surrounded by strangers who would eventually become friends. I was dating a British boy back home, saw my parents every month or so, and thought I was going to become a biochemist. My first entry was made in playful angst as I fidgeted with my new life.

As this journal ends, I am 25 years old. A girl standing on her own two feet looking back and knowing how she got here, in large part to this very place where she could watch it unfold. This place took my experiences, often too close for me to see clearly, and let me take a step back and examine them to see them for what they were. Seven years later, I have a domestic partnership, a new group of friends, and a career in forensics. And my last entry is not in angst, but rather in wonder. This is to have succeeded. To end better than I began.

I didn't write everything here. There are a lot of things that happened to me, or I happened to them, that will never grace these pages. But what's here is my truth nonetheless. What's here was for me, and that makes it real.

I am not done writing forever. This has become ingrained in me and I had to make a conscious effort not to do it. Not because I have some sort of fantastic life that the internet needs to know about, but because life is something worth documenting even if just for myself. I will be found elsewhere, when I'm ready.

I am going to open back up a few of my last entries to give a sense of where I left off. These last two years had more loss, in the sense of people, than I have dealt with in the rest of my life combined. My life has undoubtedly changed because of it.

But in the end, thank you to the friends in Michigan, friends in New York, Jason, family members, a few coworkers, and a handful of strangers who read this. Thank you for finding this interesting enough to even have read it just once. Thank you for embracing yet another cell floating in the endless sea.

October 18th 2003 - October 18th 2010

7 random thourghts | what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 10 September :: 1.07am

I love this music. I downloaded the Scott Pilgrim Soundtrack. I don't want to do anything productive. Like..study...finish reading a book....playing guitar..nothing...just wanna vegggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg out.


:: 2010 9 April :: 3.46pm

new job is going well!!

just finished my 2nd day! seems to be fun.
ill see how i feel by the end of next week i guess..
hopefully i still love it.

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 31 March :: 12.45am

got back from amandas about an hour ago- we sepnt the evening writing our sample article for oh comply magazine.
words and photos sorted- not it just eeds some photoshopping and putting the two together.

we think we might make a craft book..especially since we have one set of instructions and photos done..but we shall do some pricing up and then we shall see..

i did make my paper bead bracelets yesterday- i think they came out pretty funky tho maybe they need some kind of varnishing..
paper isn't awesomely waterproof..
the look cool though. and they weren't as fiddley as i expected.

i made pants!
i am so impressed.
definately something that needs refining..but yeah! home made pants!

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 29 March :: 4.58pm

i made one of my examples for brownies!
*5 petal flowers

i got the big paper for the wide game and the template for the freindship circles. ive decided against junk giraffes- i think salt dough instead!

so now its just gods eyes and magazine jewelry to make!
ill make a start on my magazine beads now :)

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 29 March :: 1.49am

i set up the sewing machine and sent off my article!

it was my leaving party from work today- i have another 5 days to go but it was nice to go out with everyone from work.
i'll miss them all so much.
we went to industry night in lava lounge!

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 27 March :: 6.02pm

vintage shopping
serendipity fayre and vintage pretty!
i did soo much buying- i got a new 50s dress, some cards for peoples birthdays , a necklace thats made out of a rock and an old guitar sting (so much better than it sounds..) and some hand made pants! though i haven't decided yet if they're for me of for my mate for her birthday..almost too good to give away!

AND i got my shirt for the sewing course at the milkwood gallery- its white, blue and orange, really 70s and its got cyclists all over! amazing!

had more cake in debenhams and dinner in bella itallia- it was good to catch up wit h amanda,jen and andy and get some mooching in- any excuse to get out of the house!

i have almost written my sample piece for oh comely magazine- thats my aim for this evening! (since i have the house to myself for now!)
i might also have a go at setting up my sewing machine (no further ambitions than treading it correctly- and even that will be a bonus!)

jen, amanda and i are thinking we might have a stall at a vintage pretty fayre and see if we can make some pennies for our crafty type creations. we shall see..
it would be a ice way to meet people and a pleasurable way to spend a saturday. its just weather or not we could make enough stuff to fill a stall..
probably, i could make bathbombs and fascinators, amanda will make her jewelary and jen with her paintings. i guess we could make some bunting and stuff too so..i dunno..needs more though.
planning was never my strong point.

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 26 March :: 10.37am

yesterday i made bunting.
no cheating.
hand sewn.
double sided.
the front room looked like a village fete.
maybe if i make enough bunting we can have a fete?

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 22 March :: 9.28pm

AND i did some photography for my housemates uni project- so my photos will be in a magazine!!
only photos of venues in cardiff, but hell, its a good start.

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 22 March :: 9.19pm

signed up for a toy making workshop today- should be a laugh.
its to co-incide with the opening of the art installation that i submitted my toys for so it'll be a nice excuse to have a nose round and see for myself!

tomorrow i will try and get a place for this:

Be resourceful and creative this spring!Make a summer dress or blouse from a man's old shirt or PJ's......
Learn or improve

Wednesday evenings 6 – 8pm, starting April 21st

5 week course @ £50.00
To reserve your place, contact....
milkwoodgallery, Tel: 029 20473373
Bring along a man's old shirt or PJ's, fabric scissors, enthusiasm & sewing machine (optional).

i am now trying to convince my housemate to donate a shirt.
not overly successfully.

i also got a new job- so possibly now no dreadlocks- i got a job at the mercure lodge in cardiff- the uniform is like an old fashioned air hostess- skirt, suit jacket, blose with cufflinks, neck scaff-tie thing..mental.
and i will be a duty manager.
hahaha..my hotel now..:D

i went vintage shopping on saturday and i got a 60s dress that looks like a table cloth and a 20s purse.
i also got another 50s dress pattern (genuine this time) and some 70s crazy blue paisly material to make my shift style dress from..wish me like- this will be a proper challenge!

its the easter holidays as of next wee so i need to make my brownies examples- as follows:
*mexican gods eye
*friendship circle
*5 petal flower hairclips (oh yeah, i can so teach 8 year olds to sew..this may be ambitious)
* magazine jewelry
*junk giraffes

AND i need to construct a wide game chart for collecting things..this all calls for some really big paper, and some shopping.

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 17 March :: 10.50pm

hmm..i resolved to be more creative; or risk madness so;

on monday daytime i handed in some home made toys- my sock puppet example and my "ugly doll" i made in milgis- to helen friks exhibition in chapter:

we made giraffes for the 1 million giraffes website on monday night:

these are my attempts- it is worth bearing i mind that i said "creative" not "artistic". we also made more bath bombs..
this is the recipie incase anyone was curious:


i have spent thisevening eating cake with sprinkles on it and monging out in various pubs and houses- so, happy st pat's day i guess!! woo!! bring on the gin and cake with sprinkles!!
AND i got permission to dreadlock my hair from work! so get in!!

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 15 February :: 1.05pm

~disconnected i am unattached- unmade bed makes me feel like a failure~

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 5 February :: 4.41pm

i am in a bad place. ive never sucked it up before. and i think its eating my insides. really.

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2010 23 January :: 9.57pm

saddnesss. thanks brian.

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2009 29 November :: 1.01pm

Today was a wonderful day. I've been meaning to organize my pantry and clean my shower. Perhaps you are bored with your life. Perhaps I am. I think most of today's population deserves to die. Especially you. Yeah, that's right, you. You fucking asshole being so nosy and trying to find out my secrets. Well, I don't have that many and the ones I do have aren't going to be given to the likes of you. Whether you are a lover or a curious foe, the message remains the same, GO FUCK YOURSELF!


:: 2009 7 September :: 8.56pm

SqUaShEd FiNgErs

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2009 28 June :: 12.52pm

Sunday, March 1st, 2009 NIRA AND KEVIN FUCK EACH OTHERS BRAINS OUT. (not true, we had sex once and then fell asleep)


:: 2009 28 June :: 12.48pm

Kevin and I become friends on Feb. 15, 2009


:: 2009 28 June :: 12.32pm

February 12, 2009 first meeting of the guys (manning, peter, gu, hopkins, justin, walsh, icarus)


:: 2009 28 June :: 12.06pm

I started falling in love with Kevin in June.


:: 2009 28 June :: 12.01pm

Victor and I officially ceased dating on MAY 3rd, 2009


:: 2009 24 April :: 9.01pm

my hearts been ripped out by this kid. he embarrasses me sometimes. why am i so addicted to his drama.i just wanna be with him. i love him. and im so stupid for it. and there really isnt any getting over it .. been there tried that. i still come back to him. i suck so much right now.

so suffocate me now, cause im breathing for you always.

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2009 28 January :: 1.25am

Just thought I would stop by every now and then to say whats up, and let everyone know that I am alive. I am alive, doing semi-well. Still working the crappy Telemarketing job that I hate, and I just recently got another job. That one is a babysitting job that starts in March, hopefully my boss will let me keep my job now as well. I'm still with Joe (it was 3 years in August) and that's about it. I'm living with my mother, her "friend" and her daughter which is complete suckage but I deal. I spend a lot of time with Joe, I speak to my dad....occasionally. He still doesn't call me, ever but whatever I deal. I guess I've just learned that is the way he is and I can't get mad, well, I can but I can't take it out on him because nothing will ever change. Well, that is really it!

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2008 4 December :: 1.18am

things have progressed in a strange way. brian and i are not together anymore. its almost been a month. i miss the piss out of that boy. i fucking miss him.
and dale and i .. i dont know. we hold hands and we kiss sometimes and we talk.. and ive been just cool about it. this morning was a little different cause sober he wanted to hold my hand. hes goin through a lot of shit and i feel bad for him. i think hes flat out being fucked over. i think shes cheating on him. ill bet she is. im a girl.. i know girls.. and shes taking advantage of it cause she knows he wont go anywhere. she knows that hes weak. i love that boy though. and i finally finally i think have a good grip on those feelings for him. he said he was sorry lastnight for pushing me back and forth with wanting to kiss me and then go home to tasha. i just told him it was okay. and i think i am okay with it. i dont think hes using me.. i think i could be using him. maybe it could be called that.. but i do care very much about him. i infact love him. i always have and always will. but somehow its not bothering me that hes doing what ever he is doing.. and that i get stolen and illegitimate kisses and hugs and hand holding. i like it. its something to look forward to. and it doesnt always happen. ive went there and totally not even really talked to him. and its okay. i just really hope my brain doesnt fuck me over on this. im okay with this right now. i cry about brian.. i do miss him. and i do think he has a place in my heart. but fuck him. fuck him. he never cared. and thats not my fault. my friend jessi almost died.. her and her stupid hippie boyfriend were drunk driving at 1030am.. and hit and killed a 66 year old lady. heather said something about maybe going and seeing her tomorrow ... shes getting surgery on her hip.

what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2008 26 November :: 12.42am
:: Mood: nostalgic

I can't believe I always forget about my Woohu. It's sad. This was my first journal site, and I love it. I just wish others here were still active. No one that I used to talk to is really on here and it makes me sad. If anyone is interested you can find me a few different ways.

FACEBOOK: Search for me (Marissa Fein) just tell me who you are, and that you're from WOOHU.
MySpace: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=609403 - There is my link, send me a message and let me know who you are and that you are from WOOHU :)

AIM: Defectivexbeauty
YAHOO: lovesalosinggame

Livejournal (that I barely use): riss___
Melodramatic.com: dorktothemax

So, that aside things are going ok. So much has been going on in my life it would take me ages to update everyone. If you'd like to talk, just find me and I would be glad to indulge in some intelligent conversation, witty banter, or just shooting the shit :)

1 random thourght | what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?


:: 2008 13 June :: 10.22pm
:: Mood: high

Doo doo doo doo :)
Sooo crazy. Why am I so overwhelmed? Things haven't felt this way for a longgg time. It's ok though, I'll do it because I'm good like that. I just want a job already. PLEASEEEE give me a job, seriousssssly.

Blahhh I want life to slow the fuck down A TAD!

2 random thourghts | what do you have 2 say 4 yourself?

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